When It Rains: The Umbrella Collection (11 page)

The whispering wouldn’t stop, “Pull the trigger. Pull the trigger.”

“No,” I said aloud and my arms dropped to my side and I fell to the ground on my knees still holding the gun in my hand. My eyes held an endless pool of tears and the teardrops wouldn’t stop falling and my whole body was having convulsions as I sobbed. 

“You pathetic piece of shit. I ask you to do one thing and you can’t even do that,” the
voice
spat.

Never will I have a peaceful day without it putting its two cents in.
  I’m never going to get rid of it.  The voice will always haunt me, every day I wake, every moment I breath I am going to have to hear it.  I had to end our relationship and the only option was to take my own life.  I elevated the gun and spun it around so the tip was pointing directly at me.  With both hands holding the handle and my right thumb on the trigger, I looked down the barrel and the black hole seemed endless.  That was the remedy to my dire situation.  I slowly pulled it closer to my mouth and placed it between my lips that I had parted making room for the piece.   I pushed it farther down my throat.  The gun felt cold and sent shivers down my spine.  The taste of metal had bitterness to it.  Shaking, my teeth clanked against the gun as I contemplated pulling the trigger.   

I just want it to be over with
, I thought as I put a small amount of pressure against the trigger.  Just then, a car made a right turn on the opposite side of the street towards the house and the headlights were coming my way.  Just before the headlights illuminated my face I dove behind a bush that stood in-between the window and porch.  With the fragrance of the flowers blooming off the bush migrating up my nose, I watched as the car pulled up in front of the house and stopped.  A guy that I couldn’t make out in the darkness got out of the car and walked up the walkway towards the house and up the steps.  Second later, there was a knock on the door.  I sat in silence trying not to make a move, even the slightest would make the branches on the bush makes noises that would alert to my presence. I tried holding my breath so the guy wouldn’t hear my breathing in the quiet.  I heard the sound of the recliner slamming its foot rest back into its normal position, then the front door open.

“Hey, man.
  I fell asleep. You want to come in for a sec?” Darren asked as he opened the door to let in the man.

As the door shut, I pulled myself away from where I was hiding and raced back to Mike’s car in the shadows of the night, trying not to be seen.
  I hopped in and closed the door.  It was difficult to breathe in air as I gasped trying to catch my breath and come to terms with just happened.  The taste of the gun still lingered in my mouth and my body was still trembling with adrenaline.  I placed the gun back into my purse, threw my purse onto the passenger side floor and started the car.  I pulled away just as the front door to the blue house opened.

8

Pills and Potatoes

    I pulled into the driveway of my house and slammed on the brakes almost crashing into my own car that sat still in front, threw the car into park and hustled inside.  My heart was beating out of my chest and there was sweat dripping from my forehead.  As I opened the front door and put one foot inside I was greeted by a not so happy Mike.  He was fuming, as usual. 

“W
hy the hell did you take my car,” he screamed as he raised his fist up in the air.  I could tell by his position that he was pacing up and down the hallway and he was in the middle of a step when I interrupted by entering.

“I just went to see Skylar real quick.
  Sorry, I couldn’t find my keys.”

“Have you ever heard of asking?”

I began to ascend the stairs after I gave Mike his keys and halfway up I turned to say, “You were sleeping.  If I would have waked you, you would have yelled, but here you are yelling at me.  So, I guess it didn’t matter.  Now, did it?” and I turned and stomped up the steps.  Right before I slammed my door, the sound of the front door being slammed shut by Mike shook the walls.

I sat down on the chair at my white Shabby-chic desk, my heart pounding and the thoughts of what happened today eclipsed every other thought that was trying to burst its way through.
  I dropped my purse and when I did a loud thud permeated the room.  I knew instantly what it was and I clutched it with my hands and left my room.  I walked straight and then made a left into Pops room and back into the closet I was earlier.  Then spun the dial of the safe to open it and returned the gun to its rightful place.

