When Smiles Fade (34 page)

“Oh, well. We call ourselves the herd,” Sydney explained, laughing. “It’s really a reference to a herd of misfits. That’s what we are. We all came from shitty backgrounds and met on the streets.”

Emma smiled at the explanation, understanding what it was like to feel like a misfit. “Well, I think it’s a great idea,” Emma said approvingly. “I don’t have much money, but I just found a job that I start tomorrow.”

Sydney turned to the group and gestured a thumbs up. They sauntered over to take turns introducing themselves. Emma and Izzy quickly finished their pizza and headed back out to the street with the herd.

“Let’s all pile into your car and you can drive us back to Kensington,” Sydney suggested. “We can show you where we live.”

As Emma drove off, the teens gabbed with excitement about having a housemate with a car. That could save them from sneaking onto the train or paying bus fare to get to Center City. Sydney explained that some of the kids had legitimate jobs and had to work in the city.

“There ain’t no jobs in Kensington,” she told Emma. “We only live there because we can rent our house for cheap and the landlord doesn’t give us any shit.”

They all seemed nice and took an immediate liking to Izzy, who was talking up a storm with them. She was busy telling them about the doll she had brought with her, explaining that it was her baby. As Emma drove into Kensington and looked around, she noted that nothing had changed in the four years she had been gone. The streets were still crawling with hookers, drug addicts, and pimps. As depressing as her surroundings were, Emma smiled to herself.

A little while later, she parked in front of their new home and looked at it. The initial impression was far from promising. The wooden siding, once white, was chipped and rotting. The sidewalk was nothing more than chunks of old cement that opened up to a wide set of stairs leading up to the house. There was a small landing in front of two doors. The entire block of row homes looked as if they had been abandoned, like a scene from the
Twilight Zone
. They were two-story homes, with large eaves and roofs that peaked at various places. Emma sensed that at one time the homes had been beautiful, built for upper-class families rather than the poverty-stricken tenants who now occupied them.

I’m getting another chance
, she thought hopefully.

Emma drove back to Alessa’s to tell her about the day’s events. From the pep in her step, Alessa could guess from where she sat on the porch that something good had happened.

“Guess what?” Emma gushed. “I ran into a girl I used to know and she offered Izzy and me a place to live with them.”

“Them?” Alessa asked, happy for her friend but a little concerned that Emma had hooked up with a gang. Alessa was no stranger to the evil of being associated with a gang. She didn’t want to see the two of them get sucked into that kind of life.

“There are thirteen of them renting a house together,” Emma explained. “Rent is going to be less than fifty bucks a month. It’s a place where we can stay until I save enough money to get my own apartment. I’m so stoked!”

Relieved that they weren’t going to live with a gang, Alessa gave her a hug and they went upstairs to the apartment. “Remo is making us dinner,” she announced. “He’s a pretty decent cook. Way better than me!”

After dinner, Emma grabbed the few bags she had brought up from the car and gave Alessa a big good-bye hug.

“We’re gonna head out,” she said and called for Izzy.

The child came running out with Lucy following her.

“Izzy is so smart!” Lucy said. “Aren’t you, Izzy?”

The little girl smiled up at her. “Yeah,” she affirmed, “I’m smart!”

Emma knew how smart Izzy was. She was also incurably talkative and utterly adorable. As the friends said their good-byes, they promised to keep in touch. Lucy gave Izzy a prolonged embrace.

“You be good to your Aunt Emma, Izzy!” the thirteen-year-old instructed.

As Emma drove back to Kensington, she hoped this new opportunity would turn out to be exactly what they both needed. About ten minutes into their ride The Beatles started blaring on the radio. Emma started singing along with “Let It Be,” and seconds later, Izzy joined in. As young as the child was, she knew the words to many of the songs that streamed over the radio in their apartment. Emma and Izzy both loved music. They were happy and they were alive. For the first time in a long while, Emma felt young and carefree.

