Who I Became (Who I Was Book 2) (11 page)

We finally are done with the Lillian questionnaire and head into the great room.  We start rehashing everything from the night before.  Parker makes sure we understand everything that was discussed.  Lillian is more awake and paying more attention today. 

“Okay Park, now to discuss the new things Nessa gave us this morning.”

“What? She called again? Where was I?” Lillian doesn’t look jealous this time, she looks hurt, like we were hiding something from her.

“You were sleeping.”

“You should have woken me up.”

“You need your sleep.” I counter

“You need to keep me in the loop, you promised!” She almost yells.

“We did promise Lil, and that is what we are going to do right now. We are going to tell you and bring you up to speed.”

“You better tell me
everything.”

“Yes ma’am.” I won’t.

Parker takes over as it seems she may cut me to bleed out the knowledge she seeks at any moment.

“They are sure that the house we have been studying is in fact the one that he is headed toward.  He should arrive tomorrow afternoon.  The traffic cameras have been following them.  Mia looks to be in good health.  She is in the backseat, they suspect she is handcuffed there but can’t see inside the car enough to see that she is in fact restrained.  If she wasn’t she would have been able to flee. It doesn’t seem that Lucas is in his best form since everything went down. He is leaving her alone to go into gas stations and to get food, which is what has them believing she must be restrained since she hasn’t fled yet. That is really all that is new as of yesterday.”

Lies. He didn’t mention that the guy she believes is dead was supposed to be brought here with Vanessa tomorrow but now they plan to use him as bait as that is the only person that they have in their arsenal anymore.  They are just going to let him give himself over to Lucas as their spy.  I don’t know what the whole plan is there as well, Vanessa doesn’t know yet either.  She says the unit is scrambling to finish this. This case has been going on for so many years they are cutting corners to get it done no matter how many innocent people get hurt in the process... Mia… Braxton. Maybe that’s not it, but it’s how I see it.

I smile at Lillian. She smiles back.

“Thanks for keeping me updated. So what’s the plan?”

The plan changed a bit as we go since we want the bureau to know that we are there, after the fact of course. We want them to know so they don’t risk Braxton, or do something to the house to kill off Mia with Lucas. I am surprised that Vanessa hasn’t mentioned that as an option. I bet it just isn’t being spoken out loud yet. I see them doing that though.  If the house blows then everyone is gone. Nothing left to worry about.  A growl escapes me, thinking that more than anything this is probably their plan.  The plan of sending in Brax as a decoy for everyone so they don’t get all messed up over what they really plan to do.

Lillian doesn’t miss my growl as she turns to me brows furrowed. I shake my head.

“Nothing love, just sick of this.”

“Me too.”

We spend the next few hours going through everything again, and again.  Parker is a slave driver that’s for sure.  Lillian is staring at a certain part of the house though very intently.  Like it doesn’t make sense.

“What are you looking at love?”

She snaps her eyes to mine, looking guilty like a kid caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

“Nothing.”

I let it slide; maybe she was just in her own head like she does. We finally finish and get to making dinner. That’s right, Parker the slave driver, didn’t let us stop for lunch so now we are making dinner. Lillian begs for us to let her cook. She didn’t really have to twist my arm. I would love for her to cook but I want her to rest as well.  She just doesn’t know when to relax. It’s not in her body makeup to be able to just sit still.  Even when she is sleeping, her brain doesn’t turn off.

She makes a chicken alfredo and we watch TV while eating in the living room. She lets me pick the movie and that makes me smile.  I love her. After we get done eating and the movie is over, Park takes our dishes into the kitchen and starts the clean up. I get up to help him when her hand wraps around my wrist.

“Can we watch another movie? I know things are going to go super fast tomorrow until this headache is over, I am not ready to go to sleep yet.”

“Of course love, thanks for inviting me to watch with you.”

“Thank you for picking the next movie and making me more popcorn.”

“Well played.”

Like I would say no on a given day? This day though, I am in deep with anxiety. I don’t want her to be involved. I want her hiding out when we finish this. I know she will fight it though.  I head into the kitchen and make her popcorn, extremely thankful that what time I have with her right now is prolonged. I was going to urge her to sleep with me again, this may make it easier.

