When You Least Expect It (19 page)

~~~

             
Carrie lay awake in the early morning and could hear the tapping of the keyboard on the computer. She knew it was Ray, and she just knew he was talking to that woman.  She wondered if Ray was having a relationship with her.  Her first instinct was to give Ray the benefit of the doubt.  He would never do that.  He didn’t have the guts.  There was no way he could be having an affair and she not find out about it.  Nevertheless, she had heard about online affairs.  They had ruined marriages and lives.  Some people were even murdered.  It was in the news all the time.  Ray had more sense than that.  He wasn’t the type to risk it.  He never took chances like that.  She couldn’t imagine him chatting online with someone and then wanting to meet her.  She laughed to herself; she worried too much. 

             
She decided she would get up and make everyone a big breakfast.  She’d have to show Ray that she could be the perfect wife.  She wanted to have a marriage. She wanted to have a husband.  The only thing was that she didn’t want it to be Ray.  Oh well, she thought as she bounced out of bed, no marriage is perfect.  She jumped into the shower, ready to face a new day.

~~~

              Carrie had eggs, bacon and toast waiting on the table when the rest of the family came down.  They seemed to all be in shock, as if she’d never done this before.

             
“What’s the matter?  Aren’t you hungry?”  Carrie was getting annoyed at the look on her family’s face.  They seemed to keep looking from the stove to her.  Like a ping-pong match.  She felt her anger rising.

             
“Are you going to sit down and eat or are you enjoying just watching me cook it?”

             
The girls silently sat down at the table.  They were in shock because Carrie never made them breakfast, especially on a school day. 

             
“It’ll be ready in a minute,” she said in a happy voice.  Glenda, Norma and Nikki silently poured themselves a glass of orange juice.  They didn’t know why, but they could feel something brewing in the air. 

             
Ray came downstairs just then.  “I thought I smelled bacon!  I thought I was hallucinating.  What’s going on here?  Has hell frozen over?”  Ray looked at Carrie.  She held her spatula in mid-air.  She looked at him as if he’d slapped her.  “Carrie, I’m just kidding.  This is great!”

             
Carrie was furious!  She grabbed the frying pans and flung the food in the sink.  She grabbed everything she could off the counter and threw it in the sink.  Spoons, spatulas, spices, it was all going.  She was crying uncontrollably.  The others just stared.

             
“Carrie!  Stop!”  Ray went over to her and tried to grab her.  She turned around and looked at him with such hatred it made Ray take a step back.

             
“You get away from me.  Don’t touch me.  Don’t talk to me.  Stop pretending to be the doting husband or the doting father, because you’re neither.  I hate you Ray Knight, and I don’t know why I ever married you.  You want to run off with your Internet slut, then go.  Who gives a damn?  You can go to hell!”  She ran out of the room without looking back.

             
The girls looked at Ray for explanation.  Nikki was crying.  This had been one of the uglier scenes in a life full of them.  Maybe because she just didn’t understand what her mom was talking about. 

             
“Girls, I’m sorry about that.  I don’t know what has gotten into your mother.  Nikki, don’t cry.  Whatever it is, it has nothing to do with you.  It’s just me.  Your mother and I are having some problems.  I’m not sure they are fixable.  I just want you to be ready for that, just in case.” 

             
This made Nikki cry even more.  “Dad, are you going to leave us?” 

             
Ray looked down at his daughter’s sad face and felt his heart break.  He had no other choice but to start preparing her.  He could soften the blow now and lie to her, or break her heart when he did leave.  “Nikki, I can’t answer that right now.  If we can’t fix things, I might have to.  This isn't about you.  All of this is between your mother and me.  I love you with all my heart and would never intentionally hurt you, understand?”

             
Nikki nodded.  She couldn’t believe this was happening to her.  Why didn’t the other two seem upset?  It was too much for her to handle.  She picked up her books, kissed her dad without a word, and left for school.

             
Ray sat at the table with his head in his hands.  Why was this so hard? 

             
Glenda and Norma sat with him for a while.  “Things will get better, Dad.  You just have to do what you have to do.  Don’t you even dare think about changing your mind.  Nikki will be fine.”

