What's Done In the Dark (7 page)

Felise and I went way back. She was my ride or die. We drifted apart when we went to college, but our bond was never broken. The only time things got a little shaky with us was when I first started dating Steven. She seemed distant, like she was trying to avoid me. Some people would say I broke the girlfriend code by dating him, but she assured me that they were merely friends. I made it very clear that I wasn’t going to do anything without her blessing, and she gave it to me. I’d even fought my feelings for Steven in the beginning. But when Felise found her own happiness with Greg, what was holding me back?

Felise didn’t answer, and my heart sank. I needed to talk to her. So I dialed again. And again. She knew if I called back-to-back, it was an emergency.

I was grateful when she finally picked up the phone. “Hey, Felise, I’m sorry to be blowing up your phone, but I need to talk to you.”

She hesitated, then said, “You want to talk to Tahiry? Her and Liz are upstairs turning flips.”

I didn’t know why she would say that. If I wanted to talk to my daughter, I would’ve called her cell phone.
“No. I need to talk to you.”

She still sounded brittle as she said, “What’s going on?”

I opened my mouth to talk, and a sob came out instead. When I recovered from the outburst, I said, “I think I really messed up this time.”

“What do you mean?”

“Me and Steven had a huge fight. He hasn’t come home since. I haven’t even heard from him,” I said.

“What do you mean, you haven’t heard from him?” she asked.

“He didn’t come home last night or all day today, and you know that’s not like him. The fight was really bad.”

“Maybe he’s somewhere trying to cool off.”

“Do you think he left me?” I asked pointedly.

“Wh-why would you say that?” she replied.

“Because I asked him for a divorce.”

“A divorce? Why would you ask him for a divorce?”

She was sounding too cool, like she already knew all about it. But I didn’t have time to decipher her demeanor. I was in the middle of a crisis. “I know it’s crazy. I was just frustrated and upset. I don’t want a divorce. I love my husband.”

Felise continued to sound distant as she said, “Well, I’m sure everything is fine. He’ll probably be home in a little bit.”

Even she didn’t sound like she believed that. “You know this is completely unlike him,” I continued. “Even when he’s mad, he still comes home. I think I might have gone too far this time. What if he’s with a divorce attorney right now?”

“Don’t be silly,” she replied. “It’s ten-thirty at night. He’s not with a divorce attorney. And no, you didn’t go too far. I mean, he’s probably— He’s probably somewhere, you know, just cooling off.”

I shook my head, desperation setting
in. “His phone is going straight to voice mail, and he didn’t even call to check on the kids. He’s gone. My gut is telling me he left me.”

“Come on, don’t think like that,” Felise said. I could tell my best friend was trying to pacify me, prepare me for the worst, because she sounded like she knew that I’d finally pushed Steven over the edge. She’d been trying to tell me to ease up on him, and I wouldn’t listen.

“Everyone has fights,” Felise continued in a flat monotone. “You guys, umm, you are gonna be fine.”

She didn’t sound like she believed that. And now neither did I.

11

Felise

I TOOK A DEEP BREATH
as I dropped my cell phone down on the kitchen table.
Keep it together
, I said, repeating what I’d been telling myself all day. I’d been doing okay until now. That phone call from Paula had shaken me to my core. I’d tried to ignore her calls, but she was relentless, and I knew if I didn’t answer, she’d get in her car and head over to my house. No way could I see her face-to-face. When Greg had returned from his coffee run this morning and he had Tahiry by his side, I thought I would pass out from guilt. I couldn’t look my godchild in the eye. No way would I be able to face her mother. Greg had tried to talk to me about last night, but I was saved by a call from my supervisor. Two nurses had called in sick, and she asked me to cover their shifts. I changed into my scrubs and was out the door so fast I could have been running in the Olympics.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I came in the living room and saw it was empty. Greg’s car was in the driveway, but
maybe he was asleep. Yet as soon as I felt myself try to relax, I heard his voice behind me.

“Babe, I am so sorry.”

I spun around to see him standing in the hallway, an apologetic look on his face, a bouquet of roses in his hands.

