When We Meet Again (30 page)

"Pity really, " Roman said, watching Penwick's hasty retreat. "I would have liked to have seen you cut him into tiny pieces."

"Scarcely worth the effort, " Alexei said idly. He didn't like the man at all and suspected even if Penwick did not share a past indiscretion with Pamela, Alexei would not like him. He glanced at Pamela. "Imagine him thinking you would be interested in renewing whatever acquaintance you once shared."

"Yes, " Pamela said weakly, "imagine that."

"I have seen men like him before. " Alexei stared after Penwick with narrowed eyes. "He is a coward and a weakling. A man who seizes whatever opportunity is presented usually at the cost of those even weaker than himself."

"Yes, well... perhaps, " Pamela murmured.

Without warning anger, irrational and intense, swept through him, and he stared at her. "I should like to have a private word with you, Miss Effington."

"Lady Overton, perhaps we should return to the ballroom, " Roman said smoothly. Lady Overton's gaze shifted from Pamela to Alexei and back. "I don't know—"

"It's quite all right, Clarissa. I daresay we shall be but a few moments behind you. " Pamela's words were for her cousin, but her gaze stayed on Alexei. "The terrace is private, Your Highness." He snorted. "Hardly. I would not hazard to guess who might next make an appearance here. " He nodded past the balustrade. "Where do those stairs lead?"

"To the gardens, " Pamela said. "They are quite extensive."

"Excellent. " He grabbed her hand and fairly dragged her across the terrace.

"Whatever is he planning?" Lady Overton's concerned voice trailed after them. "I am not at all certain..."

"Your Highness, " Pamela hissed. "Alexei! Where on earth do you think you are going?"

"You and I are going to have a talk, Pamela. " He reached the steps and slowed; he certainly didn't want her tumbling down the stairs. He toyed with the idea of simply picking her up and carrying her into the gardens, but that would be most scandalous, and given that the whole purpose of their current scheme was to help people forget her last scandal and find her a respectable husband in the process, that would not be especially wise.

"Alexei!"

Still, it would be much faster and infinitely more efficient. He stopped abruptly, scooped her into his arms, and continued down the steps.

"What do you think you're doing?" She struggled against him. "Put me down!"

"Quiet!"

She huffed but held her tongue. Good. He wasn't sure why he was so angry, but he was, and his anger was directed at the woman in his arms.

The garden paths were lit with tiny lanterns that would have been most charming under other circumstances. As it was, they shed entirely too much light.

He turned down a substantially dimmer path that branched off from the main walkway and continued until he was certain they were out of sight of the terrace and out of hearing as well. It was a decidedly private spot, lit only by the stars above, complete with a stone bench well suited for his purposes although admittedly he was not entirely certain what his purposes were.

"This will do. " He set her on her feet and stepped back. She fisted her hands on her hips. "This will do for what?"

"I will not allow you to make a fool out of me, Pamela!"

"A fool out of you?" Confusion rang in her voice. "What are you talking about?"

"I am supposed to be your fiancé. I will not permit you to have secret rendezvous on the terrace or anywhere else for that matter."

"It was not a rendezvous, and it was scarcely secret. Furthermore, it was not my choice. He confronted me."

He ignored her. "For as long as this farce of ours continues I will not allow assignations with any man, but particularly not with that one."

She paused. "With that one?"

"Penwick, " he snapped. "I know full well who he is."

"You do?" she said slowly.

"Of course I do. I cannot believe you had the incredibly poor taste to be taken in by that sorry excuse for a man."

"How do you know—"

"Come now, Pamela, I made it my business to know."

"Why?"

"It seemed wise to know precisely what I was dealing with in terms of this charade."

"Congratulations, Your Highness. It seems you have achieved your goal and uncovered my secrets. " Sarcasm colored her words.

Indeed I have, Serenissima. "It was scarcely much of a secret. All of London apparently knew." Her voice was cool. "I was very young."

He snorted. "You were twenty."

"Very well, " she snapped. "I was a fool!"

"On that we can agree!"

"Although apparently not as foolish as I am now!"

"We can agree on that as well! It was the height of stupidity to go anywhere near him. Unless, of course, you still care for him?" He was not entirely sure where that question came from or why it made him hold his breath.

"I don't... " She paused for a long moment, then drew a deep breath. "I don't see what concern it is of yours."

"It is my concern as long as we are bound together in this masquerade."

"But a masquerade is all that it is, Alexei, " she said quietly. She had not answered his question. And why not? It was most annoying. Aside from avoiding the issue of where they had met before and her refusal to discuss her past, she had always been relatively candid with him. At least he thought she had. Certainly he had not heard the entire conversation between Pamela and Penwick. They had arrived only in time to hear her declare Penwick was driving her mad. But surely he had overheard enough to know she had no interest in the man.

Still, Alexei had not heard her tell Penwick that she did not love him. Was that because he had been privy only to a small portion of the conversation? Or because she had never said it?

And why did it make him so blasted angry?

"Surely Penwick is not the kind of man you wish to marry?"

"What's wrong with him?"

"For one thing he is a pompous, pretentious idiot."

"That's more than one thing."

"I am certain the list goes on, " he snapped.

"You're being rather unfair, aren't you?" she said mildly. "After all, you scarcely met him." He clenched his jaw. "Nonetheless, I am an excellent judge of character."

"Are you?"

"Indeed I am. Penwick is precisely the type of man I have said would not suit you at all."

"Not adventurous enough then for me?"

"No. " His tone was sharp. "Do you know what would have happened to you had you not been fortunate enough to escape him?"

