Whisky State of Mind (3 page)

“Could it really hurt to just go and hear what he has to say? You can always walk away if he’s spinning you a heap of shit, but at least you’ll be able to put him in your  past knowing you gave it a try.”

This wasn’t the advice she’d been hoping Bella would give. What she wanted was for her best friend to tell her she was completely justified in her outrage and to tell him to go to hell. Maybe she should have just kept today’s news to herself after all.

“Or not,” Bella said drolly into the phone, obviously picking up on Sky’s bad mood.

“I just don’t see why I should be the one to come running.”

“Technically, he
did
make the first move,” Bella pointed out.

“Whose side are you on?”

“This thing with your dad has always been simmering just below the surface. I remember how much you missed him when we were little, Sky. Maybe you need to deal with this once and for all. Stuff like this can screw with your head if you let it go on too long.”

“Thank you, Dr
. Phil.”

“Hey, I’m just saying I think you should think about it. What’s the worst that can happen? He’s a loser and a deadbeat and you can at least move on knowing you don’t have to think about it anymore…or, he tells you something that can somehow explain his reasons for doing what he did and you get to build a relationship with your dad as an adult. Either way, it’s better than never knowing why he did what he did.”

They changed the topic after that and Sky listened to Bella explain in minute detail the design feature she was working on  and let her mind wander over their conversation. She didn’t really like having to handle things maturely. All this being the bigger person and handling things in an adult way was highly overrated. If this was what being a grownup was all about, then she seriously wanted a refund.

****

The alarm jolted Sky awake the next morning in its usual brain-jarring way and she slapped it into submission, staring blankly up at the ceiling as she contemplated the day before. What joys would be in store for her today?

She took her time in the shower this morning, she wasn’t going to forgo her coffee hit today, she didn’t care how long Sparkles gave her the death glare for, and since she was going to go into the coffee shop, there was no way
Mr. Smell Good
was going to see her with limp hair. A girl could not expect to function without caffeine…look at the fiasco her day had turned into yesterday when she had? Nope, when you messed with the natural order of the universe—shit went bad…you don’t screw around with coffee.

Pushing open the coffee shop door, Sky stepped inside and took a long, slow breath of the fragrant caffeine
-scented air.
They needed to bottle this fragrance
, she thought almost floating to the end of the line. Life was so much nicer first thing in the morning with the heady aroma of coffee from every nationality of the world filling your senses.
I want to live in here,
she thought idly as she waited in line for her turn. Sky was so caught up in her fantasy of planning where she’d set up her bed that she didn’t see the man who entered the coffee shop and stand behind her. She didn’t see him but within a few minutes she detected a different scent floating past her nostrils that snapped her out of her daydreams and into reality. It was him. O
hmyGodohmyGodohmyGod,
she panicked silently…he was right behind her!  He was
never
right behind her…

Pull yourself together woman
, she snapped irritably under her breath and forced a calm she was nowhere near feeling to the surface.

“Excuse me?”

Sky froze.
Holy crap, was he talking to her?
Turning ever so slowly, she let her gaze drift across his chest, nicely covered in a white business shirt and up over the small gap between his top button and his Adam’s apple and smooth jaw line, finally reaching two dark, somewhat amused brown eyes…then almost passed out.
Holy crap…he
was
talking to her.

“Huh?”
Huh?!
What the hell? You’ve been waiting to talk to this guy for the last few months and all you can say when you finally get the chance is “huh”
? She inwardly slammed a palm to her forehead and closed her eyes tightly.

“I thought you said something,” he said in a rich, deep voice that reminded her of a strong, dark Italian flavored coffee with a dash of cream, maybe an Espresso Con Panna.

“Ah…no. I was…um, talking to myself. I do that a lot,” she managed a wobbly smile that quickly faded as her gaze latched back onto his. “Not
a lot
…” She managed a small laugh which she prayed hadn’t been as crazy-lady hysterical as it sounded. “You know,” she flipped a hand casually, “just sometimes…”
Shut up shut up shut up
now! Did he just move back a little from her?
Oh great! Your one chance to talk to fantasy man and he now thinks you’re a nut-job.

“The line
’s moving,” he said with a lopsided grin.

“Sorry?” she frowned at him
, confused.

“The line…it’s moving.”

The line’s moving…shit! The
line’s
moving, you moron!
She did an abrupt turn and closed the gap quickly between her and the woman in front. She was sure her face was glowing like some kind of beacon; she could feel the heat on her cheeks. For a moment she even considered just walking out—cutting her losses and walking out the door, but then common sense prevailed. No man, not even this mouth-watering specimen behind her was worth forgoing her morning coffee, so she stayed in line and grit her teeth, hoping that somehow he’d develop amnesia between now and tomorrow morning and she could have a do-over. Was it wrong to wish that on a person?

****

She arrived home that evening, ready for a hot shower. Walking into her bedroom to get changed, Sky noticed something on the floor next to her bed. Bending down she realized it was one of the photos that must have fallen from the box she’d gotten down to look through. She turned it over and a warm glow began to unfurl inside her for the briefest of moments.

Sky sighed as she sat down heavily on the end of her bed and looked at the photo of Sawyer and the younger version of herself. She stared at the two happy faces in the image and let her mind wander. She remembered the day well.

