Will You Love Me? (30 page)

I heard nothing from Lily or Jill on the Wednesday or Thursday of that week, but I knew they would phone if there was any news. Although I continued as best I could with the weekday routine, what was going on at the social services was never far from my mind. I regularly imagined the discussions that were taking place, hypothesizing on what was being said and the various outcomes. This included everything from the positive – it had been decided that I could apply to keep Lucy – to the negative – my application still wouldn’t be upheld. So by the time Friday arrived, I thought I could handle any news; that was, until Lily phoned. I’d just returned from taking Paula to school and was in the hall taking off my coat and shoes when the phone rang. ‘Hello,’ I said, picking up the handset.

‘Cathy.’ As soon as I heard Lily’s voice my legs trembled and I sat on the chair beside the phone. ‘Sorry I haven’t been in touch sooner. It’s been constant meetings here since I saw you on Tuesday, mainly about Lucy. I’m due to see Lucy after school tonight, but I wanted to speak to you first. The department has reviewed Lucy’s case and we have come to the conclusion that, assuming Lucy wants to, we would support an application by you to keep her long term.’

I opened my mouth, but no words came out, as Lily continued talking in the background, explaining procedure. Had I heard her correctly? Had they changed their minds? Was Lily saying that Lucy didn’t have to move and could stay and be part of my family?’

‘So you’ll support my application?’ I asked.

‘Yes. Assuming Lucy wants to stay, which from what I know I’m sure she will. When I see Lucy tonight I’ll explain what permanency will mean for her. I’ll phone Jill when we’ve finished. We’re too late for the February permanency panel so I’d like to take this to the March panel. We should be able to manage that if we get a move on.’ There was a pause and then she said: ‘You’ve gone very quiet. Are you OK?’

‘Yes, I’m fine,’ I said, my eyes filling. ‘Just trying to take it all in.’

‘Well, I’ll leave you to it then. I’ll see you and Lucy after school, at about half past four.’

‘Can I tell Lucy?’ I thought to ask.

‘Yes, if you’d like to.’

‘Thank you. See you later.’

I put down the phone and remained sitting in the hall. Sometimes monumental news – good or bad – is so overwhelming that we are unable to process it all in one go, and have to digest it piecemeal to fully understand what we’ve been told. So it was with Lucy. I’d heard what Lily had said and gradually I understood. Lucy could stay for good. Tears of relief and overwhelming happiness rolled down my cheeks as I cried and laughed, and Toscha looked at me as though I’d gone completely mad.

During the rest of the day, while I was going about my chores, I quietly rejoiced in the news and pictured telling the children. At first, I thought I would gather the three of them together and tell them all at once, but then I decided they should be told separately, taking into account their individual needs and levels of understanding. Paula, I would tell as we walked home from school – we often spoke of important matters then, when there was just the two of us. I’d tell Adrian and Lucy separately as they arrived home. My eyes filled each time I pictured telling them the wonderful news, and also my parents, who I knew would be as pleased as I was.

Jill telephoned during the afternoon, having spoken to Lily. ‘Congratulations!’ she said, as soon as I answered.

‘Thank you, Jill. I still can’t believe it.’

‘I’m so pleased for you. We all are.’ Homefinders was a small fostering agency, and I knew they all shared in the good news of their foster carers. ‘I hope someone has thought to tell Peter the department’s decision,’ Jill added with a laugh. ‘I’ll remind Lily the next time I speak to her, or there’ll be another telling-off at the next review.’

‘Yes.’ I smiled. ‘Jill, did Lily tell you what prompted the department to change their minds and support my application?’ I asked.

‘Not exactly. But reading between the lines, I think it was a combination of Bonnie’s complaint in court, the reviewing officer’s comments and the change of social worker. Lily was 100 per cent behind you and supported your application. She didn’t have the same reservations as Stevie.’

‘Thank goodness,’ I said. ‘But I do wonder how many other children are in the same position as Lucy and have had to wait years for a permanent family with the “right” ethnic match.’

‘Too many,’ Jill said bluntly. ‘Attitudes are changing, but gradually. There is still a long way to go. Of course, cultural identity is important, but more important to a child is having a loving family. Anyway, at least Lucy’s wait is over. She’s got her family. I’ll prepare the documents we need and then I’ll come and see you. And, Cathy?’

‘Yes?’

