Wicked Hungry (28 page)

“Look me in the eyes, Stanley. They’ve told me... things. But I need to see for myself.”

I look up and fall into my mother’s eyes. Like with Zach, except this time it’s not horrible, at least not for me. I guess my mother doesn’t have any nasty secrets.

I wish I could say the same.

Sometime later she breaks the contact. I feel like she’s just experienced everything, which is ridiculous. But if it’s so ridiculous, why are there tears in her eyes now, too?

“Oh, Stanley. If only you had told me. We would have found a solution. And now, you’ve lost... If I’d only known what she meant to you.”

“Zach killed her, Mom. With my
athame.
With the wood blade you gave me.”

She bites her lip, opens her mouth once, shuts it again. “Well, really, what does it matter
how
he killed her?” she says finally.

“It matters,” I say. “It matters to me.”

She’s silent for a moment, her head down.

I try to pull away, but she squeezes my hand.

“I made something for you, Stanley,” she says. “I should have given this to you a long time ago.”

She hands me a small gray figurine carved out of some dark wood; it is warm to the touch.

A small figurine of a wolf.

“This is beautiful,” I say, wiping away tears. “It must have taken weeks to carve...“

She nods.

“You
knew
?”

She shakes her head. “If only. I suspected, but I had to be
sure
. I hoped that I was wrong somehow. That you weren’t a predator
.
Was that so terrible?”

“I tried to control the hunger, Mom. I really tried. But I couldn’t.”

“I love you, Stanley. I’m your mother. I need to accept you the way you are.”

“How long have you known?”

“I wasn’t sure until just now. But I’ve suspected for weeks. Months, really. You probably hate me right now.”

I don’t even know anymore. I feel this terrible numbness thinking about Karen. Where is she now, and what are they doing to her body?

“I don’t hate you,” I say finally. “I’m too tired to hate anyone right now.”

She folds me in her arms and I let her hold me, and Max purrs softly at our feet.

T
hey find her body very early on Saturday. I don’t know what the Sisters of the Night have done to it, but there’s no autopsy. Stated cause of death is drugs, which isn’t so far from the truth. I mean, if she hadn’t taken the supplements, she’d still be here, right?

Part of me wants to tell her parents the truth at the wake on Sunday. But if they couldn’t understand the Karen that they thought they knew, they’ll never understand the Karen of these last few weeks that they never got a chance to know. This Karen who suddenly was spending so much time outside after dark.

There are a few other students there, but besides Enrique and Jonathan, no one I know, no one who knew the real Karen. I think it’s curiosity that brings them, and the idea that hey, it could have been them who died. There are none of the sisters of the night, either. I don’t think they like being in the funeral home, with the crosses all over the place, but maybe I’m wrong about that. Maybe they can’t enter it at all. But even on Saturday I can feel them outside, in their dark glasses and trench coats, paying their respects. I wish I could talk to them, too, but really, I had enough trouble talking to Karen.

I wish I could tell her parents about the real Karen, but right now, Monday morning, at her funeral, as she’s being lowered into the earth, they’ve been hurt quite enough, thank you. It’s all her mother can do to stand upright, supported by her husband, her brother, and, behind her, her father.

Grandfathers aren’t supposed to bury their granddaughters.

The undead aren’t supposed to die.

It’s a good time for tears, but I’m all cried out.

I’m there all in black — black slacks and a long black t-shirt. My father suggested I wear a dark suit; he was ready to go buy me one the other night when we heard the news—not about her death, but about the arrangements, the wake on Sunday and the early Monday funeral. Karen’s parents are thoughtful and don’t want us to miss too much school. But I told my father that Karen would have wanted me to wear what I’m wearing now, and after all, the service is for her, isn’t it?

Her teachers are all here, and my assistant principal, Mr. Piper. Does the man have no shame? Is he even a
man?

I stare at him until he looks away, but really, what is his role in all this anyway?

Now isn’t the time for these questions, but they need to be asked. And in the back, is that Gary Frumberg? I feel a chill in my spine. Has he...
changed
? It’s him, anyway, and Blaine Whelan stands behind him, with his wife. I’m too upset to care, though.

