Where Words Fail (28 page)

I can feel it in my soul that there is something more than friends between us, but he’s not letting on to anything other than him calling me babe instead of my name. It’s weird feeling like I don’t know him because he’s the first person I want to talk to in the morning. The first person I search for when I step into a room. It makes me feel safe when he’s near me.

I’m not sure if that is a good thing or not. I don’t like relying on people. It’s never really worked out in my favor before.

I pushed my bottom lip out, stomped my good foot like I was going to have a two year old tantrum and flipped them all off. “You guys are so mean to me.”

The door swung open and Alex effectively ruined my pouting session. “Izzy’s out. How’s the song coming?”

“It would be better if I didn’t have to stop every few minutes and say ‘hey guy, try this instead’... It would be much easier with a name.” I batted my eyes at them.

“Maybe I should change my name to guy. Would that make it easier?” He started laughing but the look I sent him stopped that quickly.

“Do you find this funny?” I gasped.

He winked. “You’re cute when you’re mad. What can I say?”

“I’m not cute,” I mumbled and let my head fall forward, and my hair fell into my eyes. My fingers drawing back and forth across my strings.

I heard him set his guitar down and crouched down in front of me. He pushed my hair behind my ear and pulled my chin up, so I was eye to eye with him before he curled his calloused fingers behind my neck.

My chest rose faster and faster as he searched my eyes for something, fighting against the dark to see me. My face flushed under his intense stare.

His voice was hoarse as his thumb drew back and forth across my jaw. “You’re right. You aren’t cute. You’re beautiful.”

My heart did this flip flop thing that I don’t remember it ever doing before, and I wasn’t sure if I liked it when it did that. I felt myself withdraw from his hands and sprung up, ignoring the confused look on his face. The guitar that was lying across my lap fell to the deck with a loud bang and the twang of the strings vibrating through the body.

I fumbled for my words. “I...I uh. Um I thi-think we’re good for tonight. I’ll see you guys later.” Everyone was looking at me like I was crazy. Maybe I was. Maybe I needed to go back to the hospital. Who knows? All I know is that right then and there I needed to escape.

I ran, ok waddled, as fast as I could with my cast on to the closet and threw on my black Remington sweatshirt and threw my hair on top of my head and secured it with an elastic. Grabbing my glasses and my keys I made my way back out as fast as I could.

Driving restrictions or not. Scared or not. I couldn’t handle this any other way.

Before I even made it out the door, they guys were on me like rabid dogs. Trying to talk me down. Telling me I didn’t need to do this. Everyone except
him
. He looked like his world was crumbling. His eyes begging me not to go while his hands held the railing so tight I was afraid it would splinter apart under the pressure.

I couldn’t stay though. Didn’t they see that? If I stayed, I lost control of everything. I wanted, I
needed
to have control over my life. With everything that has happened in the past few months that has been lacking.

I know they could stop me if they really thought what I was doing would hurt me. I’m just one tiny woman and they are four large guys. But I know that they let me go because they know that this is how I deal with things. I would go get drunk, find a guy, forget and come home. Just like always. That’s what I wanted... Right?

I looked out the windshield to the people that loved me in my life. AJ and Jason looked like they were going to kill someone. Alex was shaking his head at me, his shoulders sagging with defeat. Tuesday looked once and turned on her heel and went back in the house. And the guy who had such an effect on me looked about as broken as I feel right now.

Pulling into Mo’s, I slid from the truck and pulled my hood over my head. I slipped onto a stool at the darker end of the bar and ordered.

After checking my ID twice, because evidently I look like I’m twelve fucking years old, the bartender finally brought me my drink. But for some reason I didn’t go with my usual. I needed a change and decided I wanted to try some Irish whiskey. So I ordered a glass of Jameson and had him leave the bottle.

I couldn’t bring myself to drink it though. I sat and rolled the glass around in my hands for about an hour. Watching the liquid coat the sides and slide back down.

What the hell was wrong with me? I came here to drink, but I couldn’t even get myself to do that. Something in the back of my head yelled at me every time I brought the glass to my lips. I set the glass back down, folded my arms on top of the bar and dropped my head.

“Everything ok honey?” The southern drawl pulled me out of my stupor, and I raised my head to be hit head on with a pair of the darkest eyes I’ve ever seen. A wiry looking guy with shaved dark hair and gauged ears sat down next to me. Tattoos climbing up every exposed inch of skin. Eyeing the whiskey I had yet to drink.

“Mmm. Fabulous,” I replied. Thinking he reminded me of West. I should call him. I haven’t talked to him since who knows when.

Jameson

“Are you guys fucking kidding me?! We’re just going to let her go?” I couldn’t wrap my head around what was going on. We’ve done so well. She hadn’t freaked out and gone to a bar in months. Now she can’t remember me, and she fucking takes off again and they told me just to let her go.

“Calm down, Jameson,” AJ muttered.

“Calm down. Calm the fuck down!” I roared. “What would you do if it was the girl you loved doing this. Y’all know what she’s out there trying to do. That’s my girl. MY FUCKING GIRL!” My fist pounded against my chest. I wanted to hit something. Punch a hole in the wall or hit someone in the face. Anything! But I couldn’t. This wasn’t my house, and I couldn’t hit anyone here. I swear my pacing was going to wear a path in the hardwood floor of the living room.

He held his hands up to surrender and sat back on the couch. I grabbed my keys and started for the door. I couldn’t just hang out here anymore while Abby was out there doing this shit. It doesn’t matter that she doesn’t remember me yet. I wasn’t going to let her do anything she would regret later on.

