Wicked Proposition (39 page)

Tieghan interrupted his dark thoughts and joined
him on the deck as their belongings were carried aboard. He looked
as if he wanted to say something and Nicholas eyed him
curiously.

“What ails you, old friend? Your face is as
telling as my wife’s.”

Tieghan gazed at him with his pale-eyed stare.
“What will you do if you discover she was involved in all of this
from the beginning, Nicholas?”

“I pray she was not, and worry about that when
the time comes. She is no murderer, and you know it!”

“You have been blinded by her from the start,”
Tieghan grumbled. “It could get you killed one day, Nicholas!”

“No, I saw all she did then. We both know that
things are not always as they appear. I have to trust my gut on
this. It is all I have.”

“You refuse to see the truth about her, even
now,” Tieghan insisted. “I watched you hide evidence against her
for months, Nicholas, to cover her movements in London. You lied to
Gabriel, you lied to Chumley. Do you lie to me now? Tell me you do
not seek to cover this up once more. I want no part of it, if that
is the case.”

“She is innocent. I refuse to believe my wife is
capable of such things,” he said gruffly. “She cannot even kill a
damned bug!”

“Why do this? Why not stay on the island and
forget all about this then? You risk losing her to Gabriel.”

“I realize that,” he stated calmly. “She will
remember everything one day anyway. It is better to get it out in
the open now. My wife might leave me before this is all over, but I
will get her child back for her before she does.”

“Why did you marry her at all then, Nicholas?”
Tieghan said wearily and his expression was growing more irritated.
“Again, you make these choices for her. You might have saved
yourself all the anguish by just giving her back to him without a
fight.”

“You can see the resemblance between you and
your half-sister now!” Nicholas said in disgust. “Did she put you
up to this?”

“Natalia is just concerned for you, Nicholas,”
Tieghan replied evenly.

“Did you happen to tell her there is a slight
chance the child could have been mine, Tieghan? Do not forget that
small detail,” Nicholas snapped suddenly, his bitter gaze meeting
his before he looked down at the planks at his feet. “It has
weighed upon me keeping that from her. I know it was wrong, but I
cannot be sure of what I suspect, not until I speak with Gabriel.
Don’t assume I have not considered everything that could go wrong.
I do not like what I am doing to her, Tieghan.”

“What of Gabriel? You do remember him, don’t
you?”

Nicholas made an angry noise and wished Tieghan
would leave him alone.

“How do you think he will feel to find out all
of this?”

“Right now, I can only think about my wife,
Tieghan. Forgive me if I have run out of pity for Gabriel.”

“You might wish to consider you might need Lord
Iverleigh’s help before this is all over,” Tieghan growled and his
pale eyes flared. “I hope he has more pity for you!”

Nicholas watched Tieghan stomp away and muttered
a curse under his breath. Tieghan was right. He wasn’t thinking
about anyone but Catherine in this. Gabriel had been his best
friend. He was as much a victim as Catherine had been. He did
nothing to deserve this, except have Catherine’s love first. That
was no reason for him to feel so threatened now.

It was an impossible situation. All parties
would suffer for it no matter what he did. He gazed over the
endless miles of ocean, determined to let the sea ease away his
inner turmoil.

Nicholas let Gibbey take over when Catherine
came out on deck, smiling down at her until he noticed how green
she appeared. Her face was very pale. She announced she was seasick
before flying to the railing to dispose of her lunch over the side.
He helped her back to their cabin and laid her in their bed. He
held a cool rag to her face as the lurching of the ship made her
vomit into a bucket and groan in despair.

He brought a cup of water to her lips and made
her drink, looking down at her in compassion.

“You were unconscious the last time we set sail,
which is probably why you did not feel this awful then,” he said
when she groaned aloud. “It will pass, the seas are calm
today.”

“It just started.” She moaned and rolled to her
side, curling into a ball. “When will it be over?”

