Whitefire (26 page)
Authors: Fern Michaels
Mikhailo, too, nodded approvingly at the Mongol's men. Everything seemed to be working well, just as Katerina had said. The only thing that worried him was Katmon, who had taken to his bed and was slowly dying. Katerina wore a haunted look in her eyes each time she sat near his bed. He knew without asking what was bothering her. She didn't want her grandfather to die until she proved to him that she could regain the Cosars. The old man knew in his heart that she would be successful, but the Cossack also knew he would never convince the girl. In her own way she was blaming herself, and nothing short of regaining the animals would satisfy her.
Then there was the prince, who also sat at the feeble man's bedside. They had long conversations about Russia and the Czar. Katmon listened while Banyen did the talking. The relationship bothered Mikhailo, and it annoyed Katerina. More than once Mikhailo had seen Katerina stalk from the room, her eyes spewing flames, to the amusement of the prince. Why did it always have to be a contest between them? A contest where there would be no victory for the winner. His bent shoulders shook as he made his way back to his position against the damp stone wall.
The ensuing days were nerve-wracking for Katerina. While everything regarding the prince and the recruits seemed to be going well, the dread of her aging Zedda dying alone in his room made her pace the arena, her long, supple legs tense and straight. The bright amber eyes were cloudy and sad as she let her mind drift from time to time to happier days when she was a child and her grandfather held her on his knee and told her stories of the brave and fierce Cossacks of his day. She couldn't let him die without telling him what was bothering her! Was his mind lucid enough to understand? Could she convince him that she would get the Cosars or die trying? Should she tell him about the night on the steppe with the Mongol? What would he say? Her trim body shuddered with the thought as she lifted her eyes to meet Banyen's stare. His gaze was deep, penetrating, willing her to . . . No, she wouldn't look at him. She had no desire to be devoured by the indigo eyes that belonged to him as he wanted her to belong to him. Not just for now, for this short time here in the mountains, where the cold seeped into one's bones and virtually froze the blood in one's veins. She didn't know how, but she knew that he wanted more than she had to give. She was part of his overall plan. It had to be the horses, the stallions. Afstar must have made some sort of bargain with him. The wily, foxy Khan would leave no pebble unturned if he thought he could get the stallions. And if Banyen could manage to get them for him, so much the better. Blood meant nothing to Afstar; family meant nothing. Only owning the Cosars would satisfy him. Over her dead body, and, if necessary, over Banyen's.
When the evening meal was over, Katerina sat back in her grandfather's chair near the fire and sipped at her steaming tea. She refused to meet Banyen's eyes or to talk to him. They had eaten in a silence she had insisted on. Once she had raised her eyes and been aware of the angry red scar on his right cheek. She could almost feel the pain in his lean cheek; and for a split second she fought the urge to reach up and touch it, to make the throbbing cease. Instead, she lowered her lids and finished her dinner without comment.
The yellow cat, at a loss without her master, jumped up on Katerina's lap and began to purr. Absentmindedly Katerina stroked the soft fur, her thoughts on the man seated at the table. Three more long, arduous months to be gotten through. Could she do it? She had to do it; she had no other choice.
Katerina finished her drink and set the heavy cup on the hearth. Gently she put the cat on the floor and got up. Banyen watched her through narrowed eyes as she adjusted the black-tipped cape. She was going to go to her grandfather, as she did every night after the evening meal. She would sit near his bed and whisper soft words that held no meaning. Three times Banyen had stood outside the door and tried to hear what she was saying. The words were indistinguishable, but his ear picked up the torment in her voice. What was it about the girl that . . . ?
“I'll wait here for your return. I promised your grandfather that I would read to him from a book I brought with me. That is, if you have no objections,” he said quietly.
Katerina shrugged and left the room. At this point if Zedda wanted the Mongol to read to him, who was she to object? One always acquiesced to the dying.
