Wilder (The Renegades) (6 page)

“How did it feel?” Abercrombie asked.

“Winning?” I clarified, reaching for the railing behind me.
Don’t do it. Don’t ask.

“Beating your best friend. Everyone figured Nitro was going to take gold that year, and then you owned it!”

My fingers dug into the railing. Beating Nick had never been in the plans and had sucked almost every ounce of joy from the moment they hung that medal around my neck. It had been the start of a spiral I hadn’t been able to stop.

No one had.

“Where is he, anyway?” the other one asked before it got too apparent that I wasn’t going to answer the first question. “I haven’t seen him on the Renegade Channel in forever.”

“He’s taking some time off,” I said easily, the way I’d been coached by my publicist. “Working on some new tricks.”

“So he can beat your ass, huh? The guy has to be dying to get back on top now that you’ve been there the last couple years.”

I forced a tight smile.

Fingers tentatively brushed over my knuckles.
Leah.

“Hey, Paxton, we’d better catch up with the guide. I know you want to get back to the ship,” she said quietly.

The blonde narrowed her eyes at who she obviously viewed as competition. I almost laughed. If Leah had shown one ounce of actual, actionable interest, there would be no contest.

Hell, the idea of getting Leah’s curves under me was miles ahead of a nameless fuck.
Take it back. Right now. You’re not interested in sleeping with Leah.

Liar.

“I’m Elyse,” the blonde said to Leah. “Who are you?”

“No one you have to worry about,” Leah answered with a laugh in her voice. “Pax, you ready?”

She tugged on my fingers, prying them loose from the railing. Then she slipped her hand into mine, and my stomach flipped like a thirteen-year-old girl.

“Yeah,” I answered. “Nice to meet you guys. See you on board sometime.”

She led me away from the other students, down the railway over the fifty-foot-deep lake beneath us, her thumb rubbing circles into my palm, taking away a piece of my stress with each motion.

“Are you going to ask me?”

“About what?” she asked over her shoulder, her thick, loose braid sliding against her skin.

“The X Games? Nitro? Any of it?”

She paused, then turned until we faced each other, as alone as we’d been since we met. “Do you want to tell me?”

“No. Not yet.”

Her eyes were soft and deep as the corner of her mouth turned up. “Then I’m not going to pry. It’s not any of my business, anyway.”

She turned away, dropping her hand, and I couldn’t help but feel off, like I’d pulled a half when I meant to turn a full—as if I’d just fallen short of whatever the possibility could have been.

…

“You busy?” I asked Landon from his doorway.

“What does it look like?” he said from behind a book.

“Looks like you need to be distracted.”

He lowered the book and snorted. “Some of us enjoy reading, Pax. You should try it sometime. Then maybe you wouldn’t have to harass your timid little tutor so much.”

“She’s not timid.” I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned against his doorframe.

“Compared to your normal scores, she’s a church mouse.” He put his hands up when I stepped into the room. “Look, I honestly think she’s great. She’s really nice, and she might pull you through this year, but I see the way you look at her.”

“I’m not fucking looking at her,” I argued.

“Au contraire. You’re looking like you’d love to fuck her.”

My eyes narrowed. If he wasn’t some heartbroken sap, I’d have laid into him about his own self-destructive sexual habits—there was a reason we called him Casanova—but that only would have made me more of an asshole than I already was. It wasn’t like I didn’t play a role in that heartbreak…and the way he’d changed afterward. “I’m not going to touch her.”

“Good.” He picked up the book again.

“Wait. Aren’t you my friend? Aren’t you supposed to be my wingman if I wanted to actually be with Leah?”

He sighed and put the book down on his stomach. “First, I’ll wingman you through anything you want. Say the word. Even if it’s the stupidest decision you’ve ever made, you know I’ll have your back. Second, do you realize what you just said?”

I rubbed my fingers over my forehead. “My head hurts from studying all evening. Enlighten me.”

“You said
be with Leah.
Not hook up, or score, or fuck, like you have ever
been
with
anyone. And I can tell you that as your best friend, she’s not the kind of girl you screw, drop for the next hot piece of ass, and expect her to tutor you after. Keep your hands in your pockets and your dick in your pants, because if you fuck this up we’re all screwed.” He raised the book and waved me off. “If you need to get laid, call Zoe. Leave the tutor alone.”

