Wild Heart (10 page)

I don’t celebrate, but I’m not going to lie. Hearing that Em hasn’t been with anyone in over a year makes me happy. Happy enough to do a goddamn cartwheel across this yard.

Sitting down next to her, I smile when she gives me that look. The one that says I must have lost my damn mind. I let it roll off my back today, just happy to be next to her. I’m in a good mood. Hell if I know why. Could be because Nadia is visiting a friend, or it could be because after ten years I can still make Em blush like the first time I told her about all the things I wanted to do to her body.

“Uhh…” she stammers, either out of embarrassment or frustration. “…what are you doin’?”

“Takin’ a load off.”

“Next to me?”

“Next to you,” I confirm.

“Why?”

Shrugging, I smile. “Why not?”

“You hate me?”

Shrugging again, I take the glass from her hand and toss it back. Wine, my least favorite thing, but the woman likes to take from me, so I’m more than happy to repay the favor. “Meh. I don’t hate you
much
.”

“You’re so damn difficult,” she huffs, done with my shit. I’ve never been described as easy to deal with. I’m not the nicest guy you’re gonna meet, but I am who I am, and Emerson knows this. “One day I’m public enemy number one, and today we’re buds?”

“Buds?” I laugh at her choice of words.
Buds
? We couldn’t be further from
buds
if we tried.

“Yeah, asshole—
buds
.”

“You know I’ve always had a hard damn time leavin’ you alone.”  I throw her words back at her, because she’s right. I do have a problem leaving her alone. I don’t hate her, but I’m weary of her.

I just can’t leave her the fuck alone.

Em’s head whips around to look at me, glaring. “Remember how I told you I’d smack you?”

“I do.”

“It still stands,” she smirks, taking her glass from my hand.

Shifting in my seat, I turn towards her and smile when she glares, but the look doesn’t last long. Her eyes drop to my chest and widen. For a moment she doesn’t say anything, just stares.

“You still have it,” she whispers. The air around us grows thick, and my heart starts beating faster.

“I do.”

Reaching up, I touch it lightly, feeling that it’s still slightly raised. Still a permanent part of me.

Emerson.

The tattoo is a little faded now, but it’s still displayed proudly across the left side of my chest, right above my heart.

“Why?” she asks, truly perplexed.

She reaches out and touches it lightly, her fingers tracing the curve of each letter. I fight the groan that’s trying to force its way out of my throat. Her fingers feel so goddamn good on the little bit of skin she’s touching. My dick starts to strain against my jeans.

Fuck.

After a moment, her hand falls away from my body, and I want to put it back. Desperation crawls up my spine.

“Why didn’t you get it removed or covered up?” A lot of shit had happened between me and her, but I could never convince myself to erase it, or her, completely from my life. As much as I hated her at times, I loved her even more. “It’s part of me, just like you were once.”

Everything is starting to shift between us. I can feel it, and I know she can too.

For a second she looks lost. I know she still loves me, it’s written all over her beautiful face. In the back of my mind I know were getting close to crossing a line we shouldn’t, but I don’t think I care anymore.

“Em…”

She stops me before I can cross it. Shooting up out of her chair, she says in a shaky voice and glassy eyes, “I need more wine.” Walking away from me she yells over her shoulder, “Want anything?”

You
sits on the tip of my tongue, but I holler back, “Nah” instead, letting her go.

~~~~~~

“Wait. What?” I stop midstep.

Luke looks sullen, his head sagging and feet shuffling towards the ice chest for another beer. I’m not sure I heard him right, so I clarify, “A coed bachelor/bachelorette party?” Walker, Justin, and Christian look as confused as I do. Luke’s cousin Dave looks downright devastated at the idea.

“Yeah,” I hear Luke mutter under his breath. This idea has female written all over it.

“So, instead of having one last hurrah, a final send-off into married life, we’re doing what we’ve always done? Hang out as a group at a fucking bowling alley?” I ask, shocked. Luke’s a man’s man, the strip club type. Apparently he’s put on his apron early.

“I guess,” Walker answers for him.

“No strip club then?” Dave hollers, mad as hell.

“No strip club!” Holly shouts from the open bathroom window. The girls are getting ready, while us guys sit and bullshit over some beers.

I couldn’t care less about naked asses and tits in my face, but a little guy time would be much appreciated at this point. I need a breather. A night to get my head right would be good, but it looks like I’m shit out of luck, because Nadia came home a few hours early, and Em’s going be with us at the bowling alley
.

“Did you give her your balls already?” Dave asks a disjointed Luke. I know he loves the girl more than life, but I’m with Dave the Douche here. One last shebang would have been a good way to go out. Every married human needs one last party before giving it all up.

“Holly wanted it, and I love Holly.” And that’s the end of that. I know the feeling well.

