Where the Allegheny Meets the Monongahela (28 page)

―You ain‘t—‖

―Responsible,‖ Nick cut in with a sigh. ―I know, but I can‘t help

thinkin‘ how different everything would‘ve been if I had just put that

goddamn hammer away. Or had listened to my mom and not touched it

in the first place.‖

―I‘m sure she doesn‘t blame you,‖ protested Logan firmly.

―No? Right after she moved in, I was putting up that hoop out

front, and she came out to tell me I better not be usin‘ my dad‘s good

hammer.‖

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Logan stroked Nick‘s hair, murmuring, ―That don‘t mean nothin‘,

Nick. You said she‘s got that dementia.‖

―I know, I know,‖ Nick agreed faintly. And he did know. He

knew how kids from abusive homes tended to blame themselves, and

he knew how fucked up that was, but he also knew that his case was

slightly different. Tired of the subject, not just from this discussion but

also from a lifetime of regret, Nick felt the need for distraction, and he

knew one damn fine way to accomplish that goal.

―Do you wanna….‖ Nick chewed his lip for a second, wondering

if this was a good idea but continuing anyway. ―Spend the night?‖

There was no immediate answer, and though Logan‘s face held nothing

but surprise, Nick read the hesitation as a no. ―It‘s okay,‖ he soothed. ―I

know that‘s a long drive back to North Braddock to make first thing in

the morning.‖

―I could stay,‖ Logan blurted. ―I‘d just have to get outta here

by….‖ He squinted at the ceiling, evidently doing some calculations.

―By about six.‖

The surge of happiness Nick felt at Logan‘s offer was strong and

swift, banishing any gloom that had crept into the room with the topic

of his father. ―That‘s fine. I can get out early, too. I‘ve got a bunch of

work that‘s been piling up. That‘ll give me a chance to get some stuff

done before my first finance session. ‖

Logan quickly rolled on top of Nick, pinning him to the mattress

and saying, ―So. That means we got all night.‖

―I thought you had to get up early,‖ Nick teased.

―I‘ll lose a little sleep for ‘nother bout—or two—with you.‖

Nick arched up for a kiss, whispering, ―Glad to hear it.‖

LOGAN yawned and shook his head as he inched along in the early

evening traffic. It had been a long day after a night of little sleep. He

and Nick had gone at it until well after midnight and had even taken

time for a quickie first thing in the morning. Logan grinned at the

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memory. The sacrifice of sleep had been well worth it, even if it had

left him ill-prepared for his session with Linda and Trudy.

The dashboard clock showed six forty-five p.m.; that meant

Linda‘s session had already started. Trudy had arranged it so that Linda

would start half an hour before Logan, and then he would continue on

for the same period after Linda left. Trudy said they‘d do this for a few

weeks, since it was likely there were still things they weren‘t ready to

share as a couple.

Logan wasn‘t really ready to share much with either woman,

though he did finally feel ready to make amends as much as possible

with Linda, even if the idea of moving back in with her filled him with

dread.
Gotta remember, it’ll mean moving back in with my girls, too.

Grim determination to do right by his daughters was the only thing

keeping Logan on this course of action.

He did plan to put the reconciliation off as long as possible,

hoping to stretch out his time with Nick as much as he could.
And then

what, get back with Linda and never see Nick again?
The thought was

staggering. But Nick didn‘t seem like the kind of guy who would settle

for being a piece on the side. Luckily for Logan, he had arrived at

Trudy‘s office building and could set aside this dilemma while he

concentrated on getting through the next hour.

When he knocked on the door to Trudy‘s office, Logan was

surprised to hear faint laughter coming from the room. Tears, he would

have expected—but mirth?
What the hell?
Trudy‘s voice boomed,

―Come in,‖ and Logan walked in to find them both smiling.

Trudy pointed at the chair next to Linda, directing, ―Have a seat.

Linda was just telling me some stories about work. Did you know she

got promoted last month?‖

Mildly surprised at the news, Logan shook his head. He

congratulated Linda as he plopped down in the chair. When Linda had

taken the job as an administrative assistant at a collection agency in

North Braddock, Logan had figured it to be a temporary situation.

Personally, he couldn‘t think of a worse place to work. But Linda had

said it wasn‘t that bad and had always spoken fondly of the energy and

camaraderie of the place. ―You ain‘t hounding deadbeats for a living

now, are you?‖ he offered awkwardly.

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―No, I‘m the office manager.‖ Linda seemed to swell with pride

at the announcement. ―They gave me a real nice raise, too.‖

Logan nearly answered that he supposed a collection agency was

one of the few places doing well in the present economy, but he

changed his mind, thinking that might come off as a cheap shot at

Linda‘s good news. ―That‘s great. I‘m sure you deserve it. You always

worked real hard there.‖

―Thanks. And how are things at the garden center?‖

―Good, real good. Gettin‘ busy again.‖ Logan almost cringed to

hear himself chatting with his wife like a near-stranger, but the sudden

realization hit him: wasn‘t that, deep down, what they were—and

always had been—to each other?

Trudy broke into his reverie, saying, ―Linda and I were talking

about her goals. Why don‘t you tell Logan what you were telling me?‖

―I was talking with my other counselor about getting some formal

training in accounting.‖

While Logan was searching for something to say other than

repeating ―That‘s great,‖ Trudy prompted, ―I was thinking of the more

personal goals we were discussing, Linda.‖

―Oh yeah,‖ Linda breathed while nervously twirling a lock of her

hair around her finger. She turned beseeching eyes on Logan,

explaining, ―It‘s like I was telling you on the phone that time. I want us

to be close again, Logan. To laugh and talk, really talk ‘bout things.