Sydney was waiting for them when they arrived and flung open the front door to let them inside. The only light in the once-formal sitting room came from a few small lamps, and Emma imagined how beautiful it must have been. The large front windows now stood ghostly and bare, with half-burnt stubs of old candles still standing twisted on the windowsills. The room was spacious, with a high ceiling and ornate angels carved into the wood tucked into the corners of the high ceiling. The small angel heads looked demonic and gave Emma the willies. The wallpaper was nothing more than scraps of color in random places, except for a wall that the herd had painted black.

“This is where we all hang out,” Sydney announced excitedly, then led them up the stairs.

They followed her down the hallway to the last room on the right. Sydney opened the door.

“This is where I sleep,” she explained. “Izzy and you will sleep in here with me and two of the other girls.”

There was one single mattress tucked away in the corner of the room, which Sydney had found discarded on a side street in Kensington. She had dragged it back to the house alone and made it her very own bed. The other three “beds” were rolled-up sleeping bags and pillows.

“Do you have any sleeping bags or blankets with you?” Sydney asked hopefully.

“Yeah, I have some blankets in the trunk of my car,” Emma told her.

As they went to fetch Emma’s meager belongings they discussed where their lives had taken them since they had last seen each other as homeless kids. That night, as they all settled down to sleep, Izzy got out from under the covers and went over to Sydney, who gave her a big smile.

“Hey there, beautiful,” she said to the child, “it’s time to go sleep.”

Izzy smiled back. “I want to sleep with you,” she said boldly.

Sydney laughed. “Okay, then. Whatever you say, but no kicking,” she teased, moving over to make room for the child.

Emma smiled at them from where she lay. Sydney was easy to like. She was so sweet and generous with the little she owned. Emma was glad they had run into her. Because of her, they had a place to sleep, with the safety that came from having lots of people around them.

Emma was excited about starting her new job the next morning. She didn’t care that she wouldn’t be earning anywhere near the income she had at Doubles. It was a first step in the right direction, she thought. She knew Gracie would be proud of her for leaving Ethan and moving on with Izzy to start over. She knew that things were about to change.

Back in Ambler, two weeks had passed, and Ethan was still searching for Emma. He was pissed off that she had the nerve to run from him. He had threatened her that she would never get away from him, and he intended to make good on his claim. Ethan sat on the sofa, trying to figure out where to look for them next.

As his temper boiled over, he got up and kicked at a blanket that had been thrown in the corner of the room. It flew off, revealing the duffle bag Emma had used for work. In a rage now, he snatched it up and emptied out its contents on the floor, looking for a clue that might give him a hint of where the bitch had gone. The last thing to fall out of the bag was Gracie’s journal.

Ethan picked it up and looked it over as if it were a foreign object. Then he began leafing through the pages. Initially, there was nothing but a bunch of little-girl bullshit, but further on, he came upon Gracie’s entry, recording the events of the first night he had raped her. Slowly he realized why Emma had turned against him without warning.
That fucking bitch read this shit
, he thought. He kept reading, unable to stop himself, until he got to the part where Gracie had confronted him about her pregnancy.

“Fucking stupid little whore!” he cursed aloud.

Ethan blamed his break-up with Emma on Gracie. He had been furious when she decided to keep the baby. A kid had never figured into his plans, and when he found out Gracie was pregnant, he had kept beating her in the hope that she would miscarry.

Ethan called Pete. “Yo! I need to find Emma,” he said. “She ain’t getting away from me this easy. You have any luck?”

“No,” Pete told him. “Nothing yet. I’ll keep you posted, though. All the guys at the bar are keeping an eye out for her. Don’t worry, she’ll turn up. And if she doesn’t, you can find another girl.”

“Fuck you, Pete! I don’t
want
another girl. I want
her
. That bitch belongs to
me
. Do you understand? She needs to come home and get her ass back to Doubles. I had to borrow money from my stupid-ass mother this month to pay the fucking rent on this dump. Just keep looking!”

