Whatever He Wants (31 page)

 
     
At the mention of his fiancée’s name, she
found the strength to yank her arm out of his grip. “Just leave me alone.”

 
     
“Noelle, I just wanted to say—”

 
     
“I don’t want to hear it.
Whatever you have to say, save it.”
She tried to walk away
when he called out to her.

 
     
“I’m sorry.”

 
     
She was tempted to keep walking but
pivoted to face him again. Those two simple words should have given her the
closure most women could only hope for at the end of a failed relationship.
Instead it pissed her off. She saw red. "And what exactly are you sorry
for, James?”

 
     
“For the way things ended.”

 
     
“Oh,” she snorted.
“Just
sorry for that?
Not for making me feel like I wasn’t good enough to be
seen in public with you? Not for treating me like dog shit every time you came
by the penthouse? I know I walked into our arrangement with my eyes wide open
and I was foolish to think…well that doesn’t matter now. But I deserved to be
treated with a little respect. I have feelings and I’m not going to let you stand
there and give me some half-assed apology to assuage your guilt. Take your ‘I’m
sorry’ and shove it up your ass.” Still functioning on rage, she turned around
and stalked away. Only when she was inside her car did the tears come.

 
     
Finally she was able to say the things
she’d been holding in for so long, but the pain refused to go away. It wrapped
itself around her and squeezed tight. Once she was inside of the bakery van,
she lost it. Tears streamed down her face as body racking sobs burst from her mouth.
She rested her head against the steering wheel and cried until her throat
ached.

 
     
And even though she’d finally told him
off, it killed Noelle to know she wasn’t over him.

 
     
Noelle’s outburst didn’t hide the
underlying hurt James had heard in her voice. It hurt him that he’d done that
to her. The joy and light he’d seen in those pretty brown eyes when he’d first
met her was gone. As she laid into him about his treatment of her, he wanted
nothing more than to take her in his arms and hold her tight until all the pain
was gone. He had wanted so badly to hold her but knew she wouldn’t accept his
embrace. James hated himself for denying the truth he’d known all along but
wasn’t brave enough to admit. He’d fallen for Noelle.
Hard.

 
     
He had been too much of a coward to act on
his feelings, and now he only had himself to blame for the predicament he found
himself in. He wished he’d been brave enough then to tell her how he’d felt
instead of punishing Noelle for his feelings. She was one of the few genuine
people he’d met in a long time and he had destroyed her. For once in his life,
James didn’t know how to fix it.

 
     
He didn’t know how long he stood outside
before he felt a tap on his shoulder. Eleanor had come looking for him and from
the disheartened look on her face, he was almost sure she had heard bits of the
conversation he’d had with Noelle.

 
     
His suspicious were confirmed as he drove
her to the hospital. Halfway there, Eleanor broke the awkward silence hanging
between them. “James, that woman you were talking to outside, I remember where
I saw her from.”

 
     
At first he didn’t answer. He didn’t know
what he could say. In the end all he could say was, “Oh?”

 
     
“Some months back when we were dining at
Isabella’s, I saw her in the bathroom. I couldn’t place her at first because
she wore her hair different and wore a lot more makeup. I remember admiring her
necklace.”

 
     
 
“I
see.”

 
     
“She was crying. Now, I may not be a
genius on the level of Steven Hawking but I can put two and two together. You
were involved with her. And I’m guessing she saw us in the restaurant together
and it upset her. I also surmise that things must have ended for you shortly
after we announced our engagement because you changed somehow. I could tell you
were relieved when we decided to postpone the wedding. James, I knew this would
be a marriage of convenience when I agreed to marry you but this just isn’t
going to work is it?”

 
     
This conversation did nothing to assuage
his guilt. If anything it made it worse. Not only had he hurt Noelle, but he’d
hurt Eleanor. Could he be any more of a fuck-up? With a heavy sigh, he found a
safe spot to pull over.

 
     
Once he cut the engine off, James
unbuckled his seat belt and turned to face Eleanor who remained stoic in the
face of the deterioration of their engagement. “Eleanor, I don’t know where to
begin but I owe you an explanation.”

 
     
“I knew there would be other women, James.
You don’t have to explain anything to me.”

 
     
“But I do, because when I asked you to
marry me, I was making a promise to you. I thought we could work because you
were the embodiment of the ideal wife. In my own warped mind I never expected
you to be more than a pretty arm piece. I know that’s a bunch of misogynistic
bullshit but that was my thought process when we first met. You were supposed
to be the last piece of the puzzle to complete the image I wanted to project to
the world, but I have a dark side, one I didn’t think any high society wife
would tolerate. I enjoy sex.
Lots of it.
And I’ve been
told quite often how dominate and rough I am in bed. So I took mistresses. I
set them up in one of my properties and saw to their financial needs, and in
return they would provide me with all the hardcore sex I required.” He paused
for a moment to gauge Eleanor’s reaction.

 
     
Eleanor trembled slightly, but James
couldn’t tell if it was from distaste or excitement. Her gaze was unwavering,
and her expression gave nothing away so he wasn’t sure what she was thinking.

 
     
When she remained silent, James continued.
“In my mind, the kind of wife I wanted wouldn’t enjoy my brand of sexual
pleasure.  I felt whoever she was would be disgusted and blame my humble
beginnings for acting like such an animal.”