“So I guess this means you don’t approve of me bringing her out with us tomorrow.”

His sigh was hard enough to move the pages, but he didn’t put the book down. “If you’re hell-bent on screwing this up, I won’t stop you. Hell, I’ll find her a wetsuit.”

“Thank you, she’ll need one. And for the record, I’m not screwing this up, or screwing Leah. I’m more than capable of controlling my dick, and I know my grades are more important than any
hookup
.” The word tasted like shit in my mouth.

I closed his door and found Penna leaning against the wall. “He’s right,” she said with a shrug.

“Not you, too.” I passed her, shaking my head as she followed me down the stairs in the suite. Thank God the camera crews weren’t here right now. “What the hell have I done to deserve you two launching into me?”

She tilted her head. “Do you honestly want me to list every female we’ve had to replace because you don’t specialize in morning afters? What, two camera women? Your physical therapist? My twenty-first birthday party planner?”

Way to drive it home.
“I get the fucking point. Don’t touch Leah. Don’t risk my tutor, my grades, our future. Got it. I’ve known the girl for a week. She’s not under my skin or anything, so chill the hell out. It’s an infatuation.”

Penna arched a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. “Don’t get an attitude with me. I’m well aware that you have control over your”—her hands pointed to my general groin area—“manly parts. But you know what I’ve realized over the last week?”

“What?”

“This is a small ship, Pax. There’s nowhere to go, and that makes everything just a little more intense, a little more…intimate, especially when you’re spending almost every waking minute with her. That’s more than enough time for her to get under your skin. This girl is at the center of your universe because you need her, which is fine, but remember that you’re at the center of hers, too, because your grades keep her on board.”

“Right?” I didn’t see the fucking problem. Leah and I had already come to terms with our symbiotic relationship.

Penna sighed, and her shoulders drooped. “Just… I really like her. She’s funny, honest, smart…but there’s some damage there, too. She’s in your orbit because she has to be, but you’ve got some ridiculously strong gravity. Be careful around her.”

“I’m only trying to keep her happy. She’s got three months until her roommate shows up, and I don’t want her to be lonely. What if she hates me and quits? Leaves? Everything we spent the last year setting up will be down the drain.”

“I think there’s a line between keeping her happy and making her fall for you. You’re so used to doing the second with every potential hookup, I’m not sure you’d even recognize it.”

But everything with Leah felt…different, and I didn’t know how to explain that to Penna without looking idiotic. Not just the way my hands gravitated to Leah’s skin, or the way I admired her bravery…it was her loyalty, the way she’d calmed me in the caves with a simple touch, the way she hadn’t pressed for more information.

“She heard some guys talking about Nick today.”

Penna blinked at the subject change. “What did you tell her?”

“I didn’t.” I opened the sliding glass door to the balcony and was rewarded with a mild breeze and the setting sun over Bermuda.

She followed, leaned against the railing, and examined me, her familiar blue eyes skimming over my features while she passed judgment. “Well, I guess she’s not the only one with some damage.” She looked past me and waved.

I followed her line of sight to see Leah lounging on her deck chair, the light breeze blowing her shirt against the line of her waist, her eyes covered in huge sunglasses. She waved back to Penna, her smile instant and bright.

“See what I mean? Small ship. Small universe.”

She skipped off to sit with Leah, but I kept my distance. Maybe I did need to call Zoe, fuck myself into a clear head, but the last thing I wanted were her fake moans and faker breasts.

Maybe I wanted soft curves and softer eyes. Maybe I wanted a conversation and understanding. Or maybe I was fucked up and only wanted to land the trick I knew I shouldn’t, because it was too dangerous.

But what I wanted wasn’t an option.

I walked into my suite, slamming the sliding glass door behind me.

Wanting what I couldn’t have was a bitch.

Chapter Five

Leah

Bermuda

The Bermuda sun soaked into my shoulders as I rubbed on another coat of sunscreen, avoiding the straps of my halter top. The beach was crowded with students enjoying our last day on shore before the trek across the Atlantic.

