Wilde for Him (34 page)

But she wasn't done with him just yet. Her throat filled with frustrated tears, and she swallowed them back, refusing to let them fall free in front of Ben. There would be plenty of time for crying later, when she was alone.

"After my mother's controlling influence, then everything that happened with Jason, I thought what I wanted was freedom and independence and being on my own for a good long while," she told him, knowing he was listening even if he wasn't looking at her. "But you know what? I realized during these past few weeks of being with you that it's a matter of finding the right man who completes me in ways that no other person ever has. A man I can talk to about anything, and trust with the most private aspects of my life, and my past. A man who makes me feel sexy, and desirable, and has shown me that I'm fully capable of experiencing and enjoying passion and lust and the kind of intense pleasure I'd only fantasized about."

Finally, she reached out and touched him, because that physical connection was absolutely necessary. Caressing her fingertips along his jaw, she turned his head back toward her so he was forced to meet her gaze again. "If you don't already know, that man is you, Ben. You're everything I want and need in my life, and if you're ever ready to stop using your past and the guilt you've allowed to consume you as an excuse to deny your true feelings for me, you know where I am and how to find me."

She took a step back, then another, feeling the chasm between them growing ever wider in so many ways. "You can let yourself out," she said, then turned and headed back to her bedroom, knowing she wouldn't be able to bear watching him walk out of her life for the final time.

"THOSE of us guys who aren't wearing a ball and chain like Joel are heading over to Nick's Sports Bar for some beer and a few games of pool," Kevin said to Ben after his playful dig to the newly married partner at Elite Security Specialists. "Care to join us for a round or two?"

"Hey, don't knock it until you've tried it," Joel said in defense of what he'd referred to as wedded bliss since returning from his honeymoon a few days ago. "There's something to be said about going home every night to a woman who loves and adores you." He grinned like the besotted fool that he was.

Kevin rolled his eyes as he pushed away from the conference table and stood. "Okay. Whatever. That whole one-woman thing just isn't for me."

"Hey, to each his own," Joel said in understanding, since he'd felt the same way not too long ago. "But being in love with the right woman and having a wife does tend to change a guy's priorities."

"Gawd, it's getting sickeningly sweet in here," Kevin said with an exaggerated shudder, then glanced at Ben. "You in or you out, Cabrera?"

Ben shook his head as he picked up a file folder that held the details of his next assignment. "Sorry, I won't be able to make it," he said brusquely.

Kevin jammed his hands on his hips impatiently. "Okay, look, we've got Joel who has his head in the clouds, which I can understand considering he just spent the past week getting laid on a regular basis, and then there's you, the exact opposite. Ever since the Delacroix case ended, you've been one moody son of a bitch."

Ben's lips tightened in annoyance. "For your information, I have an appointment with Nathan Delacroix in about an hour, not that I owe you an explanation for not wanting to go and hang out with you guys at a singles' bar."

Kevin held his hands up in a sign of backing off, his expression contrite for pushing Ben a bit too far. "Okay, you go and tend to business. If you change your mind and want to join Jon, Zach and I, you know where to find us."

Once Kevin left with Jon and Zach. Ben walked out of the ESS offices with Joel. Before they parted ways to their different vehicles, Joel stopped and faced Ben, his features filled with concern.

"Seriously, are you okay?" Joel asked. "I hate to admit it, but Kevin's right. You haven't been yourself."

Ben sighed and rubbed at the constant ache in his temples. "It'll pass."

Joel eyed him with too much foresight. "You sure about that?"

Honestly, Ben wasn't sure about anything anymore. He'd spent the past week and a half trying to bury himself in work in an attempt to forget about everything that had transpired between them that last night. All the things she'd said to him before he'd walked out of her house—the hope shining in her blue eyes when she'd told him she loved him, and how well she knew what was in his heart and soul when he didn't even know himself anymore.

He truly believed that ending their relationship had been the right thing to do—that Christine deserved a man who was whole in every way, and one that didn't come with the kind of excess emotional baggage such as guilt and regrets that would keep him from giving her everything she needed in her life. Instead, leaving her behind had only increased the awful, desolate, empty feeling deep inside of him.