“What does she have you giving up your man-card for now?”

“Ha-ha Park’s got jokes! Like you wouldn’t do the same for Mia?”

He turns fifty shades of red. Got ya.

“Look, I get it. But don’t think she didn’t earn her name Pistol.”

“She has warned me she isn’t the hearts and flowers kind of girl.”

“Good, just make sure
you
remember that.”

I smile and wink as I head out to my girl with the popcorn. My smile widens as she is sitting awfully close to my spot again.

“Easier to reach the popcorn.” If it was that innocent…

I choose a comedy.  It was the best choice; I wish all the movies that I chose were comedies.  The angels sing through her laugh.  She starts to get tired halfway through and snuggles into me. No coercion needed. My heart is happy. 

When it’s over, all too soon, she takes my hand and heads us back to my bed.  She doesn’t look like my innocent girl anymore—there is heat behind her eyes. I start shaking my head, no. 

“We can’t do this, not right now Lil.”              

CHAPTER TWELVE

LILLIAN

I may not know a fucking thing I am doing right now, but that doesn’t mean I am capable of stopping it.  I am burning from the inside out. The inferno that is buried deep inside has taken everything that makes sense, everything I have been fighting for and thrown it out the window.  I watch as clarity flashes behind his eyes. I know my face is portraying everything that I am feeling, not concealing what I want at all. He says no, but he doesn’t mean it. I know he is only saying no to protect me. 

I reach down, still wearing his long shirt since we never officially got dressed today. I turn around knowing I could break and chicken out. I pull his shirt over my body agonizingly slowly. Part of me wanting him to stop me, the other part praying he doesn’t.  He hisses through his teeth when the shirt hits the floor and I reach for his boxers that I am also still wearing. 

As slow as possible, I start to push them down my legs, thankful I was able to shave my legs last night—coma leg hair isn’t cute on anyone. I am forced to stop just as they pass over my ass, completely exposing my panties as he grabs me by the waist.  He saw me just like this last night but he was nothing but a gentlemen.  I want my old Wesson back tonight, I don’t know how everything will turn out after tomorrow and I need just one more night. As kind of a goodbye of sorts, just in case.

I try to step out from his hold but he holds me tighter against him, letting me feel how much he wants me as well, with him pressed firmly against my back.  I feel him everywhere; his chest is pressed over my back as we are bent over just where I was when I was trying to take his boxers off of me.  He leans down and begins to kiss the back of my neck, nipping at my ear.

“Bad, bad girl, how am I supposed to be the good guy when you are teasing me?”

“I don’t want you to be the good guy Wes; I want you to be bad.” I all but growl out each word, as he is making it harder to push out any words as he continues his assault on my neck. My legs turn to jelly trying to hold us up.

“You don’t know what you’re asking for doll.”

“I want you to remind me of what I am missing.” I whisper, my voice becoming hoarse from suppressing the moans trying to escape.

“Then let me take off the rest of your clothes please. Let me show you how I have worshiped your body. Let me bring back the memory from when I entered you the first time.  I have been the only one inside of you darling and I plan on only ever being the one to taste you, to watch you come, to get to bury myself completely inside your waiting pussy.”

I couldn’t hold myself up anymore, his words enough to make me almost black out in pleasure.  He is so fucking sexy and so fucking mine. I fell onto the bed lighter than I should have with how he was pressed into me but he caught my fall, letting me settle. 

“Let me see you, love.”

He helped me roll over as I still was unable to function enough to use any of my muscles.  How could he have me so unhinged without even really touching me yet? I remember how good he felt.  I don’t know if I’ll survive it. What a way to die though.

I stare at him as he stares back at me, biting his lip trying to gauge if this is the right thing to do. I see the war battling around his head. I can practically see the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other. I want to flick the angel off. 

I have no idea what has gotten into me. I wanted to sleep with him as in actually sleeping with him again, but as we were sitting on the couch, I wanted more.  Climbing the steps had turned into my own foreplay just remembering the things he has been able to make me feel.  I want this, no I need this or I feel like I may actually die. I have never been full of so much pent up sexual tension.  Granted, my sexual appetite has just begun to be explored.

