Wild Stars Seeking Midnight Suns (10 page)

She thought another minute or two, then said, “I better go see my friend. I need help.”

Then, she came to see me.

Lately, Lily Bea always looked really good when I saw her. We seldom saw each other, we usually talked on the telephone. This day, she was wearing a black dress beneath a camel-hair coat. When I helped her remove it, that coat was as soft as a cloud.

I fixed a little pot of green tea, so we could sit down and talk. She was fidgety, nervous. But she settled down as she told me the latest developments in her life. When she had brought me up-to-date, I asked her, “What do you really feel about Weldon? This man?”

She fooled around with her fingers a minute, then said, “I could say, I love him, as a friend.”

“You could?”

“I do love him, as a friend.” She took a deep breath, and said, “He is a white man. A
white
man, my friend.”

I couldn’t help it, I had to say it. “Almost everybody in the world talks about how God created everything and everybody. Yet, as soon as the time comes to act like it, they act like some people are better than some other people. God likes good people, not colors, Lily Bea. The way you talk about that man, he is a good man, don’t care what color he is.”

She was looking dead in my face. She smiled at me.

I asked her, “How do you think he feels about you, Lily Bea?”

“He never makes me feel any color at all. I feel . . . I know he loves me as a friend.”

“He seems to want more than a friendship, Lily.”

“That’s why I’m here. I don’t know what to do, and you are my friend.”

“I can’t tell you what to do with your body.”

Lily tilted her head at me, saying, “What makes you think of my ‘body’? I didn’t say anything about a body.”

“Well, what’s left? When friendship is not enough? What else could you be thinking about, Lily Bea?”

“Well, I wanted you to help me with my mind.”

So I just said what she didn’t want to think of. “Well, when is the last time you made love? Not sex with Maddy; love!”

Lily Bea sighed, and dropped her shoulders, said, “Maddy is the only man I’ve ever known . . . that way.”

“Well, Lily, that sex wasn’t nothing bout no ‘love.’ You’ve never really been loved. Don’t feel funny bout that; some women been married four or five times, have never really been loved. But, we’re talking about you, now.”

“I know. But, people say white men can’t make love; so I still wouldn’t know about being loved. And Weldon is married. I don’t want . . . It’s adultery.”

“Weldon’s adultery. Your fornication. And don’t ever listen to what people say when they include ‘everybody’ of any color. I’m not going to tell you how I know, cause that would be telling you somebody else’s business. But some white men are what is called a mighty good thing! And some black men are not! Human beings are all relative in their doings. Some is, and some ain’t.

“Lily Bea, is it the ‘feeling’ that you are thinking of, or are you trying to be perfect? No one is, you know.”

She started to say, “But—”

I interrupted, “If you been thinking about the ‘feeling’ you must have the desire. You’ve made love to that man already in your mind.” She was shaking her head no. I just kept talking.

“I ain’t smart enough to fix your life. You got to choose for yourself. But, me? I’d quit every other sin I was living, and do just one. I’d make love to a good clean man who means me all the good in the world, is not going to tear me down, is not a bum on the street, is not a crook, or a freak. Don’t lie to yourself and don’t make excuses. God knows, this is life and it ain’t easy to live. Do right and you’ll live better, with God’s help. Do wrong, and you’re on your own.

“At least He knows you have given it more thought than a whole heap of people in this world. But, don’t set out to fool God. Don’t test Him. Right or wrong, everything has consequences no matter what you decide to do.

“I don’t know what to tell you, chile, but life is life. And you don’t know no more now than you did when you first came in here. Cause a person can’t tell another person what to put between them and their God. You have to talk to God bout that. Your heart is full of love and sincerity. God likes love and sincerity.”

Lily Bea looked at me a long time. We talked a bit more about family things. She had bought that house her mother lived in for her mother, but kept it in her own name. It was the only way to control her mother’s greedy begging. She didn’t want to be around her mother, but that was still her mother and she could afford to buy that ole house.

Then she left with her head tucked down in her coat collar. My heart went with her because it’s hard to live in this world sometime. Always making choices. Satan’s busy, chile!

