What's Left of Me (Finally Unbroken Book 2) (12 page)

Laurie shocks the shit out of me. Not because of her revelation, not even when half the contents of her stomach reappear, making the bedroom smell like a bar. She shocks me because I’m scared, I haven’t felt like this since I knew I was going to lose Amanda and had no way to control it. This time I’m scared I’m going to lose Laurie, to herself. She needs professional help. Harboring deep and dark secrets, ones that make her blame herself for the death of her family.

“I was driving, I crashed. I swear…
swear Ruben…
I didn’t mean to crash. I didn’t mean to kill them.” She kneels up, her legs lying in the vomit. Resting her hands on my shoulders, her eyes pleading with me, full of fear and pain. “I loved them. I still love them. I was driving, but everything else happened as I said. Mr. Kendall was the passenger, and he did have a heart attack collapsing on my lap. He knocked my leg, effectively pinning my whole body. I couldn’t move, it all happened in a matter of seconds, Ruben.”

I try grabbing her hand, but just like earlier when she pulled it away, she once again evades my touch. I’m not sure she even realizes what she’s doing. It’s like both consciously and subconsciously she feels the need to punish herself by not allowing me to soothe her. I know she’s partially drunk, but she has to have some semblance of what’s happening. Her eyes tell me that she’s caught in her own pain, and I need to be the one to help pull her through. “You probably hate me now. I couldn’t move in with you, not when you didn’t know. I’m a disgusting human being. I killed my family. I’m a curse,” she says looking everywhere but at me.

I lean forward and place my hands on either side of her neck, making her face me. Her body immediately calms and her eyes snap up to meet mine. “I love you,” I tell her calmly. I let her stare into me, looking past my façade and into my soul, showing her that I’m not lying. Waiting, watching her assess me, my skin heats with worry as it washes over me. Knowing this is my time to be strong for her like she was for me, I pull a breath in through my nose and allow it to pass into my lungs, calming me from the inside out.

“There’s nothing you could tell me that would make me run. Do you understand that, Laurie, nothing? Anything that comes our way we will face, and overcome. If this life has taught me one thing, it would be that we will always have obstacles thrown at us. As long as we have the right people to support us, then we will overcome.” I watch as the emotion she’s so obviously been holding back, pricks her surface and the tears fall, crashing onto my hands, which are still wrapped around her neck. “I’m here, I’m all in. We
will
overcome. That is my promise. If you can’t believe in yourself right now. Then please, baby, believe in me. Trust me.”

After waiting what feels like hours, she nods and I release the tension that was pushing against my skin. Lifting Laurie up, I take her to the bathroom, sit her down and fill the bath. She doesn’t say a word as I remove her clothing, remaining quiet as I strip myself. Even when I lower her into the bath, and get in behind her, she keeps her silence. Pulling her back against me I pick up a sponge and soak it in water, bringing it to her chest and squeezing the water out. I repeat the process over and over, just giving her the peace she needs right now.

“He was such a gorgeous little boy,” Laurie whispers and I stop myself from tensing, even though there’s a heaviness in my arms. “So smart as well. I remember he came home from school one day, he was so hungry he went immediately to the fridge and pulled out carrot sticks.” She’s looking straight at me through the mirrored wall I have facing my bath. Even so, it’s not me she’s seeing as a smile tugs at the corners of her lips. “Now, you may think all young boys are hungry, but he hated carrot sticks, so for him to be eating them, I knew something was up.” She swallows and looks away.

I rub my thumbs against the back of her neck, letting her know I’m still here. “We didn’t have much money, I’ve told you this, but Rocco wouldn’t feel that not when it came to food. Larissa or more often me would miss meals if we needed to, so that boy wasn’t touched with hunger. Still, his packed lunch was never much. A sandwich, banana and a small packet of cookies.” More tears slide down her face and she sticks her tongue out, catching them as they fall. Her lip twitch turns into a small smile. “I asked him why he was so hungry.” Her eyes find mine again and she bites her lower lip. My heart starts pounding as I wonder what she’s going to say. “He said that there was a boy at school, Tomas.” She shakes her head looking down.

“Baby,” I whisper and she brings her head back up.

“His words were,
‘Auntie Laurie, Tomas’s momma has gone into the hospital. His big sister is trying to look after them, but they don’t have much food. I didn’t want Tomas to be hungry. His momma would be sad, and she needs to get better. She can’t get better for them if she’s feeling sad and worrying.’

That was my boy, such a big, generous heart. I made sure he took two lunches after that, for the ten days Tomas’s mom was in the hospital.” Laurie hiccups, a soft smile still on her lip. “He was a beautiful soul,” she says.