“Don’t think Wes. Just do.”

His lips fall open, almost with a pop as they hang open in surprise of what I want and for me to actually demand it.  He bends down and gets so close to me that I am able to taste his breaths.

“You sure?”

He is searching for any uncertainties I may have. I should have some, I should be full of them, but I don’t.  I take my hands and put them between us, feeling for the edge of his shirt. Then I take my nails and drag them around his abs, his abs are so tight right now with anticipation. I lightly scratch around to his back then drag my nails up his back, effectively lifting his shirt off his back and pulling it toward me, toward getting it off of him.  Just when it gets to the top of his arms where he would have to help, I pull down on the hold I have on his chest and crash my lips to his.

His taste is the best taste in the world. I could never, ever, ever tire of kissing him.  He opens right up to me so my tongue is seeking his, wanting to keep claim on what belongs to it.  I moan when he starts to take over the kiss. I knew it wouldn’t take too long.  We are still on the edge of the bed as he tries to pull my legs apart so he can make contact.  His boxers that were on their way down stop him from his goal. He growls and doesn’t take them off nicely, he rips them down my legs like he needs them off to be able to take another breath, and I needed it too.  I watch as he looks me over, thankful that all the bruises have gone.  I know he wouldn’t have been able to touch me if he was worried it would hurt me. 

He looks me in the eyes and smiles his cocky, sexy as hell smile.

“Ready doll?”

“For anything.”

He nods then grabs my legs ripping them apart and planting himself firmly between them.  He wraps my legs around his waist and tells me not to move them, yeah right! I squeeze him until he is hitting me just perfectly but not for long enough.  He bends down underneath me and picks me up. He starts to back us up until I am on my back in the middle of the bed.

He towers over me; my legs still haven’t unwrapped from around him. He leans back pulling me with him just a little as I refuse to unlock my legs, worried he will change his mind.  He reaches down and grabs my hands and pulls me up against him, with one quick movement, my bra is unsnapped and he is gently laying me back down.  He doesn’t move to take it the rest of the way off, instead he moves his hips just enough to hit me in the right spot and cause my legs to give a little on their hold.

He reaches behind him, unlocks my feet but only pulls one forward.  While he keeps his eyes locked with mine, he starts slow, wet, fan-fucking-tastic kisses from my ankle, to my knee, to my thigh, to the middle of me-only passing over where I want him the most for a second before going back the way he came up my leg. Such amazing torture. 

He lays my leg down next to him then repeats his actions with the right leg. I am quivering once he reaches his spot of return, knowing I am about to get a little attention where my body anxiously awaits his next touch.  He skips it all together and heads back up causing the most unattractive whine to be released from my throat. I blush, he winks.

He lays my other leg slowly down on the side of him, just like he had the first, then he takes his two pointer fingers and drags them so fucking slowly up my legs, taking the same route he just took with his hands, again skipping over where I need him to touch me and going up to the band on my panties. He hooks his fingers in and then even slower than before, if at all possible, he drags them back down my legs until they can’t go any further as he is planted between my legs. He pulls my legs up one at time effectively freeing them from my panties.

“You’re fucking glistening Lillian.”

I moan and buck, begging for any form of relief.

“Not yet, I can’t touch you yet, not without embarrassing myself by exploding from just getting inside you.”

I pout. I don’t think he understands how much I need him to touch me. He leans up and leans over me to give my pouty lips a kiss.

“So soon, I will be there so soon you won’t have to wait much longer. Just let me enjoy seeing this, let me enjoy
you.
”

Well, when he puts it that way, I may not actually die right this second if I don’t have contact, but it needs to be very soon.

He bends his head and goes to take my bra off with his mouth, one strap at a time. The whole time holding himself so far above me that, even when I buck, I can’t make the sweet contact that I so desperately need.  Once my breasts are free, he feasts on one with his mouth and loves on the other with his fingers.  Pinching and biting them in unison, causing my legs to try and close to get rid of the ever increasing pressure at my core. He shakes his head no and I open them back up… reluctantly.

