Whispers (21 page)

“You jerk!” Scott shouted, jumping up and looking as if he were about to slug Gordon. “That does it! Tell your manager I want to talk to him. No, wait. Better yet, I’ll go talk to him.” Scott pushed Gordon away with one arm and, with a restaurant full of spectators, marched in his wet pants to the front desk.

Teri buried her face in her hands. She couldn’t believe what a disaster this night had turned into.

“Teri,” Gordon’s voice sounded soothing. She peeked between her fingers and didn’t see him.

“Teresa,” he repeated.

She removed her hands, and there was Gordon, down on one knee by her chair. His face looked sincere, his demeanor undaunted by either the spill or the fear of what would come next for him when Scott finished with the manager.

“My timing may not be the best, but Teri I have to tell you I’m in love with you. I don’t know how to say this any other way. Teresa, will you marry me?”

She stared at him along with two dozen other people seated around them. “Gordon,” she said with a nervous laugh. “People are watching.”

“So are the angels,” he said, unmoved.

Teri laughed her nervous laugh again. She shot apologetic glances to the people around them.

“Gordon,” she growled through gritted teeth, “this is ridiculous. Get up.”

“I will when you give me your answer.”

Teri saw Scott coming toward them with the manager right beside him.

“No. Gordon, the answer is no. Please get up!”

He rose, unruffled, with his eyes locked on hers. She felt as if, uninvited, this man were looking into the window of her soul. “I can wait,” he said in a low steady voice.

T
eri stood at the airport baggage claim carousel in Eugene, Oregon, waiting for her lone suitcase to inch its way over to her. She lifted it with a huff and trudged out to the curb where Jessica had agreed to pick Teri up. As soon as she stepped out of the terminal, Teri spotted Kyle’s truck. Kyle and Jessica were seated inside waving at her.

Kyle, Jessica’s firefighter husband, hopped out of the driver’s side and came over to Teri with his arms open. “Welcome home, Teri! Did you have a good time?”

“Don’t ask,” Teri muttered, handing him her suitcase, which he hoisted into the flat bed of his truck. She opened the passenger door, climbed in, and gave Jessica a hug.

Kyle got in, and they both looked at Teri.

“So,” Jessica said, flipping her honey-blond hair over her shoulder, “how was your vacation?”

“Exhausting,” Teri said. “I don’t want to talk about it. I’d rather hear about your honeymoon. How was your cruise?”

“Wonderful,” Kyle answered, gazing at Jessica with a newlywed’s smitten look. Their wedding had been five weeks ago, two days before Teri had left for Maui. She had been one of Jessica’s bridesmaids and had walked down the aisle of their little church in Glenbrooke with an armful of pink roses. The romantic wedding was beautiful and had flung Teri into a fantasy about Mark only days before she saw him. Funny how so much had changed in a little more than a month.

“I’m glad you had a good time,” Teri said. “Maybe I’ll have to try the Caribbean on my next vacation. I’m certainly never going back to Maui again!”

Kyle pulled into the flow of traffic and headed for Glenbrooke. “You know you want to tell us,” he said. “What happened over there?”

Teri had been friends with Kyle for several years before Jessica had moved to town. More than once Kyle and Teri had benefited from heart-to-heart, brother-sister-type conversations. Teri considered Jessica her best friend. She might as well spill her guts to these two.

“I’ll start with the good news. My sister is pregnant, and so far everything has gone perfectly. The doctor told her she shouldn’t have to worry about a miscarriage this time, and I think she’s going to be fine. Danny’s really excited and proud and all that.”

“That’s terrific,” Jessica said. She sat in the middle between Teri and Kyle. Teri couldn’t help but notice how close Jessica was sitting to Kyle, much closer than she needed to make room for Teri on the bench seat. It almost looked as if they were sewn together at the thigh. Teri wondered what it would be like to feel that close to a man. In a way, she was jealous that Jessica was experiencing something she was sure she never would, not after all she had just gone through.

“Now tell us the bad news,” Kyle said. “I take it things
didn’t work out with you and … what was that guy’s name?”

“Mark. No, things didn’t work out with Mark. He’s with a sweet woman named Claire, and I’m very happy for him.”

“I’m sorry, Teri,” Jessica said.

“Wait, there’s more! I met a man who went to my high school, and made a total fool of myself for several weeks trying to believe something lasting was going on between us. I completely deluded myself. We weren’t right for each other at all. It was as if I were bent on proving something to myself or to my sister. She and I fought most of the time I was there, mostly over Scott, and I came close to leaving Glenbrooke and my life here to try a risky business venture with Scott and my brother-in-law. I was going to make tamales. Can you believe that?”

“Tamales sound good right about now. Are either of you hungry?” Kyle said.

“Kyle!” Jessica gently swatted his arm. “When a woman is sharing her heart with you, you don’t ask if she’s hungry.”

“Sorry,” he said with a good-natured shrug. “Go on, Teri. You were involved with a guy named Scott.”

“We didn’t really get involved. Well, I guess we did. My heart sure did. I think. I don’t know. I’m so confused. I just need to be home and back to my regular life and forget this whole fiasco.”

