Why Do Men Have Nipples? (8 page)

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Authors: Mark Leyner

Tags: #Medicine (General), #Life Sciences, #Questions & Answers, #Humor, #Reference, #Form, #Science, #Medical, #American Satire And Humor, #Anatomy & Physiology, #Topic - Adult, #General, #Topic, #Adult, #Miscellanea, #Medicine, #Health & Fitness, #Comic Strips & Cartoons

BOOK: Why Do Men Have Nipples?
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Announcer B:
One caution here. You want to avoid the computer and the books over there—

Announcer A:
I think we’re reaching critical mass, Bobby.

Announcer B:
They don’t come much better than that, Chris. Absolutely marvelous shot!

CAN PEOPLE IN WHEELCHAIRS STILL
HAVE SEX?

If an aroused male is unfortunately the victim of a spinal cord injury, the ability to have sexual intercourse depends on the level of injury. In men there are normally two types of erections, psychogenic erections, which result from sexual thoughts, and reflex erections, which result from direct physical contact.

Psychogenic erections develop from the nerves of the spinal cord that exit toward the bottom of the spine at the T10-L2 levels. Generally, men with an incomplete injury at a low level are more likely to have psychogenic erections than men with high-level incomplete injury. Men with complete injuries are less likely to experience psychogenic erections.

Reflex erections arise in the sacral area of the spinal cord. Many men with a spinal cord injury are able to have a reflex erection with physical stimulation if this pathway is not damaged.

IS IT TRUE THAT YOU CAN BREAK YOUR
PENIS?

It pains us to say, but this is true. There is no bone in your “bone,” but you can rupture the penis, which is called a penile fracture. Sudden trauma or bending of the penis in an erect state can break the thick fibrous coat surrounding the corpora cavernosum tissue that produces an erection.

This happens most frequently during sex. Don’t expect to get a cast and crutches, though. This injury is an emergency and requires surgery to prevent sexual dysfunction. Ouch!

DOES MASTURBATION CAUSE STUTTERING,
BLINDNESS, OR HAIRY PALMS?

As a doctor, there is a great deal of medical research to read. Piles of
The New England Journal of Medicine
and the
Annals of Emergency Medicine
surround the house. Rarely does this drudgery cause excitement, unless you stumble across the April 7, 2004, issue of
The Journal of the American Medical Association
.

As a young boy you get bombarded by the fear that masturbation can cause stuttering, blindness, or hairy palms. Even if you escape these maladies you can still be left feeling like a degenerate if you engage in self-love too often. Fear no more. In the article “Ejaculation Frequency and Prostate Cancer” you finally find out that whacking off may be good for you. This article states that ejaculation frequency is not related to increased risk of prostate cancer and that the group with an ejaculation frequency of greater than twenty-one times per month had a lower risk of prostate cancer. Great! And
no
hairy palms.

DOES USING A TAMPON FOR THE FIRST TIME
MAKE YOU LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY?

Dr. Billy’s young cousin’s friend asked him this one, another common question. There are many different opinions about what constitutes losing one’s virginity, but most experts agree that women lose their virginity the first time they have vaginal intercourse.

This question mainly revolves around the idea that only an intact hymen (a fold of tissue that partly covers the entrance to the vagina) proves that a woman is a virgin. It is possible for a woman’s hymen to become stretched open during activities like playing sports or masturbating. Hymens have at least one opening that will allow menstrual flow out of the body. Tampons may stretch the hymen a little bit, but they don’t usually stretch it open all the way. Either way, most people in the modern age believe that the condition of the hymen does not have anything to do with the definition of a virgin.

WHY DO NIPPLES BECOME ERECT?

Small muscle cells arranged cylindrically within the nipple are responsible for the nipple becoming erect. This occurs when they are stimulated by cold temperature or sexual arousal.

WHAT CAUSES SHRINKAGE?