“Listen to me Lil, I want to take you so hard right now, and so deep you won’t remember anything but me. But I don’t want you to remember me fucking you, which will be a recurrence that happens … a lot, I need you to remember me making love to you. I need you to remember when I took you for the first time and made such amazing fucking love to you. I am going to enter you now before I implode, but please let me go slow.”

Tears threaten to fall as I remember how good he was too me that first time. I close my eyes and bite my lip hard to make them go away.  Then I open them and know they reflect the love he has in his but don’t care. I nod, giving over to doing this his way and I am rewarded by the tip of him hitting my entrance and pushing through so slowly.

He goes in agonizingly slow, letting me feel him fill me inch by inch. Finally he is in me to the base and he pauses.  He doesn’t move and I relish in the feeling of being complete. I know I will never be whole again if we aren’t together. 

“I’m going to start moving and you’re going to take what I give you, and you are going to fucking love it.”

I nod. Unable to give him a verbal answer.

He pulls out of me as slow as he entered then repeats a few times. I love it. I know he is being gentle but since he is doing it to show me his love for me, it has never been this good, pretty sure it never will be this good again. Then without warning he pulls out and slams into me hard from tip to base so quickly that it shakes my breasts and he smiles down at me.   He leans into my neck kissing his way up to my ear.

“I tried love; I can’t go slowly anymore, it is almost causing me physical pain because you feel so fucking good.” Then he bites my ear, causing me to moan into his. “Fuck Lillian, if you clench your walls like that again this will be over, it feels too good.” I couldn’t help it if his words made me clench again. He hisses.

He starts to rock into me picking up his speed with each thrust until we are crashing into each other, neither of us able to get enough. He is touching me everywhere, caressing my breasts, kissing my mouth, my chest, my neck.  I can feel my orgasm building so quickly and I try to prolong it, not wanting this to end. Nothing could stop the explosion that occurred just seconds later.  I buried my mouth into his neck screaming my moans so he can feel and hear them and because I couldn’t control them if I tried. He pounds into me again and again until he reaches his climax and pours himself into me.

He lies down partially on top of me, most of his weight on the bed.  We are breathing so heavy and sweat is glistening over our skin. He turns his head to meet mine and gives me a small peck on the lips then the nose. 

“I love you Lillian.”

“I am pretty sure that I love you also.” I don’t lie and say if I could remember, like I wanted to. Lying after what we just shared seems worse than all the lies I have told him thus far and the betrayal that will happen tomorrow. 

I know that sleeping with him without telling him everything was probably the worst thing I could do.  It was pure unadulterated lust pouring through me, my ability to make right and wrong choices.  I know people say they were caught in the moment and there was nothing that they could do to stop it.  That’s what I felt like when I brought him up here. I really wouldn’t have wanted to do this to him before everything that will happen tomorrow but it’s like my hormones took off without me.  Then once we started, my love for him exploded and took over for the lust that started the fire burning, the love we share burned the fire at its brightest, adding fuel to the fire.

We fall asleep staring at each other, no more words were shared.  I know he knows something is wrong.  I know that he can feel it, I would be able to feel it if our roles were reversed. Our hands were joined at our chests, his left wrapping around my right. He is holding on so tight, worried that I may slip out of his grasp.  His worry is valid.  If what I plan to do works, I will be pulling out of his grasp running to make him free—making him free from his past, like mine was ruined before we even had a chance.

I wake up to Wesson feathering kisses along my collar bone.  He started with light little kisses then I felt his tongue slip out and he started to nibble, making sure I was awake.  He did a great job of waking me up but he also woke up the beast that is now living inside me. The beast that I have found is increasingly difficult to control. 

I push him on his back and before he has a chance to think of what he has brought out in me, I slide down on his length.  He gasps once I reach the full length of him and his hands instinctively go to my waist.  We welcome the new day connected until we are both unable to continue. 

After we shower and get dressed, we head downstairs.  I know if Parker sees us together he will know something is up.  I don’t want to see the judgment from him when he finds out I “still don’t remember.” I tell Wesson to go ahead of me and I’ll be down in a minute.  He doesn’t question it as I think he has a different kind of hunger to feed.