Wildly (Crimson Romance) (23 page)

Shauna took the time to study her mom. That explained the added wrinkles and the frailness she saw lining Belinda’s face. All the times she imagined her mother living it up, having no responsibilities, she’d really been fighting for her life and doing what she could not to take anything away from her daughter. She swallowed.

“The cancer?” She frowned.

“I’m in remission. It’s been two years. It’s come back three times in different parts of my body since the original diagnosis, but this is the longest I’ve gone cancer free.” Belinda patted Tony’s hand. “When my eighteen months scan came back clear, I called Tony and told him the whole story. I never stopped loving him, but I was scared. I didn’t want to come back only to have you witness me dying. There will always be a risk that I’ll develop more cancer, but I couldn’t stand to be away from my husband and daughter any longer.”

“But he cheated on you.” Shauna rubbed her forehead. “How can you — ”

“Loving someone can be a complicated situation. Humans make mistakes, and you can hate the situation, but still love the man.” Belinda reached for Shauna. “Like you, I acted before thinking or talking it over. Your father’s not to blame. We both are. I hope you can see through all our mistakes with you, and know that we love you. I want to know my daughter again. My beautiful and successful daughter that I thought about every single day I was gone.”

A dam broke inside Shauna then and she flung herself into her mother’s arms. She sobbed, pressing her face against her chest. She smelled painfully familiar, a pleasant mix of roses and fresh laundry hanging outside on a warm fall day.

Belinda held her close, while her dad reached over and stroked her hair. She closed her eyes and let the pain and hurt go.

“Shauna — ”

She disconnected the call, powered down the cell phone, and shoved it in her back pocket. A small sigh escaped as she slid miserably onto the chair at the kitchen table. After politely asking Grayson not to call, show up at the hotel, send messages, and to stop sending her flowers, her only option to get him to halt his campaign to talk with her was to completely ignore him.

“Grayson again?” Tony passed her a bowl of chili.

A week had gone by after learning the truth of why her mom had left and as promised, she’d joined her parents for dinner. She was still going through with her plan to find somewhere to rent, but she was glad for the safety net of having her parents close by to help her.

She nodded. “I should change my phone number. Then Grayson won’t be able to call me all the time.”

Tony sat down beside Belinda and reached for the soda crackers. “Would that have worked with you?”

“What do you mean?” She stirred her food without taking a bite.

He raised his brows. “You were pretty determined to get his attention. Think about all the things you did. You can’t fault a man for trying, especially after all the years he was more than lenient with you?”

“Touché.” She groaned. “Maybe I should move away. I thought I could go through anything he put me through, and deal with all the talk from the town. I don’t think I can anymore.”

“No.” Belinda reached across the table and caressed Shauna’s arm. “Don’t run. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”

“It hurts. How can I be furious with Grayson, and still love him?” She laid her hands in her lap, wanting to curl up in a ball and forget about everything. “Listen to me. I even sound crazy to myself. Maybe I need a therapist.”

Tony stepped behind her and wrapped his arms around her. “That’s love, buddy. Those who love us have the ability to hurt us the most, but you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable. That’s the only way you’ll experience love.”

She patted her dad’s arm before standing up. “I’m going to walk back to the hotel. I have paperwork I need to go over. A developer contacted the building code department about the bare land out on Seventy-Eighth Street. They’re interested in building a strip mall.”

“No kidding?” Tony chuckled. “Won’t that be something?”

“Eat first.” Belinda pointed to the table. “You need to keep up your energy with all the work you do.”

“I’m okay.” She smiled. “I’ll grab something at the hotel if I get hungry.”

She kissed both of them, and walked out of the house. The two-mile stroll back to town would clear her head. She’d had a hard enough time concentrating lately, and maybe her mom was right. She had to put closure to her old dreams and focus on moving forward.

At the end of the block, Jerry Tonk turned around from washing his car. She stopped at the edge of his driveway. “How are you, Mr. Tonk?”

“It’s a good day. My arthritis won’t kill me. At least that’s what Doc Martin says.” He tossed the sudsy mitt in the bucket. “Stop by and share some cookies with me soon.”