A penis whose flaccid length when stretched is more than approximately 2.5 standard deviations below average size for his age group is referred to medically as a micropenis. This is not a title that any self-respecting man wants to put in his bio, but perceptions of penis size can be deceiving.

Cold air, cold water, fear, anger, or anxiety can cause the penis, scrotum, and testicles to be pulled closer to the body, thereby shortening it to micropenis lengths.

Warm conditions on the other hand can cause the penis to lengthen. Although the size of the nonerect penis differs widely from one male to another, this variation is less apparent in the erect state. Even
Seinfeld
weighed in on the shrinkage issue.

Some penis reference points:

 

1.
The Kinsey Report,
1948: average length of 6.20 inches (15.25 cm) with a standard deviation of .77 inches (1.96 cm).

2. Study by Wessells et. al., 1996: average length of 5.1 inches (13.0 cm).

3. Other studies: average length of 5.7 inches (14.5 cm).

DOES CIRCUMCISION LESSEN THE FUN
OF SEX?

The debate over circumcision has been going back and forth for years. Some American medical experts believe that all newborn males should be circumcised. The side in favor cites the decreased rate of urinary tract infections and sexually transmitted diseases among circumcised men, and the other emphasizes the pain and stress inflicted on a baby during circumcision. Others believe that the benefits of circumcision are not great enough to justify the possible complications of the procedure. In 1999, the American Academy of Pediatrics Task Force on Circumcision found potential medical benefits of circumcision, but decided that the evidence was not strong enough to recommend routine circumcision. But, more important, back to sex.

There are several studies found in urology literature that look at the effect of male circumcision on male sexual satisfaction. These studies found conflicting answers.

The effect of male circumcision on the sexual enjoyment of the female partner was also examined in a study in the
British Journal of Urology
. The authors concluded that “women preferred vaginal intercourse with an anatomically complete penis over that with a circumcised penis.” Interestingly, the authors of the study also wrote and published a book entitled
Sex As Nature Intended It
. They also recruited some of their volunteers for the study from an announcement in an anticircumcision newsletter. We mention this not as circumcised males but as impartial interpreters of the medical literature.

Interesting circumcision facts:

 

The twelfth-century physician and rabbi Moses Maimonides advocated male circumcision for its ability to curb a man’s sexual appetite.
Male circumcision was introduced into English-speaking countries in the late 1800s as a method of treating and preventing masturbation.
Male circumcision, the most commonly performed surgery in the United States, removes 33 to 50 percent of the penile skin, as well as nearly all of the penile fine-touch neuroreceptors.

 

DOES THE KIND OF UNDERPANTS MEN WEAR
AFFECT THEIR FERTILITY?

Everyone has a preference.

President Clinton revealed on MTV that he preferred boxers.

Kramer on
Seinfeld
said, “I need the secured packaging of jockeys. My boys need a house!”

The question is whether or not there is any science behind making this decision.

It was originally thought that wearing tight underwear could lead to infertility in men as it may raise testes temperature to a point where it interferes with sperm production.

In 1998 in
The Journal of Urology,
Drs. Robert Munkelwitz and Bruce R. Gilbert analyzed semen samples from ninety-seven men with fertility problems. Half of them wore briefs, the other half wore boxers. The researchers measured the men’s scrotal, internal, and skin temperatures, both while the men were wearing underwear and again when they were going commando. They found no significant differences between the two groups of men in scrotal temperature, sperm count, sperm concentration, or sperm motility.

The purpose of the scrotum is to maintain the testes at a temperature of approximately five degrees less than the rest of the body (about 93.6 degrees F). It appears as though the scrotum does its work whether you are in boxers, briefs, or free ballin’.

So you can make your own fashion choice and your sperm won’t know the difference.

IS THERE REALLY A G-SPOT?

