William Shakespeare: The Complete Works 2nd Edition (242 page)

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Authors: William Shakespeare

Tags: #Drama, #Literary Criticism, #Shakespeare

BOOK: William Shakespeare: The Complete Works 2nd Edition
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PAGE Sir Hugh is there, is he?
HOST He is there. See what humour he is in, and I will bring the Doctor about by the fields. Will it do well?
SHALLOW We will do it.
⌈PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER⌉ Adieu, good Master Doctor.
Exeunt Page, Shallow, and Slender
CAIUS ⌈
drawing his rapier
⌉ By Gar, me vill kill de priest, for he speak for a jackanape to Anne Page.
HOST Let him die. Sheathe thy impatience; throw cold water on thy choler. Go about the fields with me through Frogmore. I will bring thee where Mistress Anne Page is, at a farmhouse a-feasting; and thou shalt woo her. Cried game? Said I well?
CAIUS ⌈
sheathing his rapier
⌉ By Gar, me dank you vor dat. By Gar, I love you, and I shall procure-a you de good guest: de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patiences.
HOST For the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne Page. Said I well?
CAIUS By Gar, ’tis good. Vell said.
HOST Let us wag, then.
CAIUS Come at my heels, Jack Rugby.
Exeunt
3.1
Enter Sir Hugh Evans
⌈
with a rapier, and bearing a book
⌉
and Simple
⌈
bearing Evans’s gown
⌉
 
EVANS I pray you now, good Master Slender’s servingman, and friend Simple by your name, which way have you looked for Master Caius, that calls himself Doctor of Physic?
SIMPLE Marry, sir, the Petty Ward, the Park Ward, every way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town way.
EVANS I most fehemently desire you you will also look that way.
SIMPLE I will, sir.
Exit
⌉
EVANS ⌈
opening
the
book
⌉ Jeshu pless me, how full of cholers I am, and trempling of mind! I shall be glad if he have deceived me. How melancholies I am! I will knog his urinals about his knave’s costard when I have good opportunities for the ’ork. Pless my soul!—(
Singing
)
To shallow rivers, to whose falls
Melodious birds sings madrigals.
There will we make our peds of roses,
And a thousand fragrant posies.
To shallow—
 
Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry.—(
Singing
)
Melodious birds sing madrigals.—
When as I sat in Pabylon—
And a thousand vagram posies.
To shallow (
etc.
)
⌈
Enter Simple
⌉
 
SIMPLE Yonder he is coming. This way, Sir Hugh.
EVANS He’s welcome.
(Singing) ‘To shallow rivers to whose falls-’
God prosper the right! What weapons is he?
SIMPLE No weapons, sir. There comes my master, Master
Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore, over
the stile this way.
EVANS Pray you give me my gown—or else keep it in your arms.
⌈
He reads.
⌉
Enter Justice Shallow, Master Slender, and Master
Page
 
SHALLOW How now, Master Parson? Good morrow, good Sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice and a good student from his book, and it is wonderful.
SLENDER (
aside
) Ah, sweet Anne Page!
PAGE God save you, good Sir Hugh.
EVANS God pless you from his mercy sake, all of you.
SHALLOW What, the sword and the Word? Do you study them both, Master Parson?
PAGE And youthful still: in your doublet and hose this raw, rheumatic day I
EVANS There is reasons and causes for it.
PAGE We are come to you to do a good office, Master Parson.
EVANS Fery well. What is it?
PAGE Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike having received wrong by some person, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience that ever you saw.
SHALLOW I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning so wide of his own respect.
EVANS What is he?
PAGE I think you know him: Master Doctor Caius, the renowned French physician.
EVANS Got’s will and his passion of my heart! I had as lief you would tell me of a mess of pottage.
PAGE Why?
EVANS He has no more knowledge in Hibbocrates and Galen, and he is a knave besides—a cowardly knave as you would desires to be acquainted withal.
PAGE ⌈
to Shallow
⌉ I warrant you, he’s the man should fight with him.
SLENDER (
aside
) O sweet Anne Page!
SHALLOW It appears so by his weapons.
Enter the Host of the Garter, Doctor Caius, and John Rugby
 
Keep them asunder—here comes Doctor Caius.
Evans and Caius draw and offer to fight
 
PAGE Nay, good Master Parson, keep in your weapon.
SHALLOW So do you, good Master Doctor.
HOST Disarm them and let them question. Let them keep their limbs whole, and hack our English.
Shallow and Page take Caius’s and Evans’s rapiers
 
