Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love (33 page)
Read Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love Online
Authors: Barbara Pease
“You’re a lousy lover!” she protested
.
“How can you tell that in four minutes?” he replied
.
The fact that many of our mate preferences and sexual urges are innate or hardwired into our brains does not necessarily condemn us to being controlled by our biology. Men are not sentenced to turbulent lives because of their need for sexual variety, and women are not doomed to spend their lives criticizing men for lack of commitment. We humans differ from other animal species in that we have the ability to direct our behavior or change it by making conscious choices. Having knowledge about why we are motivated to make the choices we do means we become accountable for our behavior and its consequences. Having choices means that there are no more excuses for behavior, such as “I was so drunk I can’t remember what happened” or “I couldn’t control myself” or “Darwin made me do it!” The brain of the common moth is hardwired to allow it to navigate by the light of the moon and stars, but like humans, the moth now lives in an era that does not tolerate many of its hardwired behaviors. Today, we have insect zappers, and if the moth blindly follows its attraction to light, it gets fried. And so will any human who refuses to acknowledge
and understand the origin of our desires. We can choose to stay away from the light.
To assume that men and women are psychologically the same goes against what we know about human mating strategies and is a concept that may well be politically correct but creates confusion, unhappiness, and relationship disasters for men and women everywhere. Unless men evolve into asexual beings, as some feminists would have it, men will always seek mates using youth, health, and fertility as their base criteria. For their part, women will continue to seek men who have status, power, and resources.
Understanding where we came from and how we inherited our motivations lets us control our present and direct our future
.
Some people will continue to argue that men and women now have no real differences and that, in fact, they have the same preferences and urges. That is like claiming that the weather is no longer hot or cold and that it is now always the same temperature. The reality is that the weather is the weather regardless of how much you do or don’t like it. To pretend that our sexual
differences are now minimal is to pretend that men no longer grow facial hair or that women no longer develop breasts. We can accept each other only when we stop any denial or pretense about our desires, acknowledge the origins and purpose behind our impulses, and develop strategies to manage those differences. This way, we can become empowered creatures of choice rather than confused, hapless victims of our evolution.
According to the World Health Authority, 100 million acts of sexual intercourse take place every day. Right now, based on the world population:
69,763,395 people are having sex.
48,816,098 are kissing.
27,250,951 are relaxing after having sex.
1 poor, lonely person is reading this book
.
Discuss problems somewhere neutral at an agreed time. That way, you’ll both be relaxed and more objective.
Men and women are different. Not better, not worse, just different.
Nevertheless, we each have the ability to make choices. By understanding our differences, we can make more informed choices for a happier future.
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