‘It’s essential that Lily sees Lucy tonight when she visits. Lucy can’t hide in her bedroom as she has been doing. As her social worker, Lily needs to hear from Lucy herself that she wants to stay.’

‘I understand,’ I said.

‘Well, there’s no need to say “have a happy weekend”. I know you will. I’ll phone to arrange a visit as soon as I have the paperwork ready.’

‘Thank you, Jill,’ I said again. ‘Thanks for everything.’

‘You’re welcome. I couldn’t be happier for you all.’

Later that afternoon, wrapped up against the cold, I stood in the playground chatting to other mothers as I waited for school to finish. I was bursting to tell Paula the good news. As soon as the bell rang I stepped forward, away from the other mothers, with my gaze concentrated on the door she would come out of. She saw me straight away, smiled, and ran over.

‘Hello, love,’ I said, giving her a kiss, as I always do. ‘Have you had a good day?’

‘We had fish fingers, mashed potato and baked beans for lunch,’ she said. ‘My favourite.’

‘Good. And did you remember to change your reading book?’

‘Yes, and we’ve got comprehension and maths homework.’ She pulled a face. ‘It’s difficult.’

‘Don’t worry, I’ll help you over the weekend,’ I said, helping her do up the top button on her coat.

Paula slipped her gloved hand into mine and called goodbye to her friends as we crossed the playground. I wanted to be away from the crowd so that no one could hear us when I told Paula our news. On Monday she could tell her friends, but for now this was private and personal – just for us. Once we were the other side of the congestion at the school gates, I gave Paula’s hand a little squeeze and began: ‘Paula, you know you’ve told me in the past how much you like having Lucy living with us, and that you look upon her as a sister?’

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘She’s like family and I wish she could stay.’

‘Well, love, I have some very good news. Lucy’s new social worker phoned me today and the social services have decided that Lucy
can
stay with us, if she wants to.’

‘She will!’ Paula cried. Then, thinking this might be too good to be true, she asked, ‘Really? Are you sure?’

I smiled. ‘Absolutely positive. Lucy can stay and be part of our family for good.’

‘Yippee!’ Paula cried, giving a little skip. ‘I’m so pleased. I love Lucy, and I love you and Adrian, and all my family!’

Which was enough to make me emotional again, and it was a few moments before I could talk. ‘I love you too,’ I said. ‘Very, very much.’

As we continued to walk home, I reminded Paula that Lucy’s social worker was coming to see her after school and that she would want to talk to Lucy alone. ‘I understand,’ Paula said, in her grown-up way. ‘Will Lucy still have to see social workers now she’s staying with us? And have all those reviews, when you spend ages cleaning the house and get out the best mugs?’

I smiled at her. ‘Yes, but after permanency has been granted the reviews will happen less often, although Lucy will still see her social worker regularly.’ This was because, as a long-term foster placement, Lucy would technically still be in the care system.

When we arrived home, Paula wanted to wait in the front room and watch at the window for Lucy to arrive, but I told her I thought it was best if she carried on as normal, and that I would like to speak to Lucy alone first.

‘All right, Mummy,’ she said sweetly, and barely able to contain her excitement she ran off to play.

I went into the kitchen to begin the preparations for dinner so that it would be ready for when Lily had gone. Presently, as I worked, I heard Adrian let himself in the front door. ‘I’m home, Mum!’ he called, as he did every afternoon on arriving home.

‘Hi, love. I’m in the kitchen,’ I returned.

Following his usual routine, Adrian dumped his school bag in the hall, together with his shoes and coat, and then came into the kitchen to find himself a snack to see him through to dinner.

‘Have you had a good day?’ I asked.

‘Yes, thanks. What’s for dinner?’ He peered into the pans and then started rummaging in the fridge.

‘Adrian, I need to talk to you about something important,’ I said.

He paused and met my gaze. ‘Yes?’

‘You know how well you get along with Lucy? Am I right in thinking you would be happy if she stayed?’ But as soon as I said the words, I realized I’d phrased it badly. Supposing he said no?

To my utter relief he said, ‘Yeah, sure. She’s OK for a girl. I’ll miss her when she’s gone.’

‘That’s what I thought. I’m pleased, because the social services are going to allow Lucy to stay, assuming she wants to.’

‘She will,’ he said. ‘She likes it here. She’s told me.’

‘And what about you, Adrian? Are you completely happy with her staying? It’s a big commitment for us all.’

