Who He Is (FireNine, book 1) (10 page)

“Out,” he said without looking at me.

“Again?”

He looked at me, his jaw locking. “Something wrong with that?”

“No, I just thought you were tired or something—” I broke off as he kicked his suitcase beneath the bunks,
causing a loud scraping across the floor that overpowered my voice.

“FireNine
never sleeps, Ellie,” he said, stepping past me. “We do whatever the hell we want. Remember that. Now, excuse me. I have someone to meet.” He continued down the hallway and after only a second, the door slammed shut behind him. I slammed my door as well, hating myself for even bothering to ask.

What the hell was his problem? Was he mad that I didn’t finish the kiss? To be honest, I was glad we didn’t kiss. I was glad to be interrupted because if I
would’ve kissed him, feelings would have gotten involved between us, and I didn’t want any feelings. I couldn’t afford them. Feelings and emotions sucked and I wasn’t about to start letting them get to me because of him.

I slumped into my bed, yanking my blanket over me and turning off the lamp. I wanted to sleep, but I kept tossing and turning, thinking about how much fun we had dancing at the barn and even about us almost kissing… and then him leaving to most likely go to a club—to most likely kiss another trashy girl or maybe eve
n meet Penelope.
How the hell is she getting around anyway?

It frustrated me how worked up
I was, but I couldn’t seem to let it go. And the only reason I didn’t let it go was because his actions were my fault. He’d gotten so silent and rushed away from me, as if I were carrying some kind of disease. He shouldn’t have been upset anyway. He’s Gage Grendel. His motto was always “I don’t give a shit,” even during high school. What was one kiss from me anyway? I’m pretty sure it was
nothing
.

There was one thing I was sure about, though: I was never going to figure him out, no matter how hard I tried.

Obnoxious giggling woke me out of my sleep. I groaned, pushing the blankets off my head as the sun spilled down from the window above. The giggling started again and I shook my head, knowing for sure one of the boys had a girl with them.

My stomach grumbled and I cursed myself. I didn’t want to go out there and see any of them. I definitely didn’t want to see any of them with a girl on top of them or even beneath them. I wasn’t up for being scarred.

I went with being bold. Fuck the band and the girls with them. This was my bus first. I had to hand it to myself; my confidence was rising. I guess it was because the boys never bothered me like I thought they would.

Sliding into my slippers and grabbing my toothbrush, I opened my door and went for the bathroom. I couldn’t help but stare at Gage’s empty bunk as I walked past. After brushing my teeth and tossing my hair into a sloppy bun, I headed for the kitchen, but the giggling started again and I should have never looked. I should’ve slapped myself for even giving it the time of day.

What I expected was to see Montana or even Deed with a girl. It wasn’t either of them. In fact, none of the boys were in the living room… except Gage… and his girlfriend Penelope. At first sight of them, my mouth hung open, but I clamped it shut quickly before Gage glanced up at me.
I guess I was right about him going to meet Penelope last night.
Fuck, did he hold off on hanging out with her for me?
No wonder he was upset… I wasted his time.

“Oh, good morning, Eliz
a,” Penelope said, smiling. She was sitting on Gage’s lap.

Gage smirked.
“Morning, Ellie.”

If it were possible, darts would’ve been flying from my eyes
and right for Gage’s head… or maybe his balls. Either way, it would teach him a lesson.

“Good morning.” I sighed, stepping ahead to get into the kitchen. I couldn’t let it get to me. Penelope was his girlfriend, but why the hell did he have to come back to the bus with her?
Why didn’t he just stay out and get a hotel like the other boys did? It was like he was trying to get under my skin.

“Gage, stop it,
” Penelope giggled.