“I’d love that,” she said.

“Bring your young man, Grayson, with you too.” Jerry sprayed the suds off the fender.

She waved, and continued on her way. There was no use explaining that there was no Grayson in her life. No one ever believed her.

At the end of the street, she turned left. She stared straight ahead, but she could still see the tennis center out of her peripheral vision. When she’d set out to walk to her parents’ house, she knew she was putting herself in a direct path of catching a glimpse of Grayson. She would excuse her behavior as an old habit, but she’d be lying.

There were a couple of ways she could remedy the situation. One was to pack a suitcase, hop on the soonest flight, and send herself clear across the world. She could move into a little chateau, somewhere that had no phone service and no one spoke English. The other choice would be to listen to what he had to say. She was tough. What was the worst that could happen?

She picked up her pace.
I should really consider moving.

When was the last time she’d walked through town, along her old route, and past the school? She knew this road by heart. Had kicked rocks, sold lemonade, and crashed on her bike more times than she could count.

Yet today her walk felt different. The houses a little more weather worn, the trees taller, and the asphalt dotted with potholes. She slowed down, and put her hands in her pockets. It wasn’t her surroundings that’d changed. It was her.

She’d always had a purpose before. This road took her to the tennis center, and Grayson was always her reward at the end of the day. Every morning on the way to school, she’d wave to Grayson as he walked from his house to his lessons. On the weekends, she’d hang out, pretending to walk to town in the chance that Grayson was outside, and then she’d make an excuse to talk with him.

What did she have at the end of the road today? She sighed. An empty hotel room and a load of truth that was too heavy to carry.

A car pulled out of the school parking lot. Shauna stopped and smiled at Mrs. Winlet, the principal, as she drove by. Now that was one woman she remembered well. She’d spent many hours in her office, convincing her to give her one more chance. She gazed over at the high school. Oh, lordy.

Across the top of the roof, in faded red paint, were the words “Grayson’s #1.” She brushed a tear from her cheek. He was supposed to have been impressed with her creativity and climbing skills.

It’d taken her over an hour, in the pre-dawn hours, to carry her dad’s extendable ladder through the neighborhood without being caught. Not to mention, she was afraid of heights. It wasn’t so bad climbing up, but working up the nerve to hang off the gutter to find the ladder had been too much. Mr. Krieger, the janitor, had to come and help her down. She’d instantly vomited the Snickers bar she’d snuck for breakfast, in front of the kids arriving at school.

She continued walking. One thing had stood out that day. Grayson.

He’d stared out from his manager’s car as he’d driven past the school. She would’ve missed his reaction, but at the last second, his gaze had swung from the roof to the side of the equipment shed before he rounded the corner out of sight. In that microsecond, they’d connected and he’d smiled.

It wasn’t a full-toothed grin, but more a slight curve of his lips. Her stomach fluttered, remembering. It had been enough to make the weeklong detention and community service punishment worth it.

Two young girls whizzed down the road on each side of Shauna. She glanced behind her as they passed.

“That’s her!” The blond-haired girl laughed.

The other girl stopped and turned to meet Shauna’s gaze. “Hey, lady? Is it true you’re the one who wrote on the bottom of the screen at the movie theater?”

“The Kiggins Theater in town?”

The girl giggled. “Yeah, that one. It says, ‘SM loves G.’”

That one hadn’t been her idea. Kate had promised she’d write on the screen if Shauna did it first. She hadn’t even finished Grayson’s initials before one of the workers caught her.

“That was me. I wouldn’t advise doing anything like that though. I got in a huge amount of trouble, and my dad made me apologize during the Harvest parade.” Shauna raised her brows. “Totally embarrassing.”

“I think it’s cool.” The other girl got back on her bike. “Who’s G?”

“Who?”

“G. The person you loved?”

Shauna shrugged. “Just a boy.”

Without any more details coming from Shauna, the girls rode away, and Shauna took off in the opposite direction. She walked faster and swung her arms. Walking down memory lane wasn’t helping her situation.

