White Tiger (31 page)

O
nce Chinese New Year had finished and things in the Chen household returned to their usual chaotic normality, Mr Chen started me on energy work.

‘Sit,’ he said, gesturing towards the centre of the mats in the training room. He sat cross-legged across from me. He was silent for a while, looking down, and I waited.

‘If you are able to do energy work, you are exceptional. Only about one in ten thousand humans gains the ability, usually only if they are taught from an early age. But you’re extremely talented, Emma, and I think you’ll be able to do it.’ ‘Exactly how talented am I?’

He looked into my eyes. ‘You are one of the most talented students I have ever taught, Emma Donahoe. If you can gain the energy work skills, I think you will surpass Leo.’

I inhaled sharply. ‘I’d be better than
Leo
?’

‘Not in physical ability, though if you continue to learn at this pace it will be a close thing. But if you can learn energy work, you will leave him far behind.’

I was speechless. I couldn’t believe it.

‘To gain energy work you must prepare. You will prepare for the next two weeks, and then we will begin.’

I was still astounded at the thought of being better than Leo. ‘Sir.’

He held his hand up and counted off on his fingers. ‘One. We must work on your meditation skills, to bring you into line with Simone. She is far ahead of you.’

That wasn’t surprising. I waited.

‘Two. Strictly vegetarian from now on. Same as me.’

I opened my mouth and then closed it.

‘Do you have a problem with that, Emma?’

‘No. If I can learn to do the sort of thing that you did in Australia, then it will be worth it.’

He smiled slightly. ‘You will never achieve anything like that in less than a lifetime. But you may be able to gain some interesting skills.’

‘Is that all?’

‘Absolutely no alcohol or any other drug. Plenty of rest. Sleep at least eight, nine hours a night. When we begin the work you will sleep much more than that; it is exhausting. And…’ His voice trailed off and he looked down.

‘Yes?’

He didn’t meet my eyes. ‘No intimate partners. Do not bring anyone home. You must conserve your energy.’

I’d thought it was completely obvious that there’d never be anybody else.

He glanced up to see my reaction.

‘That will absolutely not be a problem,’ I said softly.

‘Good. Now, we will work on a balance between yang of martial arts activity, very strong, very forceful, and yin of meditation and Quiet Standing.’

I grimaced. ‘I
hate
Quiet Standing. At least when I’m meditating I can be reasonably comfortable. Quiet Standing
hurts
.’

‘And this is why we must work at it. For the next three weeks, you will spend a great deal of time Standing.’

I shook my head.

‘Are you still prepared to try for this?’

I looked him straight in the eye. ‘Absolutely.’

‘Very well then, Emma, on your feet and let’s have you Standing for the next thirty minutes. Try to phase out as much as you can.’

I pulled myself to my feet, moved into a narrow horse stance and put my hands onto my dan tian, my energy centre. I closed my eyes and tried to drift off.

He left me to it.

A week later we were still at it. He’d set me to Standing and leave the room. At least I was skilled enough not to feel that it was torture any more; I could relax down onto my heels and drift away.

He came back in and stood in front of me.

Then he went out again.

He did this three or four times. He was waiting for me not to notice.

After forty-five minutes I felt that I was wasting his time. I wasn’t relaxed enough, and that made me more tense.

‘You are doing very well,’ he said. ‘Dismissed.’ I dropped my head and skulked out.

After another week of maddening failure I began to wonder why he bothered. It was becoming obvious that I’d never get there. Nevertheless, he continued to work with seemingly infinite patience.

After a brisk session with the sword he indicated the middle of the mats. ‘Standing.’

I sighed with resignation, positioned myself, closed my eyes and drifted off. I was past the point of caring
about whether I was getting there. I was just glad for the break.

‘Emma.’ I snapped open my eyes. He stood in front of me, expressionless. ‘Dismissed. Rest.’

I slumped with disappointment. He’d finally given up.

I checked my watch as I went out but it had stopped. I quickly poked my head into the living room to check the clock there, and stopped dead.

I’d been Standing for nearly
three hours.

He chuckled behind me and I turned. He leaned on the training room doorframe. ‘Didn’t you know?’

‘Not at all. It felt like only a few seconds.’

‘I checked on you four or five times. Simone was beginning to worry about you.’

