While You're Awake (5 page)

Sun and Moon whined in
eagerness as Keegan pulled up the gravel drive to Ava’s house. He could hear
their tales thumping against the sides of the crates in the truck bed. Their
enthusiasm—for new places, new friends, life—always amped up his own excitement
for things as simple as a walk through the woods or a game of Frisbee. Tonight,
though, he hardly needed any help in the heart-racing department.

After he parked the car,
he crossed his arms over the edge of the truck bed and leaned in to glance at
his boys. “You two better be on your best behavior, okay? Don’t go scaring
Ava.” Sun barked and gave a shake of his furry mane, while Moon scooted closer
to his crate’s door and nosed the bars, releasing another whine.

Keegan smiled. “I’ll let
you out in a minute.”

With that, he walked to
the front door, grateful for the light shining over the stoop. No loud music
blared from within as he knocked and waited. After a moment, the lock clicked
and Ava appeared. “Hey.”

She looked good. It
warmed him in a way he hadn’t felt since his first high-school crush to see
that she had changed from the tie-dye T-shirt and jeans she wore to the coffee
shop into a simple, light green, summery dress.

It took him a moment to
realize he had been staring and hadn’t ever responded to her greeting. “Hey.”
He kneaded the back of his neck and offered up an embarrassed grin.

Even in the dim light on
the stoop and the glow from a lamp in the main room, Ava’s blush was obvious.
Was it so very wicked of him to let his grin grow along with his confidence?

Pushing the limits, he
winked and asked, “Mind if I take a look around?”

“Oh.” Ava shook her head.
With a step back, she added, “Come in.”

Keegan inspected the
house thoroughly—or, as thoroughly as a beekeeper’s nephew with no professional
training could do. He peeked into vents, put his ear to various walls, looked
through cabinets, and felt quite satisfied that no buzzing bees had taken up
residence.

If only his conclusion
had taken away the lines across Ava’s forehead. Instead, he was pretty sure
they had only multiplied. But he couldn’t quite figure out why.

Well, stress sometimes
took a while to dissipate. Time for Phase 2.

“I brought a couple of
friends I want you to meet, if that’s okay with you.” He watched Ava for signs of
nervousness—lip-biting, nail-chewing, trembling hands, that sort of thing—but
she only gazed at him in open curiosity.

“Why on earth did you
just leave them in your truck all this time?”

Keegan headed out the
front door, leaving it open behind him so Ava could follow. “I didn’t think
you’d want them in the house.”

“What?”

He glanced back to see
Ava with her arms crossed over her chest, hesitating on the last step to the
gravel drive. “What sort of friends do you have?” Her voice was filled with
confusion. He couldn’t help but laugh.

“The very best kind. Come
on.” He continued to the back of the truck, pleased when the crunch of pebbles
alerted him to Ava’s presence behind him. He released the tailgate and climbed
into the bed, resting his hand on the nearest crate. “These are my babies.”

The darkness hid Ava’s
expression, but he imagined it to be skeptical. “Your…babies?”

He knelt down next to
Sun’s crate and grabbed two leashes from the toolbox. “Behave,” he reminded the
dog in a whisper. As regal as ever, Sun practically strolled out of the crate
after Keegan unlatched the door. He hooked up the leash to the German
shepherd’s collar, then released Moon, who made a beeline for the back of the
truck as soon as he spied freedom.

“Moon, stop!” The command
caused the dog to halt right before the big jump, thwarting him from his
obvious plan to tackle Ava in unrestrained joy. Keegan caught Ava’s squeal as she
took a couple of giant steps backward, hands up as a shield.

Keegan sighed.
Great
first impression, Moon.
“Come here, you mutt. I told you not to scare Ava.”

The dog obeyed—less
enthusiastically then he had disobeyed, of course. Keegan latched on the leash
and then led the two golden and black canines out of the truck bed.

Ava remained a safe
distance away. “What kind of dogs are those?” The high-pitched nature of the
question made Keegan wonder if this had been a stupid idea on his part. Sun and
Moon were supposed to help calm Ava, not induce even more fear.

Too late now.
He
took a step forward, then, in a firm voice, he commanded, “Down.” Immediately,
Sun and Moon laid down next to his feet, watching him for signs of a reward or
further commands, tongues lolling in anticipation.

“These are my German
shepherds, Sun”—he gestured to the furrier, more golden dog on his left—“and
Moon”—he smoothed the fur of Moon’s sleek, darker head.

Ava stood frozen, her
wariness obvious even in shadow.