She couldn’t make all her mistakes go away. The best she could hope for was making the town satisfied with the job she’d done raising money for the community.

Grayson was a part of her life, whether he wanted to be included or not. It didn’t take a bronze statue in the middle of the park to show everyone’s respect and admiration. She’d created a town full of memories.

It was late when Grayson left the center. He walked the driveway to a lonely house. More than ever before, he hated the silence. He missed having Shauna’s laughter filling the room, and her warm body curled around him in bed. The silence ate away at his mental stability.

He moved forward on autopilot. The grim reality that life would be empty and meaningless without Shauna depressed him. He had no one to blame but himself.

Every time he’d tried to tell her why he’d sent her away to college, she’d refused to listen. Hell, his excuses sounded even stupid to him. She had a right to be mad. He’d taken the decision out of her hands, because he was selfish.

He was out of ideas on how to make their relationship right. For once, he’d give anything to have her imagination. Never before had he felt so utterly useless.

He drew in a deep breath and opened his front door. His head ached. Not willing to give up yet, he plopped down on the couch and punched in her number on the phone. He scowled as he waited.

“Hello?” Shauna’s soft, sultry voice echoed in his head.

“Please, don’t hang up.”

“Okay.”

He blew out his breath. “How are you?”

“Good.”

He shook his head. Stupid question. “Shauna, I wanted to … ”

Silence sent his heart to pounding. He didn’t want to do this over the phone. He wanted to see her, touch her, and make her understand all the emotions overwhelming him. She had to know that she’d done nothing wrong, and that it wasn’t her fault they were both miserable.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“I know,” she whispered. “I’m sorry too.”

“No, it’s my fault.” He cleared his throat. “I blew up when the reporters pressured me and everything got out of hand before I could gain control of the situation. I didn’t want you hurt. I never wanted you to find out I paid for your education this way.”

“I guess we’re even.”

“This wasn’t a game, Shauna. It was never about paying you back.” He leaned forward and braced his elbows on his knees, holding the phone to his ear. “I can’t do this over the phone. Will you come over or let me come to you?”

Seconds ticked by. He closed his eyes, whether to protect him from the answer or wishing for her to agree, he had no idea.

“I’m sorry. I can’t.” Her gulp had him cradling his forehead in his hand. “I’ve thought a lot about us, Grayson, and I’m confused. I need to clear my mind, and figure out what I’m going to do next … on my own. I think it’s time I learn about myself and improve my life, and I’m not sure I can do that around you.”

“I’m not giving up on us.”

“Maybe it’s time,” she said. “Maybe I’ve hung on to you for too long.”

“Don’t say that.” Grayson stood up, ready to beg her to listen to him, but she’d hung up.

He held the phone in front of him, staring at the buttons.

His heart ached, and he felt physically broken, hearing the defeat in her voice. Would she ever come back to him?

The reality of what he’d done dropped him to his knees. The throbbing started in his stubborn head and pierced his chest. He’d closed himself off from loving anyone after his parents abandoned him for a childfree lifestyle. He’d concentrated on moving up in the ranks to become the world’s best tennis player, and for what? What did he have to show for all those years of keeping to himself and never allowing himself to love?

Shauna had changed him. She had helped him retain normalcy in a world that seemed unusually harsh and cold. He’d been wrong to push her away and deny love between them because he was afraid.

He rolled over onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. She had no idea how much he loved her. He’d make sure she never doubted him ever again.

He’d start tomorrow, and wouldn’t give up until he’d convinced her to let him love her for the rest of his life.

After a restless night, morning came early. Grayson tidied the mess around the house, and was out the door by nine o’clock. It was imperative that he arrive at the newspaper office before the newspaper hit the printing press for the day.

He didn’t care how much it cost him, but if Shauna could play dirty … so could he. Roses and chocolates weren’t the way to her heart. He should’ve known better. If anyone was simple in a complex way, it was Shauna.

She did everything big, without a thought to how she looked to others. That was what he loved about her. She went with her feelings, and ignored the naysayers. He’d show her that he was worthy of her love.