Remember how we laughed and had so much fun on our honeymoon? I

want us to be like that again.‖

Logan did remember that week in the Poconos, back when he‘d

still thought he might find some passion for Linda, back when he was

actually kind of proud about the baby Linda was carrying, thinking it

proved something about his manhood. Now he knew the truth, knew

what he really wanted, knew Linda could never provide it for him. In

fact, he couldn‘t imagine anyone other than Nick Zales could.

For the rest of the joint session, as Logan saw the false hope he

was provoking in Linda, he felt like two men. One man who was going

through the motions as the Logan of old always had, and another one

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who was standing back and observing the deceit with a disgusted but

slightly detached air.

By the time Linda walked out, leaving him alone with Trudy,

Logan had decided. He was determined to put an end to this charade.

Nick was right. If he got back with Linda, he would end up hurting her

in the long run, emotionally for sure and maybe even physically again.

Who knew what he would be driven to if he had to go back to that

miserable life of hiding and constant pretense?

He looked up to find Trudy looking at him expectantly. ―I‘m

sorry, I missed that.‖

Trudy shook her head as if he were a naughty pupil. ―I said that

you never really shared with Linda what
your
hopes for the marriage

are. We need to get you—‖

―I can‘t,‖ Logan exclaimed suddenly, every fiber of his being

protesting against the future she was holding out to him.

Frowning in puzzlement, Trudy asked, ―You can‘t what?

Before he lost his nerve, he stated, ―I can‘t go back to that….‖ He

swallowed hard and added in an almost pleading tone, ―I don‘t wanna

be married to Linda anymore.‖ He bit his lip before adding softly, ―I

don‘t think I ever did.‖

To his surprise, Trudy was smiling at him. In a tone of indulgent

forbearance, she said, ―I know exactly what is going on with you. In

fact, I was expecting this.‖

Horrified, Logan gaped at her. ―You were?‖

―Sure. You‘re just now seeing the hard work ahead, what it will

take to get past the abuse incident and forge a strong relationship with

Linda, and your impulse is to give up—to run away.‖

―Trudy, that ain‘t—‖

She shook a reproving finger at him, saying, ―I‘m not going to let

you get away with it. You‘ve come too far to give up now.‖

―I‘m not giving up….‖ Logan struggled to find words to convince

her without giving his secret—and Nick‘s—away. ―I‘m just…. I don‘t

want to get back with her.‖

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Trudy leaned back in her chair and folded her arms. ―I see,‖ she

said dryly. ―You‘ve suddenly come to this startling conclusion just

tonight, after months of telling me how much you wanted to get back

with your wife. And the reason for this thunderbolt is you ‗just don‘t

want to‘. Sorry, mister, I‘m not letting you off the hook that easy.

You‘ve got to come up with something better than that.‖

Defeated, Logan‘s shoulders slumped, and he stared at his boots,

feeling trapped—again. Right back where he‘d spent most of his life.

―Yeah, I guess you‘re right,‖ he lied, looking up in Trudy‘s direction

though not meeting her eyes. ―About why I said that.‖ He halfheartedly

finished the session by telling Trudy whatever he thought she wanted to

hear.

Logan drove home, dejected and frustrated, with a new sympathy

for those animals he‘d heard of that would chew their own legs off to

get out of a snare.

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Chapter 13:

Landing Is Inevitable

Taking off is the hard part, landing is inevitable.

—Edward Stickney

THURSDAY morning, Nick woke suddenly to the shrill jangle of his

bedside phone. His heart thudded in panic as his thoughts flew to his

mother in the hospital. He shot upright, immediately swinging his legs

over the side of the bed and grabbing the receiver. ―Hello,‖ he croaked.

Even to his own ears, his voice sounded apprehensive.

―Hey, Nick.‖

―Logan?‖ Nick‘s heart rate slowly returned to normal as he

checked the time.
six a.m.
―Is somethin‘ wrong?‖

―No. Sorry, did I wake you?‖

Nick peered out the window at the dimly lit street, where the

neighborhood was just showing signs of coming to life. ―Yeah, I don‘t

usually get up for ‘nother half hour.‖

―Aww, geez, I never thought about that. I wanted to reach you

before I left for work.‖

―You‘re workin‘ today? I thought you had Thursdays off?‖

―Not anymore. I changed my schedule so I could get weekends

off, for when I‘ve got the girls, you know?‖

―Oh, right. What‘s up?‖

―I was just wondering….‖

Any impatience Nick might have been feeling was banished by

the yearning he heard stuttering across the line. ―Yeah?‖

―I was thinking, we sure gotta lot of work to do this weekend, and

it‘d help if we could get a head start. How ‘bout we get some stuff done

tonight?‖

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175

Nick couldn‘t keep the smile out of his tone as he confirmed,

―With the T-bird, ya mean?‖

―Yeah—
for starters
,‖ Logan said.

From the purr in that throaty voice, Nick could easily picture

Logan smiling back, but he was nagged by the feeling that there was

something more to this call. ―Everything go okay with Trudy and Linda

last night?‖

―Yeah, sort of.‖ There was a beat and then Logan added, ―Not

really. I‘ll tell ya all about it tonight.‖

―All right, but… you could tell me now. I‘m in no hurry, and isn‘t

that why you really called?‖

―Nah, I‘d rather wait. I‘m no good over the phone.‖

―Okay, no phone sex, gotta remember that.‖ Nick was pleased by

the amused snort he got for his small jest, but he couldn‘t let go just

yet. ―You sure it can wait ‘til tonight?‖

―Yeah. Meet ya at the garage later?‖

―Sure. I can be there by….‖ Nick paused, factoring in a visit to

his mom‘s hospital room. ―Let‘s say, six-thirty?‖

―Sounds good.‖ Then Logan added, ―Don‘t be late, you‘ve got the

key—‖

―—I got the key, so don‘t be early,‖ Nick warned at the same