Wildflower (Colors #4) (19 page)

Images flashed through my groggy mind causing my breathing to pick up and my thighs to clench. However, the desire coursing through me at the thought of a repeat was drowned out by the apprehension swirling around in my gut. I felt like I was being pulled in a million different directions, unsure of which way I wanted to go.

Pushing out of the bed, I made my way down to the kitchen for some much needed coffee. I needed a day filled with mind-numbing reality television to drown out the indecision and uncertainty. I didn’t want to think. I wanted to lay on the couch all day, only hauling my butt off when nature or hunger called too loudly to ignore. I wanted to binge on junk food and pretend the world outside those walls had disappeared.

Unfortunately, the sight of my surly brother standing in the kitchen tossed those plans right out the window.

“Ethan,” I spoke cautiously, unable to gauge his mood from his expression alone. He could have still been pissed at me. Or maybe he was still sleepy.

“Ruiner of lives,” he regarded me sarcastically.

“Oh for God’s sake.” I rolled my eyes and headed for the coffee maker. “I didn’t ruin your life. Stop being such a girl.”

“I’ll be lucky if Shannon ever talks to me again!” Ethan lamented as I filled my cup and moved to grab the creamer from the fridge. I had no idea what I was doing. I was clueless when it came to kids, and that cluelessness was multiplied tenfold when dealing with a teenager. A horny, hormonal, pain-in-the-ass teenager. But if what I’d seen in his room was any indication, there were things we needed to discuss that couldn’t afford to be put on the back burner.

And because karma was a bitch from hell, it appeared that responsibility fell on my shoulders.

“Ethan, sit down,” I pointed to one of the stools at the island. “We need to talk.”

“About what?” he asked with narrowed eyed skepticism.

“Just sit.” Sucking down a fortifying gulp of caffeinated goodness, I thought of the best way to broach the subject. I was coming up blank, so I decided on the tried and true method. “Ethan, when a man and a woman love each other—”

“Oh, God!” he shouted, shooting up from the stool. “No. Nuh uh. No freaking way! Are you seriously trying to have the
sex
talk with me right now?”

I held my hands up trying to calm my little brother’s freak-out. “Look, I’m doing the best I can, okay? I’ve never had to have this… discussion with a kid before. Cut me a little slack.”

“This isn’t happening, Low-Low. I’m pretty sure it’ll scar me for life.”

“You think this is any fun for me?” I asked, my voice going slightly whiny. “Trust me, this is the
last
thing I wanted to do on a Saturday… or ever, really. But I need you being some girl’s baby-daddy about as much as I need a whole in the head! So you’re gonna sit there, and you’re gonna listen to every damn word I have to say!”

“But I already know about sex, Harlow!” Ethan informed me, causing all the air to expel from my lungs.

“Are you…” I started, bile rising up in my throat at the thought of it. “Have you…”

Ethan tucked his chin into his chest, his intense focus on swirling pattern of the granite countertop as he answered, sounding almost embarrassed. “No. I mean, I
know
about that… stuff. I just haven’t… you know, done it yet.” His last word came out a whisper.

“Okay. Okay, that’s good,” I said on an exhale.

“For you, maybe,” he grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest as he glared at me.

“So… last night,” I hedged. “You weren’t going to…”

“Well, not once
you
came barging in.”

“Oh!” I exclaimed sarcastically. “
Excuse
the hell out of me for coming
home
.”

Ethan’s annoyed expression matched mine to a tee. “Are we done here? I’d rather go be
grounded
in my room.”

“Just shut up, and let’s get this over with, all right?”

Ethan plopped back onto the stool, begrudgingly, keeping his eyes focused on a spot over my shoulder the whole time. That worked for me. Having the sex talk with my brother was about as fun as a root canal with no drugs. Maintaining eye contact would have just made it that much more awkward.

“Okay. Condoms,” I started, earning a loud groan of discomfort from my brother, but I pushed on. “You
always
wear a condom.
ALWAYS
, Ethan. Do you understand?”

His head fell back on his shoulders, his eyes to the ceiling. “I understand that I don’t want to be having this conversation with my
sister
!”

“And never double bag it,” I continued, to his mortification. “That’s an urban legend. You’re more likely to have one or both condoms break if you’re wearing two of them.”

“Why me, God?” he asked the ceiling as I imparted on him wisdom that would guide him through many years.

“And if she tells you that you don’t need to wear one because she’s on the pill, she’s full of shit. Never trust a woman. I speak from personal experience, our gender are a bunch of manipulative bitches. No glove, no love, Ethan. Say it with me.”

“I’m not saying that!”

“Say it!”

He pulled in a deep breath as his scowl deepened. “No glove, no love.”

“That’s right,” I replied in relief. “Now, for the most important part…”

“There’s more?” he yelped in a shockingly high-pitched voice.

I gave him a solemn nod, hoping he understood the seriousness of what I was about to tell him. “Yes. And this is something you need to remember for the rest of your life. You ready?”