“Like his auntie,” I tell her something she probably doesn’t even see. “Do you think about how proud he would be, to know you help other people? That you try and make the world a little better, one person at a time.” She shivers in my arms and lays her head back, closing her eyes. “Laurie, you still carry such a heavy burden, one that I don’t think you should be blaming yourself for.” I feel her body tense against mine, but I power through. “I want you to do something… for you. I want you to consider having professional help.”

She opens her eyes and mouth, ready to reply.

“Wait,” I demand and she scowls but keeps quiet. I almost laugh at her pouting. “I know money’s a problem. I’m offering to pay. I know you won’t want that, but listen and I mean
really
listen to me. How are you supposed to move forward with anyone,
with me
, and more than that, how can you run a bereavement class when you can’t help yourself? Denial is something you know all about. Let forgiveness be something you learn, baby. Take some of your own advice.” My pulse races as I wait for her reply.

She looks at me for long moments but eventually nods. “I want some peace,” she whispers.

My lungs expand fully and I let out a satisfied breath. Dropping my head, I rest my lips against her shoulder.

Five days later, we visit the crematorium where Larissa and Rocco’s ashes were scattered. The days following Laurie’s breakdown and revelation have been hard for her, but she’s slowly opening up and telling me all about them. Things I don’t think she’s ever told anyone. She’s also booked in to see someone—a recommendation from Sarah.

“They were scattered here,” Laurie says, coming to a stop and turning to face me, our entwined fingers firmly holding one another.

“What about a plaque,” I ask, pointing to the remembrance plaques that litter the ground. She just shakes her head sadly, sucking in her lips and trying to bite down the emotion that’s threatening. I squeeze her hand, offering my strength.

“We’ll fix that,” I whisper.

She doesn’t reply. Just clings to my hand with a death-like grip.

Pulling her hand from mine, Laurie walks a few steps forward to a small tree, then glances back at me, before facing the tree once again and placing her palm against the trunk. “This is him, Larissa. This is Ruben. He’s giving me my future, you know the one that I always dreamed but never dared hope. He’s the one who’s been bringing me peace for the last eight months. He’s the one who holds me when I break. I love him and he loves me. More than that. He’s
in love
with
all
of me. Every part. I’m enough…” she whispers the last part and I walk up to her, enveloping her back and wrapping my arms around her chest pinning her to me.

Carefully, I place my hand over hers, connecting us both to the tree. “I’m the one that will do everything he has to do, to make sure Laurie lives a life filled with love, laughter and peace,” I tell the small tree.

She brings her hand up and holds my forearm, sending a spark up my body.

“I’ve got her now,” I tell them. Laurie tenses, then quickly relaxes. “I do, baby. I have you now. I’ll always have you. You’ll never be alone again. Tomorrow you move into my place. I know why you’ve been putting it off now, but there’s nothing between us anymore. This is us living forever.”

She nods against my shoulder even though she’s looking away, and we stand like that for the next while, watching the last of the setting sun move into darkness. And as the stars come out, I look up and send a silent thank you to Amanda for being my guiding light, and leading me to my forever love.

FIVE YEARS LATER

“Come on, we need to go!” I shout through the house, standing at the front door. Ruben walks toward me, Giovanna on his hip. Our youngest, Giovanna Larissa, is such a calm and content baby, especially when she’s attached to her daddy. I watch as he puts her in her car seat, and our fourteen month old smacks him lightly on the lips. Looking down at the sparkly bands on my fingers, the physical representation of our love, I think back to our wedding day. Not for one second of the last six years with this man, have I felt anything other than loved and fulfillment.

“Rocky!” I shout. Our four-year-old, Luca Rocco–Rocky for short—comes from the kitchen, a milk mustache across his upper lip. “Come on, baby boy, it’s Amber’s big day,” I say, sweeping my son into my arms.

It’s just over an hour later, we reach Amber’s college. Graduation is everything I’d imagined it would be. People are everywhere, smiles and elation in abundance. I spot Amber with her friends. Standing still, I just watch her. My heart swells with pride as I push down the happiness that’s trying to show, by way of tears brimming in my eyes. It’s then that I feel Ruben’s hand at my back. Letting me know he’s there, like always, to hold me when I need it. She must feel us watching as her head turns and she spots me. Without saying anything to her friends, and wearing a full robe, she sprints toward me. As she runs into me, grabbing hold tightly, I realize that if my husband’s strong arm wasn’t holding me securely she would have knocked me over.

“Laurie,” she breathes into my ear.

