Whiskey Kisses (26 page)

Holt tightens his grip over me. “Fucking pieces of shit.”

“You got that right. But I had made a promise to my dad the day he said goodbye that I’d make sure my mother was never alone, and that’s what I intended to do—be right there with her.” I blow out a breath. “So here’s the big one.” My body trembles as the words jerk up my throat. I swore to myself that Jemma would be the last person I ever told. I guess I could break a promise to myself. This probably wasn’t a healthy one to keep to begin with. “On the night before my eighteen birthday—it was almost the end of my senior year, and I had already been accepted to three different colleges—I was working a shift over at the studio.” I twist into him and catch his gorgeous face as the moonlight kisses it with its translucent beams. “You were there.”

“Me?” His eyes round out like twin globes.

“Yes, you.” I sneak a kiss onto his mouth. “You came to pick up Annie with your mom, and for whatever reason you lingered in the studio. It was just the two of us. The music had just finished, and I was cleaning up—you looked right at me and said—”

“Izzy Sawyer you are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen,” he finishes the sentence for me.

“You remember?”

“Heck, yes, I remember. It took me weeks to work up the courage to do that.”

“
Holt
.” My chest heaves, and I try to restrain myself from bawling. “That was the last good moment. The last innocent part of who I was.” I give a hard sniff. “I drove home. Mom had to take Laney to a friend’s house, and she ended up staying, too. It was just me and Chuck. I could tell he’d been drinking, and I tried to go straight to my room, but he tackled me. No warning. No come here sweetie, why don’t you sit by me for a while like he used to when he tried feeling me up. This was an all out assault. He jumped me right there on the living room floor, and, before I knew it, he was tearing off my clothes. I still had my leotard on and my dance tights, so it was near impossible for him to do anything but twist me up in a knot.” I close my eyes. “I can still feel his hands on my body, squeezing my breasts until I thought I would burst. His fingers slithered south, and he did things I don’t want to remember.” I look up at Holt as tears roll down his face. “Um, he didn’t, you know, but he came close. I was still a virgin when we—”

Holt lands his lips over mine to quell me, and I swallow down the rest of the words. Holt knows. A weight has been lifted off my body. An entire iron pot I’ve been carrying around with me all these years has slipped from my grasp, and I’m light as a feather. I’m finally set loose from the nylon chains I was fettered in all those years ago. Just speaking it out loud, right here to the man I love, set me free from the power that monster had over me all this time.

“As strange as it sounds, that felt good to get out,” I whisper the words with a thread of shame.

“That doesn’t sound strange at all. Izzy”—he blows a breath into my hair, warming me—“I want to find him and kill him.”

“No. It’s over. I’m fine, and Laney is fine. He took off the next day, and it was back to square one with Mom and her steady string of morons. None were ever as bad as he was. I was able to protect Laney until she was off to college. I hung around and made sure there were no more perverts—which there were, but I ran them all off, one by one. Also, I was determined to keep my promise to my father and not leave my mother alone. It was sort of my fault she was alone to begin with, but I couldn’t let those assholes stay—and I knew if they couldn’t I’d have to. It was a small price to pay.”

“They were never going to stick around and be loyal to your mom, Iz. You did the right thing by kicking their asses out the door. She was sucking off the bottom of the pond, to put it mildly.”

“I can see that now. And, with my dad back, it sort of eases the burden off me a bit.”

“Are they together?”

“I don’t know. He’s staying at the house, but he’s in Laney’s old room.”

“I guess it’s all going to work out like it’s supposed to.”

“For the first time in a long time, I’m okay with that.” A dull laugh rattles from my chest. “When I was a kid, before my dad left, I had this jar that I used to whisper my wishes and dreams into. It sounds insane, I know, but I thought that way I could always have them. I thought maybe someday when I was older I’d unleash them into the world, and they’d come true.” I turn to face him fully and gaze up at his sharp cut cheeks, the brows that fan over his stainless-colored eyes. “And here you are. Every wish and dream I’ve ever had—alive and in the flesh.”

His eyes shine like shards of broken glass. “Izzy”—he presses it out like a dying breath—“I want you to have that again. I want you to believe in all of your wishes and dreams. I want to be able to give you that.”