Graciously, Jessica changed the subject and started to tell Teri about their big project, restoring the old Victorian house at the top of Madison Hill. It had been boarded up for more than eight years. They had bought it, hired a team of workers, and planned to move in before Christmas. Now they were living in Kyle’s house, which was a large, ranch-style home on the outskirts of town. Jessica had once said she didn’t mind living there for awhile, but it was too rugged for her, with its timber beams running through the ceiling of the downstairs. The Victorian mansion was about as opposite to Kyle’s house as Teri
could imagine. But Kyle seemed enthusiastic about the project.

When they dropped Teri off at her little bungalow, Jessica said, “Would it be okay if I stopped by in a few days? I know you’ll want to settle in and everything, but call me when you’re ready for visitors.”

Teri called her two days later. She had done enough soul searching, crying, and moping and was ready for some company. They planned to meet at noon, and Teri made up a salad for them. Jessica arrived with a basket of croissants from the bakery, and the two friends sat down in Teri’s cozy kitchen, ready to pick up their friendship where they had left off. So much had happened to both of them during the past month and a half.

“So,” Teri began, “tell me all about married life. Is it like you thought it would be?”

“I think so,” Jessica said. She wasn’t a beautiful woman, but she was lovely, with a simple, gentle appearance. Her reserved disposition had been a refreshing encouragement to Teri when they had first met since Teri tended to be direct and blunt in her approach to everything. Their friendship ran deep, and Teri felt she could trust Jessica with her heart. She hoped Jessica felt the same about her.

“In some ways I don’t feel married,” Jessica said. “I don’t know how to explain it. It all feels natural to me, as if we were supposed to be together, and since we’re married, of course we live together and eat together and sleep together.” She broke off a corner of her croissant and looked thoughtful. “Teri, it’s strange. What I feel for Kyle is so powerful, so intense. But in our everyday lives, it’s just normal. I mean, it’s wonderful to be, you know … united completely. But it’s just normal like that’s the way it should be. I’m not explaining this very well.”

“I think I understand what you’re saying. I sort of saw that with my sister and her husband.”

“I guess I always thought of marriage as this huge mystery. You find the right person, and you become one, and somehow everything changes. Things don’t really change. They go on, only now it’s, I don’t know … fuller. Deeper. Richer and more complete.”

“You’re kind of disappointing me here, Jess. I thought you would have all kinds of romantic stories to tell me of wild passion and endless fireworks.”

Jessica smiled, and the scar on the top of her lip curled slightly. “Oh, believe me, there are fireworks.” For a moment she seemed to float off.

“Well, that’s comforting,” Teri said.

Jessica cleared her throat. “That part of my marriage is between Kyle and me.” A sweet smile lingered on her lips. “What I’m talking about is the day-to-day part of being with someone. It’s funny how opposites attract. I never would have pictured myself with a man like Kyle. Now I can’t picture myself with anyone but Kyle.”

Teri thought of Mark and Scott. She couldn’t see herself with either of them now. She had centered so much of her concern on the chemistry between her and “Mr. Right,” and now Jessica was telling her the real power emerges from the ordinary, the day-to-day camaraderie. Strange. Her focus had turned to a quest for romance, and she had been drawn to two men whom she didn’t even particularly enjoy being around.

“Jessica, I think I need to see a counselor. I am so messed up right now. I don’t know what to look for in a relationship. Maybe I’m not supposed to be married. Maybe I’m one of those people who’s better off single for the rest of her life. But then why did God give me these desires? I want to love a man with my entire being. I want children. Lots of children. I want to be married.” Tears welled up in Teri’s eyes and began to splash down her cheek. “I think it’s me. I’m a loser.”

Jessica calmly moved around the table and slipped her arm around Teri’s shoulder. “You are
not
a loser,” she said firmly. “Do you remember what you told me last fall when someone delivered those groceries to my door? I’ll never forget it. You said, ‘When we surrender to God, he works in awesome ways.’ You told me that he supernaturally works everything out for the best. At the time, I wasn’t even on speaking terms with God, but your words stuck with me.”

Teri wiped her tears with her napkin. Inwardly she scolded herself for having passed out such easy answers to Jessica. She didn’t mind Jessica tossing them back at her, almost a year later, but Teri had come to view life as a complex tangle of emotions and events. Easy answers didn’t work for her anymore.

“Jess, I appreciate what you’re trying to do here. I’m just finding that I’m a much more intense person than I realized, and I’m having a hard time figuring out what I’m doing wrong.”

Jessica returned to her chair and after a few moments said, “Do you know Robert Burns?”

“Does he live in Glenbrooke?”

“No, Robert Burns the Scottish poet. I had to memorize some of his work in college, and one of his prayers just came to me. Would you mind if I quoted it to you?”

Teri shrugged, and Jessica plunged in.

Teri tried to remember Jessica’s quote after she left. She agreed that her passions were wild and strong indeed. And, as she thought about forgiveness, a long flow of prayers tumbled from her lips. “Father, I did err with my intentions, didn’t I? I was so eager to love and be loved that I was willing to commit myself to Scott even though he barely knew you. I was looking on the outside. You look on the heart. Oh, God please forgive me. Cleanse me. Prepare me for the right man. A man who loves you and who wants to spend the rest of his life loving me.”

It helped to pour out her heart in prayer. However, Teri couldn’t help but feel her prayer for such a man was a bit of a dreamer’s lark. It was hard to believe such a man existed on planet earth.