Who Loves Her? (9 page)

“H
e didn’t come in.”  said Nina.  With a sidelong glance, her hands tightened, “He is missing too.” Susan felt like a wall of hot air had just slammed her in the face; she listened as Nina spoke.  I lied on the phone because I didn’t want you to panic.” 
Here we go,
she thought.  “BSSCD squared,” Nina spoke to herself outloud.

Susan
yelled, “What?”  She tensed up both her arms and kicked and pulled at the seatbelt, banging on the glove box.  She screeched, “This can’t be happening to me!  Please tell me you guys contacted him?  Where is he?  Where is his family?”

Susan’s mind was a jumbled mess
.  Of all the strange occurrences of the day, she was having a hard time keeping them separate.  No, Harris too, is missing? And why did she keep seeing the familiar, unusual ring.  Susan thought back to the dress shop, had the older clerk also had a similar ring? Susan had not noticed because it did not seem to mean anything at the time.  Now? After so many of the strange situations had involved several people with the exact same ring.  Why would the dress clerk have the same ring hanging from a chain around her neck? Nina’s far off chattering voice pulled Susan back to the present.

Nina
sighed and knew there was no way to get out of this shit storm except wade all the way through it.  At least Susan was in the car and in a seatbelt.  There was once when it happened around Lake Carlos during a school field trip and they all had to leave the beach early while the bus drivers, teachers, and Nina tried to talk Susan off the boat launch where she was sure they had stolen her father’s boat.  Nina felt important back then, because she was the only kid they let off of the bus, and they knew she could get Susan to get back onto shore.  She felt so proud that day when none of the adults could coax Susan back.  She was the only one that could take her friend’s hand and get her back to the bus.  The kids just all stared and glared since Susan was the reason they spent the field trip on the bus eating their lunches.  Bob was the only one who didn’t treat her badly.  The principal gave Nina a special gold star pin that she could put on her dress because all the adults thought she was a hero.  A girl in the second recess knocked her down and ripped it off her dress, calling Susan the crazy bitch that ruined the trip.  They should give you a medal for being stupid enough to be her friend.

Susan asked Nina what happened to her dress and even got the teacher involved
.  Nina just adjusted the dress and quietly denied anything had taken place on the playground.  “I’m fine,” she whispered over and over.  Nina was whispering it to herself now.

“Everyone is at the church setting up.  You and Harris have been missing for about the same amount of time, more or less.”  Nina added, “I remember what you used to tell me about fate.  You believed in it, didn’t you?  Now I am, too.  Now tell me, who is worrying more, you, Bob or Harris?  Huh?”  She tried to laugh and nudge Susan with her elbow to lighten the mood.

Susan
was breathing heavy after her fit.  Her arms were at her side and she was picking at the cuticle of her thumb nail trying to gather her thoughts.  As she scratched the place behind her ear, she spoke.

“You know,
Nina.  I know you put up with a lot trying to be my friend.  I’m not deaf.  I know they’ve all called me Crazy Bitch and Bat Shit Susan since we were in school.  Nobody thought I could hear them.”  A tear ran down Susan’s face.

“Honey, don’t,
” Nina said.

“No, really
.  I know I’m a screw-up.  I just lose it and all of you have to follow around behind me trying to explain to the world that I’m this Apple Fest Queen dressed up for the loonie bin.  I get it.  I’m sorry.”

“No Susan, you really don’t get it at all
.  We love you so much.  You are so full of life, and while the rest of us just accept living in our sleepy little town, you had the courage to dream of bigger things.”

“Well, I am not dreaming big things now, am I?
I have just ruined my wedding day with more of my drama queen antics, and to top it all off it sounds like Harris may have had enough of me and just left town.”

“Listen Susan,” Nina turned to face her friend as they came to a stop at a red light.

“If we manage to pull this off today, there will be nothing you can’t do with your life.  You and Bob will be able to do anything you guys want.  If you marry Harris you will be doomed to live in this town forever and become Mr. and Mrs. Strawberry Bill Chevrolet.”

Susan smiled and thanked her friend
.  She did not seem to notice that Nina knew about the strawberry people even though she thought that only existed in her mind.