As hard as Lily’s life had been, she had been a good girl, and a good woman. I could almost see what her humanness would lead her to do. Not quite, but almost. Cause she was dealing with someone who loved her and proved it. Love, real love, is strange and strong. She had a little fight going on in her mind.

Otherwise it would have to be her godliness, and a very, very few people got godliness in em. Very, very few. They are the blessed. I envy them, as I try to be one of them. There are so many temptations on this earth these days. I’m glad I’m older, and they are not in my face and neither my heart. Anymore.

Their business relationship and their friendship continued on smoothly. He was a gentleman, never touching her too much, or pressing his desires on her. Lily Bea was grateful, because her mind was still trying to make itself up. Then something happened to get both Weldon and Lily upset. Actually, Lily Bea was kind’a pleased.

The jeweler next door to the Flower Cleaners, Mr. Jacob, adored Lily. All his wife’s clothes were, now, cleaned at least twice before they were even worn.

One morning Mr. Jacob came into the cleaners holding out his hand, which had a small jewelry box in it. The shop was empty. He asked Lily, “May I give you this pair of earrings, my dear Lily? They seem to be made for you! It would do my heart pleasure to see these adorn your face when I come in.”

He opened the little box for her; two medium-sized, gorgeous diamonds were in each earring. They sparkled brilliantly as she smiled and reached for them. “Ohhhhh, Mr. Jacob! For me? Why would you want to give me such an expensive, beautiful set of earrings? You barely know me.”

The smile in his old face was almost as brilliant as the diamonds. “Oh, but you see, as a jeweler, I know where such stones belong. These belong on you. Make an old man happy and accept them . . . as a friendship gift.”

His face alternated, with his feelings, between sorrow and joy. She would refuse on one hand, and reach for them on the other. He would not take no for an answer; nor would he accept any payment arrangement. At last, she said, “All right, Mr. Jacob, I accept your friendship gift.” He was happy as he grinned, patted her ear, and left her shop with a young, jaunty step.

In the following weeks she refused to accept any other gifts from Mr. Jacob. He wasn’t angry; he just liked to come in her shop, see, and listen to her. Weldon, thoughtfully, watched the interplay.

He thought, briefly, of leaving his wife. He couldn’t because she was his wife, and he had loved her. Did love her. “She has done me no wrong.” He turned in a different direction.

Weldon bought Lily Bea a lovely Autumn Haze full-length mink coat. “I have accepted all your kindnesses, Weldon, and it’s beautiful, you know it is. But I can’t accept this coat. It’s too much, it’s too much.”

He had an answer prepared. “Well, we are, at least your shop, is going to expand its services. We are going to start cleaning and storing furs. You need to have one; it is part of advertisement.” He hung it in one of her closets. She didn’t argue, she left it there. Some evenings, when he had gone, she took it out, put it on, and slept in it.

Weldon Forest was planning to attend a conference of clothing specialists. He wanted Lily Bea to go with him. His travel consultant made all the arrangements for the both of them. They flew to New York, and registered in one of the best hotels. His room did not adjoin hers; for Lily Bea’s comfort their rooms were separated by one room in between. He smiled as he said, “So we can be close enough to talk about what we learn without walking the length of this hotel!”

He was still a gentleman, but he touched her hands more. Pressed his warm hand upon her back as he steered her to seats at dinner tables and the auditorium. After dinner the first night, he kissed her good night on her forehead at the door of her room. When he complimented her on some observation she made, he hugged her, saying, “I love you, Lily Bea.”

On their second evening, he took her for a walk on the busy streets of New York. She was enthralled with the sights and his voice as he guided her. On their return, as they were reaching the hotel he began talking to her, seriously.

“Lily, I’m not going to watch my words tonight. I know, you know, I love you. I want you. I have wanted you for a long, long time. Forever, it seems. I know you don’t love me, at least I don’t think you do.” He held her hand tighter a moment, as he anticipated her fear.

“No, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I wouldn’t enjoy that anyway. Nothing between us would change; it would only be better. If you do not want me, in that way, I will stop ‘hanging’ around you like I do. I will stop being ridiculous, making a fool of myself and bothering you. But . . . I want you to know, I love you, and I want you.”

