Where We Left Off (26 page)

And now I wanted to punch a dead guy.

“It’s hard to think about those things, though, especially with him gone,” she continued. Mallory looked out into the pasture, at the fire that climbed into the sky with its flames licking against the black backdrop of night. “By nature, we only want to remember the good in people. And Dylan had a lot of good, so much of it.”

“I’m sure he did. For him to be worthy of your love, he must’ve.”

“He was a good man, Heath.” It felt like an apology each time she defended his honor. “He loved me in the way he knew how. And he loved Corbin. When he found out we were pregnant, things changed for us. For the better.”

My heart broke for her, for the loss she’d experienced with Dylan’s death, but also for the pain she’d experienced during his life. “I’m so glad,” was all I could say.

“It was just a routine traffic stop, that’s all it was.” Her voice started to shake with emotion. I pulled her tighter to my chest. “Something went terribly wrong. The man had a warrant out for his arrest. He shot Dylan five times in the chest the moment he walked up to his window. He never saw it coming.”

I was nauseous with grief, with the pain I knew Mallory felt on a daily basis. “God, Mallory. I’m so sorry.”

“I’d anticipated it our entire marriage, I think. Every time a cruiser would drive by the house, I was certain it was that news. That he was dead. I think anyone who has a spouse in that line of work thinks that way. The worst-case scenario is always tucked in the back of your mind. Maybe not even in the back. Maybe it’s always just hanging out in the forefront.”

That made so much sense, but I couldn’t imagine ever living that—dealing with the day to day worry that the other shoe was about to drop. “His death must’ve been impossible to live through.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t call it living.” Mallory shook her head. “I’m grateful for his family. They took me into their care and under their wing and made sure I put one foot in front of the other each and every day. Corbin and I might not be here if it weren’t for them.”

The gratitude I felt for two people I’d yet to meet was enormous. They’d saved Mallory and Corbin. There was not a Thank You big enough or loud enough to ever show my appreciation.

“I hate that I’ve summarized his entire life in a five-minute conversation, but that’s what it is. That’s what we were. I hope that answers some of your questions.”

“It does,” I said. “It does.”

“Listen.” She scooted back, balanced on the edge of my knee. “I get that this isn’t easy. It’s not easy to date a widow, I know that. Or a single mother. And if it’s too much, it’s okay for you to walk away. Honestly, I get it. It’s a lot to deal with.”

“To
deal
with?” My neck snapped. “You and Corbin are not something to deal with, Mallory. It’s an honor to get to be with you. Whether it’s me or someone else later down the road, I sure hope you always feel that. Honored. Cherished.”

Her mouth crept up at the edges, the hesitant curl of a smile forming on her lips. “Heath. You always were such a good guy.” She swung her hair back from her face and tucked it over her shoulder. “I remembered that about you. Your maturity and sincerity. I never thought it would keep growing. I’d just assumed you’d matured emotionally earlier than everyone else.”

“I have a feeling the two people who raised me would beg to differ.”

“Maybe so,” she said. “But I see it. You’ve become this awe-inspiring person. This beautiful soul.”

Our mouths were mere seconds from colliding when a young voice broke our momentum.

“Sir, I just wanted to thank you for all of this tonight.” When Lucas noticed he’d all but cock blocked me, he muttered, “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize—”

“It’s okay, Lucas,” I said, noticing something of my own as well. His hand gripped tightly to Sabrina’s, their fingers intertwined. “You two have a good night?”

“The best.” Lucas turned his attention to Sabrina, who shed a small smile. She hid her emotion behind the drape of her hair that crossed her cheek. “Couldn’t have asked for anything more.”

“Then my work here is done,” I said. Mallory hopped from my lap and I rose to stand. With an extended hand, I offered it to Lucas, a sort of congratulatory gesture. “It was an honor to be your teacher this year, Lucas. You have a bright future ahead of you. I’m glad I had the chance to be a part of your story.”

Lucas took my palm in his grip and gave it a firm and impressive shake. “My story isn’t ending and you’re still very much a part of it, Mr. McBride. This is just the chapter where I get my diploma.”

“I like that way of thinking.” I nodded, pulling him in for a one-armed hug the only way guys knew how to hug.

It must’ve been time for the festivities to wrap up because Mallory and I spent the next half hour saying our farewells and goodbyes. I wanted to tell them all it wasn’t over like Lucas had said. That there was hope for more after that graduation cap was tossed high into the air.

Mallory and I were proof of that. Of the potential for more.

That reality spread through me as I looked at her. She was waving at the last car to pull down the long drive, and when her eyes swung my way, she
startled
.

“I still love you, Mallory.”

It flew out, the truth set for escape. Then, like she had so many years before, she slipped into my arms, her head against my chest, as she said, “I know, Heath. I still love you, too.”

Mallory

I stared at the open suitcase, studying the garments rolled and crammed into it like some complicated game of Tetris. The nightie lay on the mattress beside the luggage and it mocked me with its pink lace and sheer, billowy fabric. Heath and I weren’t in the spending-the-night-together realm yet. Though it was nearing the end of June and we’d been seeing each other a little over two months, things were moving slowly. Crawling. I couldn’t say I was upset by that because put together, the two of us had way more baggage than the suitcases we had prepared for our trip.

But a girl could dream, right? Or at least fantasize.

