Where Yesterday Lives (26 page)

Ellen never again tried to convince her family to leave their church. Instead she prayed that their faith would be strengthened, and over the years she saw those prayers answered.

Weeks after the discussion with her father, Ellen was back in Petoskey for his crash course in sports reporting. Six months later she met Mike.

She and Jake saw each other just once after that, when they met by chance at Glen’s Market in Petoskey. Ellen remembered her prayer and managed to leave the store after barely exchanging greetings with Jake.

That was nine years ago.

Ellen picked at the damp grass around her. She wondered if he had changed, if he still had a string of girls or if he had finally gotten serious about life.

A truck turned and headed down the street. Ellen’s pulse quickened as the vehicle came closer and finally stopped in front of her house.

The truck was new, a full-size Chevy with an extended cab. A man climbed out slowly Jake. She would have known him anywhere. He studied her as she stood up and brushed the grass off her shorts.

“Hi ya.” The soft greeting was one she’d heard from him a thousand times before.

“Hi.” She was thankful he couldn’t see her red cheeks from across the yard.

He walked around and opened the passenger door, watching her carefully as she climbed in. He closed her door, walked around and climbed into the driver’s seat. He drove several houses down the block, then pulled over.

“Ellen.” He turned to her, searching her face. Gently, he took her hands in his, but he said nothing. There was no need. Ellen could read his piercing blue eyes as easily as she had the day they’d met. They were adults who had shared everything at a time when life was most impressionable and the memories were there for both of them.

“I know,” she said quietly.

Then without a word they hugged each other, bridging the awkwardness between them and erasing the years in a single instant.

E
llen pulled away first, smoothing her T-shirt and wrestling with her emotions. Jake stayed close. He stared into her eyes, watching her carefully.

“Are you okay?” he whispered. “About your dad, I mean?” There was concern in his voice, and Ellen caught the scent of his cologne. Mixed with the smell of the truck’s new leather interior it was enough to make her flustered, unsure of herself—and her motives for calling him.

Lord,
what am I doing here? What am I looking for?

As had happened so often lately, the only answer she received was silence. Drawing a deep breath, she steadied herself. Jake had spent so much time with her family that he would understand what she had lost. He had loved her father, too.

And that, Ellen realized, more than any other reason, was why she wanted to see Jake after so many years.

She wiped at an errant tear. “I miss him, Jake.”

“He was something, wasn’t he?” Jake’s eyes were distant and sad. He looked at Ellen again. “You okay?”

“I guess. It wasn’t a surprise or anything. I just…I just needed to talk to someone who would understand.”

“Well, I have all night.” Jake started the engine and pulled back onto the street. “Why don’t you relax a minute and you can tell me all about it when we get there.”

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

She sank deep into the leather seat and studied him as he drove. He wore a blue tank top and athletic shorts, and it was
easy to see that he was still lean, still remarkably fit. His hair was darker than before, cropped short at the neck and slightly longer on top. He was still tan, his eyes still as blue as the water in Little Traverse Bay But there was something different. Something…more steady, more mature. He turned onto Mitchell, and Ellen saw he was heading toward the water. The silence between them was easy, and when she turned to watch him again he caught her gaze and smiled.

“I’m glad you called.”

She shook her head, chuckling wryly. “I still can’t believe I did it. I thought you’d think I was crazy, calling after all these years.”

“Come on, Ellen. Did you think I’d forget you?”

She stared at her hands. “No.”

“Well, that’s good.”

Ellen smiled to herself. Jake was trying to keep things on a surface level, and that
was
good.

“You have to admit it’s a little strange, calling you out of the blue after nine years and asking you to come get me.”

“You can always call me, Ellen. You know that.” Jake’s voice was kind, and Ellen felt it wrap around her, warming her wounded heart. Hot, unexpected tears pricked at her eyes at the compassion she heard in his voice, saw in his eyes. No doubt about it, Jake had been a head turner when they were younger. But this kinder, gentler manner…this sincerity and compassion that she felt from him…

That took him way beyond attractive—and right into dangerous.

