William Shakespeare: The Complete Works 2nd Edition (256 page)

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Authors: William Shakespeare

Tags: #Drama, #Literary Criticism, #Shakespeare

BOOK: William Shakespeare: The Complete Works 2nd Edition
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SHALLOW He greets me well, sir. I knew him a good backsword man. How doth the good knight? May I ask how my lady his wife doth?
BARDOLPH Sir, pardon, a soldier is better accommodated than with a wife.
SHALLOW It is well said, in faith, sir, and it is well said indeed, too. ‘Better accommodated’—it is good; yea, indeed is it. Good phrases are surely, and ever were, very commendable. ‘Accommodated’—it comes of ‘
accommodo
’. Very good, a good phrase.
BARDOLPH Pardon, sir, I have heard the word—‘phrase’ call you it?—By this day, I know not the phrase; but I will maintain the word with my sword to be a soldier-like word, and a word of exceeding good command, by heaven. ‘Accommodated’; that is, when a man is, as they say, accommodated; or when a man is being whereby a may be thought to be accommodated; which is an excellent thing.
Enter Sir John Falstaff
 
SHALLOW It is very just. Look, here comes good Sir John. (
To Sir John
) Give me your hand, give me your worship’s good hand. By my troth, you like well, and bear your years very well. Welcome, good Sir John.
SIR JOHN I am glad to see you well, good Master Robert Shallow. (
To Silence
) Master Surecard, as I think. 85
SHALLOW No, Sir John, it is my cousin Silence, in commission with me.
SIR JOHN Good Master Silence, it well befits you should be of the peace.
SILENCE Your good worship is welcome.
SIR JOHN Fie, this is hot weather, gentlemen. Have you provided me here half a dozen sufficient men?
SHALLOW Marry, have we, sir. Will you sit?
SIR JOHN Let me see them, I beseech you.
⌈
He sits
⌉
 
SHALLOW Where’s the roll, where’s the roll, where’s the roll? Let me see, let me see, let me see; so, so, so, so, so. Yea, marry, sir: ‘Ralph Mouldy’. ⌈
To Silence
⌉ Let them appear as I call, let them do so, let them do so. Let me see, (
calls
) where is Mouldy?
⌈
Enter Mouldy
⌉
 
MOULDY Here, an’t please you. 100
SHALLOW What think you, Sir John? A good-limbed fellow, young, strong, and of good friends.
SIR JOHN Is thy name Mouldy?
MOULDY Yea, an’t please you.
SIR JOHN ’Tis the more time thou wert used. 105
SHALLOW Ha, ha, ha, most excellent, i’faith! Things that are mouldy lack use. Very singular good, in faith, well said, Sir John, very well said.
SIR JOHN Prick him.
MOULDY I was pricked well enough before, an you could have let me alone. My old dame will be undone now for one to do her husbandry and her drudgery. You need not to have pricked me; there are other men fitter to go out than 1. 114
SIR JOHN Go to, peace, Mouldy. You shall go, Mouldy; it is time you were spent.
MOULDY Spent?
SHALLOW Peace, fellow, peace. Stand aside; know you where you are? 119
⌈
Mouldy stands aside
⌉
 
For th‘other, Sir John, let me see: ‘Simon Shadow’—
SIR JOHN Yea, marry, let me have him to sit under. He’s like to be a cold soldier.
SHALLOW (
calls
) Where’s Shadow?
⌈
Enter Shadow
⌉
 
SHADOW Here, sir.
SIR JOHN Shadow, whose son art thou? 125
SHADOW My mother’s son, sir.
SIR JOHN Thy mother’s son! Like enough, and thy father’s shadow. So the son of the female is the shadow of the male—it is often so indeed—but not of the father’s substance.
SHALLOW Do you like him, Sir John?
SIR JOHN Shadow will serve for summer. Prick him, for we have a number of shadows fill up the muster book.
⌈
Shadow stands aside
⌉
 
SHALLOW (
calls
) ‘Thomas Wart.’
SIR JOHN Where’s he?
⌈
Enter Wart
⌉
 
WART Here, sir.
SIR JOHN Is thy name Wart?
WART Yea, sir.
SIR JOHN Thou art a very ragged wart.
SHALLOW Shall I prick him, Sir John?
SIR JOHN It were superfluous, for his apparel is built upon his back, and the whole frame stands upon pins. Prick him no more.
SHALLOW Ha, ha, ha, you can do it, sir, you can do it! I commend you well. 145
⌈
Wart stands aside
⌉
 
(Calls) ‘Francis Feeble.’
⌈
Enter Feeble
⌉
 
FEEBLE Here, sir.
SHALLOW What trade art thou, Feeble?
FEEBLE A woman’s tailor, sir.
SHALLOW Shall I prick him, sir?
SIR JOHN You may, but if he had been a man’s tailor, he’d ha’ pricked you. (
To Feeble
) Wilt thou make as many holes in an enemy’s battle as thou hast done in a woman’s petticoat?
FEEBLE I will do my good will, sir; you can have no more.
SIR JOHN Well said, good woman’s tailor; well said, courageous Feeble! Thou wilt be as valiant as the wrathful dove or most magnanimous mouse. Prick the woman’s tailor. Well, Master Shallow; deep, Master Shallow. 160
FEEBLE I would Wart might have gone, sir.
SIR JOHN I would thou wert a man’s tailor, that thou mightst mend him and make him fit to go. I cannot put him to a private soldier that is the leader of so many thousands. Let that suffice, most forcible Feeble.
FEEBLE It shall suffice, sir.
SIR JOHN I am bound to thee, reverend Feeble.
⌈
Feeble stands aside
⌉
 
Who is next?
SHALLOW (
calls
) ‘Peter Bullcalf o’th’ green.’
SIR JOHN Yea, marry, let’s see Bullcalf. 170
⌈
Enter Bullcalf
⌉
 
