Will To Live (3 page)

But not me.

"You
twit
! Are you
kidding
me? Hell no it's not Nick's!"
 

Vicki turns back to me, then looks back at Nick who is still shaking his head and repeating no, no, no. Vicki throws her arms around Nick, and repeats over and over how sorry she is. I roll my eyes, irritated with both of them, and amazed at the incredible way Vicki's mind seems to work .

"As I was
saying
, we need to get out of this damn mountain. It's not working out very well, anyway. So let's just pack our shit up, and
go
! I really don't think that any of us want Paul finding us, but with the way it's going, he's going to. This place,
this
mountain
,
isn't safe, Nick. I'm sorry."
 

Nick ducks his head, and gives a big sigh as he brings his hands up and covers his down-turned face. When he lifts his head, he avoids both Vicki and me, clearly uncomfortable. He clearly has something on his mind that I'm almost certain I'm not going to like.

"Nick? What is it?" I ask him warily.

He spends some time examining the nearest tree to his left before he finally turns his head back to me. The emotions I see flashing across his face frighten me. Fear, worry, and finally, resignation. Sighing one more time, he opens his mouth, and it doesn't take long before I have to fight myself from closing it...permanently.

"It's not just Paul we need to worry about. Jake's still alive."

Vicki gasps, but I just stare at him.

Well, of
course
he is! Isn't that just the way my luck goes?
 

"He's what?" My tone is soft and gentle, a damn good sign I'm beyond pissed and leaning more towards murderously enraged.

"I'm sorry, but I know he faked being hit when I shot at him. I saw the bullet go past him and out the window screen of the deck. And I also saw the hole it left. Jake wasn't even bleeding. And to be honest, I wasn't really
trying
to hit him."
 

My blood boils, rage makes my head spin and my vision tunnels. I don't remember standing up, but the next thing I know, I'm standing in front of Nick. He rises and stumbles over the log he and Vicki had been sitting on – putting some distance and a log in between us – as if that could possibly stop me if I really wanted his ass. Vicki hurries around to stand beside her man.

"
You son of a bitch!
What the hell do you mean you weren't trying to hit him? You wanted him
alive
? Why? Give me one damn good reason
why
!"
 

Horrible and frightening reasons why he might have done this fills my mind.

Is he helping Jake? But if so,
why
are we running? Is he more loyal to Jake than he wants to admit and just couldn't bring himself to kill him? Is he eventually going to lead us right to them?
 

"The antidote. Canada, Jake and Jordan were the only ones who knew how to make the antidote. We need him. Think about it."

I think about it, but some things still just don't make any sense.

"If that's the case, why didn't we bring him with us to begin with? Why are we running from him if we need him?"

"Because I knew he wasn't dead or even hurt. He's strong – a hell of a lot stronger than any of us – and even if we worked together, we would never be able to get him to the truck and keep him restrained. I also knew Paul would be there long before we could get him out, if we even did manage to do it. And Paul would kill us without asking questions first. I figured our only option was to run and hope for the best later."

"Hope for the– You're going to risk our lives on
hoping for the best
?"
 

I understand now why we
do
need Jake, but I'm pissed that after a month in these mountains, Nick is just now telling me this. Also, because he's been making decisions that affect us all, without giving Vicki and me a chance to decide for ourselves.
 

"Nick, I get it. I do. But we either stick together, and make decisions
together
, or when we get back to town, we separate. I
won't
do this shit. I want to know what's going on at all times, no matter what. These kind of secrets aren't going to keep us alive."
 

Nick nods and says, "I'm sorry. I really am. I should have told you sooner."

Ya think? Shit!

Vicki wraps her arm around Nick's and finally speaks up. "Canada, I'm sure Nick didn't mean anything by it. He was just protecting us. Please don't be mad at him."

Oh, gag!

"Vicki, grow up. You're going to have to learn how to protect yourself, and learn how to survive on your own. Nick might not always be around, ya know?" I snap at her before I move to the other side of the truck.

I slide down the surface of the truck until my butt is just above the snow. With my stupid cast straight out in front of me, this position isn't easy. But I need time – time to think, calm down, and plan.

He's still alive! Even having to deal with Paul and the zombies don't scare me as much as knowing Jake is out there, looking for us.

I take a few deep breaths and let them out slowly, then I close my eyes and lean my head back against the freezing metal behind me.

My eyes flash open when I hear the sound of a motor and rocks being crushed underneath tires not too damn far away.

"Nick! Vicki! Run!" I scream at them as I jump inside the driver's seat. I start the truck and throw it into drive, slamming on the gas the second the teens are inside.

Terror from who is most likely behind us, and the winding mountain road – with nothing but a deadly drop-off much too close for comfort on one side – I do my best to be cautious but to still try to gain some distance between us.

"Nick! Is it them?"

Nick tries to see through the thick trees that shield everything beyond the curve of the mountain, but tells us he can't see shit. I clench my jaw and decide to assume it is. I hear Vicki start sobbing loudly which grates on my damn nerves, making it difficult to concentrate.

"Nick, shut her the hell up.
Now
!"
 

Immediately, I hear his voice as he begs her to stop crying. When that doesn't work, he smashes her face into his coat so that now her cries are muffled enough that I can at least ignore her a little easier.

"Nick! Where the hell do I go?"

"Up ahead, there's a left turn that will take us down the mountain. Right here!" he screams.

I slam on the brake as much as I dare and make the turn. Rocks and dirt go flying, and I'm shocked when the truck doesn't roll over.

Thank you for that, God!

"Sorry. I didn't realize we were that close," Nick says from the backseat.

"Yeah," is all I respond, my attention on not killing us being the most important thing on my mind.