~~~~~~

“Strike.” Even buzzed I can manage to get the ball down the lane without killing anyone, unlike Luke who damn near took out the guy in the next lane over. But what I can’t manage is keeping my head in the game since Emerson wandered off about twenty minutes ago.

I’ve spent the last twenty minutes and two pints wondering what she’s doing and why.

“I’m gonna…” My words trail off when I realize everyone is looking at me like they knew I was leaving before I did.

Nadia doesn’t flinch. She doesn’t even look up from her phone when I walk off. Whatever her and I had when we met is dying out faster than it started. It’s been pretty damn obvious for a while now, and I’m sure she feels it too.

Walking outside, along the side of the building, I know I should go back inside, but I keep walking, heading right for that line, the one I know I shouldn’t cross with Emerson.

Rounding the corner, I find who I’m looking for, alone.

There she is, perched on top of the old commercial ice chest with her legs swinging and a beer bottle in her hand. I figured this is where I’d find her.

“How’s the view from up there?” I ask her, leaning back against the cooler, her leg resting next to my shoulder.

I want to touch her, but I don’t. Since this afternoon, everything feels different.

“Parking lot’s beautiful,” she answers wistfully, her voice soft and distant.

“Yeah, it is.” I agree.

I don’t
want to stay away from her. I always find myself looking for her in a room, my body always gravitating towards her whenever she’s close. I look for her at stoplights when I drive through town. I hope to run into her at my parents’ place. At the gas station, I look for her car when I’m pumping gas, hoping she’ll pull in. At friend’s houses, I hope like hell she shows. She’s all I ever think about now that she’s back.

We stay in companionable silence for a while. Em is humming quietly to herself while I stand here, enjoying the sound of her voice.

“You wrote that.” It’s not really a question. The melody sounds like Emerson. Low, slow, and sexy. Blues and R&B were always her thing.

“Mmm,” she hums back while keeping the tune, never letting the song fall away.

This
is what happiness is. It’s been a long time, but I remember it now that I’ve got it within my grasp again.

The sun is just starting to set, falling behind the never-ending expanse of blacktop in front of us. We’re having an Indian summer, the heat still holding on late into the year.

“Zac, would you do something for me?” Hell, I’d do anything for her.

“Yeah.”

Hopping down, she lands gracefully on her feet next to me. Wearing a long black skirt and a tiny crop top, she’s the picture of sexy.

Holding a multicolored nail painted hand out to me, she waits patiently for me to give in to what we both already know. “Come with me.”

“Where?” I ask, even as I take her hand, ready to follow her to the ends of the earth.

Pulling me towards the parking lot, she smiles. “Anywhere.”

I follow her, crossing that line.

We’re chasing the sunset. Racing the clouds. Following the Pacific.

“We’re gonna miss it,” I tell Zac, looking out the window of his truck.

“Babe, if I go any faster, we’re gonna get pulled over and really miss it.”

Babe
.

My heart doubles it’s unsteady pace.
Babe
, a word I haven’t heard in years. Such an easy thing to say, but with such a huge impact. Was it on purpose? Probably not, but I’ll take it and keep it.

“Do you care?” I ask, lifting a challenging brow at the handsome man driving like mad down the two-lane highway.

He chuckles softly, shaking his head. “Nah. Not really.” It wouldn’t be his first go-round with the police.