 
     
“But that’s outrageous. You’d be surprised
what some of these so-called society women are into. Why would you think you’d
be judged on your sexual performance?”

 
     
“It’s happened before, but I won’t bore
your with details. Eleanor, you guessed right. That woman you saw, her name is
Noelle. She and I were lovers.”

 
     
“Your mistress?”

 
     
“Yes. No. She was more than that. She was
very sweet and shy and has a smile that lights up the entire room up. I wanted
that light for myself the minute I laid eyes on her, but I was too stubborn to
admit I felt more for her than any of the other lovers I’d set up in similar
arrangements. Hearing that you actually encountered her on one of our dates and
how she was upset makes me feel like an even bigger bastard than you probably
think I am. I kept pushing her away and finally I pushed so hard, she’d had
enough. This is the first time I’ve seen her in about eight months. But from
the looks of it, she’s moved on. With my former employee no less,” he finished
with a painful lump in his throat. James pounded his hand against the wheel in
his frustration as he remembered how comfortable Paul had been putting his arm
around Noelle.

 
     
“James, there’s no need to beat yourself
up over this. You’re in love. Nothing trumps that, right?  And if it makes
you feel any better, from the looks of things, I don’t think she’s moved on as
far as you think. She couldn’t take her eyes off of you either. I’d say there
are some lingering feelings there.” Eleanor reached over and patted him on the
shoulder in a comfortable gesture, making him feel like an even bigger asshole.
Here he was breaking up with her and she was the one offering him comfort and
giving advice.

 
     
“Shit. I’m sorry, Eleanor. The last thing
I want to do is cause you embarrassment so however you want to handle this I’ll
take your lead. If you want to say you broke up with me or if you need
compensation for all the time you spent planning this wedding, it’s yours.”

 
     
She drew back slightly, licking her red
tinted lips.
“Um…actually.
I was hoping you would say
something along those lines,” she said hesitantly.

 
     
“Eleanor you can ask me anything. I never
intended for you to walk away from this with nothing.”

 
     
“James, I…I have a confession of my own to
make. You see…I’ve been having reservations about this wedding for a while
myself, even before my father fell ill, but I’ve been thinking about my future
a lot lately because of it. I know the precarious state of my father’s company.
It’s on the verge of collapse, even more so now that his condition is
uncertain. I was supposed to be their key to saving the company, but not in the
way they expected.” Eleanor paused with a sigh. A far off look entered her
emerald gaze.

 
     
"I’m not sure I follow.”

 
     
She glanced out the window for several
silent seconds and when she finally turned to face him again, there was
something different in her expression.
Anger.
“They
expected me to marry well, we both know that, but James, I’m not some empty
headed decoration. I attended Yale. I have an MBA. I’m a member of Mensa. Did
you know that about me, James?”

 
     
He knew Eleanor was well-educated and had graduated
from Yale Summa Cum Laude. He’d had her thoroughly investigated before he began
courting her. But he’d made the assumption she’d simply gone to school like
most women of her background did, to get their “Mrs.
degrees
”.
It had never occurred to him that her accomplishments had meant anything to her
and she’d never given any indication otherwise. “I did.”

 
     
“Well, I didn’t go to college to be some
man’s empty-headed trophy wife, but that’s exactly what my father expected me
to be. You see I’m not the son my father hoped for but that didn’t mean I
couldn’t be an asset to them. From the time I could walk and talk it was
drilled in my head what my duty was.  My father had no problem allowing me
to attend college but I fought tooth and nail to attend Grad school. He only
agreed because I threatened to apply for grants and scholarships and that would
have been an embarrassment to the family. Once I received my degree, however,
he made it clear no daughter of his would work a nine to five. I even begged him
to let me work for Harrington’s but he felt I should spend my days shopping and
hosting charity events alongside my mother. And when my sister Christiana
refused to toe the line, their focus on me doing the right thing almost became
an obsession with them. James, I know how badly Harrington’s is bleeding right
now. I’ve read the papers and have gone through my father’s business documents.
I have fresh ideas that could help the company but my father never wanted to
hear them. You have no idea how many men my parents have pushed my way in hopes
I’d choose one who could basically save Harrington’s and keep them in their
lavish lifestyle. I never wanted to marry any of them.”

 
     
“So why did you agree to marry me?” James
asked softly.

 
     
Eleanor moistened her lips with the tip of
her tongue. “Because I knew you weren’t really interested in me. I mean, you
went through the motions but I knew you were only marrying me for the name and
I actually liked you, James. You weren’t a snooty asshole like most of the men
I dealt with and I thought the two of us could get along. I figured, if I
played my cards right, you might even allow me some latitude in joining your
company or perhaps taking a hand in helping Harrington’s. At the very least I
believed you’d allow me to start up my own business. Despite your reasons for
wanting to marry me, you didn’t strike me as someone who’d treat me like a
mindless idiot. I’ve seen my father talk down to my mother all my
life,
and she seemed perfectly okay with that as long as she
was kept in the latest designer fashions and her credit cards remained
limitless. To be perfectly honest…” she took a deep breath but didn’t finish.

 
     
When the silence stretched to an
uncomfortable tension within the car, James gently prompted Eleanor, knowing she
wanted to get something off her chest but couldn’t find the words. “Please go
on. This is a no judgment zone.”