A priest intones something, but the words float over me. Jonathan and Enrique have my back, a small comfort. The sisters of the night are everywhere, in the crowd around us, in the woods around the burial plot. How can no one notice so many vampires? Perhaps not all eyes are attuned to that type of thing, and really, my own focus is on the casket. Which is now at the bottom of quite a deep hole. I hope that they’re right, that she’s really dead. Which sounds like an awful thing to hope, doesn’t it? But she’s really being buried now.

I get to throw the third clump of dirt onto the casket, right after her mother and father. Just one clump of dirt and one red rose. Does it hurt to think I was her best friend, the only boy she kissed, the way I ignored her these last few weeks? Sure, but not as much as seeing her die, as seeing her buried with these lies about drug abuse and overdose.

The earth makes a dull
thud
on the casket. Maybe this is all one big joke and the coffin’s empty, and she’s really out there among the sisters, having one last laugh.

I finger the friendship bracelet on my arm. The hemp is rough, scratchy. Can she really be gone?

But then I hear them wail. I flinch, I can’t help it, and in the distance a dog starts barking furiously. But the rest of the people here at the funeral don’t seem to notice anything.

But for me, it’s like one more confirmation. She is
not
coming back, and her sisters are mourning her in a way no one else here can even notice.

Except behind me Enrique is flinching, too, and Jonathan. And farther back in the crowd, Whelan and his wife. Piper, too, of course.

And Frumberg?

But I don’t want to think about Gary, don’t want to think about the scratch that might have infected him. It takes a great effort to tune out the wailing and look at the hole in the ground where she lies now, awaiting her eternal rest. What was it that the sisters said about sending her off into another place? Maybe this is all a new beginning, but it sure feels just like one sad ending.

Just as I’m about to leave, to get back on the school bus to go back to school — the administration had shown their compassion by letting us ride over here together, right after school started — someone steps into my path, stopping me and Enrique and Jonathan behind me.

It’s Meredith.

“Stanley,” she says. “I’m so sorry.”

“She wasn’t your friend,” I say.

Meredith looks me right in the eye. “Right, Stanley. You’re right, of course. I didn’t mean to imply anything, but—”

“But what?” I ask, cutting her off.

“Carolina told me some confusing story about how Karen did something brave to save us all...”

“How would she even know?” I ask. “She was asleep the whole time.”

“Look,” Meredith says. “I know you’re angry, but I just want to tell you that if you want to talk, I’m here, okay? If you want me to leave you alone, I’ll leave you alone. I’m just sorry I teased you on Friday on the phone. I feel so guilty about everything...”

“I’m sorry, too,” I say. “I think...”

I just stand there. I mean, I might as well get it off my chest. But really, compared to everything else, what’s the point?

“You think what, Stanley?” she asks me.

“I think I killed your rabbit,” I say.

“What?” she says, looking at me, her eyes wide. “You what?”

“I ate Snowball, out in the woods,” I say. “That night, at the party.”

“You
ate
my pet?” Her eyes tear up as she just stares at me, maybe waiting for me to laugh or something. But I don’t laugh.

I shake my head. “It was just a rabbit, and I was hungry
.”

“I guess it doesn’t matter, now,” she says. “But I still can’t help wishing you hadn’t told me.” She takes a step away, biting her lip, but then I’m pulling her to me. It won’t make things right again, will it? But holding her, I feel a little better, and maybe it helps her, too.

“I’m sorry,” I say.

“No, Stanley,” she says. “
I’m
sorry.”

“Shhh,” I say to her, and then it’s time to get back on the bus.

“Where’s Carolina?” I ask.

“She stayed home. She’s really sorry, too.”

We don’t talk the rest of the way back to school, but I let Meredith hold my hand.

Don’t be angry, Karen, wherever you are now. It’s not for lack of missing you.

S
chool passes by pretty normally the rest of the day. Some kids give me funny looks, a few give me sympathetic pats on the back. The worst is biology class, without a lab partner. My teacher puts me to work with another group, making three of us, and I swear the two of them don’t make eye contact with me the entire time. I don’t blame them; it must be hard for them, too.