BULLCALF Here, sir.
SIR JOHN Fore God, a likely fellow! Come, prick Bullcalf till he roar again.
BULLCALF O Lord, good my lord captain!
SIR JOHN What, dost thou roar before thou’rt pricked?
BULLCALF O Lord, sir, I am a diseased man.
SIR JOHN What disease hast thou?
BULLCALF A whoreson cold, sir; a cough, sir, which I caught with ringing in the King’s affairs upon his coronation day, sir. 180
SIR JOHN Come, thou shalt go to the wars in a gown. We will have away thy cold, and I will take such order that thy friends shall ring for thee.
⌈
Bullcalf stands aside
⌉
 
Is here all? 184
SHALLOW There is two more called than your number. You must have but four here, sir, and so I pray you go in with me to dinner.
SIR JOHN Come, I will go drink with you, but I cannot tarry dinner. I am glad to see you, by my troth, Master Shallow. 190
SHALLOW O, Sir John, do you remember since we lay all night in the Windmill in Saint George’s Field?
SIR JOHN No more of that, good Master Shallow, no more of that.
SHALLOW Ha, ’twas a merry night! And is Jane Nightwork alive? 196
SIR JOHN She lives, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW She never could away with me.
SIR JOHN Never, never. She would always say she could not abide Master Shallow.
SHALLOW By the mass, I could anger her to th’ heart. She was then a bona-roba. Doth she hold her own well?
SIR JOHN Old, old, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW Nay, she must be old; she cannot choose but be old; certain she’s old; and had Robin Nightwork by old Nightwork before I came to Clement’s Inn. 206
SILENCE That’s fifty-five year ago.
SHALLOW Ha, cousin Silence, that thou hadst seen that that this knight and I have seen! Ha, Sir John, said I well? 210
SIR JOHN We have heard the chimes at midnight, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW That we have, that we have; in faith, Sir John, we have. Our watchword was ‘Hem boys!’ Come, let’s to dinner; come, let’s to dinner. Jesus, the days that we have seen! Come, come. 216
Exeunt Shallow, Silence, and Sir John
 
BULLCALF ⌈
coming forward
⌉ Good Master Corporate Bardolph, stand my friend, and here’s four Harry ten shillings in French crowns for you. In very truth, sir, I had as lief be hanged, sir, as go. And yet for mine own part, sir, I do not care; but rather because I am unwilling, and, for mine own part, have a desire to stay with my friends. Else, sir, I did not care, for mine own part, so much.
BARDOLPH ⌈
taking the money
⌉ Go to; stand aside. 225
⌈
Bullcalf stands aside
⌉
 
MOULDY ⌈
coming forward
⌉ And, good Master Corporal Captain, for my old dame’s sake stand my friend. She has nobody to do anything about her when I am gone, and she is old and cannot help herself. You shall have forty, sir. 230
BARDOLPH Go to; stand aside.
⌈
Mouldy stands aside
⌉
 
FEEBLE By my troth, I care not. A man can die but once. We owe God a death. I’ll ne’er bear a base mind. An’t be my destiny, so; an’t be not, so. No man’s too good to serve’s prince. And let it go which way it will, he that dies this year is quit for the next.
BARDOLPH Well said; thou’rt a good fellow.
FEEBLE Faith, I’ll bear no base mind.
Enter Sir John Falstaff, Shallow, and Silence
 
SIR JOHN Come, sir, which men shall I have?
SHALLOW Four of which you please.
BARDOLPH (
to Sir John
) Sir, a word with you. (
Aside to him
)
I have three pound to free Mouldy and Bullcalf.
SIR JOHN Go to, well.
SHALLOW Come, Sir John, which four will you have?
SIR JOHN Do you choose for me.
SHALLOW Marry, then: Mouldy, Bullcalf, Feeble, and Shadow.
SIR JOHN Mouldy and Bullcalf. For you, Mouldy, stay at home till you are past service; and for your part, Bullcalf, grow till you come unto it. I will none of you.
⌈
Exeunt Bullcalf and Mouldy
⌉
 
SHALLOW Sir John, Sir John, do not yourself wrong. They are your likeliest men, and I would have you served with the best.
SIR JOHN Will you tell me, Master Shallow, how to choose a man? Care I for the limb, the thews, the stature, bulk, and big assemblance of a man? Give me the spirit, Master Shallow. Here’s Wart; you see what a ragged appearance it is? A shall charge you and discharge you with the motion of a pewterer’s hammer, come off and on swifter than he that gibbets on the brewer’s bucket. And this same half-faced fellow Shadow; give me this man. He presents no mark to the enemy; the foeman may with as great aim level at the edge of a penknife. And for a retreat, how swiftly will this Feeble the woman’s tailor run off! O, give me the spare men, and spare me the great ones.—Put me a caliver into Wart’s hand, Bardolph.
BARDOLPH (
giving Wart a caliver
) Hold, Wart. Traverse—thas, thas, thas! 269
⌈
Wart marches
⌉
 
SIR JOHN (
to Wart
) Come, manage me your caliver. So; very well. Go to, very good, exceeding good. O, give me always a little, lean, old, chapped, bald shot! Well said, i‘faith, Wart; thou’rt a good scab. Hold; (
giving a coin
) there’s a tester for thee.
SHALLOW He is not his craft’s master; he doth not do it right. I remember at Mile-End Green, when I lay at Clement’s Inn—I was then Sir Dagonet in Arthur’s show—there was a little quiver fellow, and a would manage you his piece thus, and a would about and about, and come you in and come you in. ‘Ra-ta-ta!’ would a say; ‘Bounce!’ would a say; and away again would a go; and again would a come. I shall ne’er see such a fellow.

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