“Amber! Amber!” Rocky shouts jumping up and down next to me, trying to get to his other favorite person after his daddy and me.

“Hey squirt,” Amber says, lifting him up and swinging him around. She puts him down and throws her arms around Ruben. He moves his hand from my back and envelopes her, lifting her off the ground and whispering something in her ear. Whatever he says makes her swipe a tear away. I suck in my breath quickly and fill my lungs, allowing the air to seep out slowly while I contain my emotion.

She then bends down, gazing at a sleeping Giovanna in her stroller. “She gets bigger every time I see her,” she says smiling up at me.

“Well, it has been four months since you saw her last,” I reply.

“I know. I’ll try to visit more often, now I’m going to be working in the ER not too far from you.”

Nodding at her, I reply, “Don’t forget, the offer is still there, you can move in with Ruben and me. There will always be a room for you at home.”

Amber looks between Ruben and me, smiling. “I know, and I love you both for it, but Judd and I want to live together. He’s already bought the house. We won’t be far from you.”

“I know,” I tell her as Judd walks up to join us, Danny and Anabel with him. Mandie, Clara and Kyle running around behind in the sunshine.

Over the last five years, our family has extended, beyond anything I could have ever imagined all those years ago when I lost Larissa and Rocco. Now, I not only have a husband and three kids, but I have the boyfriend, probably the future husband of my eldest. I have Danny and Anabel and their three kids, I have Sarah and her family, and I now have a staff of twenty people at the center, all of whom I consider family.

The strides I’ve been able to make with the center since taking over Derick’s job, are solely based on Ruben’s help. Not only did he decide that the center would be the charity that his company supported, but he also gave us free marketing. And he called in some favors from other businesses that he works with, showing them the benefit of supporting a local charity. He really has been the rock that he said he would be.

The speaker system comes to life and Amber jumps up. “Oh. I need to go!” she squeaks.

I pull her into another hug. “I’m so proud of you. Amber,” I whisper. “But then, I always was.” She sniffs as I let her go and we all move to find our seats.

Driving home after the graduation and celebrations, and after saying goodbye to Anabel, Danny, and the clan as they headed home, and leaving Amber behind with Judd to continue the fun, I turn and look at my two little babies sleeping in the back of the car.

“Did you have a good day?” Ruben asks.

I turn my whole body to face my husband. “Yeah,” I answer, my muscles relaxing as I lay back in the seat.

He places one hand on my thigh and gently rubs his thumb back and forth. It sends a spark of want up my leg and to my core. Glancing over, he quickly looks at me, his eyes dancing as he smirks.

“You want another baby?” I say half joking.

His thumb doesn’t miss a beat when he replies, “Why not. Another version of you, for me to love? I’m never gonna say no to that. As long as you’re happy having our babies, I’m happy planting them in you.” I gasp as he chuckles, it’s deep and dirty, and I know tonight we start trying for baby number three and I’m going to enjoy every minute.

ONE YEAR LATER

I’ll never get used to holding my new-born child in my arms. Even though this is the third time, it’s still just as amazing as the first. Rosina Lily was born only three hours ago. Six weeks and two days after my mom passed. I look over at my sleeping wife and, as usual, my heart beats that little bit faster as my skin prickles with the awareness of her proximity. I’ll never be complacent about what life has given to me, what
she
has given to me. After losing so much, it makes me understand the importance of what we do have. Laurie has given me four beautiful children, I include Amber, and thankfully Amber gave me the gift of
her
recently telling me she sees me as the father she always wanted. To say I struggled keeping my emotions locked down would be an understatement, but having both Laurie and Amber bawling with happiness in my arms at the time helped. It’s been seven years since we started our journey together, and I’m thankful for every second.

Rosina gurgles in my arms and I look away from my wife and down to my daughter. “Hey, Rosie. Mom’s sleeping, you wore her out,” I murmur while stroking her soft cheek. My chest swells with both pride and love as I gaze at Rosina, the ache inside my body the good kind. Contentment fills me, and the ache comes from knowing that my world is complete. Rosina closes her eyes again as I take the seat next to the hospital bed.

Laurie’s eyes flutter open, and she looks between Rosina and me before settling on me, a smile spread across her face.

“Hey baby,” I whisper. “You okay?” She nods her reply, as happy tears gather. Reaching out I grab her hand, careful not to jostle my new daughter too much. “You sure?” I ask again, staring at her.

“I love you, my husband,” she tells me softly, warmth spreading across her features.

“And I love you, my forever,” I reply, as I always do. Knowing, I’ll do everything in my power to make sure this woman has all her happy ever afters.