White Tiger on Snow Mountain (24 page)

“Yes!” I demonstrated by drawing a huge gulp of sweet air through both nostrils, something I rarely did even on a good day. “You’re a genius,” I murmured like a battered spouse in love.

She chuckled—“OK, bye”—and bustled to the next prone body, its head murmuring in a hole.

IM with blkrose 6:09 PM

so she found me

who?

that sub girl

Aw, true love

lol

what sort of games have you two been up to?

I broke her. like, completely

how?

i kept her caged, no contact with anyone. sleep dep. i’d wake her up pouring water on her or with a stun gun.i’d drag her out of the cage and hold her head under water. not say anything to her. then throw her back into the cage. just random and vicious.

we’ve done a bunch of shit

for real i don’t know where to start. i told you i lost my job?

Nope how come?

i was dismissed for lewd conduct

specifically?

giving someone a blow job in the copier room

haha you got caught?

yeah someone walked in

who was the guy? Random or you’d been fucking him?

not quite either but sort of both he still works there. ironic, eh?

maybe he got a raise

lol

did yr dad find out?

my family’s not talking to me

so.

probably.

so what have you been doing since then?

i get by.

stripping?

some. savings. sold my house, traded down my car.

where are you living?

jersey

apt? house?

i don’t know if i’d call it a house really but yes

tent?

lol no it’s just a peice of shit

why dont you put yr slave to work?

fuck that

why not? Get her stripping

the basis of her life is that she is worthless

did you ever take her and get her used?

yeah, we both have

oh yeah? What happened?

lol like it was once

i ache.

ache? what happened?

i slept on a concrete floor for 4 days among other things

where?

we volunteered to be frat sluts.

so how was that?

it’s ongoing. i like it.

whats the deal? What happened? How many dudes?

the deal is when we’re in the house or accompanying frat members outside the house we do as we’re told. fuck. suck. clean. lick shit off the floor. anything they could think of. the nastiest food

how many guys?

about 16 in the house

so how many used you total?

so far . . . 16

how did you meet them?

i put out an ad. met a couple diff guys, talked about what we were both looking for, found the one that meshed

so they just line up and fuck you or what?

they use us when they want for whatever they want to use us for

what is the nastiest shit that happened

the food.

Haha how many times fucked in four days? how many blowjobs?

i got fucked at least twice by everybody in at least 2 holes and if you’re curious, my pussy and ass are both killing me, as is my throat and jaw and also my back and legs and feet and arms and everything else

so you got fucked like like 65 times, ha

raw in every hole

raw, like bareback?

no raw like i got rubbed raw

haha frat boys . . . thats a new low.

yo they’re fucking mean i wish i had known

how so?

theyre just vicious

it doesnt sound like they did much but fuck you and feed you nasty food

yeah that and letting me get 4 hours sleep on cold concrete making me lick their piss of the floor and get splinters in my tongue

taking us out and showing us to the other frats

they made you perform or what?

a bit yeah. saturday night i got to drink stale beer with piss and cigarette butts

haha how much?

more than i ever thought i would

did you chug it, frat style?

i had to it wouldnt’ve gone down otherwise. it would’ve been fine without the cigs

that’s what gives it the kick

lol i can’t speak unless spoken to i’m not supposed to meet their eyes. i’m on call.

what do you have to wear? are you leshed when your there? Tied up?

depends on what they feel like i’ve been leashed, i’ve been tied up, i’ve been chained to the floor, locked in a closet

and your slave too?

mhm

How will you top this? I can take you around to a home for retards and let them loose on you

Lol there’s always something next. God i’ve turned myself into such a slut.

a life of this? can’t wait for whatever turns out to be next

how old are you again?

25 i think i was 24 when we met.

ha . . . well you might be pretty worn out if you go 20 guys a week by the time yr my age

we all pay a price

also I met a sadist

oh yeah? As opposed to what? your usual gentle sweet hearts?

you’re always so funny

its part of my charm. tell me about the sadist

what about?