I turned my back to everyone and started towards the door before Tuesday’s voice stopped me. “Jameson!” I turned and looked her in the eye. Her brown eyes held my blue ones with more force, more intimidation, than any of the guys in this room. She squared off her shoulders and walked up to me. “She’s at Mo’s. If you hurt her or make her any worse than she is already... I’ll hunt you down and hurt you. Do you understand?” I nodded. “Say ‘Yes, Tuesday’.”

“Yes, Tuesday.” I frowned. How did she do that?

From what I understand, nobody really knows Tuesdays past. All they know is she showed up at one of Abby’s battered women’s counseling meetings one night, and they became friends. She doesn’t talk about anything. It kind of makes me scared to know, if she can make me feel like that with one look when she’s upset, I’m scared to know what would happen if she was mad.

I pushed my way into Mo’s bar and growled at the sight in front of me. My hands balled into fists as I walked towards the bar.
My Darkest Days
Casual Sex
was playing over the speakers.
How fitting
. Abby was leaning between some guys’ legs. His hands were resting on her ass while she talked to him... Son of a bitch his hands were on my girl’s ass.

I took a deep breath to try to calm myself down. It was working until he took her hand and slid her off the barstool and started pulling her towards the back of the bar.

Fuck this.

I shoved myself through the crowd towards her. Grabbing her arm, I pulled her back to me.

She screamed until she realized who had grabbed her. After that the anger radiated off her in waves.

“WHAT THE FUCK, GUY!”

“Don’t you ‘
what the fuck, guy’
me, Abby!” I yelled over the music. Heads snapped our way but I didn’t care.

“I left because of you! Did you not get the hint?!”

“Is there a problem here?” The guy she had been leaving with asked.

My head turned towards him, a warning in my eyes but he didn’t seem to notice.

“There won’t be if you keep walking.” I could feel Abby’s eyes boring into the back of my head.

“She invited me out back... It’s not my fault she doesn’t want your cock anymore but would rather have mine.” He reached down and cupped himself through his pants.

I didn’t even notice myself reacting until it was too late. My fist caught the side of his face, and his head snapped to the side.

I was seething. Breathing hard as my heart pounded in my chest. His fingers wiped the blood away from his lips after he spit on the ground.

“Dude. Her pussy can’t be that good. I was just gunna do her in the alley real quick. You coulda had her back...”

I hit him again. And again. And then I smashed his head off the bar for good measure. No one stopped me. The bartender wasn’t even paying attention. He slid to the ground, the barstools squeaking in protest as they slid across the floor, and his head rolled towards his chest.

I turned my attention back to Abby. Her hand was covering her mouth, eyes wide as she stared at me.

“You’re an asshole,” she whispered under breath.

“Baby you ain’t seen nothing yet. Go get in the truck.” She shook her head and planted her hands on her hips. I glared at her. I never wanted to treat her like this. It made me feel like shit. I walked towards her, crowding her space and told her to get in the truck again. She shook her head again. Damn defiant woman. I bent forward and shoved my shoulder against her stomach and lifted her.

My arm slipped around her flailing legs, and I rested my hand on her ass, curling my fingers under the lip of the jean pocket to keep her from slipping. Her fists pounded against my back as she tried to push herself off of me. When I passed the place she was sitting I noticed the bottle of
Jameson
sitting there.

She knows even if she doesn’t remember it.

“PUT ME DOWN!” I could barely hear her over the pounding in my ears. Finally, when we reached the truck, I slid her down my chest and caught her arm before her fist collided with my face. I pinned her arms to her side and pushed her against the metal side of her beat up old Chevy. “What the fuck is your issue?”

“You! You’re my damn issue.” My hands slipped from her hands and slid up to her shoulders.

“Stop touching me,” she spat, pushing my hands away from her. I let them fall but didn’t move away from her.

“Abby, please... You’re killing me here.”

“Me?! I’m killing you! Are you fucking kidding me! Why? Why am I killing you?”

“Because you run off and try to have sex with random guys. Because... Because, all I want to do is kiss you again! To tell you I fucking love you! To hear you whisper my name in the morning when you wake up and have your body plastered to mine in bed. I just want you back!” I ran my hands through my hair. Fisting it as I told her all the things I probably shouldn’t.

She shoved me back. “Don’t you think I want something along those lines? I can’t remember you and it’s fucking killing me! I mean, don’t you think I want to remember? I want to know why I feel like a part of my damn soul is missing when you aren’t around. Why when I’m lying in bed at night it feels cold and I wonder what you’re doing... And I don’t even remember your name! IT’S... KILLING... ME!” She was screaming so loud we were drawing a crowd to the windows of the dingy little bar. Tears were streaming down her face.

I pushed myself against her. Wrapping my arms around her and burying my face in her neck. “What can I do to make it better?” I murmured. Her chest heaved as she cried.

Abby

I can’t stop crying. I can barely breathe. How the hell does this guy have such an effect on me? I still can’t figure it out. Nothing about him was becoming clearer to me. Other than what he just let slip, which was we were more than just friends.

“What do you need me to do? I’ll do anything for you Abby. Anything.” He pushed off of me again so he could look into my eyes, and a cold chill covered my body where he had just been.

No person should have this kind of control over me. Especially one that I couldn’t remember. Something had to change. I drew in a shaky breath.

“I want you to leave.”

He nodded. “Ok, I’ll see you at home.” He looked kind of hopeful until I spoke again.

“No, I want you to leave. Completely. You being there all the time isn’t helping me remember you. I’m sorry. “

His face fell. I watched the emotions roll over him. Shaking his head he said, “No. Anything but that.”

“You don’t have a choice. Until I figure this all out I need you gone.” I squared off my shoulders and stopped crying, trying to appear more in control, more sure of myself than I was right now. Because even as I was saying the words, I was pretty sure it was the wrong thing to do.