"You gotta let it go, Ben," Joel said quietly, pulling him from his internal thoughts.

"What are you talking about?" Ben asked gruffly, even though he knew exactly where this conversation was heading.

"I'm talking about what happened to Kim," Joel said bluntly, reading him much too well. "It wasn't your fault, man. You gotta believe that, and you have to stop blaming yourself for her death or it's going to eat you alive and make the rest of your life miserable and lonely as hell."

Ben looked away, because he was beginning to suspect that was true.

"We all went through shit in Iraq, and we all handled the fallout in our own way," Joel went on ruthlessly, as only a good friend could do. "Just don't let it stop you from going after the best thing that has come into your life in a very long time. And that would be Christine Delacroix."

"What do you know about it?" Ben asked, wondering how Joel had come to such an insightful conclusion.

Joel grinned. "It was so obvious not only to me, but to Lora, that you have feelings for Christine. We saw you at the wedding together, and Lora commented on the way you watched Christine the entire night. She told me she recognized that look of longing in your eyes, because she'd seen the same thing with me—wanting something, but believing you didn't deserve it."

Ben shook his head, unable to hide the smile lifting the corners of his mouth. "Lora's a smart woman."

"They all are, Ben." Joel slapped him on the back, sharing a moment of comradery. "And trust me, I've learned that they usually know what's best for us, even when we don't have a clue. You can't change the past, or the horrors we endured in the war. We all know that because we each lived through our own personal nightmares in Iraq and we've dealt with it in our own ways. But there's no reason why you can't live life to the fullest now. And let me tell you, living life with a good woman, the right woman, has a way of making the past not so painful and difficult."

"You're a lucky man," Ben said, knowing it was true.

"You would be, too, if you'd just stop denying the truth." Joel's direct gaze spoke volumes. "What you feel for Christine is real. It's the present and your future. Don't be an ass and turn your back on a woman who loves you the way she obviously does, or else you'll regret it for the rest of your miserable life."

Ben took his friend's advice to heart. "Thanks. Joel."

"Hey, I'm just returning the favor," he said, reminding Ben of how he'd done the same thing for him not too long ago. "I've been there, so I completely understand that sometimes it takes someone else kicking you in the ass to make you realize what an idiot you're being."

"Gee, thanks." Ben grinned, then glanced at his watch. "I've got to get going. Delacroix is waiting on me."

"What's going on?" Joel asked curiously. "I thought that case was wrapped up and closed."

"As far as I know, it is. All he said was that he wanted to talk to me about certain aspects of the case that he didn't quite understand."

"That's odd." Joel frowned, looking just as confused as Ben felt about the call he'd received earlier from Nathan. "I can't imagine what's left to discuss."

"Me, neither." Ben shrugged. "I'm sure he just has a few questions about the night of Craig's arrest."

"Probably," Joel agreed, then shifted anxiously on his feet. "Now, every minute I waste here with you is a minute less I have with Lora. I'm outta here."

Ben grinned as he walked to his truck, a part of him envying what Joel had with Lora. Yet he knew if he took a chance on Christine, he could have the same exact thing. He spent the drive to Nathan Delacroix's house recalling everything she'd said to him on that last night with her—and mulling over Joel's advice today, too. By the time he arrived at Nathan's and rang the doorbell that echoed throughout the massive home, Ben felt a glimmer of optimism that maybe things could work between him and Christine… until Maggie let him inside the house and he was slapped with an in-your-face reminder of how the Delacroixs lived, along with the realization of what Christine was, and everything Ben was not—classy, refined, and well-bred.

"Hi, Mr. Cabrera," Maggie said, greeting him with a genuine smile. "It's nice to see you again."

"You, too, Maggie. I'm here to see Mr. Delacroix."

Maggie nodded. "He's waiting for you in his office."