  Ray wondered how they could be so sure.

~~~

Amanda whistled to herself as she took inventory in the stock room.  Maybe finally things would be looking up for her.  Could it be?  Elisa would be moving out right after the holidays.  Alex would be graduating from high school in May.  Ray would be moving out soon.  He had found a place to live and had already passed the credit check and everything.  As soon as there was an opening, he’d be moving in.  He was happy about this.  She also sensed he was scared, but he was definitely going through with it at this point.  He still had not mentioned it to Carrie yet, but he kept insisting this should wait.

             
Things between them were pretty much the same.  They spoke on the phone occasionally and on the web on weekends.  She thought about him all the time and looked forward to the time they could ‘spend’ together.  As far as their connection went, nothing had changed in her mind, or her heart.  She didn’t think it had for him either.  Only time would tell if things would work out between them.  He had so much to fix on his end, and frankly, she had a ways to go too.  She still wanted to be by herself.  To find out who she was, and what she wanted.  Right now, she still wasn’t sure.

             
Mariah came into the stock room to see what Amanda was doing.  “Everything accounted for, Mandy? 

             
“I think so.  There are a few things we need.  Syringes, needles, gloves, you know, the usual.  We just don’t have room for a lot, but we definitely need some.  I will get that order in before lunch, Mariah.”

             
“Okay, sounds good to me.  The pharmaceutical rep brought lunch in, so let’s grub!

             
Amanda readily put her clipboard down and joined her.

             
After lunch, she went searching through her purse, willing a phone card to be in it.  She wanted to talk to Ray, badly.  It had been awhile since she’d heard from him, by either phone or web.  It was rather unusual, so she thought she would take advantage of this quiet day and give him a call.  Yes!  Phone card gold mine!  She just hoped one of them had time remaining.  She dialed the sixteen or so digits, then finally Ray’s number.  She was in luck…there was twenty minutes on this one.  As the phone rang, she felt her heart quicken.  She was anxious to hear his voice.

             
“Ray Knight”

             
“Hi.  It’s me.  Are you busy?”

             
“Mandy!  I’m so glad it’s you!  I was just thinking of you.  Of course, you could call me at any moment in any day, and I’d be thinking of you.  How are you?”  He was happy and relieved to hear this voice.  It was like music to his ears.

             
“I’m doing pretty well, how about you?”

             
“I’m fine right at this moment.  I get to talk to you!  Other than that, things aren’t going too well.  Things between Carrie and I are worse than ever.  She has taken to sleeping on the couch every night.  I don’t know which is worse, Mandy, sleeping alone in that cold bed every night, or not having access to the computer, so I can’t talk to you, or even e-mail you.”

             
“I wondered why I haven’t heard from you.  I guess this explains it.”  She sighed.  Will it ever get any better, she wondered.

             
“I know this isn’t good news, but there isn’t anything I can do about it.  She says she hates me.  It’s hurting my kids.  I just want out.  I put a deposit down on that apartment and next month I will be able to move in.  I still haven’t told her, or anyone else for that matter, but I’m working on it.  I think I’m definitely going to hate living by myself, but it has to be better than the life I’m leading now.”

             
She really did feel bad for him.  She knew how hard this was, especially leaving his girls.  Nothing she could say or do would help ease the pain of that.  All she could think to do was continue to listen. 

             
“Just hang in there.  If in your heart, you feel you’re doing the right thing; things will work out.  They will fall into place, as they need to.  You’ll see.”  She wished she felt as confident as she sounded.  She knew he had nothing but hardship coming his way.

             
“I won’t be able to connect with you on the computer for now.  I’ll call you from my office in the mornings before you go to work, if that’s okay.”  Ray felt so forlorn.  He just knew Amanda was going to get tired of this whole scene and give up on him.  There were sure to be men more than eager to take her out and show her a good time.  It sure would be better than this and he knew it.  He wondered when she would figure it out.

             
“That’s fine, Ray.  I’d rather talk to you on the phone anyway. You can call me whenever you want.  So tell me, what happened with you and Carrie?”

             
Ray rolled his eyes.  He definitely didn’t want to talk about this.  He didn’t want to re-hash the ugly scene at breakfast, or the cold shoulder he’d been getting since then.  He didn’t want to have to tell her that Carrie thought he had an Internet girlfriend.  He didn’t want to go over how miserable his life had become, just when he thought it couldn’t get any worse.  To his advantage, his other line rang.

             
“Mandy, I better run.  My other line is ringing and I had better get back to work.  I have to earn that paycheck!  Can we talk about this later?”

             
“Sure Ray.  Take care. 

             
“Bye Mandy.”

             
The abrupt goodbye made her wonder if Ray was dodging her.  She shook this thought out of her mind.  The last thing she needed to do was start being suspicious of him.  She’d chosen to give him the benefit of the doubt, so she would…for now.

Chapter 14

              Carrie lay alone in the darkness of her living room.  She had started sleeping on the couch for two reasons.  First, she didn’t want to sleep with Ray anymore.  They rarely did anyway; she’d started locking the door so he couldn’t get in after she went to bed.  The funny part was that he didn’t fight it that much.  He’d question her the next day, she would feign innocence and he’d drop it. 

             
Secondly, she felt that if she slept on the couch instead of him, then he wouldn’t have the opportunity to stay on the computer all night.  He did seem to protest this more, but she just said she had housework to do, and he let it go.  Maybe he liked having the bed to himself, who knew.  She didn’t know what to do about her marriage anymore.  She was at a loss.  She did know she didn’t love the man.  He was a good dad, the girls loved him to death, but they just were not a good couple.  Nevertheless, as her mom kept reminding her…she was married ‘for better or worse.’  If they could just keep it together until Nikki graduated from high school, then she’d have done her job.   She would stick it through.  There was no way she would ever allow Ray to leave her.  It was not part of the plan. 

             
Carrie eyed the computer.  What would happen if she went on as Maineman?  Would his Internet slut talk to him?  This was worth a try.  She knew he was upstairs sleeping, and very rarely ventured out after going to bed.  Carrie sat up and mulled this through her mind.  If she did this, and it proved to be successful, then what would she do?  Would she fight for her husband?  Would she tell the woman to back off?  What if it proved there was no woman, she would have acted like a lunatic for nothing, and Ray would be innocent.  She didn’t like the consequences of either.

She lay back down.  Would she really care if there were a woman?  Was it worth staying in this miserable marriage just to make sure Ray remained at her mercy?  He’d never leave.  He didn’t have the guts.  He did what was required of him, period. Carrie laughed at this thought.  Her mom always told her the best husband was a beaten husband, and although she didn’t literally beat Ray, she knew he was a beaten man.  She knew how to play the game.  

~~~

              Ray was on his way to his mother’s to take over a trunk full of his stuff.  It was quite a load; he’d almost cleaned out his little den.  Carrie never went in there, so he felt confident that she wouldn’t question where his things were.  He felt a little strange about how deceitful this was.  Who cleans out a whole room preparing to leave without telling anyone?  He couldn’t come up with a better solution, so he stuck by his plan.