“I was so scared you weren’t going to come home.” He held the flowers out toward me. “I know this won’t make up for me being a jerk, but I want to make it up to you.”

My body trembled as I fought back tears, which made Greg pull me into his arms.

“Baby, don’t cry. I’m so sorry. I’m gonna work on being a better husband. I promise.”

I knew I needed to pull myself together, so I nodded dutifully.

“How about I take you out tomorrow night?” he asked.

An entire evening alone together? “No,” I sniffed. “I have to work the four-to-twelve shift.”

I dropped my purse on the floor. Like clockwork, Greg immediately picked it up and set it on the counter.

That was the least of my concerns. Right then I just wanted to get away from him, shower, and try to pull myself together. I made my way upstairs and had another urge to cry when I walked into the bathroom. Greg had taken Post-it Notes and posted messages all over my bathroom mirror.

I pulled one off.

I’m sorry.

Then another.

I love you.

And two more.

Please forgive me.

I’m trying.

The fact that he’d cluttered up the whole mirror meant a lot. Seeing the clutter had to drive him crazy. And that deviation from his strict routine made me cry even harder.

Feeling miserable, I shed my scrubs and stepped in the shower. The hot water mixed with my warm tears as I tried to cry everything out of my system. All day I had wondered if the maids had discovered Steven yet. I played out all kinds of scenarios, from it being ruled a simple death by natural causes to the FBI coming in and taking me down.

When I got out the shower, I knew I was a wrinkled prune, but I did feel a little bit better. Fran was right. I was going to have to get past the guilt. I was going to have to learn to live with what I’d done.

I dried off, slipped into my lounging gown, and walked back into the bedroom. “What are you doing?” I said when I noticed Greg sitting up on the bed with his laptop.

“I was just looking at some tickets to a comedy show. Mike Epps is at Reliant this weekend and, well, I was hoping I could take you.”

I forced a smile. I loved comedy shows, and any other time I would’ve been thrilled that my husband had taken the initiative. However, I was in no mood to laugh. But I knew if I protested, Greg would continue trying to make up for last night, and that would only make me feel even more guilty. Right then I just wanted to be left alone.

“I’d like that. Why don’t you go get the tickets in person? You know, if you buy them online, they have that ridiculous surcharge. Plus, I’d really like some ibuprofen.”

He looked up in concern. “What’s wrong?”

“I just have a headache. And we don’t have any pain medication,” I said, praying he didn’t go check the medicine cabinet.

“Okay. I’ll go pick up the tickets and get you some Advil.” He had researched the subject thoroughly, and that was what we had to have in the house. He closed the laptop and came over to kiss me. “I hate when you stay away overnight. Promise me that no matter what kind of jerk I am, you won’t stay at Fran’s again.”

I nodded but didn’t say anything. He assumed I’d spent the night at Fran’s because that’s where I usually went when we argued, which lately had been quite frequently. I was actually surprised that he hadn’t called Fran’s looking for me, but I know he hated people being in our business. Greg’s obsessive ways were driving me insane. The worst of them was, we had to have weekly meetings to review where every dime was spent. He calculated, down to the penny, how much money we were blowing by letting the faucet drip, or leaving the bathroom light on. All he did was work, nitpick, then work some more.

As soon as Greg left on his errands, I went to his laptop and typed in “what happens when you leave the scene of a crime?” I had been searching for ten minutes when my cell rang. Fran’s name popped up on the screen. She’d tried to call earlier, but I was working and I’d forgotten to call her back.

I answered, “I’m fine, Fran.”

“You know I have to check, girl. So, are you holding up okay?”

“As well as can be expected,” I replied with a heavy sigh. “I worked today so I didn’t have to be around the
house. I was scared I would confess.”

“Good grief, remind me never to rob a bank with you,” Fran said. “Your conscience is eating at you, and it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours.”

I added a little steel to my voice. “I’m sorry, I don’t know proper etiquette for killing someone.”

“You didn’t kill him, not literally, anyway. But I am gonna start calling you the kitty slayer.” She laughed. I didn’t.