An article in the
American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology
in 2001 called the G-spot a sort of gynecologic UFO. Well, the authors of that article may want to start readying themselves for space travel. That is, after they read this paper from Cairo University: “The Electrovaginogram: Study of the Vaginal Electric Activity and Its Role in the Sexual Act and Disorders.” In this paper, the authors investigated the hypothesis that the vagina generates electric waves, which affect vaginal contraction during penile thrusting. They found electric waves could be recorded from the vagina. They also postulated that there was a vaginal pacemaker that seems to represent the G-spot, which is claimed to be a small area of erotic sensitivity in the vagina.

So what is this vaginal Loch Ness Monster?

The G-spot is simply a small area located on the upper wall of the vagina, toward the belly, about two to three inches from the vaginal opening. The G-spot was named in honor of Ernst Grafenberg, a German physician who, in the 1950s, wrote an article that mentioned an erotic zone on the anterior wall of the vagina that would swell during sexual stimulation.

There are various opinions on the best way to find the G-spot. Some women say that being on top during intercourse works best. Others swear by rear-entry as the best way to hit the G-spot. Some even say that because of its location, a shorter, smaller penis may actually be more effective at reaching the G-spot. A clue to its location may be that some women feel a sudden urge to urinate when their G-spot is touched—not surprising since the G-spot is located right near the urethra.

DO KEGEL EXERCISES REALLY WORK?

For those of you who have never heard of Kegel exercises, don’t expect to see a class offered at your gym.

Kegel exercises were originally developed as a method of controlling incontinence in women following childbirth. They’re named after Arnold Kegel, the Los Angeles doctor who promoted their development in the 1940s. The principle behind Kegel exercises is to strengthen the muscles of the pelvic floor, or the pubococcygeus muscles. These muscles run from the back to the front of your pubic bone and encircle the openings of the vagina and rectum. Strengthening them helps improve the urethra and rectal sphincter function.

These exercises are recommended for women with urinary stress incontinence, but many others do Kegel exercises for more fun reasons.

Advocates believe that there are several benefits for a woman who exercises her vagina. They claim that it makes it easier for her to reach orgasm, makes orgasms stronger or better, and makes the vagina more sensitive.

CAN HOT TUBS MAKE YOU INFERTILE?

Heat is damaging to the sperm, and theoretically can affect male fertility to a certain extent. But, there is no clear scientific evidence that implicates hot tubs. There may be a temporary reduction in sperm function after a soak, and prolonged repetitive use could cause problems, but none severe enough to avoid the occasional dip.

Saunas do not appear to influence fertility either. A few studies have reported decreased sperm count or decreased sperm movement after sauna use, but in Finland, where saunas are most common, men have high sperm counts and no apparent fertility issues.

DO MEN NEED SEX MORE OFTEN
THAN WOMEN?

Men are often told that they have sex on the brain, and it appears as though this may be true.

In one recent study in
Nature Neuroscience,
a team of researchers had twenty-eight men and women look at erotic photographs while an MRI took scans of their brain. The subjects looked at arousing photographs of heterosexual couples engaged in sexual activity, sexually attractive nudes of the opposite sex, and at pictures of men and women in nonsexual situations. When analyzing the MRI results, researchers found that two areas of the brain, the amygdala and the hypothalamus, were more activated in men than in women when viewing identical sexual stimuli.

So, do men have sex on the brain? Of course, and do bears shit in the woods?

We really didn’t need a team of researchers to answer this one.

CAN A MAN EVER RUN OUT OF SPERM?

What a nightmare. The well running dry. Could it be possible?

The answer is no, but there is some bad news.

A woman is born with all the eggs she will ever have, but a man’s supply of sperm is renewed throughout his life. This sounds great, but researchers have found that men over thirty-five have more abnormalities in sperm movement and sperm with more seriously damaged DNA than younger men. It also has been found that over time, average sperm counts have been decreasing. The World Health Organization guidelines say a normal sperm count consists of twenty million sperm per ejaculate, with 50 percent motility and 60 percent normal morphology. This is different than twenty-five years ago when the normal count was near one hundred million.

ARE THERE ANY SPECIFIC THINGS THAT
AFFECT THE SCENT OF A WOMAN?

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