When The Right Door Opens (20 page)

~~Epilogue~~

People sat in neat rows of brown padded chairs and
waited for the person at the lectern to speak. The room was cold
and barely decorated, apart from a large table that offered coffee,
water and diverse pastries.

A young woman stepped up the small stage and
looked in the many people's anticipating faces. She was nervous to
speak in front of a crowd of strangers, but she had been asked to
tell some of her story and she had agreed. Her gray eyes scanned
the room and stayed glued to a man's gaze. He was seated in the
last row, he nodded, encouraging her with a smile. She took a deep
steadying breath, pushed some strands of hair behind her ears and
gripped the edges of the lectern.

“My name is Agnes McCarrick and today is the
tenth anniversary of my father's murder.” Her audience started to
stir and nod, some gasped in shock, but everyone stayed respectful
and the young woman started to share some of her story with the
strangers from the grieving group. She didn't go to meetings
regularly anymore, only on these particular anniversaries.

“I was fourteen, when my father was stabbed
to death by the ex-husband of his new boyfriend. Yes, you've heard
that right. My father was gay, but his murder was not a hate crime
per se, it was a murder out of jealousy. I was on a weekend trip
with my uncle when the phone rang, telling us something terrible
had happened, and we immediately drove home. Nobody wanted to share
any news on the phone and in hindsight, it was better that way.
When we arrived at the hospital, I was only told, that they were
too late and he had already died when they arrived at the crime
scene. I don't recall much after that, I must have been in shock.
My father's boyfriend had been badly injured too, but I couldn't or
wouldn't understand the consequences and the life changing
experience this was for him too. All I saw was a weak man, who did
not fight to save my father, and I hated him for it. I really hated
him for it, because now, I was an orphan, with no place to go.
Until my uncle fought for me and got custody, but I still refused
to talk to his brother. See, his twin brother was my father's
boyfriend and me calling him uncle gives me some roots and a
belonging to a family that is not blood related. A family that
accepted me and my father without any prejudice. It was hard. The
first months, I even dare to say years were very hard. I refused to
talk to my father's boyfriend and when I was finally ready and
needed to speak to him, because I wanted to understand what had
happened precisely, he couldn't talk. For years, he didn't talk at
all and he became a recluse. I tried to move on. Make my father
proud. I finished high school at the top of my year and went to
college. I became an interior designer and I love my job. I have a
wonderful man at my side and I live a good and happy life. With
only one sole regret. That regret is that my father isn't here to
see me succeed. He isn't here to see me fight my battles and
encourage me to never let my goal out of sight.

“My father didn't have an easy life, but he
did the best to protect me from every evil. The older I get, the
more I understand him. Sebastian – my father's boyfriend – and I,
we never became close again. In my childish behavior, I pushed him
away and deeper into depression and into his own speechlessness. I
blamed him, when I know now that he wasn't to blame. I'd like him
to be a part of my life again someday, but I don't know how to do
it. I tried to ask my uncle to help me, but he doesn't know how.
Apparently, Sebastian moved to the other side of the country and
took up dancing again. You must know, that he was a very talented
and successful dancer, but on that dreadful day, he lost his leg.
My uncle told me that it was a struggle to get Sebastian to use a
prosthetic leg at first and it was not made easier when he refused
to talk to the people who wanted to help him. The breakthrough must
have been when I was away at college. I don't know. I only know
that I miss him too and that I was too harsh to him. I may have
made it even harder for him, with my rejection.

“I feel like Sebastian is the missing link in
my life and that my father would have wanted me to have him in my
life. My father loved him so much. It was palpable, every time they
were together in a room and I remember that I wished to have
someone love me that way too, once I would be an adult. I am proud
to say, I have. And I know, my father would approve of my man.

“My uncle told me that Sebastian wrote a
book. I remember that I had agreed and signed a paper that said
that he was allowed to write about my father when I was a lot
younger. I don't know if it will ever be published or not, but I'd
like to read it. Maybe, that gives me so more closure.

