Who I Am With You (29 page)

I
dly doodling on a scratch pad, Olivia experimented with ideas and menus for her bakery. Simon had already demanded a standing appointment for half-off anything he wanted on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, as well as every other Sunday. She smirked. The man ate like a fourteen-year-old boy with a bottomless pit in his gut and it certainly didn’t do anything to his body. Her cheeks flushed and she shook her head. He did that a lot, sneak up on her when she least expected it.

“Hey, Liv,” Natalie greeted as she breezed in, setting her purse on the floor and collapsing into a chair. “New York City was not made for ninety degree days. We should take a cue from Las Vegas and install misters along the sidewalk.”

“That’d be nice. The air gets so still down here in all these high rises. No breeze.” Olivia’s nerves kicked up knowing Natalie likely had information about Thomas, thus the reason for her visit.

“So, how’s life?”

“Good. I decided not to let my outburst yesterday bother me. I appreciated the positive articles, though. Feels nice to know not everyone sees me the way the
Post
does.” She frowned. “Catherine’s had a rough week, rougher than normal, so I automatically feel guilty for having easy days.”

“Catherine would be the first person to tell you to savor each moment.”

“She wouldn’t be as eloquent about it, her words would be harsher, but you’re right. My usual default is to look at life with a glass half-full attitude. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Or another silly cliché.”

“Backsliding three times can do that to a person. It’s been a year, sweetie. Give yourself a break. Don’t look in the rearview.”

“Isn’t that a song title?”

They were interrupted by Simon sticking his head in the door. His smile faded when he noticed she wasn’t alone.

“Oh, sorry. I can talk to you later.”

“No, Simon. It’s okay. Come in.” Olivia stood and skirted her desk. “This is my best friend, Natalie. Natalie, Simon Greene.”

“I’ve heard a lot about you,” Natalie studied him with a frank stare and Olivia tried not to smirk as Simon fidgeted. Nat had that effect on men. “You certainly live up to the hype.”

“Um, thanks?” Simon peered at Olivia and she offered him a grin. He recovered and said, “Apparently I’ve been in the wrong office all morning. You two are much better looking company than Bob from Accounting. Did I interrupt something important?”

“Why? Were your ears burning?” Olivia widened her grin.

“There are worse things than being discussed by a couple gorgeous women. Must be my lucky day.”

A dimple flashed in his left cheek and she felt her body respond. Why couldn’t he be overweight? Balding? A little voice spoke up, causing her to avert her eyes, saying it wouldn’t matter what he looked like. Simon would still be Simon, attractive to her because of his soul, the way he treated Catherine, and his wicked sense of humor, how he could instantly calm or relax Olivia when she needed it.

“You’re assuming it was good,” Olivia quipped, silencing the internal voice for now.

He crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame, glancing between her and Natalie. “I’m hoping it was very bad.”

Olivia laughed, glad things remained okay between them after his partial admission of feelings yesterday. He’d put her at ease right away when she’d been really nervous about seeing him again, worried something would be different. While it still vibrated between them, he appeared as determined to move past it as her.

“You’re a reporter, right?” Simon asked, interrupting Olivia’s thoughts.

Natalie nodded. “For the
New Yorker
.”

“It’s ironic you’re here. Catherine had an idea after we discussed the vultures at the press conference. No offense.”

“None taken,” her friend said with a dainty shrug.

“When was this?” Olivia asked.

“Little bit ago on the phone.” He hunched his shoulders. “She wanted to know why I didn’t do more, gave me a good lecture. I reminded her you did a damn fine job on your own handling that woman.”

“Sounds like her. I don’t need a man to stand up for me.”

“But I’m available, for special occasions.”

“Duly noted.” Olivia felt Natalie’s gaze and cleared her throat. “So, what’s the idea?”

“Oh yeah, Catherine thought it’d be a good idea for Olivia to give an exclusive to someone.” His gaze darted over to Natalie. “What about you?”

“If Olivia’s game, I know I can get my editor on board.” Natalie looked at Olivia expectantly.

“I, I don’t know, the
Times
article wasn’t too bad.” The idea simmered and she examined it from every angle. Her past was out there, what harm could it cause? “I guess if it’s Nat, it’d be fine.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t be too hard on ya,” Nat grinned at her then turned her attention to Simon. “What do you have in mind?”

“Lay it all on the line, as brutal as some of the parts might be.” He spread his hands. “Then, let it go. Let the public make up their own minds. They either believe a trumped up story full of speculation or words directly from the source written by a friend who was there though most of it.”

