Wilde Forever (Wilde Women Book 1) (54 page)

“She’s amazing, Dad.” He had to stop there when emotion clogged his throat.

“C’mon,” his dad said. “Let’s go pig out on chocolate and drive your mama nuts for a while. I’ll call Marty and see if he can stop by. Get the ball rolling, okay?”

Jax nodded and rose, drawing his dad in for a hug. “I want you to be proud of me, Dad.”

“You’re a credit to this family, my boy—and I couldn’t be more proud if I tried. Don’t be so hard on yourself Jackson. Have a little faith.”

Brynn was sprawled on the sofa playing Call of Duty for what seemed like hours when she heard her cell phone chirp. She didn’t have to look at it to know it was Rhi calling for the fiftieth time in two days. She’d pushed her off yesterday blaming Halloween as a distraction so it really wasn’t all that much of a surprise that her sister was hell bent on pinning her down now that it was Sunday and one of her established days off.

Thing was, though, she didn’t want to talk to her. Didn’t want to talk to anybody for that matter. The last week had been sheer hell since Jax had up and left without a word. Days had gone by and he hadn’t made any attempt to contact her and as each moment passed, Brynn fell deeper and deeper into a melancholy that didn’t seem to have an end.

After the phone stopped ringing she got up and stumbled into the kitchen to grab some more ginger ale from the fridge. Her stomach was in a perpetual knot and she had a low grade thumper banging in her head morning, noon, and night. The plain carbonated soda and the occasional piece of toast slathered with strawberry preserves seemed to be the only thing she could choke down.

She stopped going to the loft to sleep right after Jax did his disappearing act and since her bedroom was still a mess from the en suite project, she’d been sleeping on the sectional couch in the den. It was just too much effort to even walk up the stairs so Brynn had thrown a bunch of clothes into big trash bags and hauled them into the den where she was camping out. Besides going to work every day, the rest of her time was spent in numb isolation. She didn’t have the heart to do anything but wallow, watch TV, play video games, and cry. In short—she was a fucking mess.

Amy was completely bent out of shape by her listlessness—and Brynn was pretty damn sure she was filling Rhiann’s head with all sorts of rubbish. Her assistant had been less than thrilled to learn that the sexy man in black had apparently done a flit and had been doing everything she could to mother Brynn which only set her teeth on edge.

Dragging her weary ass back to the den with a big glass filled with ice and ginger ale, she heard her damn phone ringing again and groaned. Fuck. She was going to have to answer if she didn’t want to find Rhi on her doorstep.

“What the hell is the matter with you?” she heard Rhiann screech the minute she picked up. “Are you trying to give me gray hairs or what?”

“Settle down sis,” Brynn begged. “I’m not up for a lecture.”

“Tough. I want to talk to you and that means now so don’t fuck around. Get your computer and video chat me in the next five minutes or I swear to God Brynn…”

Aw shit. Video chat? Dammit. She looked like death warmed over. “Can’t we do this on the phone, Rhi? I’m really not up for a face-to-face.”

“Five minutes, Brynn. You have five minutes or else I’m calling in the cavalry.” And with that her sister hung up the phone.
Just fucking great
.

Taking a slug of the cold drink, Brynn collapsed onto the sofa and pulled the laptop onto the coffee table in front of her. She took a minute to run her fingers through her hair and pinched her cheeks hoping to appear a bit more together than she felt.

The minute the chat connected and Rhi’s face appeared on screen, she attempted a half-hearted smile that fell off her face the minute Rhi started yelling.

“Oh my fucking God! What the fucking
fuck
Brynn? You look like shit. I’m going to fucking kill that motherfucking Butt Whacker.”

Well hell. That was about the last goddamn thing she wanted to hear. “Shut up Rhi. You don’t know what you’re talking about. And can you give the ‘fuck’ a rest? Not everything is about a man, you know.”

“Good Lord Brynn. Of course it is. When was the last time you looked in a mirror for fuck’s sake?”

She sighed. Mirror? What the hell was that? Only a reminder that she was alone.
Again
. No thanks.

“I’m not up for this, sis. Really. If all you’re going to do is bitch at me, this call is over. I’ve got shit to do.”

“Yeah? And what shit is that? Certainly not taking a shower or brushing your hair. Let me guess…I can see that you’re on the sofa and if I’m not mistaken, I also see a shitload of clothes slung over the back. Is there a game controller anywhere in your vicinity? Ah ha!” she shrieked when Brynn reflexively glanced at the headset and controller she’d been using. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

“I gotta go,” she mumbled, too emotionally weary and too tired to care anymore. “Think what you want. Don’t care.” And with that final statement she dismissed the chat and slammed the lid on the computer. Two seconds later she was running for the bathroom where she proceeded to puke up her guts while tears streamed and her heart broke just a little bit more.

Rhiann was on her doorstep the next morning, bright and early, having taken the train out of New York at the butt crack of dawn. Amy had picked her up at the station and delivered her to Wilde House on her way to open the tearoom. After banging on the door until Brynn staggered from the den, scowling with displeasure, she’d dropped an overnight bag in the foyer and quickly dragged her into the kitchen.

“Sit the hell down and shut the fuck up Brynn. First I’m going to feed you since you look like a meal hasn’t passed those lips in a week and then we’re going to talk.”

Brynn cringed when Rhi opened the fridge and discovered it basically empty.

“Well this is a fine mess,” she growled. “What have you been eating and that is
not
a rhetorical question.”