“You can come pet them,”
Keegan offered. “They’re big, but tame.” He sensed Ava watching him—or maybe
studying
would be the better word. He had to resist the urge to squirm like Moon was
doing as the dog bided his time before licking poor Ava to death.

Ava took a step toward
Sun and finally knelt beside the gentler of the two. Raising a tentative hand,
she began to stroke the dog’s ears and hairy neck. Sun was totally in
heaven…and Moon was totally jealous. Keegan put a stop to the whimpering with a
whispered “no.”

“They’re beautiful dogs.”

Keegan felt his shoulders
relax at Ava’s quiet praise. “I think so, too. Moon can get a little rowdy, and
Sun has an obnoxious bark, but they’re really great. I thought maybe we could
take a quick walk around with them. If you wanted.”

Ava stood, stumbling a
bit when Sun rubbed his side against her leg. Keegan shot his hand out, but Ava
just giggled and patted the dog.

That giggle—it made all
of Keegan’s concerns pop like bubbles floating in the night breeze.

He held out Sun’s leash,
and with only the slightest hesitation, Ava grabbed it. With Sun and Moon in
tow, they walked through the fields around Ava’s house, chatting about nothing
much and laughing at Moon’s antics.

Keegan couldn’t blame the
dog for wanting to show off a little.

∞∞∞

It soon became a regular
thing. Ava showed up at the coffee shop Monday, Thursday, and Friday each week
for the next three weeks, her laptop in tow and a dark chocolate mochaccino
delivered to her table by an angel.

Keegan showed up at Ava’s
place Wednesday nights, Thursday nights, and Saturday mornings for walks with
Sun and Moon.

And while odd noises in
her home still made Ava lose sleep as she worried that perhaps the bees had
returned, she managed to avoid texting Keegan late at night by reliving, as
much as possible, every conversation, every teasing remark, every wink, every
smile.

Then one Saturday, Keegan
suggested they take their walk at the local rose garden.

When Ava resisted,
declaring she had plenty of space around her house, Keegan tried to entice her
with descriptions of the flowers.

“Come on. They’ll be in
full bloom right about now. Pink ones, red ones—I thought you would like this
sort of stuff.”

“Well, yeah, but…”
Flowers
attract bees.

Keegan raised his
eyebrows, leaning against his truck without a care in the world. Ava found it
increasingly difficult to hang onto her concerns around him.

“Fine. You win.” Although
she felt her own sense of victory when he rewarded her with a wink and a
helping hand into the passenger’s seat.

Keegan released Sun and
Moon from their crates once they arrived at the rose garden. A network of paths
branched out through a park brimming with rose bushes, and Ava chose the one
bracketed by blush-pink roses.

Clouds threatened from
one corner of the sky, but for now, sunshine enveloped the park in welcoming
warmth and brightness. Ava held fast to Sun’s leash and admired the colors
around her without pausing. As long as she didn’t stop, the bees were fairly
easy to ignore.

“You know, I never asked
you how old Sun and Moon are.”

Was it her imagination,
or did Keegan almost trip?

“They’re both eight.”

Ava reached down to rub
Sun’s ears, velvety smooth. “Did you get them when they were puppies?”

“Yeah.” His response was
so subdued, Ava could hardly hear it over the buzzing…

She shut out that thought
quickly. It wasn’t hard to do when Keegan took her free hand in his. “Ava, why
don’t you slow down a bit? I would say this is more of a ‘strolling zone,’ not
a ‘sprinting zone.’”

“I was
not
sprinting.” But she forced herself to take in a deep breath of fresh, fragrant
air and slow her pace.

“I confess I had an
ulterior motive for bringing you here.”

Ava’s heart hiccupped as
she glanced over at Keegan’s earnest expression, lips pressed tight and eyes
full of…what? Pleading? Sympathy? What could he possibly have planned?

“You’re going to have to
stop for a second, though.” And with that, he rooted himself to a spot at the
edge of the path, tugging her to a halt beside him.

“What is it?” Ava
couldn’t decide whether she should be excited or afraid. Sun nudged her
shorts-clad leg with his wet nose, apparently sensing her distress.

Keegan waited for a
couple to walk past them before he said, “I wanted you to see the bees here, in
their proper environment.”

She tilted her head,
mimicking the dogs beside them. Waiting.

Keegan tipped his chin
toward the nearest bush sprawling along the path. Bees covered it, almost as
numerous as the bees covering her window all those weeks ago. She swallowed and
attempted to step back—but Keegan’s grip was as strong as a leash, keeping her
from getting too far away. He shifted his hand so that he could weave his
fingers through hers.