“As soon as you become accustomed to the rolling
motion of the ship, and not before, love.” He grinned when she
muttered something about being cursed and patted her hip
comfortingly. “It helps if you move about. Laying around does not
help matters as it will just make you sicker.”

“I feel awful! Oh God, make it stop!” She moaned
and hurriedly bent to the bucket as her retching continued.

He gave her a pitying look as he moved in beside
her in the bunk and held her until the bout was over. He wiped her
clammy face and kissed her forehead and whispered he had to return
to his duties. She nodded and he left her.

Catherine was grateful her stomach began to
settle and lay quietly. She closed her eyes and slept for a time.
When she opened her eyes she was in a cold, dark cell.

Catherine sat up and screamed for Nicholas. She
rose and went to the bars but the place was deserted. As much as
she screamed no one came to her rescue. She made no sense of these
dreams she was having lately. She was fearful she was losing her
mind. She rarely spoke of her terrifying dreams, feeling foolish to
put them into words.

Catherine rose and went to clean her teeth and
wash her face before she changed her gown. It was soaked in sweat.
She reached for the lid to the sea chest and lifted it. A red
garment on top of the neatly piled clothes within made her close
her eyes and suddenly she was in a smoke-filled room with mirrors
everywhere.

She was dressed indecently in a gown of the same
color and her face was painted like a prostitute’s. She shuddered
but she concentrated and soon the handsome golden haired man
approached her. He was smiling down at her and speaking to her. She
noticed Nicholas was there, and three very uncouth women were
fawning over him and kissing and touching him.

Catherine was startled as the image faded as
suddenly as it came to her and she dropped the lid to the chest and
stepped back, her hand covering her mouth. It wasn’t real, her mind
screamed. She decided to join Nicholas on deck, suddenly not
wanting to be alone with these confusing sordid images.

He glanced at her as she approached, the wind
whipping his hair and reveling in the pleasure of being back behind
the wheel of his ship. Catherine appeared recovered as she
approached and stood at his elbow silently. He put an arm about her
and leaned down to kiss her nose.

“You are quiet, my dear,” he noted and nuzzled
her neck, his stubble scratching and tickling her but she didn’t
giggle as she usually did. She turned to him and he stared into her
turbulent gaze and saw the confusion there. “What is wrong,
Catherine?” he said in concern and touched her cheek softly.

“Had I met you before you brought me aboard your
ship?” she demanded softly and he could see she had remembered
something.

Nicholas knew this was the moment he had feared.
He needed her to keep such memories at bay for now. He struggled to
meet her gaze as steadily as possible and lie to her while looking
down into her beloved face. His heart hurt when he forced a look of
confusion upon his face and shook his head.

“I did not know you then, my dear, why do you
ask? Have you remembered something?” he asked tensely, his blue
eyes never leaving her face.

“It was just a dream,” she said and laughed
nervously, relieved as she recalled the mirrored room and the three
prostitutes fondling him before her eyes. “It seemed so real I
could actually smell the cigar smoke.”

“The doctor said this was to be expected
Catherine,” he reminded her. “Not all you see has any real meaning.
Try not to push yourself so hard.”

“It is all so confusing, trying to figure out
what is real, and what is not,” she complained in annoyance. “When
you can’t remember at all, you cannot be sure of anything, my
love.”

“Know that I love you,” he said with a smile and
kissed her forehead, “Do not push yourself so hard.”

“What if there is something horrible in my past,
Nicholas?” she asked and her voice faltered and her eyes grew murky
as she looked up at him. “What if I was a bad person then? Did
awful things? That is what troubles me.”

“You’re being silly! I do not see you as a bad
person in any life, my love. Some things about ourselves we cannot
change, even if we lose our memory. You were likely the same
adorable minx you are now!” he teased and his eyes met hers and
turned solemn. “You must focus on who you are now. As Mrs. Bingham
told you. You have only the present to guide you now. The past is
gone.”

“Would you stop loving me if there were
something in my past that was so truly awful, Nicholas?” she asked
nervously and eyes grew sorrowful. “I don’t think I could bear to
lose you.”