Sighing, Brynn wrapped her arms around her trembling body and hung her head. She’d been eating crap. Whatever sugary, fat laden nightmare that struck her fancy in the bakery along with the occasional fast food burger was all she bothered with. At the reminder, she felt her stomach rumble uncomfortably and tears sting her eyes.
Shit.
Her sister’s unsympathetic frown was only making things worse.

Suddenly, Rhi was at her side, rubbing her back. “Girl, what’s going on here? This is more than a man doing you wrong. Please talk to me Brynn. Now you’re scaring the shit out of me.”

The dam broke and tears gushed from her eyes. Before she knew what was happening, Brynn was sobbing uncontrollably with her arms wrapped around Rhiann’s waist as her sister tried the best she could to comfort her.

“Talk to me Brynn,” she heard Rhi plead.

Hiccupping a sob, she looked up into her sister’s anxious face and croaked, “I think I’m pregnant.”

T
WO FULL WEEKS HAD PASSED since Jax had left Brynn. He’d been engaging in an endless loop of therapy and group sessions with other veterans as he struggled to make sense of what was happening. Marty, his old counselor, had been a godsend, helping him cut through the bullshit and focus on the nitty gritty.

With his mother doting on him and his father supporting him every step of the way, Jax was beginning to see some light. Finding that he wasn’t alone with what he was feeling was a fucking relief. Knowing that others had gone through similar situations and been able to make sense from it was hugely reassuring.

It was a fellow Iraq vet who took him aside one afternoon and shared with Jax a similar story to what had happened that morning with Brynn. As a result he was gradually coming to understand that by falling in love he’d changed the dynamic of his PTSD issues. It wasn’t just about him anymore. That constant, grinding, ‘am I alright’ was being replaced by ‘are we alright’. Instead of just his life being on the line, now there was someone else who became even more important. It wasn’t about his safety any longer. It was all about Brynn.

When he’d imagined her in the midst of the hell he’d gone through, that was his subconscious dragging her along for the ride. Understanding that she was safe, that he’d always keep her safe, was when he started to turn the corner. Oh sure, he knew that shit happened, and he wasn’t God after all. But putting together a thousand puzzle pieces, going back to the beginning and remembering what those first difficult months were like after his return from the war, he started to see the inevitable paradigm shift.

That particular nightmare had probably been inevitable. It was his subconscious again, moving the pieces around until he found a better fit for everything he was feeling. The guilt and horror he had from fearing that he’d been within seconds of harming her had to be dealt with and with Marty’s help he saw that Brynn would need to understand a few simple dos and don’ts…like don’t ever touch someone having a nightmare. The biggest “do” she already had under control by immediately suggesting he needed to talk to someone and also by not being a judgmental bitch the way Heather had been.

Now that the cloud was finally lifting though he had to think long and hard about what to do next where she was concerned. He’d left without a word and hadn’t attempted to contact her since. Was she mad? Hurt? Angry? Had she decided he was too damaged to deal with?

Truth was, he missed her like fucking crazy. Even though he felt better, he wouldn’t be whole until he was back with her. Until she smiled at him, laughed with that husky voice, and maybe even smacked him upside the head for being such an ass.

His mom had pretty much crystalized all those thoughts after dinner just last night. She’d cautiously asked if he wanted to talk about Brynn with her, and surprising them both, he actually did. It didn’t hurt to get a woman’s perspective so he’d poured out his heart ad nauseam about what a special and amazing person his beautiful Brynn was.

“Have you told her this, sweetie? I mean, since you’ve been here. She needs to hear your reassurance that she holds a special place in your life.”

Jax was pained to hear that and admitted he’d been an ass. “Um, well….actually, I haven’t spoken to her at all since I left.”

Kate Merrill looked at him like he’d grown another head. “Are you out of your mind? Oh dear Lord, Jax. That poor girl. She must be beside herself with worry. What in the world were you thinking?” She jumped to her feet and started anxiously pacing, wringing her hands and muttering under her breath in a way that made his unease spike to an alarming level.

Oh Christ
, he thought. His mom’s instant reaction felt like a slap across the face. Crossing and uncrossing the foot that rested on his knee, Jax cleared his throat half a dozen times and cringed. He saw the light bulb go on over his mom’s head when she whirled toward him and barked, “What did you do?”

What was it about a mother’s direct and precise third degree that felt like an interview in hell? He couldn’t fob her off with a shrug or make a joke intended to deflect her attention. That was not how Mom talks were designed. Besides, he’d walked willingly into this quagmire by seeking her advice and yeah, her approval. Best to lay it all on the line and see what happened.

“Had an episode, Mom. A bad one. Scared the fucking crap out of me.” He squirmed in his seat and hung his head like a bad kid. “Brynn was there, and well…she could have gotten hurt.”

“So, what Jax? You fall in love with this girl and take her to bed?” When he winced and gritted his teeth she didn’t slow for a second. “Don’t treat me like a fool, son. You say you had an episode and Brynn was there. Most of those episodes start with a nightmare. Even a preschool teacher knows how to add one and one. That poor girl was in your bed and you, what? Got scared and ran? Please tell me she knew what was going on at least.”

“She did know, Mom. It was pretty awful—there was no way for her not to know. And I didn’t run. Not exactly. She knew I needed to get some help.” His voice was low and unsure by the end.

“Does she know where you are?”

“Yes. I left her a note that said I was going home for a bit.”

Hurricane Kate blew into the kitchen at that moment with a flash fury that shocked him. “You left her a note? You
LEFT
her a note? Jackson! Please tell me you weren’t that big an idiot.”