“It’s okay. See? They’re
not paying any attention to you at all. They’re just going about their work.”

She could feel her
fingers start to tremble, but the tremors passed as Keegan gently tightened his
grip, his solid fingers holding her together. With a tug, he brought her closer
to his side.

Left with little
choice—she didn’t have the will to let go of Keegan—she watched the bees.

Watched as one landed on
a bloom, hiding away inside the petals.

Watched as another
emerged from a rose, crawled to the edge, and then took to the air.

Watched as it found
another bud nearby to pollinate.

Watched as each bee
followed its own invisible path, helping the roses to fulfill their purpose.
Ensuring that more roses would come one day.

Keegan said nothing as
they continued to observe this dance of nature, bees and flowers switching
partners and imparting a little bit of hope for one another’s lives. The bees
would make honey. The flowers would spread.

Slowly, Ava’s heart
resumed its usual rhythm and her grip on Keegan’s hand lost its urgency.

Keegan was right. While
she still didn’t want these creatures anywhere near her house, they looked
almost…graceful…here, in this rose bush.

Suddenly, Moon snapped at
a passing bee, which zipped away before the dog could swallow it whole. “No,
Moon. Those aren’t treats.” Keegan shook his head, but when Ava met his gaze,
they both laughed.

The spell was broken, so
they continued on their way.

Keegan still held onto
her hand.

Keegan lay in bed that
night, unable to rid his mind of Ava’s innocent question.
Did you get them
when they were puppies?
It brought him back to the roly-poly days of Sun
and Moon, when they could hardly have protected him from anything and yet
somehow helped to keep the terror at bay. They were tangible gifts of love from
another time when Keegan had tried to be the hero—succeeding only in part.

He hadn’t thought about
that day in months. At least he hadn’t dwelled on it much since then. But as his
mind drifted from his walk with Ava at the rose garden, it all came back to
him.

Eight years ago.
Seventeen years old. A bus stop. A gunman.

Keegan had simply
reacted. The guy was one of his classmates. That year they shared the same
physics class. He sat across the room, always absorbed in his work. Whenever
Keegan happened to see him in his peripheral at lunch, he always had his
headphones on. In his own bubble on the quad.

And now here he was,
holding a gun and threatening to take out everyone at the bus stop. Students.
An older couple. Some twenty-something girl in a Burger King uniform. A
businessman who had been absorbed with his iPad only seconds ago, tie uneven, collar
wrinkled.

Keegan walked in on that
scene, coming down the sidewalk. Saw the terror. Heard the screams as his
classmate shot at the businessman. Tackled the gunman before he could squeeze
the trigger again. Saw the girl dive for the gun and grasp it in shaky hands
while the older man shouted something into his own phone. Straddled his
classmate while the guy spit in his face and thrashed back and forth, up and
down. Bucking and kicking and slamming his head against the pavement until the
police came.

Keegan was hailed a hero.
But all he could see every night he closed his eyes—for months and years—was
the businessman bleeding out. All he could feel was the hatred of his classmate
and the terror of those innocent people at the bus stop. All he could taste was
the tears he cried at the businessman’s memorial service.

Luke Tanner. That was his
name. The name of a husband. A father of two. A son. A brother. A coworker. A
friend.

Gone. Just like that.

A tear slid down the side
of his face and into his ear as he lay there in bed, remembering.

He didn’t fear death. Not
for himself. He believed in Jesus. Believed in heaven. In grace. In hope.

What he feared most of
all was that feeling of helplessness. It still haunted him in public places
like grocery stores and movie theaters and art galleries. What if…? What if he
could do nothing to save the people, to stop the panic?

He clenched the sheet in
his fists. Then sat up, groaning in frustration. Ava brought it all back, and
he wondered if helping her through her fear would make any difference if he had
no control over the fears that might plague her in the future.

What good would it do to
better someone’s life if they could lose it tomorrow?

Somehow, deep down, he
already knew that answer. He’d wrestled with this question years ago. It was
stupid to wrestle with it again and again and again.

But sometimes, that’s
what it takes.

Sliding out of bed, he
got down on his knees, praying. Begging, really. Striving to remember the truth
he’d once come to realize about the value of life—the enormity of it—and how
the light of it couldn’t be snuffed out by darkness unless one chose it.

He didn’t know how long
he’d been crying into his comforter before he heard the clack of nails on the
kitchen floor and the padding of paws on the carpet. Moon came and rested his
heavy head on Keegan’s shoulder until Keegan turned and buried his face into
his friend’s fur. Just as the dog had done since the very first day Keegan’s
parents had bought the two puppies, he provided a loyal presence. A blessed
reminder that Keegan wasn’t alone.