After school I sit with Meredith on the bus and we don’t talk about anything, and not in a good way, either. I mean, it’s not like we’re quiet because we’re kissing or playing with each other’s hands, or even just staring out the window. None of that. We’re just silent, although she makes me promise to call her before I go to bed. I’ll keep that promise. But right now, when Enrique and I get off at our stop, there’s someone waiting in front of our house, someone I haven’t talked to since last Friday night.

Blaine Whelan. Alone.

“Are you okay?” he asks me.

“Yes? No? I don’t know,” I say.

He just looks at me, his hands in his pockets.

Enrique moves to walk away to his house, but I reach out and grab his arm to keep him there.

“How about you?” I ask, looking back at Blaine.

“Could be better,” he says. “Could be worse. Listen, the Seelie Queen is very grateful for all you’ve done. She’s so sorry about Eternal Cleanse.”

“Yeah, well, sorry doesn’t help us any, does it?”

“Listen, Stanley. She’s made two pills. The blue pill will bring you back to where you were before you started taking the supplements. You’ll be normal, just like before.”

“And my knee?”

“Will be like before the supplements.”

I’ll never run again.

“And the other pill?” Enrique asks.

“The red pill will leave you as you are right now. You’ll never take the supplements again, but you’ll be a jaguar, Enrique, and you, Stanley, will be a werewolf. Forever.”

“What is this,
The Matrix
?” Enrique asks.

“It’s true that Eleanor enjoys her movies,” says Blaine, unsuccessfully trying to hide a smile.

“I’ll take the red pill,” Enrique says.

Blaine hands him a pill and he dry swallows it.

“And you, Stanley?”

“You want to know if I’ll give up my humanity in order to keep running?”

“If you want to think of it like that, yeah.”

“I’ll take the red pill, too.”

“You sure about this? After you decide, there’s no turning back.”

“You didn’t say that to Enrique, did you, Blaine? Just give me the pill.”

I dry swallow it.

“Good,” Blaine says. “I just need to approach another couple of hundred teenagers.”

“You’re not letting the zombies stay zombies, are you?” I ask.

“No, they don’t have a choice. It’s the blue pill for all of them.”

“So, Eleanor is well?” I ask.

“She’s recovered. She’s left us and taken back her throne. But she wants you to know that she owes you a favor.”

He stares at me, waiting for me to ask a question. But right now, I don’t feel ready to ask it.

He tells me anyway. “You didn’t kill Zach, Stanley. It would have been a lot simpler if you had... But you’re not a murderer, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“He’s
alive
?” I ask.

My mind flashes back to Zach on the floor, lying in a pool of his own blood, his face reduced to little more than a hunk of raw meat. How can he have survived?

He nods. “Their kind is very hard to kill.”

“Will Zach be... turned?”

He shakes his head. “His face will be scarred, but I don’t think he’ll carry the curse.”

“You don’t know?”

“He’s fae, which should make him immune. But he’s also a halfling. If he has some human blood in him, who knows? There may be a...
connection
between you.”

“I’m going to kill them both. Zach and Gilroy.”

“I’m sorry about your loss, Stanley, you know that.”

“Well,” I say, “thanks for coming by.”

“Look,” he says, “I came here with an offer for you.”

“I don’t want to join your clan.”

He shakes his head. “It’s not about that. It’s about a little key, the key you have in your pocket right now, I think.”

And it’s true. I can feel its heat, its small, golden warmth in my jeans pocket.

“You want the key?” I pull it out. “Take it.”

He shakes his head. “It can’t just be given like that, even if you want to. It’s too powerful.”

“What do you want, then?” I ask, putting it back in my pocket.

“I want you to be my assistant. Assistant gatekeeper. Assistant shopkeeper. Help me open the store in the mall.”

“Yeah, great,” I say. “I can help you open the store, and then what? Help you get some more people killed?”

“No,” he says. “Help me keep people safe.”

“How are we going to help keep people safe?”

“Walk with me for a moment and I’ll try to answer your questions,” he says.