There was another long pause and a trucker’s compression brakes could be heard hissing in the distance
.  Susan continued.  “Fate is powerful, but something is off.  Something is just wrong.  If I let it be fate, I believe it means that Harris too, has gone missing.  I am so worried.  Fate is one thing, and everyone thinks I’m crazy, but I’m scared.  Harris is normal.  He doesn’t lose the keys or drop his cellphone calls because he tried to shoplift a wedding dress.”

Nina snorted and laughed,
“Well if Harris is trying on wedding dresses, then you two might be just right for each other.  Either that or you have a bigger problem than we anticipated with this whole wedding fiasco.”  Susan wiped her eyes from the tears that had been forming.  Nina handed her a tissue from the glove box and then pulled two of them to wipe her own tears.  They both chuckled, gently.

“Do you remember the last time you stayed over at my house, Nina?
Susan looked at her friend.

“Of course I do
.  We called Bob and Larry to tell them we were having a girls’ night in, and they should leave us be.”  Nina smiled at the memory before remembering.

“And after telling the guys, what did we do?” Susan waited for the realization on Nina’s face.

Susan and Nina had spent the night drinking wine and trading Bob stories.  When they had gotten buzzed and hungry, they decided to walk to the corner store for some snacks.  As they rounded the corner they stopped dead in the tracks as Bob’s old truck pulled into the parking lot.  The girls giggled and hid in the bushes for no reason at all.

“This is so stupid,”
she laughted, then covered her mouth.

“We should go talk to him!” Nina whispered.

Susan pinched Nina on the arm and hissed, “Absolutely not!  That is all we need!  We give Harris the slip tonight then I end up drooling all over Mr. Wonderpants instead?”

Nina fell to the ground laughing
.  “Mr. Wonderpants!  I can’t believe you said that, Susan.  You always get so irritated when I say it.”

Susan giggled and pulled her friend up by the arm
.  “Listen, just act normal and follow me!”

With that, the two drunken girls emerged from the shrubs and entered the store
.

Bob was paying for his snacks and
cola as the girls came walking in.  At first he looked relaxed and nonchalant, but at the first sight of Susan his sweet face flushed bright red.

“
Uhm, oh, hey ya’ll.  Susan.  Nina.  How are you guys?”

Susan answered with an overtly serious face common to drunks who are trying desperately to hide the fact that they are in fact intoxicated
.

“Well, Bob,” Nina giggled behind Sus
an but she continued in her too-serious manner, “We, me and Nina, we are having a lovely evening.  And how are you?” she blinked.

Bob gave her a hard look and wondered why she was acting so strangely
.

“I am doing
good, Susan.  Uuuhm…thanks for asking?” And with that, Nina fell into a fit of laughter.  Susan could not help herself as Nina laughed into her back, and soon the two girls were lost in a world of delicious laughter and light-heartened happiness.  Bob and the guy behind the register just watched before slow smiles of appreciation gathered on their faces.

The man behind the register
asked if the girls would like more wine.  Bob smiled and grabbed two more bottles as the girls continued their private, uproariously funny joke.  Somehow, without a spoken invitation or agreement, the girls walked out of the store with Bob and crawled happily into his truck.  Susan and Nina immediately launched into another story -driven conversation as they each took a swig of Bob’s wine.

Susan and Nina slowly came back to the present
.  The memories of that night were good ones.  All were happy and every one of them had a good time.  Somehow the three of them were bonded.  Nina and Bob maintained the most contact, but whenever Susan was around, Bob felt he had been friends with her his whole life.  They never experienced an awkward silence or fumbling words.  With Bob, things were easy.  Susan’s smile faded as she wondered, “Why can’t things be easy like that with Harris?” She turned to face her friend.

“Susan, sometimes destiny steps in to take over
.  I think that night with Bob was destiny.  Maybe a reminder to you and him that y’all have something special.  Maybe fate is designed to step in and correct things when the people of our lives engineer a life outside of that which is predetermined.”  Nina tried to make sense of it all.  Susan just felt tired and overwhelmed.