I felt the need to
numb myself once again.  There was too much going on in my head.  I needed to disappear and runaway from my own thoughts and went to Pops medicine cabinet.  I found his bottle for sleeping pills and took a few with me. Each step I took back to my bedroom the more heavy with emotions I became, my shoulders slumped down low and my head not far behind.  Once inside, I locked the door and undressed. I felt dirty, like the sinister tears and thoughts melted themselves onto my clothing.  I hopped in the shower and let the hot water engross me.  I scrubbed myself until I felt raw with hopes of cleaning the pain away.  It didn’t work.  I felt just as disgusted as before.  After putting on my pajamas, I took a few of Pops’ pills and then a few of Mike’s pills that I took from his backpack earlier and waited with eagerness to fall deeply into a sleep. 

****

Hours later, I was passed out in bed, when I was startled out of my sleep. “Huh, Diablo?” I said still half asleep.  I looked up on my wall and gazed at the clock, it read 4:43.  I quickly rose from bed and slipped on my slippers and poke my head out my door.  There was nobody on the steps.  I tiptoed across the landing and knocked on Pops’ door.

“Pops?” I asked quietly as I knocked a few more times.

After a minute, he finally answered and opened the door a few inches, “What?  Do you know how late it is?”

“Yeah, Yeah, Did you hear Diablo?”

“No, I sleep like a rock.  You know that,” he grumpily replied.

“I could have sworn that I heard it.”

“Well, go check it out.”

“No way!
  You are the man of this house, you go,” I whispered back.

“Fine, but if there isn’t anybody down there, you owe me breakfast.”

“Yeah, alright.  Just go,” I said as I gave him a little nudge.  “Oh, wait,” I spoke quietly as we passed the hall closet and opened the door to grab something, “Here, take this just in case.” and I handed him a green paisley umbrella that Mom got me when I skinned my knee back in the second grade.

“Grab one for you, too.”

“I’m not going!”

“You’re going to leave an old man like me to fend for himself?”

“Yeah, I was going to,” I mumbled as I turned back and grabbed one for me.  My lightning bolt one, I call it “Harry”. 

Pops walked silently the top of the steps with me following closely behind. I was so close
, in fact, that I stepped on his heels twice in the four steps we took.  With each step we conquered the more anxious I became.  My heart seemed like it was skipping beats and beads of sweat started to form at my hairline as we both had our umbrellas raised liked baseball bats.  The bad thing about this house is that it’s a big circle; one room runs into the next.  So, you could be going one way and an intruder could be coming up right behind you.  We took a quick glance to the left, as we approached the bottom of the steps, into the formal living room.  We never went in there and quite frankly I don’t understand why we have it.  Why not change it into something we would use? 

Then, we took a right where our eyes roamed from
wall to wall of the family room.  We flipped on the hallway light, lighting up our path of the large hall that sent us into the dining room and straight into the kitchen hitting light switches as we went.  All were clear.  We walked out of the kitchen past the office and back into the formal dining room to return where we began.  Again, all were clear.  

Pops dropped his umbrella wielding arms down, looked at me like I was an idiot, handed me back the umbrella a
nd said, “I’m going to bed,” as he stomped up the steps.

“I really heard it.
  I swear!” I bellowed as Pops slammed his door shut.

I took the steps back up to my room and put the umbrellas on the floor by my closet and Superman-ed myself back in my bed.
  I was now wide awake because of all the action so I swallowed a few more of those pills to help aide my body into a lethargic state.

****

“Hey Nora!” Pops screamed up the steps as he pounded on the wall, like he so often does to grab my attention while I’m locked away in my room.  I was startled for the second time tonight and burst out of bed.  As I threw on a sweatshirt, my eyes spied the clock.  “Oh shit!” I muttered.  It was three thirteen in the afternoon.  “Shit. Shit. Shit.” I kept saying.  Pops will give me such a hard time if he realizes that I just got up. There were a few more bangs on the wall and a couple shouts of my name before I finally answered after I readied myself.

 
“What!” I screamed back a bit hastily as I walked to the top of the steps and stood at the landing.

“I just wanted to say hi.”

“Really? You made me get up for that?” I said annoyingly as I threw my arms up in the air in exacerbation.

“Yes, and to tell you that everyone is coming to dinner tonight,” he said with a smile.

“Alright. What’s the special occasion?”

“Nothing. Everyone just wants to see your beautiful smile.”

“Oh God, this can’t be good,” I mumbled

“They will be here in two hours. Go make yourself presentable then come down and help me out.”