Nick then tells me he can see the vehicle following us clearly now, considering they're right on our ass. I quickly look in the rearview mirror and see the same damn red truck with the black-as-night windows that's been relentless in finding us – no matter how far away we go, or where we try to hide.

Even though I'm terrified that they will, they don't try to run us off the side of the mountain, which tells me they don't want us dead. Knowing what Jake is capable of, I'm not real sure if I should be relieved about that or not.

Finally, we make it to the bottom of the mountain, and just before I can pick up speed, we hear the sound of pings and thumps as bullets slam into the truck. I know Jake is more than aware that bullets won't do much damage to the Hummer, unless he hits the tires. So my guess is that he's probably the one driving, and Paul is probably the one shooting.

Nick confirms that I'm right, and I press even harder on the gas – knowing Jake will, if he hasn't yet, give Paul that little bit of information about the tires. Nick makes me feel a tiny bit better when he tells me Paul is a horrible shot.

Nick sticks his head out the window and starts returning the fire, but it scares the shit out of me when I get a mental picture of one of Paul's bullets hitting him. After I yell, scream, and threaten him, he finally pulls his head back inside and just sticks his arm and gun out the window instead.

Amazingly, Nick hits one of
their
tires. I slam on the brakes in shock as I watch the truck veer off the road into an empty field and roll four times before coming to rest on its top and smoke begins to drift off the vehicle. Nick cheers, but I stare in horror.
 

W
ere
we not supposed to keep Jake's ass alive
?
 

Did we not just have a discussion about that very subject? And wasn't it Nick the one who brought it up in the first place?

I'm pretty sure they didn't survive, so I don't speed off, but instead ease the truck forward and gain speed gradually.

"Nick! Stop your damn celebrating. I thought we wanted Jake alive for the antidote. So now what?" I yell back at him.

I see the moment he realizes what Jake's death means. But Vicki's scream scares the hell out of both of us and I slam on the brakes again. Nick and I look back at the truck Vicki's pointing to. We see both men on their feet, coming straight toward us.

I can clearly see Jake is limping and that the other man, who I have to assume is the mysterious Paul, is holding his arm across his chest.

I'm horrified for the feelings I have when I see Jake. Horrified and disgusted with myself. But then I allow myself permission to have these small twinges of tenderness for him because I do miss the Jake I knew, not the Jake he's become...or always really was, I guess. Small twinges, nothing more than that is allowed.

We continue on at a decent –
safe –
speed, knowing there's no way they can catch up until they get to another vehicle. And those other vehicles are nowhere around this desolate area.
 

An hour later, we come to a decent-sized town. A town that has zombies – plenty of them, in fact – but not so many we can't get through rather easily. Nick directs me to the next town a half hour away, and once we get there, we're all relieved to see the amount of zombies are much less.
I'm
relieved because I desperately need to use the bathroom. The other two agree that finding a bathroom sounds like a good idea, so I pull up on the sidewalk close to the door of a small grocery store.
 

We get out, Nick and I with guns ready and Vicki attached to the back of Nick's shirt, and enter the store. We go through the building first, clearing it of zombies. Once that's done, I snatch up a pregnancy test and practically run to the restroom, my eyes almost watering from having to go so bad.

Barely able to wait to get the stupid package open, I somehow manage it and get the stick nice and wet. Finished, I go to the sink and lay the test on a stack of paper towels on the countertop. Then I wash my hands and face. Curious, I raise my shirt to see if I can tell a difference in my body.

Nope, not really.
Not pregnancy-wise anyway.
 

I do, however, notice that my stomach is flatter. I turn to the side and check it from that view, and while I'm at it, I check my butt too.

Still overweight, but not nearly as much as before.

I hear the door squeak open behind me, so I tug my shirt down and grab my gun – not sure what to expect, but it's just Vicki. I put the gun back in the holster in my fatigues after she squeaks in fear and raises her hands up in the air. I roll my eyes and turn away from her when she apologizes for not thinking. Then I hear her go into a stall and I go back to waiting.

It's amazing how slowly time can pass when you want it to hurry the hell up!

Finally, it's time. Vicki – who's long been finished doing her business in the stall and has since been waiting with me – comes to stand beside me, closest to the test. I stare at the test in front of her, unable to see the answer.

And not real freaking sure I want to!

Positive or negative?

Ugh!

Vicki eyes the test, then shifts her eyes to me. "You gonna look?" she asks me.

I nod my head. Then shake my head. Then nod my head again.

Vicki sighs and asks, "Do you want me to look?"

I nod, shake, and nod my head once again.

I don't know what the hell I want!

Vicki slowly reaches her hand out for it, watching me carefully for my reaction. I close my eyes and lean back against the outside of the nearest stall...until I hear Vicki gasp, and my eyes fly open.

"What the hell does that mean!" I demand.

"Canada," she begins, then stops.

I wait, and when she doesn't continue, my voice is strangled when I ask, "What the hell does it say, Vicki? Damn it!"

"Well, what are you
wanting
it to say?" she asks.
 

“
What do I–”
 

What the hell is she doing!

"Vicki, does it really frikken matter! I swear to you, if you don't tell me – and tell me
now –
I'm going to pretend you're a fucking slimy rotten-ass zombie and put a giant-sized bullet hole in your empty blond head!" I watch as her eyes widen, but then I decide I'd rather find out for myself, and snatch the stick out of her hand.
 

But I can't look at it just yet. I need to think.

"Vicki, please leave. I need a minute."

She nods and exits the room, leaving me alone. I finally get the courage to look and sink to the floor when my one good leg gives out.

Okay. So I
am
pregnant. Now what? If Will
is
still alive, and I choose to believe he is, what do I tell him? Do I tell him it could be Jake's? Do I tell him about Jake raping me? Or do I just let him assume it's his, because it
could
be! It could be Will's and all this worrying may be for nothing.