A shadow came over me, and I lowered my sunglasses to see Brooke standing above me in a bikini and sarong. “Wilder said I could find you here,” she said with an open smile.

“Hey, Brooke.” I checked my watch. “I’m supposed to meet him in fifteen minutes.”

“I think he was scared you wouldn’t show,” she admitted, taking the lounge chair next to me and dropping an enormous beach bag. “He still feels pretty guilty about the stunt with the zip-line.”

“I already told Penna, I’m okay. Seriously. He didn’t know that I’m scared of heights.” He didn’t know what it took for me to climb onto that platform, either, or that I’d taken the entire ride with my eyes shut until he asked if I could swim.

“You okay with water?”

“Yeah. I grew up in southern California. The ocean and I are well acquainted.” In fact, the lack of Pacific blue was the only drawback to living in New Hampshire. Well, besides the cold, and snow, and generally dismal springs.

“Good, because we’re supposed meet Wilder on the dock.”

Dock. Water. Swimming suit? I swallowed the momentary blast of panic that tightened in my throat and gathered up my things. “Then let’s get to him.”

It was a short walk down the beach to the picturesque dock where a large yacht was tied. My jaw dropped when Paxton jumped from the boat to the dock, wearing only a pair of dark blue board shorts and a smile.

Damn, his abs just…
Eyes up, Leah.

“How did you get a yacht?” I asked when he met us halfway down the pier.

“Borrowed it,” he said with a grin.

“It’s his dad’s,” Brooke answered.

Paxton shot her a disgruntled look.

“What? It is,” she repeated.

Close your mouth, you must look like a fish.
My lips clamped together with a smack. “Oh, that’s nice,” I managed. That thing would have paid for my college tuition, grad school, hell, probably my entire life.

“He owns bigger ones,” Brooke said with a shrug.

“Bigger? Like what? The
QE2
?” I knew Paxton had money, how else was he paying for his suite—and mine—but there was money and there was…
this.

“Actually—”

Paxton shot Brooke another look. “Let’s get you on board,” he said to me, and then took us to the stairs that connected the dock to the yacht.
Stairs. Seriously.

“Are you ready, Mr. Wilder?” A uniformed captain walked from the bridge area.

“We are, Mac. Is everything else in order?”

“We’re ready to go, but if you could keep the camera crews off the bridge?”

Right on cue, Bobby came onto the deck, clipboard and all, followed by two cameras and more crew. Fantastic.

“Bobby, keep the cameras off the bridge and out of the crew’s hair,” Paxton ordered as the captain smiled his thanks and headed back to the bridge.

“Firecracker!” Little John said with a giant smile as he came from belowdeck. “You lived! I’m glad to see you’ve made it this far.”

“Hey! How did you…?” The last time I’d seen him was on the tower before Paxton had zipped me on board.

“I’m the advance party. I’m always one step behind, cleaning up the stunt, and then I fly one step ahead to set up the next one.”

“Well, it’s good to see you.”

“You probably want to sit,” Paxton said to me, pointing to one of the oversized chairs that looked like they belonged more in a Pottery Barn catalog than a boat.

I took the seat, and he lounged in the one next to mine, pulling his sunglasses over his eyes as the boat began to move away from shore.

“Okay, what are we doing?” I asked, unable to hold it in one more minute, despite a camera being two feet off my shoulder.

“You didn’t tell her?” Brooke asked from Paxton’s other side.

His grin was slow and incredibly sexy. “Don’t worry, Firecracker. It’ll be worth your while.”

Heat flamed in my cheeks, and I ducked my head, knowing my face was probably as red as Brooke’s bikini top.

“Are we swimming?” I asked, running my hands down my white linen pants, brushing off imaginary sand. They were my favorite pair, light and airy, and I wasn’t in a hurry to remove them.

“In a way,” Paxton answered and pointed over his shoulder. “We’re almost there.”

I looked over the starboard side and my breath abandoned me. “What are they doing?” I asked.

“Flyboards,” he said in my ear. I felt his warmth against my back and called on every piece of my self-control to keep from leaning in to him. Paxton might not be able to help that he was naturally seductive, but I could sure as hell not help him along. “The water is sucked in through the WaveRunner, and then forced out through the hoses under the board. See Nova?”