Moon followed Keegan onto
the bed, and Keegan drifted into a nightmare-free sleep. He knew better than
anyone that German shepherds made the best kind of guard dog.

∞∞∞

Ava glanced up from her
laptop when she heard a knock at the door. Her brow furrowed as she puzzled
over who it could be. The only person who came to visit her was Keegan. But
today was Sunday.

Ava opened the door,
blinking her bleary eyes at the twilight sky casting Keegan in a golden glow.

“Got off work an hour
early.” He shrugged. “I know Sunday isn’t one of our usual walking days, but do
you want to take a walk with me?”

She leaned against the
doorjamb, glancing back briefly at her laptop and the manuscript she’d been
editing. She had made good progress today, despite the sleepless night and the
late-morning church service. And a walk in the fresh air sounded nice.

Actually, a walk
with
Keegan
in the fresh air sounded nice.

“Are Sun and Moon coming
with us?”

She caught Keegan’s
smile, although he seemed less vibrant today. The light never left him, though.
His thoughtful attitude just brought him from noonday shine to twilight glow.

“I see how it is. You
only want me for my dogs now.”

The words startled Ava.
Not because he was flirting—which wasn’t such a rare thing—but because it was
true. She
did
want him. But not for his dogs. For his joy. His kindness.
His care.

She sucked in a breath of
the lukewarm evening air. “Let me just save my work and grab a light sweater.”

After a moment, Ava rejoined
Keegan on the stoop, closing the door behind her and stuffing her hands in her
sweater pockets. “Lead the way.”

They walked through the
tall grass that reached halfway up their shins. Keegan stared down at it as
they forged a path. “You know, this really ought to be mowed.”

“Yeah.” Ava understood
that; she just didn’t want to do anything about it. That didn’t make her lazy,
right? It’s not as if she didn’t have other things to do. More important things
than mowing grass, certainly.

“I’ll bring my dad’s
riding mower next Saturday. If that’s all right with you.”

Just because Ava didn’t
want to do it didn’t mean poor Keegan had to. She pulled a hand out of her
pocket and placed her fingers on his bare arm. “That’s kind of you to offer,
but you don’t have to do that. I’m just being lazy.” There. She admitted it.

He grinned. “Well, we’re
all prone to be that way now and then. And anyone would get overwhelmed by this
crazy field.”

“Exactly. I can’t let you
mow it all by yourself.” Before she could stuff her hand back into her pocket,
Keegan captured her fingers and entwined them with his own.

“Then we’ll take turns.”

She scoffed, but a smile
rose up to replace the fake scowl. “I don’t know how to use a riding mower.”

He squeezed her fingers.
“Then I’ll teach you.”

Well, she wouldn’t object
to that.

They walked a short ways
together, closer to the woods that edged the property around the rental home.
The more time they spent holding hands, the more Ava could feel this strong
sensation pulling her closer to Keegan. Like the moon tugging on the ocean or
the sun coaxing stems from the ground. She bit her lip as she wondered what
Keegan would do if she gave in and rested her head on his shoulder.

And then he released her
hand, and she felt the loss like unsaved work when her computer chose to
restart unexpectedly.

Until his arm came around
her shoulders, and he tucked her into his side and urged her to lean into him.
She’d never felt relief so strongly as she did when she wrapped her arm around
his waist and gave in to the pull to settle into his embrace.

Eventually they came to
the tree line, just as the sun began to dip behind it. Keegan released her so
they could face each other.

And he told her. About
why he had hesitated when she asked about the dogs. About his fears that he
couldn’t help her in lasting ways. About the nightmares that haunted him—even
now.

She cried. She tried to
stop, not wanting to add to his burden, but he was breaking her heart by
showing the brokenness of his own.

“Hey, it’s okay.” He drew
her back into his arms. “I didn’t mean to make you cry. I just…thought you
should know that about me. Since I know your fears.”

She swiped her sleeve
across her eyes and cheeks. “My fears don’t come anywhere close to what you’ve
gone through, Keegan. Surely you know that.”

He brought up his own
hand to help brush away the tears dripping from her chin. “Fear is fear.
Anything that holds us back from life and the love we can give—all of it’s
powerful. No matter what causes it. Any kind of paralyzing fear should be
acknowledged and then fought against. Don’t you think?”

She nodded. “I’m so sorry
for what you went through. I wish I could help you, the way you’ve helped me.”

