White Picket Fences (27 page)

Chase seemed to be struggling to keep his voice steady. “When I was four, I survived a fire at my baby-sitter’s house.
Another child in the same room as me did not. My parents think I don’t remember the fire, but I do. I remember a lot about it.”

Josef was silent for a moment. “What does this have to do with Eliasz?”

“The other night I dreamed about the fire.” Chase’s voice was soft and entreating, all hint of anger gone. “Eliasz was there. And in my dream, Eliasz could see.”

“What do you mean, he could see?”

“He could see! He was looking at me. Talking to me. He was in the room with me and the fire, and there was a tool bag like the one you used to smuggle babies out of the ghetto. He told me to get it. And when I tried, I couldn’t.”

“But it was just a dream,” Josef said.

“Maybe it wasn’t.”

“I don’t understand.”

Chase pointed to Eliasz sleeping in his chair. “That blind man can see when he dreams. Do you know that’s considered impossible? Did you know that?”

“What do you want me to say? I am not in his head when he sleeps. What is impossible for men is not impossible for God. If God lets Eliasz see when he dreams, so be it.”

Chase leaned back in his chair. “That’s why I want to talk to him. If not today, then I’ll come back. I need to talk to him. I need to see in my dreams.”

“But you already can,” Tally said tentatively.

“Not like he can.”

Across from them Eliasz began to snore.

thirty-three

A
manda walked slowly back to her classroom after an hour-long faculty meeting, rubbing her neck as she went. Her head ached and her thoughts flew in every direction. Gary had sat next to her in the meeting, as he had for the past three staff meetings. But this time, having him near her made her restless. Her eyes kept straying to the emptiness on his left ring finger and the strong hands that had no familiarity with wood. He’d caught her staring at his hands at one point, and she’d quickly looked away. It wasn’t the first time he’d caught her staring at him in the last few days. She found herself overly aware of his presence in their classroom, drawn to him in a way that eluded explanation. His glances back to her were questioning. He sensed something too.

Gary had stayed after the meeting to talk to one of the fifth-grade teachers, and she hoped he’d be at it for a while. She needed time alone to think before heading home.

Amanda entered the darkened classroom and sat down at her desk. She tipped her head back and closed her eyes. Her unspoken thoughts were a whispered prayer.

God, help me…

She could not put words to the rest of the thoughts that
tumbled in her head, thoughts that frightened her. They hinted—whispered—of an attraction to Gary that warmed her with both fascination and shame. She remembered this feeling from years ago—with Neil. There was a time when just his presence in a room distracted her, mesmerized her. Nothing good could come from having those same thoughts about Gary. Nothing. “Make them go away,” she breathed. “Go away.” Her cell phone trilled in the book bag at her feet, startling her. Amanda reached inside for it and saw that the incoming call had an Arizona prefix. Nancy Fuentes. She had forgotten to call Tally’s social worker after reading Bart’s letter. Amanda flipped open the phone. “Hello?”

“Mrs. Janvier, this is Nancy Fuentes. Did you get the letter?”

“We did. I’m sorry I forgot to call you back. I…I just forgot.”

“Okay. So did your brother say when he was coming back?”

Amanda sensed anticipation in Nancy’s voice—not so much a desire for a father and his daughter to be reunited, but for a sticky problem to be solved. For everything to go back to normal.

To being fine. “No, I’m afraid he didn’t.”

“He said nothing about when he’s coming back for Tally?” Nancy asked.

“He said he had run into a problem in Warsaw and that it wasn’t a good idea to go back there yet. So now he’s in Ukraine. But he still plans to go back.”

“What do you mean, a problem? I thought you said he was in Poland looking up family.”

Amanda could almost hear Nancy’s inaudible thoughts:
Bart was either running from the law or running from trouble. “He was… um, he is,” Amanda answered.

“Do we need to contact the Polish authorities? Or perhaps the Ukrainian police? Do you even know why your brother left Poland?”

“No. I…I’m not sure.”

“Not sure if we should contact the police or not sure why he left Poland?” Nancy’s voice took on a new tone: displeasure.

