Wheels of Steel, Book 3 (12 page)

“I’m not crying, you credent! I’m pissed at you! And…” She had covered her face and sobbed. But then she uncovered her face when she heard the sounds of Jason’s crying. He was sobbing just as hard as she was!

“Please Mary Louise! I didn’t mean to hurt anybody. I’m really sorry!”

She stared at him in shock…maybe awe would be more accurate. But his face was beet red and tears were practically gushing from his eyes.

“Please don’t cry anymore!” Mary Louise had wiped away her frustrated tears, still staring at him. And when her tears calmed then so did his.

“Are you okay, Jason?” She asked quietly, not sure if his Baclofen hadn’t done something to his head.

He paused. “I just…don’t want to make anyone cry ever again.”

She hurried to the bathroom and Jason had called out in alarm. “Mary Louise, please don’t leave me!”

“I’m not.” She assured him. “I’m just getting a wash cloth for your face.” She wet a fresh wash cloth with cool water and dabbed his face. As she wiped away his tears she shook her head. “I wouldn’t leave you all alone, Jason. I mean…but we’ll find you a better Aid-”

“No, Mom! I mean Mary Louise!” He blushed furiously. “I mean…if you don’t want to be my caregiver I’ll understand. But I wish you’d stay.” His words were confusing in his anxiety. “Please…I can’t do this anymore. Please stay.”

Mary Louise felt her heart strings tug in that very instant that Jason had accidentally called her Mom and a sad smile hinted on her lips. He was just a sad little boy. She brushed back his damp curls. This could be her son had she ever been blessed with a child of her own. She gave him a quick hug but he hung on like a little scared child.

“You get some rest, son. I’ll be here.” And she had kept her word until he put away his wheelchair for good.

Chapter 9

After Jason finished with his rehabilitation with Raymond, he was hyped to work on some things in the studio. When Peter and Belinda returned home from some outing he was already there working on beats. Peter had wheeled into the lower level space that the boys had converted into a small studio. Nothing fancy but perfect for their needs. Link listened to his friend’s new beats and joined in. Soon they were jamming like the good old days.

Link had been a little worried about him, because the music hadn’t come back to Jason after the surgery. He knew that both the anti-seizure medicines and the Baclofen could affect Jason’s creativity, not to mention his break up with Robin. Peter worried that they would have to use their old stuff to fill their album. But it looked like Link and Top were back in full force!

***

Robin felt sick the next morning from her over indulgence, as well as from having to rehash old memories. She curled into a little ball of angst before forcing herself out of bed. There was no time for recriminations. There were two more weeks of classes and then she could fly out of this city! Becca and Tracy wanted her to join them in Colorado for some skiing after her trip to Atlanta and she had been iffy about it, but she decided that she’d do it! She needed as much fun as she could squeeze into her life.

The majority of her weekend was spent studying. She gave her mother her weekly phone call, which she did each Sunday. She had not attended church since returning from the Bahamas. Not because she didn’t like it, but because she was often times too hung over or tired from partying the night before.

Later Sunday afternoon, Becca called her and told her to come to the apartment, they had a new toy. She was glad to close her books and computer for something more fun. It was a nice warm day so she changed into shorts and a t-shirt and then hurried to the girl’s apartment. She could already hear strange synthesized sounds before even reaching the basement apartment. It sucked being in the basement because sometimes it smelled funny but it allowed for them to get loud without disturbing too many people.

Robin stared at the synthesizer, her smile freezing on her lips.

“You know what this is?” Tracey asked happily.

“Not really.” Robin lied. She knew a lot about DJ equipment.

“Check this out.” Becca began playing a tune and then she sang into a microphone and her voice was auto tuned which transformed it into an electronic sound with music behind it. “Isn’t that so cool?!” Becca asked happily.

“We can do some great tunes with this.”

Robin shrugged and smiled. “You’re not planning to auto tune my voice, are you?”

Becca and Tracey looked at each other slyly. “Check out what we can play on synthesizer that we can’t on guitar.” Becca began playing out the familiar opening notes to ONE MORE TIME by Daft Punk and Robin immediately came to attention.

She picked up the microphone and began singing the opening lyrics. The auto tune was amazing as her voice vibrated back to her! She smiled happily. She belted out the chorus and then she was sold on the synthesizer. She sang and went wild dancing, while Tracey tapped out the simple tune.

“You were right.” Tracey whispered. “We were going to get her on board with this tune.” Becca just nodded while they watched Robin imitate the Snoopy Dance.

They played with it for most of the evening auto tuning everything from commercials to pop songs. But it got ruined when Tracey began auto-tuning to some T-Pain and Drake raps. Robin and Becca just got quiet.

They agreed that they wouldn’t go overboard with the synthesizer limiting its use to just one or two songs a set. While Tracey and Becca shared a joint and tried to figure out what to eat for dinner Robin pressed one of the buttons on the device. A tune rang out softly. Robin circled it before reaching out to test more of the keys, but then she pulled her hands away.

“Hey, look. I gotta go.”

Tracey peeked her head from the kitchen. “You sure? We were going to catch this band at the Blue Note Lounge.”

“Yeah.” She headed out the door. “Later.” She went home and sulked.

On Monday she had a session with her therapist. She didn’t mention Jason or her actions of the previous week. Her therapist didn’t even know about Jason or those friends. She needed to talk to someone, true, but she didn’t need him to tell her that Jason was a big part of why she was there. If he knew, then he would make her talk about it, and that was just something that she couldn’t do.