Even though Ben knew where Nathan's office was located, Maggie led the way, and as Ben walked through the huge house that was decorated with such lavish elegance, those doubts and insecurities settled deep in his gut, chasing away the confidence that Joel had just instilled in him, making him wonder if he could ever really mesh into Christine's life. Or would he be an outcast and scorned by her mother at every opportunity for not being good enough for her daughter?

Maggie opened the door to Nathan's office, and Ben stepped inside, greeting the other man with a firm handshake and friendly hello. For someone who'd just lost the election for governor, Nathan looked more casual and relaxed than Ben could ever remember seeing him, and oddly enough, content, too.

Nathan waved a hand toward one of the leather chairs in front of his desk. "Have a seat, Ben."

He did as the other man asked, and as soon as he was settled in the chair. Ben jumped right into business. "You wanted to discuss the case with me?"

"I did." Nathan leaned back in his chair, his gaze candid and direct. "I'd like you to tell me what, exactly, happened to Christine. She hasn't been the same since you left."

That bit of information took Ben by surprise. "You know everything that happened. It was all in the report. Is she not doing okay?"

Nathan steepled his hands in front of him, his expression reflecting his concern. "No, and quite frankly, I'm worried about her."

Unease rippled through Ben at the thought of Christine having some kind of delayed reaction to what had happened to her, first with Jason, then with Craig. "What's wrong with her?"

"Actually, I was hoping you'd be able to tell me."

Ben shook his head in confusion. "I have no idea. I haven't spoken to her since that last night with Craig."

Nathan digested that, then said, "I'm thinking that's part of the problem."

Ben frowned. This conversation made no real sense to him, and even though he knew there was some kind of point to this discussion, he couldn't grasp what the other man was trying to say. "Mr. Delacroix, I mean no disrespect, but I have no idea what you're talking about."

Nathan sighed. "You're a smart man. Ben, but I'm thinking you have a lot to learn when it comes to my daughter. She loves you, you know."

Ben caught his jaw before it fell open in shock. "She told you that?"

"She didn't have to. I've seen her and I've talked to her, and I don't think I've ever seen Christine so miserable. And, unfortunately, I've had firsthand experience with that kind of misery so I know exactly what she's going through. And seeing her so upset and hurting makes me very unhappy, because my daughter's happiness and well-being means everything to me."

Ben was so stunned by Nathan's intuition, he didn't know how to respond. But obviously, Nathan had plenty to say to him, and all he expected Ben to do was sit there and listen.

"I've always liked you, Ben. You're trustworthy and dependable, and have the kind of integrity that most men lack these days," Nathan said, and Ben knew he was referring to the previous men in Christine's life. "When my daughter needed a bodyguard, I picked you for the job for two very distinct reasons. One, I knew I could trust you with my daughter, to protect her and keep her safe. And two, I saw the way you and Christine were with one another. There was a certain kind of attraction and chemistry between you, and I thought maybe, hopefully, you two would hit it off and something deeper would develop."

Ben couldn't believe what he was hearing, and he certainly didn't know what to say.

"Judging by how emotional Christine has been lately, I'm guessing that you two more than just hit it off."

"Yes, we did," Ben admitted, but didn't reveal any details to the other man, because what he felt for Christine was a personal, private thing, and she deserved to hear it from him first—that he did lover her, and wanted a future with her. And he'd tell her all that and more, just as soon as this meeting with her father was over.

"You know, Christine told me what happened in Iraq, and I'm very sorry for what you lost there."

"Thank you, sir."

The anguish he always felt when he thought about Kim and her horrific death was still there, but not nearly as strong and overwhelming as it always had been. People told him that time would heal all wounds, but he was beginning to believe that Christine, with her gentle heart and tender way of understanding him, had been the one to soothe his pain, assuage his grief, and make him whole once again.

"She also mentioned how uncomfortable you are with the differences in your background and how Audrey feels about you."

Ben winced, feeling a rush of embarrassment heat his face. He wished that Christine hadn't divulged that bit of information, but since she had and it was all out in the open, he was just as honest. "Mrs. Delacroix has never made a secret of the fact that she doesn't care for me, especially when it comes to her daughter."