“You know Nina, I’ve never told anyone this, but there is something I have noticed over the years with Harris
.”  She continued.  “Even though he has always stepped in to help me when I got in over my head, I don’t ever seem to think about him beforehand.”

“
Well, uhm…who do you think about, Susan? When you are in a bad situation, and you begin to realize you are going to have to call for help, do you still think of calling your dad? Nina asked.  “No,” Susan answered, “I always think of you or Bob…never Harris.  Isn’t that strange? I mean he is always the calvary to the rescue, but I never think that I wish he would rescue me.  For some unusual reason, I get into trouble and then begin to have fantasies that Bob will be my savior.  Nine times out of ten it is either you or Harris that shows up, but I just accept it as expected.  That it is Harris’s job to protect me, but I never feel grateful.  Like that time on the lake when Bob saved my red hat.  I felt grateful!  Like truly grateful.”  Susan turned to her friend with questioning eyes, “Shouldn’t I at least feel grateful to Harris?”

Silence filled the car as the girls pondered the implications of Susan’s words
.

Nina got them back on the road and the yellow lines hummed along in silence.  The tires on her car spit gravel onto the hubcaps of the neighboring vehicles, and the comforting crunch of tires easing to a stop in a parking lot made Susan feel better.  The car door went, “Ding, ding, ding, ding, “I am telling Nina to pull the key out of the ignition.  Alexandria Community Center was sporting a sign asking people to come out for the Lenten Fish Fry in the next month or so.  Down the Street St. Thomas’ Catholic Church was advertising their Mardi Gras fundraiser.  Nina stretched her legs and arms at the community center.  Bob was standing right outside, near his parked car.

It seemed like time stood still this afternoon, but it was almost evening a while ago
.  Susan thought for a second, but then shrugged off the idea.  Her mind flooded with the days’ events and she tried to figure out how it all went off the rails.  She was just supposed to get a dress.  Then Susan’s eyes met Bob, and she felt a small jolt in her heart.  That was Bob in front of her, her childhood crush who she had faked a need for a lag bolt earlier this week.  It made her laugh.  His strong arms and plaid shirt seemed to make it all okay.

How often had she hoped that Bob would save the day?
How many times had she been disappointed at the sight of Harris?  After the strange, inexplicable day, there he was.  Bob was finally going to save her day.

Bob gave her a smile
, and Susan’s heart leapt.  She watched for a moment the way the sun danced about on his golden hair.  “God must have made him just for me,” with that last thought she grabbed the door handle and yanked it open.  She could not get to him fast enough.

“Bob, you are here!”

“Yes, I am sweetheart.  I am here and so are you.”  Susan realized if it had not been for Nina, this would not be happening.

“Oh Bob, I love you,
I really do!” Bob pulled her in tighter to his chest, his big, muscular arms held her warm and tight against him.  One word echoed through her heart, “safety.”

“I have
always loved you, Bob.  All the way back to that time I broke my wrist.  And that time you took us all drinking, I was just sure that was going to be the beginning for us.  The more I wanted you it seemed the more you stayed away.  Somewhere along the way I just accepted that you must not really like me because you never took things to the next level. You really should have done all this earlier, Bob.  Don’t you know?  Didn’t you ever know?” Susan started crying.

“Always did Susan, but couldn’t open up
.  Today was different.  With the wedding hanging over my head, I knew there would be no second chance for me and you.  I just felt so alone and hopeless, that is when I realized I could not live the rest of my life without you.  My days are usually filled with “what if’s” trying to bump into you casually just to hear your voice.  I could not stand the thought of Harris waking up every morning to the sound of your sweet voice.  I have never felt this way in my life sweetheart.”  Bob had tears in his eyes as well.

And they both started crying.

“All right, alright, just cry your hearts out, both of you.  We can all sort this out once and for all.  I’ll help you guys.  And Bob, you sneaky clever you, you took a lot of time, didn’t you?  I knew it since the beginning that you wanted to marry her.  I could see it in your eyes since third grade.”  Nina chimed in.  She was sure they were all crazy for trying to think Susan was going to hold it together.  She also didn’t know what they were going to tell everyone down at Bill’s Chevrolet now that Harris might not be getting the bride of his dreams.  I wonder how often a young prince loses the girl? She had seen King Chevrolet’s proclivity for anger and violence, but what of Prince Harris? When he realized he had lost his princess would he graciously bow out or would he fight for what he believed was his? Maybe he could find a new model down at his dad’s dealership.