They drove another ten minutes to the plateau along the beach at Magnus Park. A thicket of trees surrounded the secluded spot but opened just enough to offer a spectacular view of the bay. It was nearly nine-thirty and the sun was beginning its trek toward the water.

Ellen settled more deeply into her seat and sighed. She and Jake had parked here so often before. The plateau was where
they had broken up and gotten back together a handful of times over the years. This was where she’d come after going to Jake’s house that last time and finding another woman there.

How strange it was to be here again.

Jake turned off the engine and leaned back, facing her. He was silent, studying her.

She laughed nervously. “Kinda familiar, huh?”

Jake didn’t laugh. “That’s not why I brought you here.”

“I know. It just brings back memories, that’s all.”

“We can go somewhere else.”

“No,” Ellen said quickly. “This is fine. I like it here.”

“So,” Jake said. He folded his hands behind his head and leaned against the window of his truck. “I’m listening.”

“Well, it’s a long story”

“About your dad?”

“No. I mean, I’m dealing with my dad’s death. At least I think I am. Actually I’m so busy fighting with Jane that I hardly have time to think about my dad.”

Jake shifted so that he was slightly closer, and Ellen realized he could still make her feel safe and secure, still soothe away her pain without a single touch.

“I wondered how things would be between you two this week.”

“They’re terrible. Isn’t that crazy? We come together for our dad’s funeral, travel the country so we can be here in our hometown and bury this man we all loved, and we can’t even get along with each other.”

“Ah, just like old times.”

Ellen stared at him. “Huh?”

“Come on, Ellen. You and Jane always fought. Don’t tell me you don’t remember.”

Ellen was quiet a moment. She stared out the windshield at the waning sunlight. The bay had become a shimmering expanse of silver and gold. She drew a deep breath and turned to Jake.

“When I think about Jane I remember hanging around her at school and sharing secrets late into the night. Dancing on a flatbed truck one New Year’s Eve. And a thousand happy memories growing up together.”

“Those are all good, Ellen. But there were bad times, too. Remember the year you shared the apartment?”

Ellen frowned. She remembered. “We disagreed once in a while back then, but it’s different now. She snaps at everything I say. It seems like she hates me. I don’t know how to get along with her, I don’t know what to say around her, and I don’t know what I’ve done to make her so mad. When I couldn’t take it anymore I called you. And here I am.”

Jake inclined his head but said nothing.

Ellen went on. “I was closer to my dad than she was.”

“I remember. You think that’s the problem?”

Ellen stared out the windshield again. “I don’t know. It seems like she’s taking it out on me, like she resents me or something.” Tears made their way quietly down her face. “She tells me I shouldn’t talk about her children, and then she ridicules me for not having any of my own.” She closed her eyes. “She accused me of choosing my career over having children.” She gave a short laugh. “I can’t believe she thought that. I want kids; for a while I wanted them more than anything in the world. But Mike and I have tried and it just hasn’t happened.” She opened her eyes and met Jake’s gentle gaze. “I’ve had two miscarriages.”

His eyes filled with sympathy. “I’m sorry, Ellen. Really.”

She nodded and sniffled loudly. Jake handed her a tissue from his glove compartment and Ellen was thankful she had called him. There was still a certain chemistry between them, but there was no spark, no hint of anything less than proper. She was a married woman talking heart-to-heart with an old friend, with the one person who understood everything she was going through. It was nothing more than that.

“I remember once when we were having pizza at the
Cookery with Leslie and some of the others,” Jake said. “One of the girls was Cindy, that girl Jane hung out with once in a while. Remember?”

“I think so.”

“You said something about sharing a room with Jane but being too busy to talk to her for the past week. Something like that.”

“Right, I remember.”

“And that girl, Cindy, she said she was surprised you two shared a room because Jane had always talked like the two of you never got along. She told you Jane couldn’t stand you. Remember?”

The memory came flooding back. Ellen sat up straighter and curled her legs beneath her on the seat.