Nicholas snatched her to him and held her
tightly, his face intent. “Stop this, Catherine! I love you! There
is nothing that would make me ever stop! You must trust me on this.
You are very much stuck with me, love.”

She relaxed and snuggled against his chest,
calming from his assertions, her insecurity obvious and making him
feel fresh guilt assail him.

“Are you hungry yet? I don’t trust Gibbey to
make you anything edible,” she whispered softly and looked up at
him much improved. “It is a good thing you brought your wife along,
even if she can’t remember if she can cook or not!”

He nodded and chuckled and kissed her fleetingly
on the lips before she left his side to find him something to eat.
Now that Tulley went into retirement, the men took turns cooking.
Some were good at it and others, like Gibbey, should go nowhere
near a kitchen at all.

She went to the galley and Gibbey was absent.
She perused the larder for something to feed her husband that was
edible. She was thankful to find ham and cheeses, as well as crusty
bread and made a plate for the both of them. She reached for a
bottle of wine and returned to their cabin.

Nicholas was already there and smiled when she
set the table. He ate his food with relish and Catherine picked at
her food and seemed distant. He was aware of what caused her moods
and was grim as he watched the emotions cross her face.

Nicholas reached out and covered the hand in her
lap and found it clenched. He frowned and splayed her fingers to
hold it. He noted how she stiffened and looked up at him with a
questioning look in her eyes that ate at his soul.

He wanted to tell her everything in that moment.
But the moment soon passed.

She chattered about this and that, filling the
silence with sounds. He could see she was still troubled. It hurt
him to see her struggle and not be able to put her mind at
ease.

Nicholas and his brothers were united in one
thing. It would be a mistake to make her aware of the danger she
was in once they arrived in London. One look at her expressive face
and the killer would know everything.

Nicholas reasoned he was sparing her the truth.
He knew it was his own insecurity over her buried feelings for
Gabriel that kept him from telling her the whole truth of how they
met.

Nicholas knew she would be devastated and not
accept what he would tell her. He could imagine her anguish only
too well to know about the woman she once was, and the things she
had done. She wasn’t ready to hear that truth about herself yet. It
was an uncomfortable silence now that hung in the air as he
finished his food and returned above to the deck. His thoughts were
plagued with anxiety as they approached the place that lurked the
sins in both their pasts.

###

Nicholas was anxious to be off the ship. Tieghan
approached with Catherine in tow. He felt relieved as his eyes met
Tieghan’s calmer stare. Catherine had not seemed to react to her
surroundings as he had feared. The man said nothing and they
retreated down the gangplank to the waiting coach. Their baggage
was already loaded. The three of them sat in silence as the coach
pulled away from the docks, the horses hooves clopping upon the
cobblestones making up for the lack of conversation.

Catherine had dozed and her head was resting
upon his shoulder as they crossed the city to his home. He prayed
the agent had adequate time to secure a staff and open the house.
Catherine was far too tired to do anything when they arrived but
sleep.

The baby made her more tired and she often found
herself napping during the day due to the fatigue. He grinned when
he thought of the slight bump on her abdomen he had become so
fascinated with of late.

She had complained he paid the child more
attention than her and it wasn’t born yet. He was delighted with
the news he was to be a father now. He could often be seen bending
down to speak to his child. Catherine smiled to see him asking
questions and speaking to the bump, as if it already had a name and
a face.

She laughed at his antics and had become a third
party to these conversations. His touching behavior about becoming
a father was enough to convince her he was truly happy. She pushed
away her doubts.

Their lovemaking had become more intense of late
now that the sickness had passed. He had grumbled she was
insatiable with a teasing glint in his eye. He had fallen even more
desperately in love with his wife, watching her body grow and
knowing his child was nestled inside of her.

Nicholas felt more secure knowing they had a
child on the way, feeling more of a bond with her than ever before.
His fears of what the future held more than a little optimism.