“Just being able to talk
about this with you—just spending time with you—you’ve already helped me.”

Ava had to bite her lip
and blink quickly to keep from crying again.

Keegan looked up at the
ever-darkening sky. “We better head back.”

While summer was rapidly
approaching, the night air still held a chill. Ava rubbed her arms.

It was then that a
buzzing sound filtered into her mind. She spun around, toward the woods. “Do
you hear that?”

Keegan latched onto her
arm. “Ava…”

“It’s a hive, isn’t it?”
Her heart started pounding. It sounded close. She squinted into the tree
line—and not but ten feet away, she could see bees buzzing around a hollow
trunk.

Keegan took a step back,
bringing her with him. “It’ll be fine. This is their natural habitat, remember?
This is where they belong. As long as we don’t bother them, they won’t bother
us.”

She tore her gaze away
from the tree and tried to read Keegan’s expression. Tried to breathe.

Keegan’s grip on her arm
was steady. Comforting. She let him pull her along. One step. Then another.

Something zipped by her
face, and she squealed, swatting the air with her free hand. Making contact
with something. Something that pinched her finger. “Oh!” She flung her hand out
and brought it quickly back to her chest.

Wide-eyed, Keegan dropped
her arm and reached for her other hand—the one she now cradled in front of her.
“Was it…? Did it…?”

Despite the throbbing in
her finger—no longer a phantom feeling but a reality—Ava laughed. The tears
from earlier leaked out of the corners of her eyes because,
goodness
,
the sting did hurt. But nowhere near as bad as she had spent the last month
imagining it to be.

“Ava, are you okay?” Even
in the darkness, Ava could see Keegan was watching her warily, like she was
about to go into a fit of hysterics. So she forced herself to wipe away the
tears and offer up a brave smile.

“I’m fine. It hurts, but
it’s just a sting.”

Keegan studied her a
moment longer, then smiled back and grasped her uninjured hand. “Then let’s get
you back so we can take care of you.”

The moon peeked over the
town in the distance as they rushed back through the wild grass and into the
house. Keegan settled her onto the couch and then walked over to the fridge.
Ava watched in silence as he pulled out an ice pack and rummaged through her
drawers until he found a dish towel to wrap it in.

He returned and knelt by
her legs. “Can I see it?”

Only then did she realize
she was clutching her hand to her chest, cupping her other hand around the
injured finger. The throbbing intensified as she lowered her hand into his
palm.

He didn’t look up as he
went to work, using his thumbnail to slide the stinger out of her skin. She
shut her eyes tight, feeling slightly nauseous. But a few deep breaths, and
then it was out, and he held the ice pack over her finger.

“There.” He sounded
triumphant, and when she dared to open her eyes, she found him watching her,
almost admiringly. He winked, triggering a blush in her cheeks.

“Do you have any Advil?”
he asked.

She nodded. “In the
medicine cabinet in the bathroom.”

“I’ll get you some.” With
that, he laid her hand carefully in her lap, transferring the ice pack into her
grasp, and went off to get her some painkillers.

He returned with two
pills and a glass of water, and she swallowed both eagerly. “Thank you.”

To her surprise, he sank
down next to her on the couch. “You doing all right?”

“Actually, yeah. I am.”
Her chuckle came out shaky—with relief and ebbing adrenaline.

Keegan put his arm around
her. “You did it. You survived.”

She gazed across the
carpet, remembering the black fuzz of dead bees that had taken a wrong turn
into her home. She sighed, laying her head against Keegan’s chest. “You make it
sound like I won a war.”

Silence—warm and
comfortable—cloaked her as Keegan rubbed her arm. Up and down. Up and down.
Exhaustion took over, and her eyes closed. Up and down. Up and down.

Just as she drifted off
to sleep, she heard Keegan whisper, “I think you did, Tired Girl.”

∞∞∞

Keegan left Ava for only
a few minutes, when the ice pack started melting in his lap. He returned it to
the freezer and grabbed a Band-Aid, gently wrapping it around Ava’s finger
before lifting her and settling her into his arms again.

Never once did she stir.

He drifted off to sleep
with a smile on his face, his cheek against her soft hair, happy to know she
was finally,
finally
, getting the rest she desperately needed.

With a start, he woke to
Ava’s darkened living room. Shifting as little as possible, he tilted his wrist
and peered at his watch.

Midnight.

Slowly, he released Ava’s
shoulder and lowered her to the couch as he stood. He grabbed the blanket on
the back of the couch and settled it over her. On a whim, he placed a tender
kiss on her lips, lingering for just a moment in the sweet space they shared.