“Look, I promise you I am not keeping anything from you, and I am not protecting Bart,” Amanda said. “I have no idea what kind of problem my brother ran into in Poland.”

“But Tally does? Tally knows?”

“No, she doesn’t. I read the letter. My brother didn’t say anything about what happened.”

“But Tally knows why he went in the first place, right? She knows and you don’t.”

Amanda leaned forward and kneaded her forehead with her free hand. “I haven’t wanted to push her on that. She made a promise to her father.”

“Well, let me just remind you of a couple of things you and I talked about when you brought Tally home with you. There are statutes on permanency for minor children who have no home or have been removed from their home. We don’t have the freedom or the inclination to let a kid hover in limbo for months on end. And there are laws about child abandonment too. Your brother did not give Virginia Kolander legal custody of his daughter. He just left her here in Tucson with no way of reaching him. That means this county is responsible for Tally right now, and we’ve temporarily given custody to you and your husband. The key
word is
temporary.
The clock is ticking, Mrs. Janvier. We can’t deposit a kid in temporary custody and then tell a judge there’s no end in sight.”

“I know, I know…”

“I think you’re going to have to push Tally on this. We need to know why your brother went to Poland. We’ve done a background check on Bart, Mrs. Janvier. His record isn’t exactly spotless.”

Amanda grimaced. “Yeah, a few bad checks and unpaid traffic tickets…”

“And driving uninsured with an open bottle. And trespassing. And shoplifting.” Amanda didn’t know about the shoplifting, but she didn’t say so.

“I think it’s time we all stopped keeping secrets, Mrs. Janvier. You need to find out from Tally why your brother was in Poland. And I am going to get in touch with the authorities in Warsaw. We can’t keep pretending this will all just go away on its own. I know you’re new to all this, but I’m not. That’s just not how it works.”

Amanda heard a noise behind her and turned. Gary walked back into the room. He glanced at her and then flipped the light switch. Fluorescent tubes doused the room in fake white light. He closed the door.

“I think it’s time we all stopped keeping secrets…”
Nancy’s comment echoed in Amanda’s head.

“Mrs. Janvier? Did you hear what I said?”

Amanda nodded, only half aware that Nancy couldn’t see her. “Yes.”

“Is Tally with you right now? Can you ask her?”

“No. I’m still at work, and Tally and my son are at a nursing home, working on a school project.”

“Then I want you to promise me you two will talk about this tonight. And I want you to call me tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow’s Saturday,” Amanda murmured.

“I don’t care. I want to know why your brother went there. If he’s in trouble, it won’t help him to sit on this.”

“All right. I’ll talk to her.”

“And you’ll call me.”

“Yes. Yes, I’ll call you.”

“All right. Good-bye.”

Amanda closed her phone and set it on her desk. Slowly she raised her head. Gary sat at his own desk across from her. His elbow rested on the desk with his chin hammocked in a folded hand. The tie at Gary’s neck featured spinning planets zipping around the sun.
Zipping out of control.

He looked at her but said nothing.

“Tally’s social worker in Tucson.” Amanda nodded toward her phone. “We got a letter from Bart yesterday. But he didn’t tell us where he was or when he’s coming back.”

Gary sat wordless. His eyes on hers were steeled, unblinking. Searching.

“She wants me to find out why Bart went to Poland.” Amanda couldn’t control the quaver in her voice.

“Amanda.”

She looked away from him. “I told her Tally had promised Bart not to say anything, but Nancy thinks Bart’s in some kind of trouble.”

“I think it’s time we all stopped keeping secrets…”

She shook her head to shoo away Nancy’s words. “I don’t know how I’m going to convince Tally to tell me.”

“Amanda.”

“She promised Bart…”

“Amanda, look at me.”

Slowly Amanda turned her head to face Gary. She could feel her pulse racing inside her body, warning one second and dancing the next.

“Is there something
we need
to talk about?” Gary asked.

A trembling mix of humiliation and caution swept across her. “Like what?”

“Like how…tense it’s been in this classroom the last few days. Do we need to talk about that?”

She shook her head.

“So it’s just my imagination?”