“I miss my father every day. He was only
thirty years old when he died and it was all in vain. No young man,
no young father, no lover should be torn from his loving family so
brutally. I won't offer more explanations, because I can't. I don't
have the knowledge of what really happened that day. But I have the
hope that my father is watching out for me and for the people he
loved. Thank you for your attentiveness.”

Agnes stepped away from the lectern and
folded her notes neatly, while her audience clapped its hands and
one or two tears were dried.

Kai joined Agnes and hugged her tightly.

“You did well up there.” he kissed her hair,
like he knew her father always had done too and took her by the
hand to guide her out of the building. He could see how agitated
she was all of a sudden and sensed her need for privacy.

They sat for a moment on a bench overlooking
a nice little park, before Agnes spoke: “Wow. I never thought this
would be so hard. How's Sebastian doing?”

“I talked to him today. He is fine,
considering everything. Anniversaries are still hard on him too. He
told me that his book is going to be published. The publishers want
to send him on a reading and signing tour around the country. He is
pretty excited. He asked about you.”

“Yeah? That's nice. You think I should give
him a call some day?”

“That would be good. Some day. So? What were
your news?” Kai remembered, that Agnes had told him about news she
had to tell him.

“Jordan – he asked me to marry him.” Agnes
was suddenly all excited and then proudly held out her hand for Kai
to admire an elegant engagement ring on her slender finger.

“Wow. Look at that rock. Congrats, Aggy.” Kai
smiled happily and pulled Agnes into a warm embrace.

“I think, I want Sebastian at the wedding.”
Agnes said gently.

“Already planning, huh? When is the day?” Kai
asked, looking into the distance.

“Two months. I don't want it to show.”

“What to show?” Kai asked clueless, facing
Agnes again.

“The baby?” Agnes winced and Kai gaped like a
fish.

“The baby?”

“Yes, you know. Those cute little things with
no hair, who eat and shit and cry when they don't get their
will.”

“I see. I see. Um... Wow. Does Jordan
know?”

“He is the one who did this to me. He is the
father and before you ask. It was all planned.”

“Oh my God, come here. Come here. I want to
hug you and hug you until you can't breathe anymore.” Kai laughed
and again, he held Agnes in his arms.

“Come on, let's go. I want to scare the shit
out of Jordan. You know, not approving and all that.” Agnes
chuckled before she turned serious again.

“Do you think Sebastian will come to the
wedding?”

“If you'll ask, he will come. I am sure of
that.” Kai patted Agnes's arm gently.

****

A few days later, Agnes retrieved the mail from her
mailbox and held a heavy package in her hands that was addressed at
her. Not having a clue what she held in hands, she hasted back
inside the house and threw the mail on the dinner table. She was
curious about the package though and opened it hastily. And then
she froze and gasped. What she held in hands was a book. A book she
hadn't ordered. The title read “When the right door opens” written
by Sebastian Martin. The cover was a picture of Sebastian, Jamie
and Agnes, being close together and laughing into the camera. Agnes
remembered the day that picture was taken. It was the day before
Jamie died. Her finger caressed her father's face lovingly. She
opened the book and it was dedicated to her.

“
Dear Agnes,

This is your father's story, how he told it to me.
It's the final draft and the first copy of what will be published
next week. I know that I am a coward for not sending you the
manuscript, but it is only one of my many faults that I can't
change. I would like to get in touch with you again, if you want me
to. If the whole tragedy with Jamie taught me anything, it's that
life is too short to hold grudges and too short to let
opportunities pass you by. We wasted too much time without moving
already. I miss him every day and I'm sure you do too. But it's not
only him I'm missing. I miss you too and I know now that I should
have been stronger and been there for you.

I apologize, from the bottom of my heart. I am
sorry.

Sebastian.”