Landon’s Renegade name was enough to remind me that we were on camera, and I moved away from Paxton as the boat slowed to a stop outside a circle of WaveRunners. “How high is he?”

“About fifty feet.”

“Holy shit.”

“We’re going to get them higher.”

I walked to the deck railing. “Why would you want to?”

“Because it’s never been done.” His face was set in determined lines, but his eyes were bright with excitement. “At least not how we’re going to do it.”

“Who is this ‘we’?” My stomach dropped at the same rate Landon did as he dove under the water, only to pop back up like a dolphin twenty feet away.

“You don’t even want to try?” He had the nerve to look wounded.

“Did you forget the part where I told you I don’t do heights?” I asked, a knot already forming in my chest, tightening with each breath at the thought of doing…that.

“Yeah, but you did the zip-line, so I thought maybe…”

“No.” I shook my head so hard my scalp hurt from where my bun tugged. “There’s zero chance in hell.”

“Oh, come on. I went down into your cave.”

Bobby snorted behind me, and I knew exactly what meaning he was taking out of that…what the cameras just heard.

“Crystal Cave. Bermuda, jackass,” Paxton immediately corrected his production manager, as if he couldn’t stand to have them thinking he’d…well…explored
me.
I couldn’t decide if I was flattered or pissed off.

Pissed won. “There was nothing dangerous about that.”

“I’ll teach you. It’ll be fun. I brought you a wet suit and everything.”

Great, now he sounded like I’d Grinched his Christmas presents. “Well, I’m sure it will fit Brooke.”

“Oh hell no, I’m not going out there,” she said from her lounge chair, already relaxed with a Kindle in her hand.

“She has the right idea.”

“Don’t you want to conquer your fears?” Paxton asked me, undeterred. He turned me around to face him, pops of electricity rushing from where his hands held my upper arms to stutter my heart.

My eyes darted to the cameras, and he sighed but got the point. He took my hand and led me through a door to go below the deck and into a sumptuous bedroom. I wasn’t done gawking at the ornate woodwork or luscious fabrics before he lit into me. “Are you going to be afraid your whole life? You’re about to pass on a once-in-a-lifetime experience over what? A little anxiety about height? You control the height; you don’t have to do what we’re doing.”

A
little
anxiety? God, just the thought of being that high had me ready to vomit on this pristine carpet. There wasn’t even anything to hold on to.

“Afraid my whole life? Newsflash, Paxton, you don’t fucking know me. You have no clue what I think or feel, but you might if you so much as asked before you tried to shove me at insane things I would never consider.”
Can’t consider.

“Forgive me for trying to bring you out of your shell a little, Leah.”

Wait. How did he get off looking hurt?

“You’re not bringing me out, you’re breaking me. If you had any idea—” My throat closed as the images broke past my carefully constructed walls and assaulted me. The sight of the canyon beneath me, the steady drip of blood, the nauseating sound of metal against rock…it was all there, as fresh as it had been two years ago. When I looked up, Paxton’s blue eyes had somehow morphed into Brian’s brown ones, my own hallucination more punishing to my soul than the zip-line had ever dreamed of being. My eyes slammed shut, and I forced air into my lungs with a gross sucking sound.

“Leah.” Paxton’s whisper sounded strangled, and he pulled me against his chest, wrapping his arms around me.

For a second, I almost gave in and let him hold me. It felt so good, his heartbeat so steady…so alive.

No. I had not come this far to suddenly become one of those girls who needed a guy to prop her up. Using both hands, I shoved off his chest, breaking his hold on me. “You can’t fix something you don’t understand. I’m not one of your stunts, Pax. I’m not your project.” I said it as gently as I could without wavering.

His shoulders fell, and his tongue swiped across his lower lip. “You know, you’re right.” He grasped the back of his neck. “This is totally up to you, but I at least hope you’ll stay and watch. I want to take you somewhere after, if you’ll trust me not to force you into something you don’t want.”

I rubbed my upper arms, concentrating on the friction to force my neat little compartmentalized walls back up. “I can leave if I want?”