I rolled my eyes as I pulled the cereal from
the cabinet. Her voice was pleasant the night at the club, but it was starting to annoy me the more she talked and snickered. After dumping my cereal into a bowl, I grabbed the milk and drowned it. I then looked at Gage and Penelope, who were practically glued together—her legs wrapped around his waist, her fingers tangled in his hair, his arms around her waist, and his hands sliding beneath her waistband to touch her ass. He was looking up at her, his eyes lower and lazier than usual, as he spanked her, and then pulled his arms back to rest them on top of the couch. He had to be stoned; I could tell by the glazed-over look in his eyes, his lazy smile.

Penelope swung her head to look at me and then at my bowl. “Oh, what kind of cereal is that?” she asked, hopping off Gage’s lap. “I have a serious case of the munchies.”
Well, I guess I was right about the stoned part.

Gage laughed, but I rolled my eyes again and started for my room, shoveling my cereal into my mouth. I had to bite my tongue. I could have ruined their moment by telling Pe
nelope that Gage hung out with me before meeting her and we almost kissed, but I held off. Neither of them was worth it. Being immature wasn’t worth it. If I were the old me, maybe I would have done it, but I’d calmed down. I was living life differently and I was proud of who I was becoming.

I was curious about something, though. Before I could make it down the thin hallway, I
looked at them again. “Penelope?” I called.

She looked at me quickly.
“Hmm?”

“How do you get to each of our locations?”

“Oh, Gage pays for me to come and go,” she said, sinking onto his lap again and hooking her arms around his neck, smashing her cheek against his. He leaned back a little to kiss her cheek and a part of me cringed. I didn’t want to take the next bite of my cereal, but I forced myself to swallow it down. No point in looking pathetic in front of him. It’s what he wanted and I wasn’t about to let him win.

“So, in other words, he only brings you around when he wants?” I asked.

“Sometimes we agree,” she said.

Boy was she ditzy. And I thought the blondes like me were the cra
zy ones. “Hmm,” I mumbled, turning around. I went down the hall, hearing more of, “Stop, Gage,” and, “Oh my gosh,” from Penelope. As I entered my bedroom, it got so quiet I couldn’t figure out what the hell they were doing. There was shuffling, stumbling, and muttering. Why the hell was I listening anyway?

But then Penelope started moaning, and I cringed, placing my cereal on the nightstand to cover my ears. I scrambled through my suitcase for my headphones and iPod and was more than relieved to hear Hayley Williams of
Paramore versus them
fucking
.

I don’t think I could have been more disgusted with Gage.

I had to get out of the bus. I had to go somewhere to rid my mind of what I’d seen and heard earlier that morning. I had no right to be upset, but it seemed like he was rubbing it in my face. What was his point? Was he still mad over the measly kiss I didn’t give? I was so frustrated I couldn’t even see straight. When I got ready to plan a mini adventure, Gage and Penelope were already gone, and I was glad. I didn’t want to see him.

Who knew anyone could be so disrespectful? And how dumb was she to sleep with him while people were around? Careless broads like her were why rockers ran over every girl that crossed their paths.

The bus was in a parking lot, but it was surrounded with trees, trees, and more trees. Trudging forward, I clutched my sketchbook beneath my arm and went straight through. A few mosquitos and gnats buzzed around my head. Some kind of water source was nearby and I wanted to find it. I kept moving forward, hoping to come across some sort of serenity. I just wanted to allow nature to consume me and help me forget and live on.

And then I found it.

Centered between tons of large boulders and hovering trees providing shade was a lake. It was a warm day and I had on my sunglasses, along with some jean shorts and an orange tank. It felt nice as I stepped beneath the shade of the trees. The grass was softer than I thought it would be so I sat and placed my sketchbook in front of me.

I didn’t want to draw yet. I just wanted to take it in. The breeze was nice. In the
shade it wasn’t too hot. It was just right, actually. I finally decided to get started. I took a pencil out of my white satchel Ben bought for me a while ago and opened my sketchbook to a clean page. I drew the lake first and then all its surroundings. I drew the birds perched on tree branches and even on top of the boulders, the various flowers sprouting near the edge of the lake. I don’t know why, but seeing one of the grey birds flying by reminded me of what I said to Gage the night before.