‘Is she okay?’

‘Yes. Leo took her out.’ He smiled into my eyes. ‘Leo couldn’t believe it. I think you are ready.’

I sagged. Suddenly I was exhausted. My legs were made of lead.

‘Go and rest, Emma.’ He turned away, then turned back. ‘Oh. Do not attempt Quiet Standing unsupervised, you could stay under for a long time. We need you.’

‘Yes, sir.’

I dragged myself to my room and collapsed on the bed. I desperately needed a shower but I couldn’t move.

We sat cross-legged together on the floor of the training room.

‘Visualise your chi, in your dan tian,’ he said, very softly. ‘Close your eyes, Simone.’

My eyes were already closed as I concentrated on my chi.

‘Move it to your hands.’

My hands tingled as the chi flowed through them. They felt very warm.

‘Less than that, Simone. Good.’

I took a deep breath and let it out again.

‘Release it if you need to, Emma. Do you have it?’

‘I don’t need to release it. I have control.’

‘Good. Now move your chi above your hands.’

I saw the light through my eyelids and snapped open my eyes. Simone had done it. She sat, wide-eyed, watching the little golden ball of chi floating above her outstretched hands. I could feel the warmth from it; it was shot with white fire, about the size of a tennis ball.

‘Do you have it?’ he said.

She nodded. Her hair floated around her head with the static.

‘Can you hold it there?’ ‘It’s hard.’

‘Concentrate. Keep it there.’ ‘I think I have it,’ she said, straining. ‘Let it go. Gently, Simone, float it back into your hands.’

Her eyes widened slightly and the chi dropped back into her outstretched palms and disappeared. She fell sideways and I caught her.

Mr Chen scooped her out of my arms and clutched her in a huge hug, his face glowing with pride.

He pulled back and smiled gently at her. She was pale and panting, but her eyes sparkled. He brushed her hair. ‘Are you okay?’

She nodded. ‘I’m okay, Daddy.’

‘Good. Now listen carefully. Go into your room, recentre your chi, and then rest. Don’t try to do it again, you could hurt yourself. Do you understand, Simone? It’s very important. Go, recentre, rest.’

She nodded, serious. ‘Don’t worry, Daddy, I’ll go and rest.’ She threw her little arms around his neck and giggled into his throat. ‘I’m so tired I need to be carried anyway!’

He lifted her and pulled himself to his feet. ‘Stay here,’ he said to me, and carried her out.

I remained cross-legged on the floor, furiously beating myself up. I’d failed miserably. I’d let Simone’s chi distract me. That shouldn’t have happened. I was tempted to try it again, but without his supervision I could easily kill myself. Not that I didn’t feel almost suicidal after wasting so many weeks of hard work.

But at least Simone had done it. I felt a warm glow of pride for her.

Mr Chen came back in and sat cross-legged in front of me. He pulled his long hair out of its tie, shook it, and put it back. He sighed and put his hands on his knees. ‘Now for you, Miss Donahoe.’

I dropped my head. I didn’t know what to say.

‘Is the chi still there? In your hands?’

I held my hands in front of me. ‘Yes.’

‘Good. Relax. Go deeper. Let’s try again.’

I glanced up at him. ‘It won’t drain me too much?’

‘No. Close your eyes. Try.’

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and went down. ‘Deeper.’

I dropped further. My hands weren’t attached to me any more. My legs were gone. I was a glowing point of light hovering between my eyes.

‘Are you still here, Emma?’ he whispered.

I nodded.

‘Hold out your hands.’

I didn’t try to move them. My unattached hands floated in front of me by themselves. They seemed a long way away.

‘Move the chi to your fingertips.’

My fingertips glowed with the chi. The concentration of energy in such a small area made them almost painfully hot.

‘Now curl your fingers over your palms. Good. Float the chi from your fingertips into your palms. There.’

I opened my eyes. My hands still didn’t feel attached to me. I’d generated slightly more than Simone; it was a little more than a tennis ball. I watched it float above my hands with awe.

It was desperately difficult to keep it there. It felt as if a rubber band was trying to pull it back into me. I struggled to keep the chi outside my body.

‘How long do you think you could keep it there?’ he said, full of warm satisfaction.

‘I don’t know. Right now I have it, but I could lose it any time.’