Thursday came and Robin looked forward to performing before the crowd where their energy fed her soul. She met the girls at the club, not wanting to get caught stuck there if she needed to make a speedy getaway. But she felt relatively confidant that Jason, nor his friends would be making a reappearance. She felt a little bad at the memory of the things she’d said, but couldn’t figure out why she should. She hadn’t invited them and had accomplished her goal to keep them away! The girls headed for the worn couch backstage and watched the people nervously waiting to go on for open mic. They were in the midst of a heated discussion about whether or not to start with a song done on synthesizer when Robin heard Johnny Cash’s version of HURT. She froze.

“What the shit…?” Robin said while coming to her feet. She headed up the backstairs with Tracy and Becca following her.

“What?” Tracy asked. “Not the best singing I’ve ever heard, but not the worse, either.” Robin appeared off stage and stared quietly.

Becca turned to her. “Isn’t that the guy from last week?” Robin didn’t respond. She watched Jason and Peter as they performed with nothing but guitar. Peter strummed wonderfully as Jason stood stoically, holding his cane before him, and singing the tune to the best of his ability. When it ended there was a pregnant quiet and then the applause was loud and prolonged.

Tracy turned to her. “What’s wrong with him?”

Robin grimaced. “He has cerebral palsy.”

Tracy grunted. “Maybe that’s why he sounded like Johnny Cash.”

“He sounded great…” Robin replied.

Becca was watching her closely. “So who is he really? Because it looks like he’s not going to just disappear. So you may as well fess up.”

Robin turned and headed back down the stairs. “Ex-boyfriend.”

“Fuck me…” Becca said while following her. “You dated a boy with cerebral palsy?!”

“Yeah. So?” Robin slumped down onto the couch and reached for an unopened bottle of beer.

Tracy sat down next to her and watched her closely. Today Tracy was dressed in a tight skateboard shirt and loose jeans that accentuated her boyish good looks. “Why is he coming around?”

Robin shrugged.

“When did you two break up?”

“God!” She stood up. “Why are we talking about this?!” She glared them into silence.

The next performer began and it wasn’t Jason or Link. And Jason did not come down the stairs. Yet Robin sat there tensely, quiet as the other two goofed around until it was time for them to go on stage. As they climbed the stairs and stepped on stage, Robin didn’t bother to look out into the crowd because she knew that they would be there.

Robin perched herself on to the stool. They sang several popular tunes including the one that they had been working on; A Hard Rain. And though she wasn’t animated in her performance, the selections were more gentle and introspective and the crowd loved them no less, including the new use of the synthesizer.

The hour ended very quickly and after their performance the girls headed backstage, Becca and Tracy leading the way so that they could put away their instruments for some much needed relaxation. Robin wasn’t the least surprised when she saw Jason waiting for her down in the lower level, but it still didn’t prevent her palms from sweating and her heart spiking. Becca and Tracy got quiet, flashing her sly looks and then hurried up the stairs leaving them alone.

“You came back.” She stood uncomfortably with her arms crossed before her, trying to look mean but failing. He just looked too damn good for her to think about anything other than that.

“Yeah. I came back.” He leaned on his cane. He wore all black. It was very Johnny Cash.

She tilted her chin. “I didn’t think I’d see you again after last week.”

A shadow fell across his eyes, but it was so fast that she wasn’t sure that she had seen it. Then his expression was completely unreadable. “That…was not enough to keep me away.” He pointed to the ceiling with his cane. “As a matter of fact, Peter and Belinda are both upstairs now, and words are not enough to keep them away, either.” He looked at her again. “When Belinda was crashing and burning did it make you want to reach out to her or did it push you away?”

“Is that what you think is happening here? I’m crashing and burning?”

“What else would you call it when you’re suddenly smoking pot and drinking too much?”

She rolled her eyes. “Maybe I do those things because I just like smoking pot and drinking.”

He took a step toward her and she gave him a wary look. “I see you got inked,” he said, staring at her neck. “It’s nice. What does it say?”

She shrugged, looking at the ceiling in feigned boredom. “I don’t speak Japanese. I just liked the looks of it. Look, Jason, what are you doing here? I thought I made it clear last week that I don’t want you here; none of you here!” He just gave her a blank stare which was very unsettling. “What? Do you think that we’re just going to…fall back into each other’s arms and forget about all of the shit that created the problem in the first place?”

“No, Robin. I don’t think that at all. I think that with some work and commitment, honesty and love…then we could fall back into each other’s arms.”

She sneered despite the jolt in her chest that his words brought. “I didn’t hear the word trust in there.”

“That is where the work comes in…and the honesty.”

“I’m not the least bit interested in rekindling our relationship.” She gave him a hard stare. “And furthermore, not only am I
not
interested, but I also--I could never EVER trust you-”

“Robin…” He groaned, “do you think that I don’t know that I destroyed that? I fucking think about it every single day! Every day I miss you and I think, ‘well she’ll be back today because she couldn’t stay away another minute, not if she feels the hell that I feel!’ Every day is like hell!”

A laughing couple came down the stairs, eyeing them curiously before quickly heading for a locker and grabbing their things. They hurried back up the stairs glancing behind them at the couple that was obviously fighting. Jason waited for them to leave before he spoke again. “Robin…can we just…go somewhere private? Please?”

Her body stiffened and her eyes narrowed. “What? Take me to some private place? Maybe so that we can have a screw?”