When We Were Sisters (22 page)

“I'd like that.” He spaced the words, as if he still wasn't sure.

“Are you as strong as you look?” She smiled as if she knew the answer.

“Strong? Sure.”

“Come on, show me. Let me feel that muscle. But not with the gun, okay? You're going to take care of me, you can't wave a gun around. We have to be subtle. First rule of a good bodyguard.”

He started to put the gun in his pocket. I couldn't believe he would do that for her, but Cecilia stopped him.

“Now I'm all worried you'll shoot off that long leg of yours.”

He shook his head, as if dealing with gun-shy women was familiar.

She laughed in delight, and as if her laughter was the final proof she loved him, he set the gun on the ground.

I launched myself in his direction. Donny reached him first, but not before Cecilia had kicked the gun a safe distance. Hal got there next, but Donny, with one sharp blow to the solar plexus, had already knocked the now-howling intruder to the ground. By the time I got there Donny was sitting on his hips, restraining his hands.

“Sheriff's on his way.” Hal trained his gun on the intruder. “I've got this now. You can release him.”

“Where the hell were you?”

“The guard wanted to tell me they found a section of the fence had been cut. They called the sheriff, but he hasn't made it out here yet.”

Donny got up by resting his weight momentarily on his captive's chest. Then he released the man's hands.

By then I was on my way to Cecilia, but Donny got
there
first, too.

She threw herself into his arms, sobbing. He held her close and stroked her hair.

“You're something,” he said, resting his cheek on the top of her head and pulling her tighter against him. “You are truly amazing. And you're going to be okay. You're a survivor. You'll get through this, too.”

She wrapped her arms around him and let him hold her.

I knew if I moved closer I would be the second intruder this morning. I backed away to give them space and privacy.

I wasn't jealous, but I couldn't remember a time when Cecilia and I hadn't been each other's greatest comfort.

This time she had turned to Donny.

In one of those moments of postapocalyptic clarity, when adrenaline is surging and the world becomes an entirely different place, I wondered if I had married stoic, logical Kris because I had known I wouldn't need a husband to comfort me and understand my every feeling.

I had my sister for that.

25

Cecilia

Hal is calling for reinforcements, and from this moment on there will be two Hals, or whoever, watching over me. Donny says if I refuse, he's done with me. He has too much tied up in my career to see me killed by a crazy fan, and he told me from the beginning that asking Hal to protect me without help was unfair.

I want this trip to feel normal. For this journey into my past I want to forget my photo is plastered all over the globe and people think they know me. Donny says I gave up that right the moment I signed my first big contract. The price of fame. Blah, blah, blah.

Robin claims Donny isn't as worried about his job as he is about me. I'm not sure why she thinks that matters.

We filmed the morning meeting anyway. If I can say one thing about my blighted childhood? Abandonment and foster care taught me to pick up the pieces, reassemble them and move on. Either I reassembled quickly or the pieces would sink so far below the surface that the whole me would never reemerge. The monsters of the deep still try to pull me down—witness those weeks in Australia—but today I'm treading water.

Afterward I found a place to sit by myself, a tranquil pond at the center of the CFF grounds. Weeping willows line the edge, and a pair of swans swim in graceful circles. Last month a girl tried to drown herself here. Her monsters were about to triumph, but someone on staff rescued her.

Other than that? This is a good place to contemplate life or, in my case, finish putting myself together again. Our crew figured that out, and they're leaving me alone for a while, although I suspect there will be long-distance footage.

Cecilia, alone and shaken by her memories. Cut.

Apparently Vivian never got the memo. As she strode in my direction I made room for her on the bench and waited, anticipating an apology.

“You and Hayley are a lot alike,” she said as she seated herself.

I turned to see her better. Today Vivian's wearing gray. I've already asked Wendy to buy her half a dozen designer scarves in brilliant colors as a goodbye gift, and to make sure they're too expensive to ignore or give away.

I pasted a polite smile in place. “Are we?”