‘Well done. Let’s see how long you can hold it; if you can hold it for a full minute I’ll be very pleased. If it feels that it is getting away from you, let it fall. Hold it; I will supervise.’

He put his fingertips on my temple. The touch made me look up. I saw straight into his glowing dark eyes. His face was full of proud adoration and I saw how much he loved me.

And of course I completely lost it.

The chi shot like a rocket straight past his left ear. Everything went sideways and faded. I heard him laugh softly as he caught me, then he was gone.

‘You must rest, my Lord,’ Leo said. ‘She’ll be fine.’ ‘Leave us,’ Mr Chen said.

‘She’ll be furious with you when she wakes up, you know that.’ ‘Go.’

Leo snorted. The door opened and closed.

I tried to open my eyes but couldn’t. I attempted to lift my arms but I was paralysed. I panicked for a second: I couldn’t move at all or open my eyes or say anything.

‘Don’t try to move,’ he said.

I relaxed.

‘You probably can’t move. Don’t be concerned. Everything is fine.’

I tried to ask him what had happened but I couldn’t. I struggled to say something.

‘Don’t try to speak, difficult as such a thing is for you,’ he said with amusement.

I laughed softly with him. There, I could laugh; why couldn’t I speak? I tried again. I gave up.

‘Good,’ he said. ‘You probably don’t remember what happened. You tried to take my head off with a bolt of your chi. Well done. The hole in the wall of the training room is one of the best I’ve ever seen. Most unusual for the chi to shoot away like that on first generation.’

I put a hole in the wall? Go, me. Well, not so great about trying to take his head off, but putting holes in walls with my energy sounded really satisfying. Then I remembered what had happened. He’d touched me and I’d lost it. I’d let my feelings get in the way of the training.

‘Don’t worry about it, Emma,’ he said.

I struggled to speak.

‘Leave it,’ he said more firmly. ‘It was my fault. I should never have touched you while you were holding the energy like that.’

I desperately wanted to tell him it was my own stupid fault.

‘Emma Donahoe, this is a direct order. You will relax, you will not worry about it, you will rest. I am here. Simone is cared for. Leo is his usual difficult self. Rest.’

Great. A direct order. I had no choice. I let myself drift away.

I pulled myself upright to sit against the bedhead and looked around. He sat in a chair next to the bed, sleeping, his noble face peaceful.

He woke and smiled at me. ‘Are you okay?’ ‘What happened?’ ‘Remember the energy work?’

I remembered everything and sagged back onto my pillow.

He saw my face. ‘You did very well, Emma. I should not have touched you. I underestimated…’ His voice trailed off. I knew what he’d underestimated: my love for him.

‘It’s my own stupid fault,’ I said. ‘I shouldn’t have let it get away from me like that.’

‘I know you can’t control it. I understand perfectly.’

I sighed. We both knew it. And there was not a damn thing we could do about it. I couldn’t even hold his hand. Waste of time brooding on it; accept it and get over it.

I remembered what Leo had said. ‘How long have you been sitting with me?’ ‘About three days.’

I raised the blanket and looked down at myself. I was in my pyjamas. I had absolutely no memory of how I’d made it there.

‘Monica’s been helping you,’ he said. ‘Every few hours you’d come around for a while, be almost coherent for about ten minutes, let her help you into the bathroom, then return to bed and sleep again.’

I shook my head. ‘I don’t remember any of it.’

‘Perfectly normal.’

‘And you’ve been sitting here with me for three days?’ He didn’t say anything, just watched me. ‘How much sleep have
you
been getting?’ He smiled slightly.

I tried to pull myself more upright to shout at him, but I couldn’t. I pointed my finger at him instead. ‘You take yourself out of here
right now,
go into your room and rest.’

He didn’t move.

‘My Lord.’ I softened my voice. ‘Simone needs you. Please. Go and rest. Conserve your energy. I’ll be fine.’

He wasn’t happy, but he rose and went to the door anyway.

Hey, this Retainer thing could work both ways. ‘You needed me,’ he said from the doorway. ‘Not as much as Simone does.’ ‘But you needed me.’

‘I’ll always need you,’ I whispered. ‘And you won’t always be there for me. But you know what? I’ll survive.’

He opened the door and went out.