They’d been at a Christmas party cook out on a small farm just outside the city limits owned by one of the member’s families. It was just before she’d been sent to her grandparents’.

She and Sawyer had been sitting on the fence talking. She was laughing at something he’d said, and the photo had captured the moment, her eyes shining and happy as she looked up into Sawyer
’s face. She switched her gaze to Sawyer in the photo and saw the young beginnings of the man he’d become. He’d already developed that toughness, the hard, outer bravado that he’d inherited growing up in the club with a father who’d been one of the original founding members of the club alongside her own. But there was still a boyish sincerity in the face of this young Sawyer. It was faint, but it was still there.

Sky gave a sad smile as she tossed the photo onto her bedside table. She thought back to Bella’s comment earlier about Sawyer being her childhood hero. He had been. He’d been a combination of things for her back then; big brother, protector, confidant, councilor. She was never sure why they got along so well.

Although, back then, Sawyer hung around the workshop most of the time, he always made time for her. It was just the two of them, hanging out, talking about their dreams and futures. Mostly it had been Sawyer talking. She’d been more than happy to listen to him rambling on about bikes and mechanics. The fact she usually had no idea what he was talking about was beside the point; she just loved listening to his voice. She’d been too young back then to realize she’d had the first stirrings of puppy love. It had sometimes confused her, the weird feelings that at some unknown point had gone from big brother adulation to a mega crush…but it had been all too brief. Within weeks of this photo being taken—she’d been sent away from her happy life and Sawyer had become a distant memory. 

Sawyer had known that day that something was happening. She remembered him predicting big changes were happening in the club. She’d been too young to understand, but he would have been privy to the gossip that would have been circulating. While outside the club no one would ever get any
one of these men to say anything about club business—inside the walls of the club house it was like a hairdresser’s gossip fest. Rumor and speculation was always going on and her father’s impending arrest would have been already floating about the rumor mill. He hadn’t mentioned that part to her of course. No one thought to prepare her for that. Instead, her father had taken her to her grandparents’ place because he was, in his words, “going out of town for a while.”

It had been her grandparents who’d taken a rather mirthless joy in breaking the news that her father was going to jail. That hurt the most. The fact that everyone she’d trusted had known what was happening—or was about to happen and no one
had thought she was old enough to handle the truth. Maybe they thought they were sparing her…protecting her, but it had felt like a betrayal regardless. She knew a lot more of what went on in that place than they gave her credit for.

Sky grabbed a set of new clothes to put o
n
an
d
shook off the sad little journey down memory lane. It was in her past—a past she didn’t care to remember. Nowadays she was all about looking to the future and making sure she made the right choices for herself. Never again did she want to be at someone else’s mercy—where they decided on her behalf what was best for her.

These days
she
made the rules.

Chapte
r
3

Sky hesitated briefly, her hand planted on the door and took a deep breath before pushing it open and walking inside. She quickly scanned the line of customers and breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn’t here yet. She took her position at the back and felt herself relax. Then from the corner of her eye she caught something moving and looked up, her mouth dropping open in surprise as she saw her dream guy holding up a cup of coffee and waving her over. Self-consciously, she looked behind her and across the room to make sure he wasn’t pointing to anyone else…but it seemed he was definitely waving her over to his table.

When she reached his side, Sky eyed him warily. Maybe her wish had come true—maybe the guy had some terrible head injury last night and woke up with amnesia.

“I thought you were running late, so I ordered you a coffee  and took a chance you’d show up,” he placed the coffee cup he still held in front of her and indicated she should sit down.

“You ordered me coffee?”

“Double shot Kenyan blend, right?”

He knew my drink of choice…I want to have this man’s babies.
“Ah, right. How did you know that?”

She saw him shrug a shoulder and look a little sheepish. “I’ve kinda
’ been taking notice of you for the last few months—you come in every morning at the same time and order the same coffee.”

Okay, so that was true, she was a creature of habit.
Did he just say he’d been taking notice of me?
“That’s pretty observant.”

“Not really—I’m trained to pay attention to details.”

“Really? What do you do?” She asked curiously as she took a cautious sip of her coffee, unable to ignore the seductive lure of its aroma any longer.

“I’m a
cop,” he told her, reaching for his own cup. “Just made detective.”

Sky inhaled sharply, causing the coffee she’d just sipped to exit through her nose as she spluttered and gasped for breath.

Napkins came from across the table and she buried her face in them—wishing yet again for a hole to swallow her up and save her from facing the embarrassment that was her life.

“Are you okay?” He asked wincing slightly as she glanced up miserably.

She realized she probably looked like a horror movie with streaked mascara and red eyes.
Kill me now…please,
she begged silently. “It went down the wrong way.” Her voice came out sounding like a sick frog. “I have to get to work,” she said getting to her feet and trying not to notice the people at nearby tables staring at her. Well, that was it. After this there was no way she could come back. Now she’d have to get up even earlier to find another coffee shop close enough to her workplace.

Fantastic.

“Thank you for ordering the coffee,” she fumbled in her hand bag to get her purse out but he waved her away, getting up from his seat and watching her with a concerned look plastered all over his beautiful face.

“Look, I’m sorry—if I’ve freaked you out in some way…I swear I haven’t been stalking you. You know, with the whole, knowing your favorite coffee and stuff,” he gestured at the cup she held tightly.