“I look fine!” I stated as if I didn’t just roll out of bed. 

“Have you seen your reflection?”

“Yes,” I said as if he was the dumbest person on earth.  Pops looked at me as if I had two heads and I said to him, “Fine.  But, only for your sake.  Not mine.”

I jumped in the shower quickly and got changed into a pair of jeans and a white V-neck T-shirt and headed down the stairs to help Pops with the cooking.

“What are we having?” I mumbled walked into the kitchen.  Pops was sitting on a stool at the island peeling apples.  I took a piece from the mountain that he had already peeled.

“Roast Beef, corn on the cob, peas, salad, mashed potatoes, and apple pie, but that you already know since you so rudely shoved one in your mouth.”

“Oooh, pulling out all the stops aren’t you?” I said sarcastically, “Need help?”

“You can handle the salad, yes?”

“Let’s hope. So, why is everyone coming again?”

 
“Just shut it and get to work,” he said as he walked out of the room.

Something has happened or someone has some news to fill us all in on because we don’t often do this. Well, we see each other all the time, but our get-togethers mostly consist of burger
s on the grill and beer at everyone’s disposal while we sit around and play poker or some other card game. Sit down serious dinners are only designated for the important circumstances in our family.

I wonder what’s going on
, I thought to myself.

I was finished the salad and was working putting the dirty dishes into the dishwasher when I heard a car pull into the drive way, multiple doors slam shut and knew that in a short moment a harmonious symphony of “Dude”,
 “Shut the fuck up”,  “I’m gonna kick your ass” and “bite me” would fill the house. That is the sound in which I know my cousins have arrived. Burping and swearing becomes the norm and all sense of dignity is wiped clean. I am no saint when it comes to these things, my mouth gets me in trouble all the time, but, they put me to shame.

“Nor!” they all say as they began to pile into the kitchen while the smell of roasted peanuts and beer that was spiraling off of them entered the zone of my sense of smell.

“Hey guys. I’m guessing you guys went to the ball game because you guys reek,” I said as I covered my nose up to stop the fumes from entering, “Where is everyone else?”

“Oh, they are on the way. We came straight from the game. Jays won, of course. Did you hear that Drew? Jays won!” Elijah yelled so Drew could hear him in the family room.

“Fuck off!” Drew yelled back and as he came into the kitchen himself I noticed he was wearing the jersey of the opposing team, “If it wasn’t for Anderson striking out for a third fucking time we would have won.”

“Bullshit! The score was 9-1. The whole team sucked,” Brady chimed in.

“Bite me. Wait until the game tomorrow and you guys are gonna be kissing my a...,” Drew started, trying to catch himself before he finished the sentence knowing full well he just opened the door for the other guys to rant about his ass.

“I’m not going near your ass”, “Yup, sure the hell not touching that thing”, “When was the last time you washed your ass?”, “That would be the most play you’ve gotten in a long time,” they
each spat out in unison. See, I told you. Pure class, this family.

Pops walked back in and slaps Elijah’s hand as it reached in the mashed potato pot to scoop some with his finger. “Get out of there
, you animal. That’s disgusting. Go finish setting the table.”

Amongst the asinine words that were being spewed out, I completely ignored the noise of another car pulling into the drive way and was startled as my uncles walked in.

“Hey, is the food ready? I’m starving,” Alex asked

“Yeah, let’s eat as soon as your smelly ass kids hurry up and finish with the table,” Pops responded to all of the men.

“Did you all come in one car?” I asked Alex

“Yeah, we were all at Mike’s house,” he answered without glancing in my direction and I thought that was odd. None of them said “Hello” to me directly like they normally did. No kiss on the forehead from Alex, no playful shove from Mike, Brian didn’t tap me in the back of the knee to make it buckle with his foot and no ruffling of my hair by John. I could sense that something was up. None of their eyes seemed to return my gaze. I stared at them, willing their eyes to meet mine and I got nothing.