"Oh, that was fortunate, " she said wryly. "The ruin of my reputation and all."

"I am not talking about that. " He waved away her comment. "You would have lived a life of utter propriety punctuated only by complete boredom and never realized how dreadful it was."

"I doubt it would have been dreadful. " She thought for a moment. "Not overly exciting perhaps, but not dreadful. He does claim to care for me after all. There is something to be said for that. For love."

"Love?" He scoffed. "In spite of what poets claim, love cannot conquer all." She was quiet for a long moment. "I do not believe that."

"Believe it, Pamela. Love, be it for a woman or a country or a people, no matter how profound, cannot change what is. " A note of bitterness sounded in his voice. "Love can lead you to do what is right for whatever it is that holds a place in your heart. But the cost is great, and payment is taken from your very soul."

"Is it?" She seemed to hold her breath.

He did not answer. He did not know what to say short of declaring she held that place in his heart. And that he would not do. For her.

At last she drew a deep breath. "I do not want to marry without love, Alexei."

"As you wish, " he said, as if it did not matter. "I told you once you needed a man who will challenge you as you will challenge him. Perhaps, with such a man, you can find love."

"I understand, " she said slowly, "you have always enjoyed a challenge." The starlight illuminated her face, and at once he was swept back to another time when he had seen her only by starlight. His heart ached at the thought of what he could never have. If he loved her, and indeed that was no longer in doubt, all he had left to give her was a life free from the demons that haunted him.

"I have no desire for marriage."

"No, of course not. " She sighed in resignation. "Are we finished here then? Have you said everything you wish to say?"

No. "For the moment."

"You're not going to accuse me of having met you before? Danced with you?" She paused. "Kissed you?"

"No. " He shrugged. "It seems pointless. I admit now, I must have been mistaken. If indeed we have met before, it was long ago and best forgotten as obviously I have done."

"I see. " She sighed softly. "We should really return to the ballroom now. No doubt we have already been missed. " She started off.

"Pamela, " he said without thinking.

She halted. "Yes."

"Know that, if we had met before, I would never have forgotten you. The feel of your hand in mine. The scent of your hair on the night breeze. " He resisted the urge to pull her into his arms. Only madness lay that way. "The way we would have danced as if we were made for one another."

"Never?"

"Not for the rest of my days."

"And would those memories be enough? For the rest of your days?" Enough to sustain me through the empty years ahead? No. "One can only hope."

"One should always be careful what one wishes for, Alexei, " she said softly, and a moment later she had vanished into the night.

He blew a long breath and started after her. She was the one woman in all of creation meant for him. Indeed, he had fallen in love with her not once but twice. And for her own sake, he would not tie her to him. Life with him would be every bit as dreadful as life with that idiot Penwick. Even love could not overcome the awful regrets that he lived with day and night.

Still, he couldn't help but think she was not the fool.

He was.

Thirteen

If I ever meet a woman who makes me realize life is incomplete without her, I shall take the stepsnecessary to keep her by my side for the rest of my days. Although I cannot in truth conceive ofsuch a thing as my life is extraordinarily full.

Roman, Count Stefanovich

Alexei was the perfect prince and very nearly the perfect fiancé.

Even now, dancing yet another waltz with him, which he executed flawlessly, he was, well, perfect. He had been above reproach from the moment he and Pamela had reentered the ballroom. When Pamela's father had announced their engagement, when they had gone into supper, and when the two of them had danced together, he was charming, cordial, attentive, and... perfect. He hadn't uttered a word that wasn't polite or was overly personal, cast a glance that wasn't proper, or done anything whatsoever
that anyone, no matter how stuffy, could look askance at. And furthermore, he was right. She detested perfect.

Pamela wasn't sure what had triggered his outburst in the garden, but she was certain he had feelings of affection for her. Strong feelings if she were even half the judge of character declaimed to be. Indeed, there was a fleeting moment in the garden when she thought he'd declare himself. It was a very good sign. Whatever barriers Alexei refused to cross regarding love and for whatever reason, marriage, Pamela absolutely would not allow them to deter her. He was the man she was destined to spend the rest of her days with, and she intended to do just that. In spite of him if necessary. He was quite obviously jealous of George. Apparently, Alexei had not heard enough of her conversation with George to realize she wanted nothing whatsoever to do with him, but surely he had heard her tell George that Alexei held her heart? She tried to remember every word that had passed between them, but she'd been so blasted annoyed it was decidedly hard to recall. Perhaps, if one heard only a snippet and was prone to jealousy, even if one refused to admit his feelings aloud, it might well seem as though she had some feelings for George.

She grinned at the thought. How very... perfect.

The music drew to a close, and Alexei escorted her off the floor.

"Whatever do you find so amusing?" Alexei asked coolly.

"Everything. " She laughed. "I find the evening to be altogether delightful. I hadn't expected to enjoy myself as much as I am. " She fluttered her lashes at him. "And are you enjoying it as well, Your Highness?"

"Quite. " His tone was clipped, and she bit back a grin.

Alexei had indeed been perfect since their return from the garden, but he had also been cool and aloof. As if he were holding all sorts of emotions in check. She took that as a good sign as well.

"I daresay the ball is a rousing success. Your sister should be quite pleased."

"She is beside herself with satisfaction. " Pamela glanced around and caught sight of Amanda. Her sister was speaking to an extremely attractive young man and obviously flirting with him. And he was obviously flirting right back. "I wonder who that is? Amanda seems quite taken with him." Alexei's gaze followed hers, and she felt his body stiffen beside her.