“The two of you. If you were being run over by a truck you'd roll your eyes like it was nothing. Then you'd pick yourselves up off the ground and walk away.”

“I had a good cry. That was a lot for me.” And it had been a lot for me to throw myself into Donny's arms for comfort, something I don't want to think about.

“That's more than Hayley's had.”

“Why does she need a good cry? Other than the usual reasons, like nobody loving her or wanting her or understanding her?”

“Because she's the one who told Roy Doggett how to get in and find you this morning.”

My intruder has a name now. Right out of Central Casting. I summoned the energy to ask, “Hayley?”

“Apparently she's been working on that section of the fence with a nail file, in case she ever wants to make an escape attempt. Handy fellow Roy just finished it off with super-duper wire cutters. His cousin goes to school with her. Hayley sold the cousin your information for fifty dollars.”

“That little shit.”

“Yeah.” Vivian shook her head sadly. “I expected better of her. A hundred dollars, at least.”

It was exactly the right thing to say. I burst into laughter, then, unaccountably, into tears.

Again.

Vivian draped her arm over my shoulders as if I were one of her girls. “We both know Mr. Doggett is a sick man, but honestly, if I'd been there, I would have stomped on his chest for the fun of it. And I'm ready to hang Hayley by her thumbs.”

I tried to stop blubbering and couldn't. “She...she knows I...care.”

“Of course she does. Why do you think she did it? Other than the money, which was also a powerful incentive.”

I sniffed, and Vivian reached in her pocket and handed me a tissue. “It's clean. You'd be surprised how many I go through in a day. I carry a wad as thick as a pinecone.”

I wiped my nose and eyes, and we sat in silence until I was able to speak again. “Did she tell you she was responsible?”

“Of course not. One of the other girls did.”

“Hayley was bragging?”

“No, the other girl saw Hayley and Doggett's cousin make the deal.”

“You're sure it was her?”

“I confronted her. And I found the money under her mattress.”

“I guess I have to talk to her about hiding places.”

“I bet you would know.”

I told her something I should have said on camera. “I used to hide food. I got thrown out of one foster home because my stash of graham crackers and moldy cheese attracted mice.”

“We get a lot of that, but not the throwing out part. I give every new girl a plastic container with a secure top to hide whatever she needs to. Thwarts the mice.”

I was sure the containers got used. Like me, some of these girls just wanted to be sure they wouldn't be hungry again.

“So what are you going to do?” Vivian asked.

For a moment I wasn't sure what she meant. What was
I
going to do? Other than pull myself together?

“She's testing you,” she said. “But you should know she didn't expect anything like what happened. She's still a little girl. And even if she's seen a lot, she can't yet project consequences. She had no idea Doggett would show up with a gun. She was shaken.”

“How could you tell?”

“I am such an expert.”

I laughed again, and this one must have taken, because no tears followed. “What should I do?”

Vivian squeezed my shoulder before she dropped her arm. “What do you want to do? And I'll warn you, turning her over your knee is unacceptable.”

“Beating doesn't help.”

“Speaking from experience?”

I didn't want to go there. “I guess if I ask her why she did it, I won't get an answer worth anything, either.”

“Good insight. I suspect you know that from experience, too.”

“I have told so many lies in my life that half the time I don't know what's true and what isn't.”

“You know deep inside. And isn't this film part of sorting that out?”

I had to fight tears again, but after a moment I won. “Where were you all those years ago when I needed you?”

“I wish someone had been there for you, Cecilia. Now I just hope this film will encourage more people to do what we're doing here. But for the record? For someone who had to find her own way through the woods, you've beaten quite a path.” She stood. “Will you talk to Hayley? She's in her room. Quite possibly for the rest of her life.”

“Maybe I'll figure out what to say between here and there.”

“If she'll talk, you could listen. And by the way, she is available for adoption.” Vivian added the last as if that was just an afterthought and not part of her reason for seeking me out.

“I'm not Angelina. Not even Madonna.”