Ethan’s face was a mask of stern concentration as he nodded.

“The woman always comes first.”

“
AGH! GOD!
”

To say the rest of the lecture went horribly would have been the understatement of the century.

“Poor Ethan,” Chloe sighed, her face a mask of concern once I finished recalling the little chat that I wasn’t all too sure Ethan and I would fully recover from. After I finished waxing on about the importance of not being selfish, Ethan had quietly stood from his stool and slowly walked up the stairs and into his room. That was Saturday morning. It was now Sunday afternoon and I was still pretty sure he hadn’t left the confines of those four walls in over twenty-four hours.

“Poor Ethan?” I asked in bewilderment. “I gave that kid gold! It’s not like I
wanted
to have that discussion. I could have gone the rest of my life thinking of my little brother as completely asexual.”

“Oh, I’m pretty sure that’s not something you’ll have to worry about after that little heart-to-heart,” she deadpanned.

“How do you think
I
feel? It’s not like I knew what I was doing. I had to wing it!”

Chloe looked around the bakery, making sure my little outburst hadn’t disturbed any of her customers before turning back to me. “I think your brother is going to need some serious couch time as he gets older. There are some things siblings should
never
discuss. And the importance of girls before boys is one of them.”

I rested my elbows on the counter and dropped my head into my palms. “I totally fucked that whole thing up, didn’t I?”

Walking over to the large espresso machine, Chloe refilled my cup and set it back down in front of me. “I’m not saying that, babe. Honestly, I don’t even know what I would have done in that situation. At least he knows you cared enough to talk to him about it, right? That has to mean something.”

“I feel like everything is spinning out of control,” I groaned as I massaged my temples.

“This isn’t just about Ethan.” She didn’t phrase it as a question. She knew me well enough to understand. “It’s Noah.”

“Among other things,” I admitted. “Work and Ethan and trying to settle here. But yes, it’s mostly about Noah.”

I looked up into her green eyes, brimming with worry for me as she rested her forearms on the counter and leaned closer. “I figured as much. Seeing how you two interacted at the Moose the other night was like stepping back in time. Swear to God, Low-Low, there were moments when I’d forgotten what had happened.”

“I know.” I paused, then hastily added, “We had sex.”

“Holy shit!” she whisper-yelled, leaning even further across the counter. “What? Where? When did this happen?!”

“Friday night,” I replied, feeling that nagging headache behind my eyes begin to grow even stronger. “At his parents’ house—Well, his house now, I guess.”

“Oh my God! How did that even happen?”

I told her all about rushing over to Noah’s after the whole Ethan debacle. I explained how I blamed him, how we had words, how things got exceedingly out of hand, and finally, I told her everything he’d said; about me being the love of his life and how we were starting over, how we agreed to take things slow.

“I’m scared, Chlo,” I admitted softly as the backs of my eyes began to burn with unshed tears. I reached over the counter and took her hands in mine, my voice laced with desperation. “I need you to tell me if I’m making a huge mistake, because I don’t have a fucking clue what I’m doing here.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” she soothed, turning her palms up to twine her fingers with mine. “I can’t tell you that. I wish I could. This is something you have to figure out on your own.”

I leaned back on the stool and looked at the ceiling. “God! Why didn’t anyone ever tell us that being an adult would suck so bad? I don’t know about you, but I was
so not
properly equipped to deal with this shit.”

I looked back to my friend as she let out a giggle. “None of us were. It’s a cruel joke the adults pull on us when we’re younger. The more we suffer, the bigger a kick they get out of it.” I laughed in return before we lapsed into a momentary silence. “This doesn’t have to be bad, honey.”

My head tipped to the side as I regarded her. “What do you mean?”

“I’m just saying, you were both kids back then, Low-Low. Things change.
People
change.” One of her shoulders lifted in a tiny shrug. “They grow up. Maybe this is a chance for you and Noah to get to know the people you are
now.
”

I thought about what she’d said,
really
thought about it. “When did you get so smart?” I teased, letting go of her hands to lift my coffee cup to my lips.

“I’ve always been the smart one in this friendship,” she joked back. “You were the pretty one.”

“Hey!” I protested. “I’m smart!”

“O-kay,” she laughed sarcastically. “Tell me that
after
you’re finished paying your brother’s therapy bills.”

I gasped in mock-offense before throwing a piece of my blueberry muffin at her head as we laughed ourselves silly.

“But in all seriousness,” Chloe started, wiping all humor from her face. “I have something I need to ask you.”

“What?” I asked, my head tipped to the side in concern at the change in her demeanor.

All of a sudden, a shit-eating grin broke across her face. “What was it like to lose your virginity for a second time to the same dude?”

“Asshole,” I yelled, reaching out to smack her as she snorted in hilarity at her own joke.

Just like every time I was in Chloe’s presence, some of the weight lifted off my chest. My shoulders felt lighter, looser whenever she was around. She unknowingly shouldered some of my burden.

That
was the sign of an irreplaceable friend.