“It also gives her a chance to preemptively announce that she’ll be stepping aside from the company, except in a figurehead role,” Nat added. “Free publicity for the bakery, too.”

“I’m standing right here, ya know?” Olivia said. An interview made sense, gave her a chance to show anyone wondering that she wasn’t fragile or unstable. She was still a public figure, attached to a very powerful company. It’d be her first duty in this new role Catherine had suggested.

“What do you think?” Simon asked.

“As I said, if Natalie does it, I’m in. I won’t do it for anyone else.”

“Great, I’ll let you guys know when,” Natalie said. “What about the other thing?”

She directed her question to Olivia, causing her to grimace. Since Simon was here, he might as well be involved in what Natalie had to report. She would have preferred to tell him later, after she had a chance to process the information, especially if she’d been paranoid for no reason at all.

“Natalie did some checking into Thomas for me.” She glanced at Natalie, then back to Simon. “If I’m wrong, even telling you this will be pointless.”

She watched understanding dawn on his face. Through a clenched jaw, he said, “Tell me.”

“Why don’t you sit down?”

“I don’t want to sit down.”

“Simon. Sit,” she ordered, almost letting a smile slip. Obeying, he took the seat across from Natalie. Olivia paced, letting off the nervous energy inside her, terrified of what Natalie was about to share. First, she told Simon why she’d had Natalie investigate.

“A while ago, I discovered the file for the Warren Street project was handled entirely by Thomas. When I interned for him, he was real big on micromanaging. He oversaw everything, but trusted those under him with menial duties like filing permits and tracking equipment. Every other project or file I came across indicated that he hadn’t changed. Except for the one.” Simon started to speak, but she held up a finger to stop him. “Thomas filed every piece of paperwork on the purchase of the tower crane himself. For our Real Estate and Development division it was a smart purchase, one we can use multiple times. Or that was the idea.” She gave him a fierce look. “On its own, it doesn’t mean anything, so don’t get ahead of yourself. This doesn’t automatically mean guilt.”

Olivia waited for Simon to erupt, but instead he seemed to be processing, running the information through his head. Short of increased breathing and his cheeks paling, he kept his cool. His voice was tight when he spoke.

“Maybe he’s not guilty, although no one can deny it looks highly suspicious. I’ve questioned his involvement myself on the heels of our arguments. I didn’t want to go there.” He pressed his lips into a thin line. “We’re facing a time bomb here, giving whoever this is another chance. Surely you understand that since you involved your friend here.”

“In an effort to help clear his name,” Olivia argued. “I’ve known him a lot longer than you and I am not ready to believe he did anything harmful.” She took a deep breath. “Until I found him in your office late one night claiming to be dropping off a contract. When he left, I checked and there was no papers waiting for you, only freakishly organized pens.”

“You’re just telling me this now?” he fumed.

“Yes, because it could have been innocent. Accusing him is like accusing a member of my family. I needed more.” She cut Natalie a frown. “What did you find?”

“Nothing to get excited about yet. Short of a drunk-and-disorderly arrest three months ago, his second offense in a year, he’s clean. His finances are shitty, but he’s also in the midst of a nasty divorce and there were some large payments made from his retirement fund, but I couldn’t track to who. I contacted a private investigator I use for the magazine, so we may know more in a couple days.”

Simon shot up out of his chair and made for the door. Olivia blocked his path.

“No. You can’t go after him. Didn’t you hear her? None of this proves anything. If you do what I know you’re itching to and start throwing unfounded accusations, you’ll damage any chance you have at being taken seriously around here. Catherine has given you everything you ever wanted. Don’t mess that up.”

“I don’t care,” he growled in frustration. “You’re basing your judgment on who he used to be. I’ve dealt with him. He’s an egotistical son of a bitch and he had the means and he’s sneaking around my office in the middle of the night.”

“And you’re basing your reaction off what? Your gut? Your dislike of the man? The fact he treated an important project cautiously?” She crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at him in annoyance.

“Yes! My gut tells me he covets my job and he’ll try getting it any way he can.”

“Do you hear yourself? Why would he hurt the company he wants to run?”

“So he can sweep in and save it.”

“The detective said the same thing about your motivations,” she cried.

“He did?”

Natalie chuckled, earning a murderous glare from Simon. “Sorry, but the whole swooping angle sounds a little farfetched, for you or Thomas.”

“Are you really this narrow minded?” Olivia asked him, trying to not let Natalie’s mirth carry over to her.

“Excuse me?” he asked in shock.

“Is his involvement literally the only possibility you can see?”