The three of them laughed together
, but Susan noticed a sense of apprehension.  In shock she realized, “I am afraid of Harris.”

Nina
then told them to go together to the church where everyone was waiting.  Nina made the phone call to Susan’s family to alert them that she was safe.

“Yeah,
Hi, Mrs. Christiansen, yes, she’s with me, Nina, here,” handing the phone to Susan.  Susan, while keeping her cool, told her mom all that had happened.

“Sorry, Mom
.  It’s not a big deal.  Just a bunch of nerves.  I just fainted for a while, but Nina got it all squared away for us.  We’re on our way to the church right now.”

Susan handed ba
ck the phone to Nina and said, “But where is Harris?  Bob, you know Harris is missing, too.  I wonder what happened to him?  Fate has its ways.  Let’s just hurry up and get to the church.”

Susan looked at the sky which was brighter than before as
if the day was moving backward.

Susan whispered:
“Something is not right, something’s not right, I am telling you
Nina, believe it or not.”

The ride was quicker than before and they were all soon at the church as if the church was right around the corner
.

There, right in front at the pavement and porch of the church, both families and relatives, along with policemen,
were standing, worried.  When they saw Susan coming out of the car with Nina running close behind, they all converged at the car.

“What happened?”  Her mom asked Susan hugging her
and crying.

“Nothing
, Mom, it’s all right.  Just got lost and fainted for a while, that’s all,” Susan replied.

“Harris is missing too, we are so worried,” Mrs
. Christiansen, Susan’s mom, said softly.

Susan hugged her again a
nd said, “I know Mom, I know.  I’m worried too.”

“Now
, come here, Bob.  If you wouldn’t have told us about Susan’s car, we would probably have delayed her search.” Susan’s mom hugged Bob.  “What a fine young man you have always been to our family, thank you.”  Susan watched her Mom thanking Bob and muffled a giggle.  As Nina looked at each, a single idea passed between them, “I wonder if she would be so happy if she knew that Bob was now the groom.”

“Oh come on,
you know how it is, do not mention it,” Bob replied looking down and scuffing the dirt with his boot.

A
police officer from behind came up to them and broke the mood.  Susan felt her body tighten with anxiety as she realized she would have to tell her story.  And where
was
Harris!

“
Good evening ladies, sir.  Miss Susan, could you kindly please explain to us what has happened? As you know, Harris is missing, and we are starting an official investigation.  Try to remember anything you can.  You would be surprised how often the smallest detail leads to the facts.  Discovery of a crime is a strange and wonderful process, “he spoke coldly in a distant, disinterested voice.  Crime? Did the uniformed clown just say a crime had been committed? Susan was confused.  Was he referring to the stolen gown or perhaps Harris had committed a crime.  Then suddenly Susan understood.  The police clown had said they believed Harris was the victim of a crime, and they were looking to me for answers.  Susan felt a slight tremble of fear.  What did she know? What should she say? The truth is she knew very little about Harris beyond the service.  Susan squinted her eyes to think, then she looked into the officer’s eyes. “I have not talked to Harris in two days, sir.”

The others looked at each other in disbelief
.  This was the bride, and she just admitted to not having spoken or seeing her husband-to-be in at least two days? Instinctively, everyone knew this was not going to turn out well for Susan.  Out of respect or fear, the others backed away unobtrusively, leaving Susan and the police in respectful privacy.  She told him everything that happened.  She described her confusion and how she freaked out then stole the dress.  She went on to explain how she had gotten lost in front of the bistro and how odd the people were.  For some reason she left out the butcher knife and the reoccurring ring, but those facts seem to push the story over the edge into “crazy.”  Susan’s mother approached the two and wrapped her arm protectively around her daughter’s waist.  Susan leaned against her in grateful support.  Looking at the ground Susan continued her story, explaining the missing car, and lastly about Jim, Donna, and their family trying to help her.  The officer scribbled in his notebook as she spoke, frowning a little bit here and there.  She made no mention of the strange, bizarre band.

