Wild Horses (35 page)

Attila expected Kai to agree without question. There was no one better suited to guide the expedition, and only Kai knew where Lindsey might have gone to hide. Yet Kai stood there in the door, staring through the pale wall across the room, his jaw muscle working hard. His eyes turned opaque and inaccessible, the way they used to be when he first came to Blue Heron Acres. Attila bit his tongue, staying in the room but not pressing with questions. When Kai spoke, Attila was nothing short of shocked at his suggestion.

“I’ll write up a list of places where to look, and I’ll mark them on the map that I will print out for you. If you take Hal, she’ll be more likely to come back. I can stay here and take care of the horses while Brent takes over the lessons for a day or two.”

“Two?” His eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“Assuming she’s following in my footsteps, you’ll want to check out some clubs, and they open late. She might not get into some of those without a fake ID. Your best bet will be to sleep over in the truck till morning after you do that. Unless you want to spring for a hotel room, I mean.” The old way of saving cash seemed to have insinuated itself back into Kai’s mind as he was considering what might be accomplished in Pittsburgh, and spending good money on a downtown hotel was certainly not a part of his usual strategy.

“I’d rather you came along,” Attila said.

“Let me go check on the others while you get ready for bed,” Kai said, avoiding the issue and backing out the door.

I’
M
NEVER
going back,
he repeated to himself.

The words resonated within Kai’s mind as he approached the group milling around on the patio. The thought of returning to his old haunts terrified him, but he couldn’t show it. If Attila recognized his fear, he’d want to know why. The questioning—and there would be questioning aplenty—would devolve into Kai talking too much, and Attila would then turn his face away from him with that still, vaguely disappointed expression, and that would be the end of that. They had exchanged words of affection only a few days ago. Their relationship was still new, and there were too many skeletons in Kai’s closet that hadn’t turned to dust quite yet. He’d stay with the horses—forever, if need be.

When Kai reappeared, Rita took charge of the situation and provided him with a progress report.

“We took all the food inside,” she said. “There isn’t a lot of space in the refrigerator for leftovers, but I did my best.”

Kai looked around. A lone citronella candle still burned on the picnic table and lit candles floated in the pool, creating a sense of surreal tranquility. “Thank you,” he said with sincere appreciation. “Would you like to take anything home with you?”

“Everyone took a bit with them. This way it all fits, and you and Attila won’t need to cook. I figure you’ll be busy enough as it is, with all of this going on.”

“I won’t be able to be here anyway,” Hal cut through the conversation. “I’m going down to Pittsburgh to look for her.”

There was no need to specify who the “her” was.

“You are not going anywhere, young man.”

“Mom. Listen to me, Mom. I should have gone off to college last week and my classes are starting in four days. This is the only window of opportunity I have to find Lindsey and talk her out of this craziness. She should have gone up last weekend, too, but we stayed for Kai’s birthday, and then there was the trouble at the stables, and Bubbles died, and Uncle ’Tila got sick…. It’s been really hard on everyone. But if I don’t find Lindsey and she misses the first week of classes because she’s out there, waiting for her father to return from China and resolve the mess with her mom, she can screw up her whole school year.”

Rita looked at Hal as though she had never seen him before. “I don’t like you being involved in a police matter,” she said.

“The police are just keeping an eye out for Lindsey, but they aren’t really looking!” Hal dropped his pitch to what Kai knew was his “voice of reason” mode. “Mom, I have a real opportunity to help, and I won’t be missing more than two frat parties. I care about Lindsey a lot and I want her to know that she can count on my support.”

“I don’t want you to arrive late at school,” she warned.

“I’ll do my best.”

“No.” Rita looked up and into her son’s eyes. “Your best means being on time. If you boys don’t find Lindsey in three days, you’ll need to leave the search to the rest of us.” Her voice had a core of steel and Hal, mindful of picking his battles, nodded.

“Okay.”