CAIUS (
to Evans
) I pray you let-a me speak a word with your ear. Wherefore vill you not meet-a me?
EVANS ⌈
aside to Caius
⌉ Pray you use your patience. ⌈
Aloud
⌉ In good time!
CAIUS By Gar, you are de coward, de jack-dog, john-ape.
EVANS (
aside to Caius
) Pray you let us not be laughing-stocks to other men’s humours. I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends. (
Aloud
) By Jeshu, I will knog your urinal about your knave’s cogscomb.
CAIUS
Diable!
Jack Rugby, mine Host de Jarteer, have I not stay for him to kill him? Have I not, at de place I did appoint?
EVANS As I am a Christians soul, now look you, this is the place appointed. I’ll be judgement by mine Host of the Garter.
HOST Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and Welsh, soul-curer and body-curer.
CAIUS Ay, dat is very good,
excellent.
HOST Peace, I say. Hear mine Host of the Garter. Am I politic? Am I subtle? Am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose my doctor? No, he gives me the potions and the motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir Hugh? No, he gives me the Proverbs and the No-verbs. (
To Caius
) Give me thy hand terrestrial—so. (
To Evans
) Give me thy hand celestial—so. Boys of art, I have deceived you both, I have directed you to wrong places. Your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. (
To Shallow and Page
) Come, lay their swords to pawn. (
To Caius and Evans
) Follow me, lads of peace, follow, follow, follow. Exit
SHALLOW Afore God, a mad host! Follow, gentlemen, follow.
Exeunt Shallow and Page
SLENDER (
aside
) O sweet Anne Page
Exit
CAIUS Ha, do I perceive dat? Have you make-a de sot of us, ha, ha?
EVANS This is well: he has made us his vlouting-stog. I desire you that we may be friends, and let us knog our prains together to be revenge on this same scall, scurvy, cogging companion, the Host of the Garter.
CAIUS By Gar, with all my heart. He promise to bring me where is Anne Page. By Gar, he deceive me too.
EVANS Well, I will smite his noddles. Pray you follow.
Exeunt
3.2
Enter Robin, followed by
Mistress
Page
 
MISTRESS PAGE Nay, keep your way, little gallant. You were wont to be a follower, but now you are a leader. Whether had you rather, lead mine eyes, or eye your master’s heels?
ROBIN I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man than follow him like a dwarf.
MISTRESS PAGE O, you are a flattering boy! Now I see you’ll be a courtier.
Enter Master Ford
 
FORD
Well met, Mistress Page. Whither go you?
MISTRESS PAGE Truly, sir, to see your wife. Is she at home?
FORD Ay, and as idle as she may hang together, for want of company. I think if your husbands were dead you two would marry.
MISTRESS PAGE Be sure of that—two other husbands.
FORD Where had you this pretty weathercock?
MISTRESS PAGE I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my husband had him of.—What do you call your knight’s name, sirrah?
ROBIN Sir John Falstaff.
FORD Sir John Falstaff?
MISTRESS PAGE He, he; I can never hit on’s name. There is such a league between my goodman and he! Is your wife at home indeed?
FORD Indeed she is.
MISTRESS PAGE By your leave, sir, I am sick till I see her.
Exeunt Robin and Mistress
FORD Has Page any brains? Hath he any eyes? Hath he any thinking? Sure they sleep; he hath no use of them. Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty mile, as easy as a cannon will shoot point-blank twelve score. He pieces out his wife’s inclination; he gives her folly motion and advantage. And now she’s going to my wife, and Falstaff’s boy with her. A man may hear this shower sing in the wind. And Falstaff’s boy with her. Good plots—they are laid; and our revolted wives share damnation together. Well, I will take him; then torture my wife, pluck the borrowed veil of modesty from the so-seeming Mistress Page, divulge Page himself for a secure and wilful Actaeon, and to these violent proceedings all my neighbours shall cry aim.
⌈
Clock strikes
⌉
 
The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me search. There I shall find Falstaff. I shall be rather praised for this than mocked, for it is as positive as the earth is firm that Falstaff is there. I will go.
Enter Master Page, Justice Shallow, Master Slender, the Host of the Garter, Sir Hugh Evans, Doctor Caius, and John Rugby
 
SHALLOW, PAGE, etc. Well met, Master Ford.
FORD (aside) By my faith, a good knot! (To them) I have good cheer at home, and I pray you all go with me.
SHALLOW I must excuse myself, Master Ford.
SLENDER And so must I, sir. We have appointed to dine with Mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for more money than I’ll speak of.
SHALLOW We have lingered about a match between Anne Page and my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer.
SLENDER I hope I have your good will, father Page.
PAGE You have, Master Slender: I stand wholly for you. (To Caius) But my wife, Master Doctor, is for you altogether.
CAIUS Ay, be Gar, and de maid is love-a me. My nursh-a Quickly tell me so mush.
HOST (to Page) What say you to young Master Fenton? He capers, he dances, he has eyes of youth; he writes verses, he speaks holiday, he smells April and May. He will carry‘t, he will carry’t; ’tis in his buttons he will carry’t.
PAGE Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is of no having. He kept company with the wild Prince and Poins. He is of too high a region; he knows too much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes with the finger of my substance. If he take her, let him take her simply: the wealth I have waits on my consent, and my consent goes not that way.
FORD I beseech you heartily, some of you go home with me to dinner. Besides your cheer, you shall have sport: I will show you a monster. Master Doctor, you shall go. So shall you, Master Page, and you, Sir Hugh.
SHALLOW Well, God be with you! ⌈
Aside to Slender
⌉ We shall have the freer wooing at Master Page’s.
Exeunt Shallow and Slender
CAIUS Go home, John Rugby; I come anon. Exit Rugby HOST Farewell, my hearts. I will to my honest knight Falstaff, and drink canary with him.
Exit
FORD (aside) I think I shall drink in pipe-wine first with him: I’ll make him dance. (To Page, Caius, and Evans) Will you go, gentles?
⌈PAGE, CAIUS, and EVANS⌉ Have with you to see this monster.
Exeunt

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