“No, you're even
more
aware of how much Hayley needs somebody. Because you've lived it.”

“I plan to stay in touch. Despite this little glitch.”

She clapped me on the back. “Good for you.”

“I can't adopt every child who needs me.”

“Of course you can't.”

“She would make my life a living hell.”

“She would certainly try.” She sent me a smile as she strode away, probably to light a fire under the next person on her list.

I was left to contemplate how I was going to tell the girl who had nearly gotten me killed that I understood why she'd done it and still cared about her anyway.

* * *

Hayley looked up when I walked into her room. For obvious reasons there are no locks on bedroom doors here, so when she didn't respond to my knock, I let myself in.

“Did I invite you?” she asked.

I signed something vile enough to get her attention. She shrugged and looked away.

Without asking I went to sit beside her on the bed. She moved away, but not to give me room. She clearly didn't want me there.

I spoke first. “I can't think of a thing to say.”

“That's new. Every grown-up in the world has a lecture they reserve just for me.”

“Fresh out of lectures. Maybe being scared half to death by your friend Roy chased them out of my head.”

“He's not my friend. I never even met him. His cousin paid me, and I told him stuff.”

“A lecture just popped into my head. Amazing, right? It goes like this. Girl, don't take money from men for favors. Not ever. Once you start it's really hard to stop.”

“Is that what you did? Is that how you got so famous?”

“When the roll is called up yonder I'll have a list of black marks a mile long after my name. But I have never accepted money from any man for a favor.”

“You didn't sleep your way to the top?”

“You're eleven years old, Hayley. What a question.”

“Did you?”

“No, I did not. Really. I was tempted a time or two, believe me. Once an A and R guy from a label I wanted to record for—”

“What's A and R?”

I figured this meant she was listening, which was what I'd hoped for. “It stands for artists and repertoire. You know, like talent scouts. The people who go to clubs and performances and listen to groups to see if they're worth taking a chance on.”

“What did he want?”

“As you put it, he wanted me to sleep my way to the top, and I told him—” I rethought what I'd been about to say “—no. Years later the same label offered me a great deal, so I made sure they fired him before I signed.”

“Do you always get what you want?”

“Far from it. I wanted my mother to stop using drugs, but she didn't. I wanted her to take care of me, even a little, but ditto. And when she disappeared, for some reason I wanted her to come back. That's the one I still don't understand. But she was my mother, you know?”

“My mother hung herself. She didn't pick me up from school, like she was supposed to. So I walked home by myself and I found her.”

I didn't touch her, although I wanted to pull her into a bear hug and weep into her hair. There was a catch in my voice, and I know she heard it. “You didn't deserve that.”

“Maybe it was my fault. She was always angry at me.”

“No, she was always angry. You weren't the cause.”

“How do you know? You weren't there.”

“Because you were a little girl. So was I when my mother disappeared. But it took years for me to realize my mother's problems weren't my fault.”

“I probably won't get that far.”

“Hayley, you're a survivor. Like me. You can survive two ways. You can destroy everything and everybody around you and walk over their ashes, or you can start paying close attention to the people and situations surrounding you and choose the ones that are good, without destroying anybody.”

“You made the record company fire that man.”

“I know. But I looked at the damage he might do to other young women, and I figured firing him would prevent that. The fact that it felt good wasn't the main thing. More or less a side effect.”

“So even the second way you still choose who to destroy?”

I ruffled her hair, and she let me. “You really are a brat, aren't you?”

“I work at it.”

“I know you do. And I know you didn't understand that Roy Doggett is crazy as a bedbug and might come after me with a gun. I also know that in the long and productive friendship we're going to have, you'll do other things to hurt me, just to see if I'll stay around. I wish we could avoid that, but I'm ready.” I stood. “I'll be calling and emailing. I hope you'll respond occasionally.”

“I don't get it.”

“Get what?”

“Why you think I care.”

Both my smile and my shrug were 100 percent genuine. “Nobody will ever understand you better, Hayley. Get used to it.”