S
TRIPPED
to his boxer shorts and his hygiene already taken care of, Attila kept staring at the crack in the ceiling. First he berated himself for backsliding on maintenance, then he tried tracing the crack with his eyes to the last detail. He just could not fall asleep, because the bed just wasn’t the same without Kai in it. He was wondering what happened to his beloved. Everyone was gone, and the cleanup should have been minimal. Unable to fall asleep alone, Attila decided to cut his losses. He rolled out of bed and tiptoed out of the bedroom and into the living room. The lights were turned off. The few remaining candles, floating in the pool, reflected off the calm water surface. The dancing flame of the citronella candle cast wild patterns of light and shadow onto Kai’s profile as he sat at the table, his chin propped up and his eyes closed. A line of tension lifted Kai’s broad shoulders up to his ears as he sat there, motionless in the night.

Attila padded out to the patio and slid his hands across Kai’s tense back. He hesitated only a little before he leaned forward and kissed his temple. “Happy birthday, honey. I hardly got to spend any time with you today.”

Kai released a pent-up sigh, shuddering with relief. “Thank you. Attila, I’m sorry. You did so much and I’m… I am just….”

“Shhh….” He began to finger comb Kai’s hair.

Kai exhaled again, tipping his head back to Attila’s stomach.

“Overwhelmed?”

“Well, there’s that,” Kai admitted. “This was the finest birthday party I’ve ever had. Even the police showed up!”

They chuckled, enjoying the moment. “You got Grandpa riding again,” Attila said.

“It’s nice to have him around,” Kai said wistfully, and Attila was mindful of the distance between Kai and his own family.

“I’d bring him once or twice a week if the lesson schedule didn’t interfere,” Attila said in a voice laden with guilt.

“I can drive now,” Kai offered. “I can’t teach classes, but I can bring him. Would you like me to?”

Attila deposited a kiss in Kai’s hair. “Thank you.” He would consider his offer. “I wish to know what bothers you, Kai,” Attila said out of the blue, and Kai blushed in the dark. “I’d like you to come to town with me. It will be faster than looking for Lindsey using your directions.”

“I know.” Kai sighed. “The horses, though….”

“Sally and May will stay with the horses, and Brent will take over the lessons. There is no reason for you to stay. Unless, of course, there is something in Pittsburgh that is bothering you right now.”

Kai hesitated. “There is,” he admitted. “I’ll be fine, though, as long as the horses are taken care of.”

Attila noted the tension that began to creep back into Kai’s shoulders, and as much as he would have liked to pursue the matter, he chose to let it lie for now. Kai admitted that there was an issue. That, in itself, was a step in the right direction. Attila was confident that he would find out, sooner or later.

T
HE
next morning found them in Attila’s truck. They stopped at a Wendy’s drive-thru and picked up breakfast sandwiches and coffee. Soft jazz played on the radio. Kai would have appreciated the way the music filled the silence under any other circumstances, but this particular song reminded him of Frankie’s Bar and Lounge, which brought up his misgivings from yesterday.

Frankie’s was one of the places he told Lindsey about. Even though it was a gay bar and the odds were low that she would seek it out, he knew they should at least visit it and ask whether anyone had seen her. Kai sincerely hoped Lindsey did not set a foot in that place, and the thought of bringing Attila—the clean-cut, civilized, gentle Attila Keleman—to Frankie’s filled Kai with apprehension. Even though the ground floor held a deceptively quiet bar and café, a further exploration of Frankie’s would reveal a lot about the sort of lifestyle Kai used to lead. He shuddered as he imagined Attila’s revulsion, and at the same time, his heartbeat began to race because it occurred to him that the men who were drawn to places such as this one would be interested in his partner. Attila’s physical beauty and his poised stature would grab their attention immediately, making them eager to break him in, or maybe just break him. Kai would have to fight them off and compete for Attila’s attention. The thought made Kai frown—he would have to invent an excuse to visit Frankie’s on his own.

“Are you bothered by running into people you once used to know?” Attila’s voice cut through his ruminations like a fresh-forged blade, robbing him of breath.

Kai shuddered, trying not to gasp for air. He grasped the edge of his seat. “There are some people I’m not keen on meeting again, sure,” he allowed, once he was able to speak in an even tone.

“Like that guy you lived with?”