The thin, frail body beneath the thick pile of bedding shocked Katerina, as always. He had been a strong, robust man; a man of strength and character. Now all that was alive to her eye were the faded, pale eyes of the man in the great bed. The paper-thin lids fluttered at her approach, and he smiled weakly. She bent over the bed and kissed his dry, wrinkled cheek. “We must talk, Zedda. There is much I want to say to you. Listen to me and don't try to talk.” The old man fluttered his lashes to show he understood, and Katerina began to speak. “I want you to die with the knowledge that I'll get the horses back. I won't just try, I'll do itâthat's a promise I make to you!” She bent closer to the bed. “I have never given my word to you or Father and gone back on it. I will regain them and bring them here, where they belong.” The sparse lashes fluttered again, and there was a question in the faded eyes that Katerina understood. “All is going well in the arena. The Mongols have come into their own, as I knew they would. The prince is a mighty leader and will one day be victorious, this too I know. I realize that the short time he has been here you have grown fond of him and enjoyed his company, and yet at the same time you have felt guilty because of the way I feel about him. You can't understand my hatred of him. The day I returned from Volin with the men, I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't. I don't know if you can really understand me now, but I have to talk about it. I have to say the words.”
The old man's lashes fluttered madly, and he tried to withdraw his arm from beneath the covers. The faded eyes wavered and settled near the doorway, where a shadow loomed. He had to stop her from what she was going to say. He thrashed about feebly on the bed.
Katerina's strong arms lowered him gently back against the thick softness of the bed. She spoke softly, the way a mother would speak to a sick child. “You must not move about like this; it isn't good for you. Just listen to me, Zedda.”
Resigned to the inevitable, Katmon Vaschenko closed his eyelids and waited for the words that he didn't want to hear, the words that he knew in his heart would change the life of the Mongol standing close by.
“Do you recall the day Stepan took the mare back to Volin?” Not waiting for a reply, she continued, “I set out after him to bring them back. I knew the boy would make it back to Volin safely with the mare, hecause he loved the horses as you and I both do. I could have stayed here, but Father was so angry, and in his own way he blamed me for allowing Stepan to take the horse. I told myself that I had to bring them back or at least make sure they were safe and sound. It's the only defense I had. On the way, once I got to the steppe and I was so cold and so hungry, I allowed myself to become trapped. I rode into a Mongol camp, and when I tried to ride out, there was this . . . this Mongol that followed me . . . and . . . he followed me and I tried to get away . . . but every time I ran he caught me . . . and he . . . and he . . . raped me like a wild animal! He tore the clothes from my body and left me to die in the snow. No, no, that isn't quite trueâhe threw a sable burnoose over me and then he left me. I can't sleep at night, he stalks me in my dreams the way he stalked me on the plains. I can't get it out of my mind. When the others came back to Volin, I more or less had myself under control, and I don't think Father suspected. Who,” she cried brokenly, “would want me after that? You know that all Cossack girls are to be virgins on their wedding night. I was coming to some manner of peace within myself, and by that I mean I managed to get through the days, and while the nights were and still are a horror, I have survived. The Mongol who raped me is Prince Banyen, and he doesn't even realize that I am the one. He looks at me with blank eyes and with lust, but he doesn't remember. Tell me, Zedda, how does a man do this to a woman and then not remember who she is? You're a man, tell me so that I can understand,” she pleaded.
Katmon lay still, willing her to think he had fallen asleep. She would rest easier if she thought she spoke to an empty silence. He forced his lids to remain still until he felt her move and leave the room.
Banyen stepped into the dark shadows outside Katmon's door and watched as Katerina left, the tears streaming down her cheeks. He wanted to run after her to tell her he was sorry, that if it took him the rest of his life he would make it right for her. He wanted to tell her all those things, and other things too, things a man only told a woman he . . .
A low gurgling sound drew him into the room, forcing the thoughts from his mind. He looked down at the elderly man with the tortured eyes and nodded slightly.
“Tell me how this happened. I want to know before I die, Banyen,” Katmon gasped.