“God, dude, okay! Don’t worry. We’ll find her. Chill the fuck out,” Pete shot back.

Ethan hung up the phone, pulled out one of Emma’s costumes, and ripped it to shreds.

“You fucking whore!” he screamed to the empty apartment. “When I get my hands on you, I’m going to tear your ass up!”

Emma fell into the pattern of her new life quickly. She was fond of almost all the other tenants she shared the house with except for one doper named Jamie. He was stoned all the time and she didn’t like his raunchy sense of humor or sarcasm. However, she loved having so many people around her all the time. They worked together to make the house run well and keep each other safe. Most of the housemates were wonderful with Izzy. When Sydney wasn’t available to keep an eye on the child while Emma worked, the others took turns watching her. She couldn’t have asked for a better situation than the present one and was grateful for all that had happened to them recently.

Emma’s only concern was that some of the housemates liked to party excessively. They drank and smoked pot, although they avoided the hard-core stuff. She discussed the issue with them and they came to an agreement that they wouldn’t smoke dope in front of Izzy. Emma also made sure that she never left the child with any of the pot smokers or heavy drinkers when she went to work. She always worried they might in some way harm her niece, who was now like a daughter to her.

Izzy, however, was clearly happy in that house. When Emma was at work, the child spent a lot of her time hanging out with Sydney. The two had forged a special bond, and the teenager felt an overwhelming sense of responsibility for Izzy, perhaps because she derived some kind of emotional fulfillment from caring for someone the way she herself had longed to be cared for as a child. Whatever the reason, the two were inseparable.

Sydney was smart and pretty. She had large brown eyes and light brown hair. Because of her petite frame, she looked good in whatever she wore, even though it was always second-hand. Emma was happy to see that she had survived the streets and never forgot how she had helped Brianna, Gracie, and her when they had just left home.

Having grown up on the streets, Sydney was quick to snap when anyone got in her face. She was not easily intimidated and never backed down if you did her wrong. Emma implicitly trusted her and felt that Izzy was safe with her.

In the mornings, when Emma was sleeping, Sydney would take Izzy into Center City, where they begged for money and visited the different historical sites Philadelphia had to offer. Emma wasn’t exactly thrilled at the idea of Izzy begging with Sydney, but she knew some compromise was unavoidable if she wanted Izzy to be looked after.

Things had worked out well for Emma at Bar 210. Within two weeks of her starting her new job, Eileen had given her the dinner shift. Emma was a responsible employee, and it wasn’t just the men among the customers who liked her; the women did too, for she was sweet and kind and attentive to their needs.

When Emma hung out with Izzy and Sydney, they chatted and played games for hours. Izzy had become fascinated with board games from the short day and a half she had spent with Lucy.

“Aunt Emma, I want to play games like the ones Lucy played with me. Can you buy me some games?” she asked one night when the three girls were hanging out talking and watching Izzy color.

Emma couldn’t resist the opportunity to tease Izzy. “How about if I give you and Sydney money, and tomorrow, when I’m at work, you go out and buy a game? But that’s only if Sydney agrees to take you.”

Sydney smiled mischievously at Izzy. “Well, I don’t know,” she drawled. “I might have some important things to do tomorrow. I guess if Izzy gave me lots of hugs and kisses, I might be able to find the time.”

The little girl scrambled to her feet from the floor, where she had been sitting next to Emma, and flung herself into Sydney’s outstretched arms, planting kisses on her face and nearly strangling her with a tight hug.

Sydney burst out laughing. “Okay, Okay!” she exclaimed, conceding defeat. “We’ll go to the store tomorrow and buy you a game. You win!”

“This is going to be so great!” Izzy announced. “I’m gonna be the best game player ever!” She looked at Sydney. “Guess what, Syd?” she said suddenly. “I’m gonna be a lawyer when I grow up.”