Everyone grabbed a dish of food and carried it out into the dining room to the newly set table.  We all sat down, I was in the middle of the table with my uncles surrounding me and Pops at the head with my cousins in the remaining chairs on the other end.  It’s a huge table.  Pops and Charlie built it in this room because they wouldn’t have been able to fit it in otherwise.  My uncles were kids when they helped paint it and it is signed by each of them underneath.  We started to fill our plates. It was unusually quiet only the sounds of the forks and spoons hitting the plates and the loud chewing of Drew echoed through the room.

That is until Mike spoke up, “Since we are all here I think maybe we should talk about a few things, Nora.”

“Like what?” I asked hesitantly as I glanced up from my plate.

“Well, you.”

“Me?” as I asked that question and looked around the table, my uncles were staring at me, Pops was trying not to look, but not succeeding and my cousins were looking out the corners of their eyes while they stuffed their faces, “What is this, a fucking intervention, or something?” I asked kiddingly.

“You can call it that if you would like, but we all have conc
erns.  We got together and feel that you need some help. We don’t want you to feel like we are all against you, but we need to talk,” Brian stated

“You have got to be kidding me,” I mumbled as I let the fork drop from my fingers making a clanking noise as it hit the plate, “I really don’t care if you guys think that there is something wrong with me.”

“We aren’t saying that there is anything wrong with you, it’s just…,” Pops began.

“You are in on this too!” I screamed in his direction

“Can you pass me the mashed potatoes?” Drew piped in being ignored by everyone at the table.

“Listen Nor, we aren’t ganging up on you,” Mike said in a soothing tone tha
t was supposed to calm me down, but in turn, infuriated me more.

“Jesus Christ, it sure the hell seems like it; everyone getting together behind my back to talk shit about me.
  Really? Is that what you all were talking about at the dinner last night when John came to get me?  And, what exactly were you all doing at Mike’s today? Huh? No one can fucking answer me? You have the balls to say it behind my back, well speak up now or just fucking save that shit and eat.”

“Calm down. It seems to us that you are becoming more distant,” Brian said

“Can someone hand me the mashed potatoes?” Drew was once again ignored.

“Distant..!” I screamed only to be interrupted by Mike screaming louder.

“We notice our prescriptions running out quicker than they should be and you walking around here like a zombie. We see you locked away in your room for hours at a time. When you do come out your eyes are bloodshot like you’ve been crying.  You barely speak a word to us anymore. You don’t go out and see your friends. You can’t sit there and possibly think that no one sees what is going on! “

“We all see it and we want you to get help,” Alex added.

I took a look around and everyone, but Drew, has stopped touching their food. The rest of my cousins sat uncomfortable with worry on the faces. Pops sat there with his head hanging down, obviously, not wanting this conversation to take place, but knowing it needed to. My uncles, well, one was shocked by my reaction, one sat just as uncomfortable as my cousins, one was undecided what to do and the last, Mike, was pissed, which in turn made me even more pissed.

“Help, huh? I asked sarcastically

“Pass the potatoes, please,” this time nudging Alex as he spoke and yet still being ignored.

My anger was fuming inside. I could feel my face becoming red and hotter by the second and as the
voice
repeated their words inside my head in a taunting matter.  I was becoming ready to spit fire and tear their heads off, “I can’t believe this. I refuse to sit here and take advice from anyone, let alone people like you guys. Not going to fucking happen.”

“What does that mean?” Pops asked as he raised his head in haste.
 

“You guys are fucked up, too. That’s what it means.”

“How so?” Pops asked obviously angry by my comment as he leaned in closer to me with his elbows on the table.

“Where should I start? Pops, you are a womanizer beyond any pimp’s dreams.
  John, you are very quickly catching up to him; screwing every vagina that walks by you. Brian, you don’t have the balls to have an opinion for yourself. You always have to be the God damn peace maker. You are angry all the motherfucking time, Mike. You really think that it’s a joy to be around you… and you had three kids within the same year with three different chicks, you whorebag! Hey Alex, is it nice and cozy in that closet you’ve been in for 41 FUCKING YEARS? You’re gay, we all know, stop hiding.  How about you all fix your God damn problems before you come searching for mine,” I said angrily as I got up from my seat, with my eyes squinted together and my forehead aching with pressure, but before I walked away I said, “Here’s your mashed potatoes.”, as I threw the bowl of them in Drew’s direction. It hit the table making a clump of potatoes splatter onto his forehead and drip down his nose.