Dunno who? What? where? how? the usual basics of good reporting . . . I wont bother asking why!

lol lots of pain

like what? tell me the harshest thing this new sadist did to you

making me kneel over lit candles

like bend so the flames touch your tits or belly?

i had to lower myself slowly to put them out

Wow that is harsh, ha ha, you were all blistered or what?

minor burns

hmmm . . . not that slowly then! what else did he do to you?

he has a metal whip

metal tips you mean? or like chain links?

it’s like 4 lengths of stamped tin twined together

that must sting. howd you meet him? Whats he like?

through a friend. he’s alright but that whip fucking hurts

no doubt

i had to count off 500 strikes restart when i lost count

thats a lot! across the back?

back, ass, thighs, stomach i was howling

im seeing him again actually

cant wait to see what he does next

as soon as I heal

lol

The birds returned to the park first. I saw their little prints, a fossil record on the old packed snow. I spotted them from afar, black marks on the flat sky above the river. Then, on a grassy bank under the arms of the West Side Highway, I saw a fat,
sleek goose bobbing across the path, with a troop of goslings toddling after, piping puffs of fur on tiny sticks. A sign warned dog owners to keep their pets on-leash and away from the birds. But no one warned parents to leash their mutts, and the little screechers chased the goose family, some getting squawked at, some sliding down the bank and ending up green with goose shit as the flock escaped by water.

I saw sparrows pick and twitter at grass seed in the dirt. I saw a robin throbbing like a heart with a worm in its mouth. I heard crows bitching and saw them lined on the wires above me, flapping and falling and cawing in their ragged cloaks. Far off, I saw a hawk circle, sweeping in beautiful arcs, swimming on the wind currents, watching for food to make a move below.

In April, Lyla announced that after graduation her dad was sending her on a trip to Europe. Then she was starting law school out of town. She was full of pep, bubbling about Italy and Greece and the car she would get for school, but I couldn’t help feeling disappointed since this meant we’d probably never meet. Then I remembered: That was the whole point. I had wanted fantasy, with no threat of real life, and I got it. Still, realizing that I was as imaginary to her as she had been to me hurt my feelings somehow: the sensitive, touchy pervert. The Melancholy Master, sad because she didn’t really want me to abuse her after all. She was just toying with my rotten evil heart.

I knew this was ridiculous. I was a fool, even worse than I had imagined. Utter impudence! Wasn’t there some potion the doc could brew that would break this fever? A needle Amy could drive into my heart to shock it sensible, or insensible, whichever?

I resolved to withdraw still further into my shell and for a few rainy days I didn’t even run, staying inside to watch old movies, do my laundry, and even get some work done. In fact, I was meeting a twice-extended midnight deadline, sending the chino folks their copy, when I saw blkrose’s name appear online, blinking and winking pinkly, like a pesky digital itch on my screen. I ignored it and emailed my work. Then I swallowed my Chinese herbs, which I usually forgot. I brushed and flossed thoroughly. When I came back, she was still there, dangling. I clicked.

Hey sup slut?

Who is this?

It’s me. Your old pal. How’s frat life?

blkrose is not available at the moment . . . she is indisposed ;)

Who is this?

I am the One controling her accounts now

She can’t talk anyways, her hands are tied up, her tungue is clamped, she can only cry

That’s all I want from her, her tears and sorrow

I AM REAPPER

You will reappear?

REAPER! FUCK OFF JEW SHE IS NOT PRETTY NO MORE

I signed off in a panic, as if he could reach right out and choke me with a black glove. Then, scowling at myself for being such a sissy, I signed back on, but by the time my computer reloaded
the program, her little icon was gone. I watched part of a movie and fell asleep for a few hours, until I woke up to pee, of course. Passing the computer in the silent apartment, I found myself drawn to its dark face, empty as a mirror, or the polished black stones into which magicians once peered, breathing pipe smoke, believing they could see through time and space. Smoke. I realized it had been a whole day since I’d craved a cigarette. It was working. I brought my computer to life.

IM blkrose signed on 5:10 AM

hello?

hello?

ru there?

My Owner the Reaper gave me permission to write you since i told him you were my friend and the only person i will miss . . . i know u understand i found what i needed

but please free my slave who is in the closet at my house! 42 Pinest

5:12 AM blkrose has gone offline