“You already have.” I press my lips to his, and neither of us moves, neither of us breathes. I pull back and take him in under the blanched light of the moon. “Holt Edwards, you are a masterpiece. You are one of the most beautiful creatures I have ever seen.”

“I think you’re pretty damn amazing, Iz. You’re the only gorgeous creature I see. And I love that you were storing up all of your wishes and dreams for someday.” He brushes the hair from my face. “I’m glad I’m part of that.” He drops a kiss onto my lips once again and lingers. “My turn, huh?”

“If you’re ready.”

“I am. I hope.” Holt starts in on a heartbreaking story I never expected to hear, and my insides wrack with grief for him.

Holt doesn’t think he deserves to be with anyone, ever. It’s like we’re the very same person. Can two people like us ever make things work?

I hope this confessional didn’t just damn our relationship to hell.

And a small part of me thinks it may have.

But both Holt and I have already been to hell and back—I don’t see why we couldn’t withstand one more trip together.

Holt

Two weeks later

For so long I held things close to the vest, so when it finally came time to open up it was like cutting myself loose from an anchor. I could see the light above on the surface—I knew there was good, clean air to fill my lungs with up there, and, as soon as I spoke the words to Izzy, I could feel myself corking to the top—breathing once again without anything weighing me down. After Izzy let her demons fly, I knew I could, too. We sat in that tin boat for hours after that just holding each other tight. It was a night I’d like to both remember and forget. It carved itself over our hearts, and the wounds sizzled as we poured out our grief. But, over the last two weeks, Izzy and I have been soaring higher than ever. I never thought I could feel so close to someone, still not sure I deserve to. That’s why Izzy is coming with me tonight to my mother’s house where I’ve called a family meeting. Bryson is home from his honeymoon, so I asked if he could drop by, too.

“Looks like they’re all here.” I say as we head on in.

“There’s Annie.” Izzy nods to my sister on the porch swing.

“Hey, girl. Whatcha’ doing out here?”

Look who I found
, she signs with one hand while holding a white ball of fluff in the other. It’s the tiniest kitten I’ve ever seen—nothing but fur and bright blue eyes.

“Oh my, gosh!” Izzy lunges at the poor fuzz ball until Annie surrenders it. “Where did you ever find this gorgeous creature?”

Out back. Mom says I can’t keep him.

“She says she found him out back. My mom is allergic to cats, so she has to find him a new home.”

“Done,” Izzy says it so fast my head spins.

“Whoa, what if I wanted him?” I give a cocky grin.

“Well, if you do, then we’ll just have to share custody.” The whites of her eyes shine in the night as she gives a tiny smile.

“I guess we’ll just have to do that whole, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday—Thursday, Friday thing.”

“What about the weekends?”

“We’ll just have to work things out.” I drop a hot kiss over her lips, and the kitten purrs between us. “Or you could move in and save us both the hassle.”

Izzy gasps. The porch light frames her in from behind and makes her glow like an otherworldly being, like an angel.

Hello
, Annie signs.
I’m still here
. She taps Izzy on the shoulder.
And I think you should say yes. I still think you make a really cute couple.

“She says you have to, or she’ll hunt you down and kill you.”

Annie kicks me in the shin.

“All right, she thinks you should say yes.” I pull Izzy in until our stomachs touch. “She thinks we make a really cute couple.”

Izzy presses her lips together and nods. She never takes those quicksilver eyes off mine. My chest floods with relief. My dick perks to life just looking at her, and suddenly I wish we were anywhere but standing on my mother’s porch.

“You ready to do this?” She nods toward the house.

“I’m ready.” I give the beast a gentle scratch between the ears. “So what should we name the cat?”

“How about
Happy
?”

“Happy.” I let it settle in. “It’s perfect.” Happy is exactly the place I’m at these days.

We head inside with Annie and our new cat, Happy.

“Big bro.” Bryson socks me in the arm before yanking me into a half hug. He pulls Izzy into a quick embrace as well.

“Izzy!” Baya hops over.