Lily Bea didn’t know what to say. She was alarmed, and confused about their life together. She did have a love for him. She didn’t want to hurt him. She went up in the elevator with these thoughts, and more, on her mind. “It’s not him I don’t want; it’s sex. I don’t want to go through sex again. Ever.”

They reached her room, where he turned her body to face his. He said, “Lily, I’m not telling you to do anything you don’t want to do. But, tonight . . . I am going to go to my room, get into my bed, and wait. I am going to leave my door unlocked. If you decide to come to me, I will be happy. If you do not decide to come to me, I will understand. Remember, I love you.”

He opened her door with her key, gave it back to her, and went down the hall to his room. He hadn’t looked back.

Lily Bea took a bath, then sat by her windows, looking down at the busy avenue. She sighed, sat back, looking up at the sky. She sat there for an hour or so, at last turning to stare at her bed.

Then she got up, looked down at her pretty, pale green nightgown. She put her robe on, picked up her key, opened her door, and went out. She stood outside the door a moment, glad the hall was empty. She looked toward Weldon’s room for another moment or two. Slowly, she began walking toward his room. Her heart was pounding with trepidation as she stood facing his door.

She turned the knob lightly, with a hesitant hand; the door was unlocked and opening. Unaware, she took a deep breath, she pushed the door, softly, open wider. She stepped over the threshold, closing the door behind her. There was no light except for a muffled light from beyond the window coverings. The faint sound of music, a love song, softly floating, caressed the air around her.

There was enough light to see his form in the bed. Waiting. He didn’t say anything; he didn’t even sigh. He waited. Lily moved closer to the empty side of his bed. The cover was already turned down, waiting for her.

In the darkness, soundlessly, he made his first movement; he stretched his arm across the pillows to her. He didn’t raise his arm to encourage her; his arm held no question. He laid his arm open and down on the bed. Where he wanted her body to lie. And waited.

Lily let her silken robe slide down from her body to the floor. She slipped into the bed, laid her head on his arm, and closed her eyes. She felt calm, but her heart was beating so hard.

She was expecting the greedy, grasping, rough hands of Maddy.

Seeming to barely touch her, Weldon placed his other arm around her waist; the arm under her head gently drew her body close, closer. Slowly and gently, his hand moved over her body over her breasts, to her thighs, her hips. She felt encircled by him. She liked the faint aroma filling her nostrils. Nothing jarred her senses. She relaxed more.

He was taking her out of her world, completely, into a new world she had not ever dreamed of. Love, kindness, and tenderness. She had read about it, but those were fairy tales to her. Not really true.

She had not noticed when he placed his thigh across her hips. At the same time he placed his cheek on her cheek, gently nudging her face toward his. Their lips touched with the slightest pressure; he remained still as he held her so close, so close. Subtly his tongue caressed her lips, opening them, moving warmly, slowly, over her lips, into her mouth.

Suddenly, she was calm. The gentle experience of the kiss, the gentle tongue, exerting no pressure or demand, filled her body with a sweetness new to her. She could even feel her eyeballs, beneath her closed eyelids, widen with excitement. He raised his body up, over her, looking down at her. He rested on his elbow as he removed her nightgown, one shoulder at a time. He pushed it, still gently, down her body to her feet, and off.

He moved atop her and just lay there, two or three minutes, feeling her. He was in no rush. She could feel every nerve in her body, wakening, demanding. Suddenly a hungry, starving body.

Deliberately slow, he kissed her body from her lips down to her feet, then kissed them as he moved, returning, to her lips. Resting his head, along the way, on the rough-soft, curling hair of her private body. He continued his journey, stroking, kissing. He looked, in wonder, at his dream. “This is the warm, beautiful body I have longed for.”

Lily Bea placed her arms above her head, and stretched her body, to the new and thrilling experience. She had thought she would want to escape him, “after.” Now she knew she wanted to remain just where she was, in this new world with him. Time, fear, the world, everything was gone, stripped away from her by the gentle hands of Weldon.

Lily wanted to feel him enter even her heart. It opened; he was turning her into a flower. The bed became enchanted, the magic carpet. As he kissed her throat, and placed his knee between her loose thighs, strange sounds of rushing water filled her head. Like an ocean’s roar. The flower she was now unfolded even more. Her body stretched, again, of its own free will.