He glanced at the ceiling, struggling for patience. “What else?”

“Maybe someone at the insurance company rigged it. Maybe one of the construction workers had a sadistic urge.”

“Maybe it’s plain old coincidence and human error,” Natalie suggested.

“How will you feel if you’re wrong?” he demanded of Olivia.

She shrugged, already having covered this in her mind a few times. “It’ll hurt, but not as much as accusing an innocent man and ruining his career.”

“I’m trying to protect the company your grandmother entrusted to me. Thomas has the means, the motivation, and the access. Until you prove otherwise, I’m keeping a goddamn close eye on him. I don’t see a happy ending here, Liv.”

“Once I hear from my PI, I’ll be in touch. Keep a lid on yourself until then, handsome.”

Her compliment seemed to derail his anger and Olivia relaxed. Telling him was a gamble, but she had faith he would not do anything drastic. Unless there was another incident.

Simon closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “For the record, I think you’re being naïve.”

“And you’re a jerk.”

“On that note, I’m leaving.” Natalie picked up her purse and slung it over her shoulder. She kissed Olivia on the cheek before sauntering out of the office, tossing a, “Good luck,” over her shoulder.

“Look, Simon, I know you’ve made up your mind, but I’m asking you to be patient a little longer. Let the PI do his job.”

A muscle ticked in his jaw and Olivia worried he was gritting his teeth so hard he’d break them off.

“This is my life we’re talking about, my career on the line. If we have a saboteur in our midst and I sat on it...” He shook his head. “What if something else happens and this time, an innocent bystander dies? I can’t live with that.”

“Neither can I, not if I dragged my feet because I trust an old friend. I’m on the line too, Simon.”

“I told you I’d behave, okay?”

“Good boy.”

That worked. It drew a twitch of his mouth. “Smartass.”

They grinned at each other, but Simon’s warnings lingered. If it was Thomas, and someone got hurt because she couldn’t accept the truth, how did she come back from that? Drugs were one thing. Having blood on her hands was an entirely different story.

O
livia wandered the penthouse, feeling restless. Duncan was scheduled on night shifts the next couple days and she found herself relieved at not having to deal with his emotional state as well as her own. Her mind dipped into forbidden territory, fretting over their relationship and if it’d gotten too serious too quickly. In her heart, she didn’t believe three weeks was enough to genuinely
know
the person you dated, but she’d said it from the beginning—their bond went beyond conventional. She hoped the worst, and by that she meant his breakdown, was past them.

When she wasn’t obsessing over Duncan, her thoughts turned to Simon and the undeniable fact he’d burrowed under her skin. Dear Lord, she was a harlot with feelings for two men—and each of them brought out different sides of her. The part that scared Olivia the most was she liked the version of her with Simon better. She was carefree, hopeful, confident, and looked to the future, not the past. Duncan, on the other hand, filled the constant aching hole inside her, a pit filled with her grief and loss and nightmares. Surely it wasn’t the healthiest thing.

“Dammit.” She rubbed her hands over her face.

If it weren’t bad enough obsessing over two guys, there was also the Thomas thing. Surely the man who helped her build sandcastles on the beach of her parents’ Hampton home wouldn’t do anything to hurt the family or the company? Olivia wasn’t sure anymore. Not after what Natalie told her yesterday. Bankrupt? Divorce? Arrests? It was like she’d been transported to the future in a bad time-travel novel. And who was he paying large chunks of money to?

The lobby intercom buzzed and she padded over to answer it, glancing at the clock on the stove. Who’d visit her at seven in the morning? Natalie and Duncan were allowed to pass right through to the elevator, Simon, too.

“Hello?”

“Miss Van den Berg,” the doorman greeted. “I have a Nona Hanson here to see you. Want me to send her up?”

She stared at the intercom’s screen with furrowed brows. What was Nona doing here?

“Absolutely.”

Dancing in place as she waited for the elevator, Olivia was torn between joy and trepidation. She felt guilty, which sounded ridiculous. There hadn’t been as many meetings lately, even though she was doing great, but according to her sponsor, that bordered on dangerous territory. When you were up, there was a farther distance to fall.

The doors slid open and Olivia beamed at Nona. She looked the same as she had the day she dropped Olivia at the airport and lectured her in the car for an hour, nearly causing her to miss the flight. Her light blond hair was dark at the roots, hitting her shoulders in wild waves. An avid lover of the outdoors and motorcycles, Nona’s skin possessed the tough, leather quality of years spent not caring about sunscreen and making her look older than thirty-seven. She wore her Harley jacket over an American flag shirt and jeans with a tiny tear in the knee. On her sponsor, the ensemble was stylish, not many women could pull it off.