A single dove.

That, I certainly was and I didn’t give a damn about it. I would rather be single and happy than in a relationship and miserable. The right one was coming for me. I wasn’t rushing to be found or even introduced. I just had to wait for the right moment and that moment was going to be
after
I started a career and a real life for myself.

Sad to say, but I’d never been in a relationship in my entire life. I’d never kissed a boy or even held hands with one. The closest I’d gotten was with Gage at the club the first night of the tour and then after square dancing when we almost kis
sed. I don’t even know why I allowed him, of all people, get that close to me.

I shook my head. I was fucking insane, but I had a right to be. I couldn’t allow anyone to walk into my life and try and steal my heart away from me. They had to
work for it. I had high standards and it may have been because my mom stooped so low and I never wanted to be like her.

Ever.

It also could’ve been because of all the books I read. I read so much that words were a big deal to me, almost as much as art. Words consumed me until my eyes crossed from reading too much. Plus, finding a new book boyfriend to love was always better than finding a guy in real life to fit my expectations. It was a mental thing only a few could understand.

My high expectations were probably the number one reason I was still single. Ben always said it was a good thing, but sometimes I felt like it wasn’t. Sometimes I felt the need to stop being a stuck-up, picky brat and give in to someone for a change. But the person had to be at least halfway decent. I didn’t want a one-night stand kind of guy. I wanted someone who would invest more if I were to actually give a relationship a try.

My surroundings became calmer as I dropped my sketchbook and took in the view of the lake again. It had really put me at ease. I was able to let some stuff go and I’d even forgotten about Gage and Penelope’s little shindig on the bus.

But then a crackle cam
e from behind me. My head whipped toward the sound and I waited for whoever or whatever it was to step out. I hoped it wasn’t a large reptile or animal of some kind. I was deathly afraid of reptiles and if it were a large animal… well, I guess I was just dead.

The crackling happened again and I didn’t look away. I then saw a black tennis shoe step out first. My eyes traveled up the lanky length of his legs and then his FIRENINE T-shirt. I finally met his dark-brown eyes that were just as confused as mine and then gasped, taking in the
purplish bruise around his right eye.

In an instant,
Deed took a step back, placing his sunglasses over his eyes rapidly. “Eliza,” he said. He sounded cool, but I could tell by the bothered look on his face he was far from it.

“Deed.” I stood to my feet quickly, staring at him. “W
-what happened to your eye?”

“What do you mean?” he asked as if I were an idiot.

“Deed, I’m not stupid. Let me take a look at it.”

“Um, no.”

“Deed—”

I marched toward
him, but he took a step back and shook his head. “Eliza, back the hell up and mind your own fucking business, all right?”

I ignored him. “Is that why you were late to the concert last night?”

His lips remained sealed.

“Deed, I swear you can talk to me. What happene
d?”

His tongue ran across his
dry lips as he took another step away, shaking his head. “I don’t have to explain shit to you. I didn’t mean to run into you out here anyway. I’m going back—”

“Has anyone else seen your eye?”

“No, so don’t go around the bus telling everyone about it. I’ve been blaming the sunglasses on a hangover.”

“What really happened?”

He scowled. “Even if I were to tell you, what would you do about it, Eliza?”

“I—I would tell Ben or the boys. It seems like you got jumped or purposely beaten up.”

He shrugged. “Shit happens.”

I folded my arms. “You’re being ridiculous.”

“And you’re being nosey.”

My mouth clamped shut. I couldn’t disagree and say I wasn’t.

“Look, whatever you do, don’t tell the band about it. It’s whatever.”

Before I c
ould respond, Deed turned his back to me and took off, leaving me completely stumped. I wanted to chase after him just to find out. What could he have possibly done to get a black eye? It sort of freaked me out.