Twisting in my seat, I look at him and I don’t care if he sees me doing it. Zac is so handsome. Not in the classical sense. He’s more real—more raw. Hard where he needs to be and soft where it counts.

“Starin’ at me isn’t gonna get us there faster,” he says, shooting me a sideways glance. I can’t help myself. It’s been far too many years since I’ve gotten the privilege of staring at him. So much more than an unhurried look or stolen glance.

“You watch the road and I’ll watch you.”

Zac barks out a laugh, a sound I hadn’t realized I missed so much until hearing it again. It’s a sound that reminds me of us, our youth.

“You’re gonna get us killed.”

“Don’t wreck, and we’ll be good.”

“That’s not what I’m talkin’ about,” he says quietly.
Nadia
. She’s going to kill him when—if she hasn’t already—figured out he’s left with me.

~~~~~~

“Looks different up here.”

Everything is overgrown. The grass hits about mid-thigh, and the trees are full of blooms. The old workshop down the road is rusted out and caving in.

“It’s been ten years,” I tell him over my shoulder. What’d he expect?

Sucking in a lungful of air, I’m overwhelmed with the smell of the salty air, the crisp bite of evergreens, and the spice of Zac behind me.

I sigh like a fool—
happy
.

The bridge sways with the wind, the wood rocking gently in the waves.

Climbing to the top of the old train bridge, we reach the little woodhouse on top, both of us plopping down, feet dangling off the side.

“Shit, that was a climb.”

“You’re gettin’ old,” I tease him. If anything, Zac’s only gotten better with age, but it’s always fun to give him hell.

Grabbing a stray lock of my hair, he tugs on it and mutters, “Is that a gray hair I see?”

“Hilarious, funny guy.” Batting his hand away, I settle in as close as I can to him, getting comfortable.

Looking down the river towards the mouth of the bay, we catch the last minutes of the sun setting. The entire sky is a brilliant mix of bright pink, deep purple, and a soft yellow. The tiniest bit of the sun sits on the edge of the ocean, a crisp orange exploding from the waves. And all of its surrounded by blues of every shade.

It’s beautiful
.

It’s perfect
.

Zac leans into my side and sighs heavily. “Are we chasing the sun, Em?” His voice is soft and easy, a tone he used to use when he loved me more than he loved anything on this earth.

“Yeah. I just wanted more with you.” Before this all crumbles and falls apart. I
needed
one more with him.

“Been a long damn time since I stopped and watched.”

“Why?” How could anyone not stop and appreciate each and every sunset?

“You want the easy answer or the real one?” He asks, throwing my words back at me.

“Real. Always real.”

“Every damn time I would catch a sunset it would remind me of you.” He doesn’t need to elaborate. I get it. He couldn’t watch them anymore.

Watching the sun fall below the surface, Zac leaning into me and me leaning into him, I reminisce. Sixteen, stupid, and in love. I lived life recklessly back then.

With a stolen bottle of cheap wine clutched in my hand, I crawl up the ladder, one handed and barefoot, Zac following close behind me. My perfect prom dress is mud stained and tattered.

“Stop lookin’ back at me, Em,” he growls, giving my ass a little shove with his big hand.

“Shut up. I’ll look at you if I want to,” I snap. Whipping my head back to look at him, I sway, light-headed from the cheap liquor.

“You keep lookin’, you’re gonna fall off this damn thing and kill yourself.”

“I’ll die happy ’cause we’re together.”

I manage to make it up the forty-foot ladder, but barely. Zac kept one hand on my ass, helping me up, while I managed to keep one of mine attached to the bottle.

Both of us collapse on the small wooden platform. Zac pulls me on top of him, my legs falling around his hips.

“You looked beautiful tonight,” he tells me, pushing a strand of curls out of my eyes.

“And I don’t now?” I ask, joking.

“You’re a mess, baby.”

Looking down into his eyes, I know there is no way in hell I’ll ever get tired of staring into them. I’m dangerously in love.

I wake up every morning dying to see him, and I fall asleep every night worried sick it’ll be my last time. Every second in between is filled with moments spent together, thinking about being together, and plans for our future.