“Fran, would you stop playing around? This is serious. I just know Paula is going to call me any minute now and tell me the police have showed up at her house.”

She sighed like I was spoiling her fun. “Fine, and when that phone call comes, you need to fall down on the floor and scream, ‘Oh, Lawd, not Steven. Don’t tell me Steven is gone home to glory!’ ”

I knew my sister was being her usual silly self, but I was so not in the mood. Steven was dead. A man I’d loved without even realizing how much I loved him was gone. And I had no idea how I’d live with that. Or the guilt of bringing on whatever killed him.

“Bye, Fran. I’ll talk to you later,” I said.

“So what did Greg say?” she said, ignoring my good-bye.

I closed the laptop. “He’s apologizing for being such a jerk.”

“Oh, wow. I know that’s not helping your conscience.”

“You know it’s not. But look, I need to go. I’m fine, okay?”

If Fran kept trying to keep me on the phone, I was going to hang up on her. But luckily, she said, “Okay, sis. But seriously, relax. Everything is going to be all right.”

“Okay. Bye.”

I hung up the phone. Fran was dead wrong. Something told me it would be a long time before everything was
ever all right again.

12

Felise

I FELT AWFUL, YET THE
little voice in my head kept trying to convince me otherwise.

He was yours first.

I shook away that thought. I’d let Steven go, all but handed him to my best friend with my blessing. I’d denied that I had any feelings, and now I was paying the ultimate price. Fran joked about me killing him, but the more I thought about it, maybe she was right. I knew he had a heart condition. Paula had told me that years ago, but I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. Still, I knew it. Why didn’t I think about that?

That was not the only burden I had to carry. Now that I knew he had never stopped loving me either, I had to spend the rest of my life wondering what would’ve happened if I never had let him go.

As I sat alone in the empty bedroom, my mind drifted back to the time that I had made such a terrible mistake.

“Hey, you,” I said, racing into Steven’s arms as I picked up him from the baggage claim. I hadn’t seen him in six months, and I was surprised at how happy I was. “You got a beard and everything.” I rubbed his chin. “I send you to DC a boy, and you come back a man.”

He gave me a quick peck on the cheek. “What you talking about, girl? I was a man long before I set foot on DC soil.”

“You look good.” I squeezed his biceps. “Muscles and everything. I guess Paula and Ms. Jean feeding you good up there.”

“Yeah, they’re taking care of me.”

Yet the look on his face had me uneasy. I knew Steven well, and I could tell when he was hiding something.

“What’s wrong with you?” I asked.

He flashed a smile. “Naw, I’m cool. Just a long flight.”

“Well, all that hard work will be worth it soon because you’re going to blow up. You’re about to be a bona fide attorney.”

“Yeah, I hope so. Law school is kicking my butt, so I just hope that I can make it.”

Something unspoken was still wrong. “Boy, please. You graduated with a 3.7. You know you’re acing law school.”

“Nah.” He laughed. “Didn’t I tell you? I’m thinking of dropping out and going to barber school.”

I gave him a playful push. We laughed some more as he tossed his luggage in the back of my car. “You hungry?” I asked as we pulled off.

“Starving,” he replied.

“Cool, I figured we’d go to Beef N Bun,” I said, referring to our favorite eatery.

On the ride over, we fell back into our comfortable groove, laughing and talking about everything under the sun.

At the restaurant, we got our food, settled in, and I made more small talk. I didn’t know what had changed, but Steven once again didn’t seem himself.

“Okay, now that we’ve said our hellos and shot the breeze, tell me what’s really going on,” I said, looking him dead in the eye.

He shrugged. “Same ol’, same ol’. But what’s going on with you? You still dating Rain Man?”

I cracked up, laughing at his name for Greg. “He’s not Rain Man, he just has a few obsessive tendencies.”

“So when am I gonna meet Mr. Good Guy? Since you’re raving about him all the time.”

“He’s actually going to meet us here.” I glanced at my watch. Greg wasn’t feeling me coming to pick up Steven alone. He had no appreciation for our friendship, so I’d tried to ease his worries by having him meet us.