Susan’s other family mem
bers approached them as well.  After the story, the officer closed his notebook and took a step back.

“If you don’t mind m
iss, we need you to stay in town for the next few days.  We will have more questions for you.  Of course, if you hear from Harris or learn anything, please give us a call and we will do the same.”  Susan’s father gave his daughter a big hug, reassuring her that there was nothing to worry about.

“E
verything will be just fine, sweetheart.  You wait and see.”  Susan’s father smiled as he left her side and approached the retreating officer. Susan’s mom let go of her waist and followed.  Together they leaned in close to the police officer and began talking in earnest.  Susan had seen it a thousand times before.  Her parents were trying to keep their arm-waving and pointing to a minimum in front of so many people.  Susan’s dad agreed to go along with the police to the station to clean up the rest of the mess so Susan wouldn’t have to be arrested or embarrassed.  Susan’s mom looked at her and then glanced away at all the decorations to distract herself from the whole scenario.

In a bizarre moment, Susan’s mother commented that s
he hoped the color they selected for the bridesmaid dresses would match Susan’s eyes like they had hoped from the earlier conversation.  It was such a normal conversation, but nonsensical given the current situation.  That’s all they were hoping for was a normal conversation.  A normal day.  A normal wedding between two upstanding families.  All they got were a missing bride, a missing groom, and a bunch of questions.

At least during Susan’s junior prom Nina had been right there
, so that when she went to go and shoplift the flower for her date, Nina put a stop to it and paid for it on the spot.  They used to be able to spot Susan’s agitation coming on by a couple of minutes and deflect whatever she was going to do.  Now it just erupted without warning and they would all lose a day trying to get her back in the car or out of the store, or away from whatever thing she was screaming about.

A few of the men from Harris’ family also went behind the police in their cars
.  Harris had the patience of St. Olaf.  His own mother had different fits and spells, so Harris handled Susan like a pro.  He also had some kind of way of second-guessing when she was about to pull something in public, because he had taught her some code words to help her let him know when the agitation was getting too strong.

Susan’s mother remembered when the doctors were all testing her
.  The problem was that she could make straight “As” in school and she was a cute, good looking girl.  It fooled everyone at the school and she really didn’t get into that much trouble.  They all would just call her aunt just in the nick of time, and one of us would take a little bit of time off of work to come pick her up.  Susan liked to say that she just had a bad case of the nerves.  In reality, Susan was more like a beautifully painted time bomb disguised as a harmless knick-knack.  Wond too tight, Susan would blow and cause collateral damage when she did.  Scratching at her neck was simply a reflection of the loud ticking inside getting tighter as the moments moved on.

People who are being manipulated or controlled by subtle cues often respond in heightened anxiety and an overwhelming sense of dread
.  This described Susan perfectly.  Although she appeared to go happily through life, she always seemed distracted by some unknown force.  Nina tried to keep things calm around Susan, to keep her day on an even, predictable path, but it was not always easy.  And how many times had Susan wondered about Harris’s strange sixth sense to always show up at the right place at the right time, when Susan was just about to get herself into a mess she could not easily escape?

W
hen Susan finally joined the volleyball team, everything seemed to be clicking into place.  She could just focus like there was no tomorrow and it gave her a place to work out her agitation and aggression.  We all cried tears of joy when she held that trophy over her head.  Without volleyball, she just had a hard time adjusting.  The coach said that Susan had a knack for instinctively knowing the plays on the floor, but the truth was that Susan felt safe when there were rules.  By learning the rules of the game, and quickly learning the different plays, she felt more in control.  The worst case scenario for Susan was to be in a free-flowing situation that had no known goal or destination.  Susan required order in her life to remain safe.  Harris provided that order even if he did not evoke feelings of love.  He provided Susan with direction and made plans to include her in his life.  No one seemed to notice that he was exerting complete control of her life before they even finished high school.  No one could see exactly how deeply she was being controlled.