Amanda inhaled heavily. Her breath shimmied inside her lungs. Her eyes drifted to the family photo she kept by her computer monitor. Taken last summer, it showed her family of four posed against a sun-swept background of sea cliffs and Torrey pines. Neil had his left hand resting on her shoulder. She remembered how the photographer told him to do that so his wedding ring glistened there. She could almost hear the sound of the surf far below them. She shrugged.

“You don’t think there’s something we need to talk about?” he asked.

She closed her eyes. “No, I don’t.”

“Look.” Gary’s voice was gentle. Tender. Honest. “You’ve been staring at me. Watching me. I know you have because I’ve been watching you. If I overstepped my bounds the other day, I
apologize. I didn’t mean to make things more complicated for you. But I’d really rather we just get this out in the open.”

“Gary, please. Don’t.” Her voice surprised her. She sounded like she was on the edge of tears. When no sound came from him, she looked up.

“I just… I need to know what’s going on,” he said. “If we’re going to be working together for the next three months, I need to know what’s going on.”

Talking about the pull she felt toward Gary would knock her off balance. Talking about it would shatter the illusion that at least her marriage was under control.

Talking about it would make it real.

She saw Neil in the photograph, and she suddenly realized why he escaped to the woodshop every night, why he refused to talk about the fire with Chase or with anyone. Because talking about it would make it real. And life was easier pretending that something didn’t exist, especially if that something could send your world spinning off its axis.

“If we talk about it, everything will change,” she whispered.

“Don’t you think everything has changed already?”

Amanda wanted strong arms to pull her away, push her back from the edge, but she felt nothing but strange air.

God, help me…

She fumbled for words, for equilibrium. “I…I can’t. I have to pick up Delcey from dance team. I have to get home.”

Amanda stood quickly and grabbed her book bag and purse. She reached for her cell phone and knocked it off her desk. It landed at Gary’s feet. He bent down, picked it up, and held it out to her.

“I’m really sorry.” His voice was laced with hints of sadness. “I think I stepped in where I don’t belong. I apologize.”

Her phone still lay in his outstretched hand. She slowly reached out to take it, afraid to brush his skin with her fingers.

“You don’t need to apologize.” She gingerly took the phone. “You… you’ve been such a good friend, and in such a short time. I’ve never had the freedom to share with anyone what I shared with you. I didn’t expect you to understand so much, to put into words what I’ve known for years. For years I’ve known what we should’ve done. And you knew right away. You…” Her voice broke and she struggled to regain it. “You saw Chase for what he was. You saw him like I should have. He was just a little boy. Just a little boy. It wasn’t his fault. He was just a little boy.”

A guttural sob erupted from her. Gary quickly stood and pulled her into his arms. For several seconds he held her while she cried. In her mind she saw her young son, struggling to breathe, flames licking the walls of his room. She heard him calling out her name. Over and over.

Just a little boy!

The arms around her were strong yet tentative. She pulled away.

Gary opened his mouth but no words came out. Surprise shone in his eyes.

“What’s happening?” she said.

“I don’t want to come between you and your husband,” he murmured. “That’s not what I want to do.”

Amanda stared at him, unable to move. “I have to go,” she finally said. She turned and left, unsure of what it was she wished he was trying to do.

thirty-four

J
osef Bliss sat motionless in his pseudoleather recliner, his cotton-white eyebrows stitched together with unseen thread. His eyes were on Chase. “I don’t see how Eliasz can help you, Chase. He did not know you when you were a child.”

“I know he didn’t. But in my dream it was like he was trying to show me the truth. He was trying to get me to see something.”

“The truth about what?”

“Maybe about how the fire started.”

Josef looked at his sleeping friend and back at Chase. “You don’t know how the fire started?”

Chase sat forward. “I know where it started. And I think I know what started it. There was a lighter. It belonged to the babysitter’s son, Keith. The fire began in his room while he was outside on his balcony smoking a cigarette.”

“So?”

“I touched the lighter before Keith lit that cigarette. I was in his room. I held it in my hand. In fact, he caught me with it and sent me back to the room next door where I was supposed to be napping. But I went back.”

The old man shook his head. “I still don’t understand what this has to do with Eliasz.”