“Nelby?” Relief flooded him—Nelby was small potatoes. “Yeah, sure,” Kai exhaled, his hold loosening a bit.

A brief silence followed. A few jazz notes skittered off the dashboard, breaking the stillness with their mischievous cheer. “Don’t worry. I’ve got your back.”

Kai jerked his head toward his companion in disbelief, but his wide, startled eyes were presented only with Attila’s placid profile. His darkened eyes were focused on the road ahead and there was no tension in the face around them, nor in the jaw. “You… you’re packing heat?”

Attila let the corners of his mouth twitch in silent amusement. “I have no need of firearms, Kai.”

“So what do you have?” Kai insisted, alarmed at the vision of his gentle lover tangling with the unpredictable and volatile Nelby. “Besides, we’re not after Nelby. He’s not all bad, you know.”

“Nelby is a man who runs drugs and who hurt you. If he crosses my path with ill intent, I shall make my displeasure known.” After a bit of silence, Attila cleared his throat. “I suppose everyone has their one redeeming feature. I would be curious to know what drew you to someone like him in the first place.”

“Ah… he saved my butt once,” Kai said, shrugging like it didn’t matter.

T
HE
trance beat of the music pulsed through their bodies. Kai’s eyes were closed as he dropped his head back, allowing the man before him access to his throat. He felt teeth on the juncture of his neck and shoulder—then the sensuous suction that he loved so much. He’d seen the man at the bar several times, but this was the first time he came down to the basement. Dim lights illuminated the floor around the corner from the pool tables, leaving almost no light to reflect off the black ceiling.

A second pair of hands ran up his sides, and he sighed, leaning his bare back against the sweaty T-shirt behind him. Their corner was dim, drowning under the waves of sound. He’d seen people making out with several others before and it looked as hot as fuck. Today he’d try it himself. The pleasure was so intense he could barely think—then again, the whole point of being here was not to think but to forget. Someone opened the zipper of his vinyl hot pants, and he was okay with that, just like he was okay with the way his cock sprang free. A growl was ripped from his throat by supple lips around its tip; he felt someone plunging down, taking him all the way in. His knees buckled with overload.

“I’ll take your pants off,” the guy behind him husked, his sweaty shirt sticking to Kai’s back.

Kai only groaned, his voice hazed with lust.

He heard the man chuckle right behind his ears. He felt his thick hands peel his pants down, revealing everything and stopping at mid-thigh. Kai tensed, suddenly filled with uncertainty. This is what he came here for—didn’t he?

“Relax,” the man behind him purred. “You’re gonna love this.”

A warning bell was going off in Kai’s mind, but its sound was dim and getting dimmer with every second, drowned out by lust and the wet heat around his cock.

Just a bit more….

Someone coaxed him to bend over and place his hands against the wall. Something slick slipped in from behind, and Kai gasped, relishing the airflow against his bare ass and his heated thighs.

His anonymous lover did not lie.

He did love it, and he hated himself for it.

Worthless slut.

“K
AI
.”

“Kai.”

“Kai.”

He opened his eyes. An exit sign for Emsworth flashed by. They were getting closer.

“Kai, look at me.”

Attila’s voice penetrated the onslaught of memories. Kai turned his head, his jaw clenched tight. None of this would escape—Attila must never know.

“You’re as white as a sheet.”

Kai slid his hands under his thighs and aimed his gaze ahead, letting the rhythm of the road wash over him. The black asphalt lines that separated the concrete slabs of the highway made the truck tires rumble a little bit, and he focused on their rhythm. He tried to inhale for five bumps and exhale for five bumps, willing his panic to go away. The breathing pattern reminded him of cantering on horseback, and cantering made him think of the lovely and mischievous Cayenne.

“I cannot help you if you will not trust me enough to talk to me.” Attila sighed. “I would give a fortune to know what’s on your mind right now.”

Kai forced a smile. “The road rhythm reminds me of cantering on Cayenne,” he said, and it wasn’t a lie, which made him happy.

“What else?”

“I was thinking… I was thinking I’d do just about anything not to lose you… or Cayenne.” He said this in an anxious whisper, barely audible over the road noise, yet Attila did hear it and he nodded.