Agnes was in tears and read the letter over and over
again. Nothing had prepared her for this and she was humbled and
grateful alike. Agnes sat down on the couch and started reading.
The words were easily readable and true. Page after page, she
turned and relived her father's life trough Sebastian's eyes.
Sebastian did not withhold many details and sometimes it was
borderline painful to read. Many facts of Jamie's life were new to
her. Not completely, but the explanations behind them. She believed
every word she read to be true. She was already halfway through the
book, when Jordan came home.

“Hey, sweetie. What are you reading?” he
asked cheerfully, kissing his fiancée. Agnes held up the book and
Jordan understood right away. He recognized Agnes's father and also
Sebastian, as well as the fourteen year old version of his soon to
be wife.

“That's unexpected.” Jordan wasn't sure how
to react, but he noticed that Agnes had already read a big chunk of
the book.

“It's good though. Very good. He is very
perceptive and I think the love he had and still has for my dad
shines through every word. He sounds genuine and it's amazingly
written, not sparing the details, but not losing focus either.
Here, look what he wrote.” Agnes held the book out to Jordan, who
readjusted his glasses and started to read. When he was done, he
lowered the book and looked at Agnes.

“Does Kai know?”

“I have no idea. I didn't call. I sat down
and read and read and forgot time and everything. I was supposed to
make dinner, wasn't I?”

“We can order take-out. It's alright. I
reckon you want to read some more?” Jordan asked understandingly,
knowing the answer. Agnes nodded and Jordan kissed her head, before
he went to change and order Chinese food for them.

Agnes woke up the next morning, lying on the
couch. She yawned noisily and stretched her limbs. The book fell
from her lap and it made Agnes grin. She had read it all and now
she was more determined than ever, to get back in contact with
Sebastian. She looked at the clock on the wall and decided to call
Kai and tell him all about it.

Kai was genuinely happy that Sebastian had
made the first step towards Agnes, and he was also curious to see
what she was planning to do, now, that the ball lay in her
court.

****

A month had passed and nothing had happened, much to
Kai's dismay, but he had vowed to stay out of it and he was
determined to let Agnes go at her own pace. Kai sat in a little
bistro waiting for Agnes. She was late as always, but when she
stepped into the bistro, she was beaming. She kissed Kai to say
hello and sat down opposite from him with a big grin on her
face.

“I found my dress. It's perfect. I love it
and it looks sensational. And the baby, it's going to be a boy and
I booked a venue and...”

“Hey hey. Not so fast. Don't forget to
breathe with all your excitement.” Kai grinned too, infected by
Agnes's enthusiasm. She frowned but immediately she grinned
again.

“It's so exciting. The only thing missing is
a band.”

“I know someone.” Kai offered and Agnes knew
right away who Kai had in mind. “That's very nice, but I don't
think, that Darragh Morgan will play at my wedding. He is an
international star and his last record went straight to number
one.”

“Just let me ask him. He owes me a favor.”
Kai replied enigmatically, referring to a panic attack he had
assisted and helped Darragh recover from. Agnes dismissed it, but
turned serious. She grabbed Kai's hand and began to open her mouth,
but no words would come.

“Just speak already. What is it?”

“I was wondering... I know it's silly... I
want to ask Sebastian to walk me down the aisle... I mean I want
you too. I want you two to walk me down the aisle.”

“Have you talked to him about it?” Agnes
shook her head energetically.

“No. I wanted to surprise him. He is going to
be on a book signing this afternoon, just down the street. I … I
don't know. I want him there and...”

“Hey, it's okay. It's your wedding and I can
understand that you want to be walked down that aisle by the
best-looking twins on earth.” Agnes slapped Kai's arm playfully,
but was happy that he took it so well. She knew that it meant a lot
to him too, that Sebastian and she would become closer again.

“Do you want me to come? Be the common
link?”

“No. No. I think we are grown-ups and should
be able to talk and act accordingly.” Kai only nodded. He was
certain that he would hear both sides of the events that evening on
the phone.