‘Yes, of course,’ he said, tearing off a lump of crusty bread to go with the piece of cheese he’d cut. ‘I’m happy for her to stay. But two sisters!’ He pulled a face. ‘How could you, Mum!’

‘And one amazing son,’ I said, kissing him on the cheek. ‘Love you.’

‘Love you more!’

Now all I had to do was tell Lucy.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Special Day

When I heard the doorbell ring I was immediately in the hall to answer it. I hadn’t given Lucy a front-door key yet, but now she was twelve and was staying for good I would give her a key. Paula was in the living room and Adrian was in his bedroom. I felt a heady mixture of excitement and nervousness as I opened the front door.

‘Hi, love. How are you?’ I said, as she stepped inside. As usual, she offered her cheek for kissing.

‘I’m not seeing that social worker,’ Lucy said straight away. ‘I know you said she was nice, but I’m still not seeing her. Sorry. I’m going to my room.’ She kicked off her shoes, dumped her coat on the hall stand and began upstairs.

‘Lucy!’ I called after her. ‘There’s something I need to tell you. You have to see your social worker. She has good news.’

‘I doubt it,’ Lucy replied glumly, and continued upstairs. ‘You can tell me later what I need to know.’

‘She has to speak to you!’ I cried, going after her. This wasn’t how I’d visualized telling Lucy, not at all; and she
had
to see her social worker. ‘They’re letting you stay!’ I shouted, as I ran upstairs.

‘I know, you told me,’ she retorted. ‘Until they find me another family.’

‘No! For good!’

She paused on the top step, with her back to me, then turned and stared at me. ‘What do you mean, for good? What are you saying?’

I joined her on the landing and took her hand. ‘Lucy, your new social worker phoned me today. She said that if you wanted to stay here permanently, the department will support my application to keep you. So you won’t have to move ever again; we’ll be your forever family.’

Lucy stared at me completely bewildered, and I knew how she felt. This had all come so quickly and was a shock after a year of believing she was going. ‘Why?’ she asked, her brow furrowing. ‘I don’t understand.’

‘Because I asked for you to stay, love. I knew you wanted to, and we love you. You do want to stay, don’t you?’

She nodded dumbly, still unable to take it in. ‘Let’s go and sit in your room and I’ll explain what’s happened,’ I said.

I led her along the landing to her room where we sat side by side on the bed, as we had done many times in the past for our chats. I held her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. She looked at me, so lost and out of her depth, it reminded me of when she’d first arrived, adrift and very afraid.

‘Lucy,’ I began, ‘halfway through last year I realized how settled you were here and that you’d grown to love us, as we had you. More than once, you asked me if you could stay and I always had to tell you that Stevie was looking for a permanent family for you – to match your cultural identity.’ Lucy frowned.

‘I know, love. I felt as you did, and thought you should stay. You were happy here and looked upon us as your family. When we returned from our lovely summer holiday I asked Jill if she thought I could apply to have you permanently, and she thought it was a good idea. She told me not to say anything to you, Adrian or Paula until she’d spoken to Stevie, because she didn’t want you to be disappointed. It was just as well I didn’t tell you, because Stevie believed she should keep looking for the right family for you.’ Lucy scowled again.

‘But since then, things have happened that have made the social services change their minds. Your mother told the judge in court that she was worried about how many moves you’d had and how long it was taking the social services to find you a permanent family. Then you had a change of social worker, and your new social worker is happy to back my application. Lily will explain all about this when she comes, and she will need to see you. She has to ask you if you want to stay.’

‘Of course I do!’ Lucy cried. ‘Oh my God, I’m staying! I’ll see her and tell her, of course I will.’ Her face had lost its fearful hunted look and she was grinning from ear to ear. ‘Oh, is this really happening? I can’t believe it. I’m so happy.’ Then she frowned. ‘They won’t change their minds, will they? I couldn’t bear it if they did.’

‘No, although it will have to be approved by the permanency panel, but you don’t have to worry about that.’

‘Oh, Cathy!’ Lucy cried again, finally accepting that she could stay for good. ‘I’ve nothing more to worry about. Thank you. I love you all so much.’ Slipping her arms around my waist, she laid her head against my chest and I held her close as she quietly cried. ‘I’ll be normal now,’ she said. ‘Like all the other kids at school. I’ll be able to invite a friend home for tea, now I have a family of my own.’