He cupped my face, those blue eyes of his wide and earnest. “Of course. I’ll have someone take you back to the beach if you want. I meant it, I won’t force you into anything ever again. Not like I did with the zip-line, and I won’t ambush you again. It was a bad choice on my part, but I’m glad we’re having this conversation.”

His hand was warm on my cheek, thrumming with life, scented with sand and ocean and Paxton.

Maybe I couldn’t get onto one of those things and catapult myself into the air, but I could watch him do what he loved. “Okay,” I said quietly.

His smile was soft and mine followed. “Thank you.”

We stood there for a moment, absorbed in each other, something intangible passing between us. My heart sparked to life, reminding me that I wasn’t just a patient, a student, a daughter, a tutor—I was a woman, who was stupidly, ridiculously, unavoidably attracted to the man standing in front of me.

Shit.

Was I even allowed to feel that? It had been two years. Surely he wouldn’t have wanted—

A knock sounded on the door, saving me from doing something entirely foolish.
Like finding out if Paxton’s lips are as soft as they look.

“Hey, Wilder?” Zoe’s voice slapped some sense into me, and I stepped out of Paxton’s reach.

“Zoe,” he said, his tone resigned as I retreated.

“If she doesn’t want to go, I’m suited up and ready,” she sang.

“Noted.” His eyebrows rose in my direction.

I shook my head, unable to fathom going out there, putting myself in a position to fall. I’d probably lock up the minute I went ten feet in the air, and then what the hell would I do. “I can’t.”

“Okay,” he said softly. “Zoe, we need a tenth, anyway, so go wave Landon over and have him get you to a Flyboard.”

Her squeal grated on every exposed nerve—and there were a lot of them right now—but I managed a nod of my head. “Good choice.”

He swallowed. “Yeah, well, your wet suit is hanging there in the closet. You can change here. You are down with swimming, right?”

“Yeah, of course.” Water I could handle. Water you could swim in, control your movements, propel yourself up. Air was the traitorous bitch that let you go without a moment of consideration.

“I’ll see you up there,” he said, and left.

I opened the closet to see the wet suit Paxton had left for me. Maybe if I got into the water quickly he wouldn’t see—

Whoa.

My heart jumped sweetly, and my smile was immediate. He’d gotten me a full-length wet suit. Either it was a stroke of luck…or he actually paid attention to me—noticed that I only wore pants.

Either way, it meant I could swim without an ounce of self-consciousness.

About ten minutes later, I’d wiggled into the wet suit and headed up to the deck. “I told him that the water was eighty degrees, and you wouldn’t need a wet suit to swim, but he insisted,” Brooke said as she zipped me up.

“Did he say why?”

“He said if you’re so modest that he’s never seen you in a pair of shorts, he doubted you’d willingly strut around in a swimsuit.”

He’d noticed.
“Oh,” I said, trying to sound casual. “That’s thoughtful of him.”

“Uncharacteristic, is what it is, but I like this side of him.” She mirrored me, leaning against the railing at my side. “Thank God they took the cameras with them.” She pointed to a speedboat that lingered near the WaveRunners.

“It’s nice,” I agreed.

“Don’t relax too much, the helicopter will be here in a minute. That’s all they’re waiting on.”

“Helicopter?” As if on cue, the sound of rotors reached us, and as the helicopter came from the island, Paxton and the others took to the sky.

They were giants rising from the water, their legs long and powerful as they flexed. Paxton rose a little higher than the others, then dipped back to the water only to skyrocket again. Then they all started to experiment, the water-powered hoverboards allowing them to flip, turn, and even dive beneath the water as Landon had earlier.

I held my breath as Paxton soared again, then pulled a double backflip as he fell to the water, catching himself right before impact. He’d broken his fifty-foot goal. Then he did it again, and again, just because he could.

I found myself grinning, enjoying the show as I’m sure Paxton was loving putting it on. He raised his arm, and they all dropped back down to the water. “What are they doing?” I asked.

“Running over the game plan before they perform.”

“There are a lot of them.”

“Yeah, there’s Penna.” She pointed to the left. “Then Landon and Paxton, then a few regulars, and the CTDs.”

“CTDs?” I asked. I hadn’t realized the Renegade crew was this big.