Banyen's eyes locked with those of the old man. “A man is bound at one time or another in his life to make a mistake. Raping your granddaughter was mine, and one I will have to live with for the rest of my life. Would it make your death any easier if I told you I love Katerina?”
“If you speak the truth, then yes,” Katmon whispered.
Banyen's hand caressed the scar on his cheek, his eyes still held by those of the dying man. “There is no need for me to lie to you. I knew the moment I saw your granddaughter that somehow, some way, we would meet again.”
“And yet you took the one thing that was hers to give the man she loved. A Cossack woman is taught to value her virginity from an early age.” The old man gasped, his face deathly pale, as he tried to continue speaking.
Banyen laid a gentle hand on Katmon's shoulder, forcing him back against the mound of pillows. “Don't speak, save your strength,” he said softly.
“Bah, save my strengthâfor what? My time is near, we both know it, so there is no need to pretend. I want your promise, Banyen, that you will take care of Katerina and make it right with her. Women don't understand . . .”
“You have my word. Listen to me, Katmon. We have spoken many times after the evening meal, and I have come to treasure those talks. Never once in all that time did I lie to you. I understand that those times we spoke of Russia and the Czar are different. I could have made up stories just to please you, but it is not my way. Even now I could try to defend my actions that night, but there is nothing to defend. I was wrong.”
“Will you tell her that you know she is . . .”
“Is that what you want? For if it is, then yes, I will tell her. If you will, I would prefer to do it my own way when the time is right, if ever there is such a chance. Trust me, Katmon, I will make it right, but in my own way.”
Katmon nodded weakly, his eyes closing wearily.
“She's like no other woman I ever met. She has spirit and courage, more than some men. I find myself admiring these traits in her, which somehow amazes me. I never thought of a woman in this way. To me a woman was someone . . .” The words stuck in his throat, and Katmon felt a smile tug at the corners of his mouth at the Mongol's discomfort.
“You'll do, Banyen. When a man can admit that a woman has a special place in his mind as well as his heart, they belong together. I can go to my grave knowing you will do what is good. When . . . when I am gone . . . you must . . . comfort Katerina.”
“If I can, I will,” Banyen said quietly.
Long after the old man's breathing had stopped Banyen continued to read aloud from his book, his tone soft and full of emotion and regret. Emotion because a life was gone, and regret that he didn't know the old man in happier times, when he was full of life and living. It was a strange feeling that engulfed him, a feeling that was alien to him. He had to seek out Katerina and tell her and the bandy-legged Cossack, Mikhailo. But first he had to sort out his thoughts. The torment he had heard in Katerina's voice, the torture in her eyesâhow was he going to live with that? She hated him, and yet she had given herself to himâand probably detested every minute of it, he thought bitterly. Still, he hadn't forced her that day in the barn, and her passion was as fiery as his own. She despised him for his savagery on the steppe and for the fact that he didn't even remember who she was. Women are like that, he told himself; they would hold hatred and bitterness for as long as they lived. If he was any judge of women, she now believed she had him where she wanted him. That was it, she only gave herself to him so that he could see what . . . A chill washed over him. She would kill him and do it cheerfully. The vision of her crouched low, her teeth bared in a snarl, ready to spring at him with the long knife clutched in her hand, swam before his eyes. How could he make it right with her? Why had he given the dying Cossack his promise? Only Katerina herself could absolve him. And in his gut he knew she would never again come to himâwillingly or unwillingly.
Banyen closed his book quietly and laid it on the table next to the high, old-fashioned bedstead. He looked down at the peaceful face and felt saddened. He hated death and dying. In that moment he found out something about himself. If he could have breathed his own life into the old man, he would have done it without hesitation. He would have given anything not to have to see the look in Katerina's eyes when he would tell her Katmon was dead. And the look she always carried in her eyes when she stared at him, remembering, remembering, always remembering that he was the one, the one who . . . This was no time to think on matters such as these. It was over and done with. All he could do was go on from here and try to do what he promised.
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