I was surprised when he’d asked if he could accompany Corbin and me to Kentucky for Tommy’s birthday. Most people did not willingly sign up for a four-and-a-half-hour flight with a baby in tow. It was a little like electing to have a root canal procedure or an ingrown toenail dug out. Being trapped in a floating prison in the sky with a screaming baby did not make for a relaxing vacation.

And Heath was definitely on vacation. I knew he was a teacher and that he’d have summers off, but I didn’t think I registered what that meant. Summer Vacation Heath was a night owl. Though he never technically “stayed over,” there were many nights that he left my place when it
was, in fact,
the next morning, the sun creeping up above the dusky horizon. The hour when the only others on the road were paper delivery boys or those finishing up their night shifts and heading home for sleep.

Since Heath didn’t have a job to get to in the morning, he’d push for just one more episode of whatever our current television series binge happened to be, or just one more game of Scrabble or Yahtzee. Which all ended up with us falling asleep on the couch, our arms intertwined, our breaths in sync as we napped away what could’ve been a deep slumber had we headed to the bedroom, instead.

But that hadn’t happened, and from what I could tell, it didn’t seem like it was on the table or his radar. I respected Heath enough not to pry. There was a line he’d drawn for whatever reason, and I wasn’t about to barrel through it just because I happened to find an incredibly flattering piece of lingerie at the mall this week, on sale no less. Maybe I would sneak up to that line, but I wasn’t going to cross it unless he took my hand and led me there.

“Knock, knock!”

Heath’s voice
rang
out as he traipsed down the hall. My stomach jumped in
to
my throat and I jammed the lingerie into the luggage, shutting it closed with clumsy fingers that weren’t able to manage
pulling
the zipper all the way around. When he reached my room, his two large hands hooked the doorframe and his eyes popped open. He looked amazing in his V-neck heather gray shirt and low slung jeans, worn in all the right places. The sunglasses shoved to his hairline were a trendy and sexy touch, too.

“Mallory, why are you sitting on your suitcase?” he asked, pulling down his glasses and bringing one of the arms to his mouth to bite it between his teeth. His brow strained. “Did you really overpack that much? We’re only going to be gone for four days.” He came over and bumped me off the luggage with a push from his elbow and settled his glasses into the deep scoop of the neckline on his shirt. “Here, let me help.”

“No!” My assertion flew from me. I struggled to grab the suitcase from him in a playful tug-o-war. “I’ve got it under control.”

Famous last words, Mallory.

Like a bomb of fabric detonating in the middle of my bedroom, the suitcase burst open, my clothing scattering all directions. My socks landed on the dresser. My jeans, a heap on the rug. And my nightie was now a scarf, flung unceremoniously around Heath’s neck.

“What’s this?” He pulled at a thin strap. When the lingerie fell from his shoulder and its form became recognizable, his face went white. “Oh. Oh, God. I’m sorry.”

I yanked the nightie from his frozen hands and balled it into mine. “It’s nothing. Just pajamas. Didn’t you pack pajamas?”

Heath was still unmoving. “Yeah, yeah. My Superman ones.” There was a shallow quiver in his voice. “Those are not footsie pajamas, Mallory. And here, all, this time, I’d thought you wore a gigantic onesie to bed.”

“So is that the reason why you’ve never joined me
in
my bed?”

Even if I’d tried, I wouldn’t have been able to stop that question from vomiting out from my mouth. It had been held there for so long, just hanging out and waiting to fly forth when given any hint of permission. Heath hadn’t been ready for it, though, and a look of sheer shock coated his features.

“Wha—what?” He added an extra syllable as he floundered. “Um, no. I mean, I don’t know. It’s complicated, Mallory.”

“Of course. Isn’t everything.” I was tired of the runaround, of using the guise of life’s challenges to keep us from what we really wanted.

“Most things, yes.” Sensing my disappointment, Heath strode closer and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me to him with a tug. “My feelings, however, are not. I love you, plain and simple. Do I want to see you in that?” He nodded toward the discarded garment that lay on the floor. “Hell yes. More than you could possibly know. Do I hope that happens soon? Absolutely.”

I didn’t understand the hesitation, in that case. The cautious way he held off.

“So?” I needed to draw more out from him.

“So …” He lifted a hand and rubbed the back of his neck while he looked down at the floor. “Here’s the thing. If I’m going to have you, I need to know that I have you … forever.”

My ears
rang
. “Oh.”

He shrugged in the most innocent way. “Yeah.”

“Yeah,” I echoed, still gaping.

“I don’t want to lose you, Mallory. If I make love to you and you end up leaving me, it’ll just be another piece of you to lose. I can’t do that. I wouldn’t be able to move on from that.”

“Why are you so certain I’m going to leave? Why can’t you just trust that I’m going to stay?”

“Because I have trust issues,” he said
with
a laugh. “Clearly.”

I bent down to collect the clothing from the floor.

“But trust me,” Heath continued. “I
will
see you in that.”

I wasn’t sure if a full body flush was a real thing, but mine was currently evidence of it. “Maybe I bought it for myself?” I teased.

With all the cockiness in the world, Heath snatched the piece of lingerie from my hands and shoved it into his back pocket as he headed toward the door. Then, without even looking back, he called out, “This is mine and you know it. Just like you are.”

“This is your captain speaking. We’ll be beginning our gradual
descent
into Louisville. If you can please return your seats to the full and upright positions, as well as your tray tables into the seatbacks in front of you, we will prepare for landing.”