“You were hurt for days afterward,” Jake reminded her. He smiled gently, and again Ellen was glad she was with him. He did understand, even about her struggles with Jane.

Why can’t Mike be more like that, Lord?
The thought no sooner drifted into her mind than she pushed it away. She didn’t want to think about Mike now.

“If I remember right, everything was fine in a week or so,” he continued.

“I asked her to be honest, to tell me if she was upset and not talk about it with the kids at school.”

“After that you were best friends again.”

“You’re right.”

“And what about that John Bronson? That fireman guy you met at the health club one of those times when we were broken up? The two of you went on a date and you found out later that Jane had a crush on him. Remember?”

Ellen cringed. “That’s right. She didn’t speak to me for two weeks.”

Jake nodded. “It hasn’t always been rosy, babe.”

The term of endearment caught Ellen off guard, and, from the look on Jake’s face, it had surprised him as well.
Ignore it
,
she told herself, hoping she was right. But still her composure was shaken. She forced herself to sound unaffected. “So you think Jane and I were never close?”

Jake leaned nearer still, shifting to a more comfortable position and stretching his legs. “No, that’s not what I’m saying. You were close enough to fight and still love each other at the end of the day”

“And you think that’s all it is now?”

“Probably. I’m sure she’s upset about your dad. Maybe there’s something else bothering her. I don’t know, why don’t you ask her?”

Ellen hesitated. “I guess I could.”

“Just remember she doesn’t hate you, Ellen. Not anymore than she did when we were all kids at Petoskey High.”

Ellen allowed a few moments of silence while she considered Jake’s explanation. The sun was slipping beneath the horizon now and the sky across Lake Michigan was streaked with pink.

“Back then at least I knew why she was mad. Either I was too outgoing or too attracted to a guy she liked.” Ellen kept her eyes on the sunset. “Now I don’t know what’s going on. If she has something against me, she sure hasn’t told me about it.”

“Yeah, but think about how unhappy she is. I mean, you probably had a chance to tell your dad you loved him before he died. I’ll bet she can’t even remember when she talked to him last. That’s how it was back when I was around, anyway. She lives in Arizona, right?”

“Right.”

“And I’ll bet she usually talks to your mom when she calls home, right?”

Ellen nodded and cocked her head, smiling warmly “How come you know so much when I haven’t seen you in nine years, Jake Sadler?”

“I was there a long time, remember?”

His voice was soothing, the same voice she had been in love
with such a long time ago. Despite her good intentions, Ellen felt her stomach flip.

“I remember.”

“Then trust me. It’s just a phase. It’ll pass and everything will be fine again before you know it.”

“Okay but what about the others? Aaron and Amy are fighting, and Megan’s filled with all these unrealistic ideas about us being a family still because that’s what Dad would have wanted. Meanwhile Jane and I are about to tear each other’s hair out, and I just want to go back to Miami. I keep thinking there’s supposed to be all this love between us because that’s what I remember when I think of our childhood. Mom and Dad and us five kids moving from place to place. We had no one else back then, Jake. We needed each other.” She bit her lip. “Now I find myself sitting around a room with those same people and it feels like we’re strangers, like everything’s changed and we don’t even like each other.”

“Your dad hasn’t been gone a week yet, Ellen. You’re all trying to find a way to let him go.”

“And that’s why everyone’s being mean to each other?”

“That’s why nothing feels right. Your dad was a great man. It’s going to take a while for everything to be back to normal. In some ways it’ll never be the same again.”

The truth of those words stuck her deep. Jake was right. Life was never going to be the same again. Fresh tears rolled slowly down her cheeks. “What am I going to do without him, Jake?”

“Ahh, Ellen.” Jake leaned over and wiped two tears from either side of her chin. “I’m sorry. Really, I am.”

“I want to see him so badly, just once more. So I can talk to him and ask him what to do about Jane. Sometimes I don’t think I’ll survive without him.”

Jake watched her intently. “I know how that feels.”

“Yeah, but your dad’s still alive.”

He paused a moment. “I still know how it feels.”