“You love me?” he prods, his voice gruff and deep. Burying his face in my neck, he kisses the spot right below my ear and I shiver. “Emerson, you love me?” His voice sounds deeper, more urgent.

“Yes,” I whisper around a moan. His hand trails up my back and wraps around my neck.

Heart racing, stomach in knots, and my body buzzing, I
know
Zac is it for me, and I feel crazy with it.

First love is like a fever. It burns you from the inside out. It’s an inescapable heat that consumes your entire being. It’s fierce and it’s powerful, and it rocks you to your core.

“How you doin’ over there?” Zac questions, his voice deep but thoughtful. His eyes are still on the ocean as the words leave his mouth.

“Good. How you doin’?”

“Thinkin’ about you jumpin’ off this thing,” he laughs. “You scared the fuck outta me.”

Laughing with him, I think about it too.

“Em, you can’t jump off this shit.” Oh, but I can, and I will.

I want to test my limits and push the boundaries. Something about Zac makes me reckless. It could be because he’s always there to catch me when I fall. He’s my backbone, my support.

Teetering on the edge, I look over my shoulder at him. He’s antsy, ready to grab me before I leap.

“You’re gonna fuckin’ kill yourself,” he warns me. His eyes are as big as the moon when he pins me with a warning glare.

“I’ll be fine.”

Feet on the edge, I rock back on my heels with my heart in my mouth and my hands in the air. “Your wild heart is gonna give mine a goddamn heart attack,” he declares, reaching for me. “Don’t, Emerson.”

Smiling at his concerned face, I blow him a kiss and leap into the night air.

My dress billows out around me as the cold misty air hits my skin.

I fall.

And fall. 

“Emerson!” Zac’s voice fades as I hit the water. The cold takes my breath away, but I keep my lips sealed as I slip deeper into the darkness for what feels like an eternity.

I start kicking for the surface. I swim hard as the water sucks me deeper into its black nothingness.

Bursting through the dark blue surface I smile, feeling invincible.

I look up to show him I did it, and that’s when I see he’s jumped too, and he’s coming in fast.

Watching from the surface, I see his eyes are closed tight and his arms at his sides. He slips beneath the water, then resurfaces a few feet away from me. 

“Fuck, Emerson!” Blowing out water from his mouth, he paddles right for me. He’s worried, but he shouldn’t be. “You scared the shit out of me.” Grabbing me around the waist, he hauls my wet body into his and I wrap my legs around him. “Why’d you jump?”

“Because when I’m with you, I feel like I can fly.”

“Fuck,” Zac groans, rubbing a hand over his hair. “If something would have happened…”

“I’m always good. You’ve got me.”

“Yeah,” he mumbles, pulling me close so we’re shoulder to shoulder. “I’ve always got you, Em.”

Sighing, I wrap my arm in his, laying my head on his shoulder.

“I know.”
This
is where I’m supposed to be. “I’ve missed this so much.”

Zac looks down at me and smiles. “I’ve missed it too.”

Silence takes up the space between us, but it’s a content silence. There’s nothing but the sound of the waves, the rocking of the train bridge, and the wind in the trees.

I feel at peace
.

I feel at home
.

But the peace doesn’t last long. His phone begins to buzz, and I feel him stiffen.

“Fuck! I’ve gotta answer it.”

I shrug, not knowing what to say. What
can
I say?

Ugly bitterness snakes through my veins. My hand itches to snatch his phone from him and chuck it into the river just to keep him a little longer.

“Yeah?” he answers, and instantly I hear shrill chatter on the line. “Listen, Nadia—” he cuts in, but stops short. “Yeah, okay.” He nods, listening for a while.

Hanging up his phone, he squeezes it in a white knuckled fist. He shifts, leaning away from me.

“Zac?”

“She knows I’m with you and she’s pissed, but she’s more pissed that I left with her purse in my truck.” Shaking his head, he looks back down at his phone and frowns.

“I’m sorry,” I tell him, meaning it. I’m a mess, and I always seem to leave it wherever I go.

“Don’t be. I wanted to come with you
.
” His serious eyes soften slightly when he looks into mine. “I needed one more sunset with you too.”