Rushing forward, Olivia wrapped the stocky woman in a hug, surprised at the tears that materialized. Her embrace was returned, just as fiercely. When they separated, Nona smiled at her.

“What are you doing here?” Olivia asked.

Nona’s lips pursed slightly. “Do you not know what day it is?”

Olivia paused, calculating, then gasped. “I can’t believe I forgot.”

“One year is a big deal, Liv. I wasn’t going to miss it for the world.” Her gaze narrowed. “You doing okay?”

“Yes,” she answered, taking the duffel from her grasp and pulling her sponsor over to the breakfast bar, then beginning the process of making them tea. “It’s been hectic, which I know you’ll say is bad, but I haven’t felt this content and strong in a very long time.” She paused. “Okay, that may be a bit of an exaggeration. There’s some stuff going on at work and Catherine is in bad shape. The doctors say it could be any day now and I’m not sure if I’m ready.”

“You will be.” Nona reached for a muffin from the tin on the counter. “I have to admit, I wasn’t sure what to expect coming here, but you look great. Happy.”

“I am.”

“And the baking?” A knowing tone filled her question.

“I am doing more than I ever have. It keeps my mind occupied and lets me digest my worries or stress without rocking in the corner craving a needle.”

Nona nibbled the blueberry muffin. “God, you’re good.”

“I’ve missed you.” Nona had become her sponsor after her second rehab stint, three years ago. She stuck with Olivia during the worst of her addiction, never giving up. Along the way, they’d also become friends. Not even Natalie knew the darkest moments of Olivia’s life in that eighteen month span between rehab number two and rehab number three, but Nona did. “I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch as often as I promised. A lot has happened the last week.”

“Tell me.”

“Well, the hardest part is watching my grandmother take a turn for the worse. Sitting beside her bed, waiting, I came to terms with a lot of my guilt and cowardice. She and I made peace and we’ve grown closer.” Her chin quivered. “She gave me her blessing to open a bakery and not have any involvement with my family’s company other than public functions.”

“Before or after you called me to pack up your stuff and send it?”

“After. Does it matter?”

“No, just curious.” She accepted her mug of tea. “Did you get the boxes?”

“Yeah. The pitiful amount shows how much I’d cut myself off from everything. Short of a few pictures of you and Natalie, there was nothing personal.”

“What about this guy? Duncan?”

“It’s been rough. He had an epiphany of sorts, hit what I hope is his rock bottom. In a weird way, I’m sort of acting as his sponsor, another aspect I’m sure you will object to.”

“What matters is if you’re comfortable in the position. It’s a natural step to help others, one we encourage, and you relate to him better than a stranger would. He’ll benefit from it. But will you?”

Olivia considered it. “Maybe. I remember being where he is and I want to help him with the tough times I know are coming.”

“Just be safe. Any other friends?”

The smile bloomed before Olivia had a chance to stop it.

“Your face just lit up. Who are you thinking about?”

“Simon.” Olivia bit her lip.

She watched Nona struggle to digest the information. Relationships weren’t necessarily taboo, just discouraged, and here she was admitting to two. Well, more like one and a half, she hadn’t admitted anything about Simon. Really.

“You’re kidding?”

“Nope.”

“What aren’t you telling me?”

“We’re just friends. I love him, but not like that.”

“Are you sure?”

Olivia’s smile slipped as she thought about it. “No.”

“You never were one for following the rules.” Nona shook her head. “So tell me about Bachelor Number Two?”

Shifting under Nona’s stare, Olivia made herself look her sponsor in the eye. “I work with him. He’s the CEO of Van den Berg Enterprises. He is light versus Duncan’s stormy darkness. Supportive and less volatile. He also has no clue I carry any kind of torch for him.”

“Does he return the feelings?”

“Pretty sure.”

“And, what are you going to do?”

“Move back to California?” Olivia joked. Nona didn’t crack a grin at all. “Honestly, I have no idea. I don’t know how to budge on either side of the coin. Maybe Simon isn’t looking for a tractor-trailer’s worth of baggage. What if I leave Duncan and he regresses? I go over it all in my head a few times a day.”

“And this is why we discourage relationships. You’re worried about them, not yourself. Don’t let guilt or fear keep you from reaching
your
goals. Do what makes Olivia happy.”

“I’m glad you’re here,” Olivia told her, not acknowledging her wise advice and the obvious choice it meant.

