William Shakespeare's The Empire Striketh Back (15 page)

—Auugh!

[
aside:
] But what is this? Betrayal! Hands, take flight—

My blaster shall I use, and save us yet!

[Han fires, but Vader deflects the blast and uses the Force to takes Han’s blaster.

We would be honor’d should ye join us here.

I am most sorry, worthy friend. They did

Arrive in Bespin ere thou here didst fly.

No sorrier, I do expect, than I.

[Exeunt.

Oi! Well met, worthy friend. What dost thou here?

I have been poring o’er our city’s plans.

What’s this? A newfound interest? Shalt thou

Turn architect?

—Nay, nay, and yet I have

Found something curious.

—Indeed?

—Indeed.

Pray tell!

—The city hath been built within

The Empire’s strict specifications for

Design and building standards.

    —Aye, ’twas wise,

Thus may the Bespin council never have

A reason for to fear the Empire’s sharp

Inspectors.

—Verily, but follow on:

That they unto the code this city built

Is not the thing that I found strange. Instead,

It was the code’s requirements I did mark.

For didst thou know the Empire doth require

That any major structure shall include

At least one chasm that’s deep and long and dark?

Not only shall these chasms exist: the code

Doth further specify that they shall be

Abutting pathways where pedestrians

May walk. The Death Star that was built some years

Ago had, evidently, sev’ral of

These holes, and our Cloud City has them, too.

Is not this strange?

—I know them well, and did

Go walking past just such a gaping hole

That led to nothingness but yesterday.

But wherefore dost thou say ’tis strange, I pray?

It simply maketh little sense to put

Such vast, deep holes in ev’ry structure next

To well-worn paths. Could not a person, by

Some simple misstep, fall most easily

Down one of these great chasms? So wherefore place

Such hazards into ev’ry structure built?

I see your reasoning, but shall rebut:

The Empire is the greatest strength e’er known, ’Tis true?

—Of course. I’d not say otherwise.

And any great thing—person, beast, or realm—

Doth put its greatness on display, agreed?

’Tis natural, I’ll warrant. Pray, say on.

I posit that the Empire doth command

That structures have these chasms immense because

It is through their immensity that our

Great Empire’s strength is shown. And since they are

Vast holes that deadly are, should one fall in,

They send a message strong and clear to all:

The Empire is a proud and mighty pow’r

And doth not fear sure death, but laughs at it.

I’ faith, we are so full of life that we

Walk by our certain passing daily—it

Is but quotidian for us—and yet

We have no fear.

—Thy point is clearly made.

But still, I think it strange that this is true:

A structure is not whole till it hath holes.

Such things lie far beyond my understanding,

Yet do I trust there is a master plan.

Shall we to supper, friend?

—Forsooth, lead on!

[Exeunt Guards 1 and 2.

O what is this dire sound I just have heard?

My friend Han Solo screaming in great pain,

The shrieks of man turn’d victim through my fault—

My quick decision to protect myself.

Yet what choice had I? Could I else have done?

No person in my place would diff’rently

Behave. No choice had I but one: to save

Myself, my interests, and my belov’d

Cloud City from a dark and awful fate.

Yet ever shall my soul be haunted by

These dismal howls of my old friend, unless

I can find some way to make recompense.

But how shall that e’er be whilst Vader’s threats

Do cast their shadows o’er my ev’ry move?

I know not how, but yet it must be so.

I shall—belike with loyal Lobot’s help—

Discover yet a way to make this right,

And save myself from a betrayer’s name!

[
to Boba Fett:
] Thou mayst take Captain Solo and transport

Him unto Jabba once Skywalker has

Arriv’d and captur’d been. Say, is this clear?

’Tis, my Lord. But Solo is no good to me, should

he be dead upon delivery. He hath been tortur’d

severely in this last hour. ’Tis well, but I prithee do

not kill the man ere I deliver him to Jabba.

No harm beyond undoing shall he bear.

Lord Vader, do I comprehend this fully—

Thou shalt surrender Han unto this man,

This bounty hunter here? So what is next?

I prithee, tell me: what shall happen to

Both Leia and the Wookiee?

—Never shall

They leave this city.

—This doth push the bounds

Too far! Imprisonment was never a

Condition of the bargain we did make,

And ’twas not in the plan to hand o’er Han

Unto this bounty hunter!

—Mayhap thou

Dost think thou hast unfairly treated been?

[
aside:
] A threat is in his voice and aspect. [
To Vader:
]

Nay,

For I shall model flexibility.

’Tis well. ’Twould be a pity should I feel

It necessary to retain a full

And armor’d garrison in Bespin. [
To Boba Fett:
] Come!

[Exeunt Darth Vader and Boba Fett.

He orders what he will sans sense or rhyme—

This deal is worse becoming all the time!

. . .

[Exeunt.

Auugh.

[
being reconnected:
]—Stormtroopers? In Bespin? I am shot!

[Chewbacca disconnects C-3PO and tries to reconnect him again.

Egh!

—O, ’tis better! That is quite improv’d.

But hold, for something is not right: my eyes—

I cannot see.

[Chewbacca adjusts C-3PO.

Now that is mended, aye.

Yet wait, I now am backward—head is back

And front’s reverse and all has gone awry!

Is this a Wookiee’s notion of a joke?

Thou stupid, senseless beast!

[
laughing:
]             —Gihut, gihut!

Thou furball wretched! Mophead ignorant!

[Chewbacca switches off C-3PO.

Auugh, auugh!

—O, Chewie, I’m in agony—

My ev’ry bone and sinew cries with pain.

What have they done to you, my noble man?

And what can be their purpose, dost thou know?

’Twas torture unlike any I have known,

For never any questions did they ask.

Instead, with silent mouths and darting eyes

They fix’d me solidly unto a seat

And lower’d me unto a mechanism.

At first ’twas like a searing heat that rac’d

From skin to bone and back again. Then sparks

Flew out, upon my chest and neck and face,

Such fire as though a hundred blasters spread

Their shots across my body or, perhaps,

As though a million tiny lightsabers

Did prick and dance their way about my skin.

All this they did, but ne’er made inquiry,

Ne’er ask’d me whence we came or where we go,

Ne’er ask’d about the rebels’ rendezvous.

No information they did seek to know,

It only seem’d they wish’d to bring me pain.

I tell thee, ’twas far worse and terrible

Than if they had sought answers from my blood.

But this demented evil shakes my soul,

For wherefore torture without questioning?

Auugh, egh, auugh!

—Get thee hence now, Lando.

—Tut!

Attend my voice, for this ye both should hear:

Darth Vader hath giv’n word that he will turn

Both Leia and Chewbacca o’er to me.

What dost thou mean by “o’er to me”? Thou knave!

I would not turn a rival o’er to thee,

Much less the ones belovèd by my heart.

They must stay here, but will, at least, be safe.

’Twas not my choice—I have no say in this.

’Tis Vader who doth pull the strings, and we

Are but the puppets with which he doth play.

And what of Han?

—Darth Vader shall give him

O’er to the bounty hunter.

—Vader doth

Desire that all of us are dead.

     —He wants

You not at all. He searches for someone

Called Skywalker.

—Aye, Luke—thou meanest Luke!

Lord Vader set a trap for him to fall.

And we are but the bait by which he’s caught.

The trap shall soon be sprung, for Skywalker

Is on his way, e’en now.

—This villainy

Thou hast arrang’d is all too perfect. Fie!

[Han Solo strikes Lando but is quickly restrained by guards.

Auugh!

—Cease! I have done all that I may do.

For certain I am sorry I could not

Do better yet than this, but I do have

Enough vexations here.