Bryson and Baya are both as pale as the day they left, an anomaly after spending a solid week in the Caribbean. They went with Laney and Ryder. Rumor has it they only saw each other once, and that was at the airport for the flight home. Not that I could blame them. I don’t think I’d see much of the Caribbean either if Izzy and I were on our honeymoon.

“What’s going on?” Dad comes over to where we’re standing with Mom right on his heels.

“Let’s take a seat.” God knows we’re going to need it. We head to the sofas, and I pull Izzy in close. I don’t think I could have ever done this without her. Hell, I know I couldn’t.

Annie catches my eye. She’s so young. There’s no way I want her to hear any of this bullshit.

“Annie”—I start—“I’m not sure you should be here for this.”

Annie shoots Mom a knowing look before signing.
I’m plenty old enough. I’m part of this family. I have a right to be here. Besides, I’ve already moved into my dorm. I’m not a baby.

“Fair enough.” I take one final look around the room at the lives I managed to screw up on a dime all due to some stupid bet I made back in high school. “I apologize to each of you in advance. I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined that something I did on a whim all those years ago would land us where we are today.”

“And where’s that?” Mom tilts toward me, curious as to where I’m going with this.

“Here.” I shoot a look to dad. “With you two divorced.”

“What?” Bryson leans in. “Dude, let’s go in the other room. Why don’t you run this past me first? I can help you with whatever it is you’re trying to do.”

“No, trust me. It’s better to just get this over with.” I tighten my grip around Izzy’s waist. “When I was in high school”—I look to my parents—“there was a weekend when I thought the two of you were away. Bryson and I were just hanging out here at the house, Annie was at a friend’s.” I swallow hard. “I thought”—tears come, and I’m quick to blink them away—“I thought Bryson was in the house. I went out to a movie with a bunch of people, and we all came back here. We were sitting on the porch, and I gave a hundred bucks to some girl that was with us and told her to go in and try to get my brother to sleep with her. We were all stoned out of our minds. It was stupid.
I
was stupid.”

“I don’t remember this.” Bryson shakes his head at me a second too long as if telling me to knock this shit off.

“That’s because—it turns out you weren’t here either. You took off with your buddies. It wasn’t you in the house.”

“Oh my, God.” Mom drops her face in her hands. “I remember that night.”

“The Master’s presentation?” Dad looks to Mom.

“Yes.” She looks to Bryson and Annie. “Your dad and I were invited to speak at an entrepreneurship program upstate. At the last minute, it was canceled.” Mom turns to me and shakes her head. “Honey, please, there’s so much more to that story. I don’t want you blaming yourself for something that was never your fault.”

“What’s the whole story?” Bryson is pissed and rightly so.

“I thought it was you, dude.” My voice cracks as I say it. I knew you wouldn’t go for her. I thought it was funny—one big joke.” I come to a stop because I hate where this goes next.

“You can do it.” Izzy blows the words in my ear along with a kiss.

“Okay. So the girl goes into the house, and about a half hour later Mom comes home and surprises the shit out of me. She heads inside, and I follow. The next thing I know, I hear screaming coming from upstairs. I run up to find Dad half dressed—Mom pissed as hell—and the girl I paid to hit on Bryson staggering out of the room, naked, with her clothes in her arms.”

The room stills. It’s all eyes on me. Maybe I should have put more thought into what I was going to say next.

“That’s it, and I’m sorry.”

“That’s not it.” Mom comes over and sits beside me. She wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me in. “You’re blaming yourself for something that isn’t your fault, Holt.”

“It is my fault. I paid her to go upstairs and do what she did.”

“I’m to blame.” Dad pipes up. He groans, massaging his temples. “Is that why you didn’t go to college?”

I don’t say anything, just take a deep breath instead.

“Holt, you’re bright,” Dad starts. “Imaginative—sometimes too much so. But if you’ve been beating yourself up over that for all these years, you’re also too damn hard on yourself.”

“I’m the one that blew this family apart,” I shout it a little louder than intended. Why the fuck can’t they see I’m the one to blame?

“
I’m
the one that blew this family apart.” Dad’s face turns red with rage. “I’m sorry. I apologize to each and every one of you. But
I
did this, Holt. Not you. If it makes you feel better, it wasn’t the first time I was unfaithful to your mother.”