“We’ve been through a lot together. A lot. You would’ve been able to get your one-year chip at any meeting, but I wanted to be the one to do it. Any ideas?”

“Something simple. I’d like my grandmother to see it.” She didn’t have to think twice. “And maybe Duncan, to give him hope. I can call Natalie, too, see if she’s free.”

“What about this Simon character?”

She pictured all the important people in her life and, besides Catherine, Simon’s proud smile was the one she wanted to see the most. Wow. She was in trouble. “Yes, him too. How long are you here?”

“Today. Took the red eye and have a flight back tomorrow morning.”

“You’ll stay here,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Letting your grandmother be a part of the ceremony is good. Proud of you.”

“Come on, I’ll show you your room and I’ll get ready. Catherine is more energetic in the mornings and Duncan is off work at nine. He’ll be tired, but he won’t want to miss this and I’ll text Simon right now.”

Two hours later, after a long catch up session on the bed in Nona’s room, Olivia met her in the living room, wearing a tank top and maxi skirt. She didn’t stop the smirk from twisting her lips. Her sponsor may have showered and changed, but the outfit remained mostly the same; jeans and t-shirt. Walking to Catherine’s, they continued their conversation.

“Have you been to Ground Zero?”

Olivia frowned. Nona wasn’t afraid to ask the hard questions, one of the reasons she was good at what she did.

“I haven’t. Duncan has offered to go with me a couple times. It’s where he had his breakthrough, or whatever you call it, well, across the street at a firehouse. Anyway, he carries severe survivor’s guilt. Why he was alive when the other firefighters died, that sort of thing, always believing he could have done more. He told them all goodbye that night, let it go. So far, there’s a huge difference in him, and I’m more curious now about going.” She sighed. “I want to let go of it all. One of my biggest obstacles is not knowing what happened to my parents, where they were when they died, if any remains were recovered.”

“What do you mean?”

“There are over eleven hundred people still listed as missing because either nothing was recovered of their bodies or there were only pieces, some too small to produce viable DNA.”

“Shit. Still?”

“Yeah. It’s a continuing nightmare. For instance, Duncan has a friend who had to retire from the fire department because he has cancer, a cancer directly linked to working at Ground Zero for months afterward.” Olivia glanced at Nona. “I’m avoiding the conversation with Catherine about my parents’ remains.”

“Do it before it’s too late. This could be your final step towards closure.”

They approached the townhouse right as Natalie strode up from the other direction. Olivia stood to the side and watched her embrace Nona. She owed her life to these two. It wasn’t until this moment, seeing them together, that the full weight of the occasion hit her. She had made it one year, beginning with her final day of rehab, dead sober, her longest stretch yet. No relapses and a hell of a lot of hard work. And they were responsible for it, more than her.

“Deep in thought?”

Natalie’s question startled her and she shared some of what she was feeling.

“You two saved my life.” Her throat closed up, clogged with emotion. “This is an important day, but I’m here because of you guys never giving up on me and dragging me from the jaws of death.”

Nat wiped at her cheeks and she swore she heard Nona sniff. Impossible. The woman was a rock.

“We are at your one year anniversary because of yourself. You are stronger than you believe,” her best friend said thickly.

“She’s right. We may have yanked and yelled and annoyed you, but
you
did this. No one else. Be proud of it.” She found herself trapped in Nona’s hazel stare. “This is monumental, considering the state you were in twelve short months ago. One of the worst cases I have ever seen.”

“Regardless, thank you.”

Duncan chose that moment to pull up to the curb in this truck. Wearing his usual FDNY t-shirt and broken-in jeans, he looked good. Forgetting the others, she let him wrap her in his arms.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were at your year mark? I knew it was coming up, but you never mentioned it,” he said so only she could hear.

She met his gaze. “Honestly? I forgot.”

“What am I going to do with you?”

“I have suggestions.” She threaded her fingers with his, confused as ever with how she could feel this warm with him and still have someone else on the brain. “Duncan, this is Nona, my sponsor.”

“Good to meet you,” he said, shaking her hand. “I’m guessing it’s not normal procedure to fly three thousand miles to present this chip.”

“No. Only for special circumstances.” She eyed him. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

He chuckled. “I apologize.”

As Natalie drew him inside, she hung back with Nona. Her heart hammered in her chest and her palms grew damp. Idly, she traced her tattoo.

“Nervous?”

“It didn’t hit me until a few minutes ago how big this was. My anniversary used to feel so far away and now it’s here. I don’t recognize who I was this time last year, but that woman is never far from me. Her voice still materializes in my mind, she’s just easier to ignore these days.”