What You See (3 page)

I have to think positive. Isn’t that what the therapists tell
their patients? I wandered into the bedroom and looked into the mirror. “Well,
on the bright side,” I said to no one in particular, “I’m not bad looking.
Okay, I might have one or two crow’s feet, but who doesn’t at thirty-one? I
have good skin, my blue eyes sparkle, and on a good day, I only weigh 115
pounds, which is perfect for my 5’5’’ height. I have long, straight, bottled
red hair. I don’t have a big nose or funky teeth. I have a great personality
sometimes. What more could a man want?

Deciding I’d had enough for one day, I took Athena outside
one last time to do her thing, took my clothes off the line, and retired for
the night.

Like Scarlet would say, “Tomorrow’s another day!”

I awoke Monday morning with a tight and heavy feeling in my
chest. Anxiety attack... I know the feeling well. I opened my eyes and
immediately realized the pressure source. Athena was lying on top of me.

“Wait a minute, girl. Since when have you and I become bed
partners?” I asked her. She looked at me with those loving eyes and started
licking my face. “Look, we need to get something straight. You and I are
roommates, but it’s only temporary. Pretty soon you’ll be moving to a new home,
so don’t get too cozy here.” I don’t normally like animals. Why was I talking
to a dog? What’s happening to me?

I hadn’t heard from Becky since Saturday. It was Monday and I
had to go to work, so I did what I had to do. I fed Athena and made sure she
was set for the day before I left.

Work was in utter chaos. Over the weekend Kyle had broken his
arm, and George was irked about it because his brother was not going to be able
to do his work. They fought most of the morning and by lunchtime they had
pulled me into their battle. It was the same old song and dance.

I don’t know if it was the relaxing time I had with Mom and
Dad in the mountains, or if I was just fed up with my boring life, but I was
ready to call it quits... so I did.

On the way home, I stopped at a fast food joint and got my
usual burger, fries, and a large Coke. As soon as I parked my car in the
driveway, Janet came out to greet me. I wasn’t in the mood to listen to her
whine.

“Don’t you have a job, girl?” I asked as I brushed past her.

“Oh, funny,” she hissed. “I see your roommate has packed up
and moved out. She left the dog.”

“What do you mean, she left the dog?”

“She said she left a note. Did you two have a lover’s
quarrel?”

I ignored her and went inside. Sure enough, there was a note
on the kitchen counter saying she’d come back for the dog when she got settled.
At least, this time Becky left me a note.

I let the dog out, sat down at the table and began to devour
my food. Stress always makes me hungry, and I was dealing with quite a bit of
it at the moment. I called Mom. She answered on the first ring.

“Hello,” she said.

“Hi, Mom, it’s me. How’s it going?”

“Busy, the movers are here. I’m glad you called. I was going
to call to see if you wanted the piano. We’re not going to take it and since we
bought it for you, I thought you might like to have it. If not, Claire said
she’d take it for the kids to use when they get older.”

“Let Claire have it. I don’t have the room, and right now, I
don’t know what’s going to happen.”

“What do you mean? What’s going on? You don’t sound too
good.”

“I don’t need to burden you with my problems.”

“Since when has that ever stopped you? Tell me what’s wrong.”

“My roommate deserted me, left her dog, and then I quit my
job.”

“Perfect timing,” she said, excited. “Now you can come with
us to the mountains. I know your dad would be thrilled, and so would I. We love
you. Think about it, honey, and then give me a call. I have to run.”

I laid the receiver back in the cradle and thought about what
she said.

I retreated to the bathroom to take a long, hot bath. I had
to sit down and think about my life and what my next step was going to be. The
hot water and bubbles made me feel relaxed, something I desperately needed. I
was beginning to drift off when I heard Athena out back barking. Oh, I guess
she’s ready to come back in. I got out of the tub, pulled the plug, toweled
myself and then let the dog back inside. All the emotion I’d been holding in
came pouring out. I sat down on the couch and had a good cry. Athena came over
and licked my hand. Her show of affection caused me to cry more. I spent the
rest of the day curled up on the couch watching television and talking to my
new roommate. I guess it was at that very moment I decided I needed to change
my life. Anything would be better than this. Besides, I didn’t have a life...
all I had... was a dog. I picked up the phone and called Mom.

“You must be reading my mind,” Mom said. “Your father and I
were just talking about you.”

“I know it’s getting late and you and Dad are probably ready
for bed, but I have something to tell you. I’ve been thinking over your offer
to move to the mountains, but I have one problem. I have this dog. I can’t
leave her behind. She’s been dumped on enough and I just can’t bring myself to
take her to the animal shelter. Besides, she starts to grow on you after a
while.”

“Okay,” Mom said.

“Okay? Aren’t you going to ask Dad? What about ground rules?”

“I told you before, we’d love it. No rules. You’re an adult.
You don’t need me to tell you how to behave.”

Within a blink of an eye, I had changed my life. I was going
to live in a new place, meet new people, get a new job, and hopefully, meet a
man. If all else failed, I still had the dog.

By Wednesday, I had notified my landlord that I was leaving.
My car was packed with everything I owned except the washer, and with my dog in
tow, we headed out for a new life.

Oh... if I’d only known then..........

Leaving
Tidewater
was an empty
and sad experience. I expected to pick up and head out without having the least
bit of reluctance, but as the miles flew by and the past was left behind, I
began to feel as if I was losing a little bit of myself. I guess I was. The
closer I got to Stanardsville and a chance at a new life, the more I realized
that what I thought I was losing was something that would be with me no matter
what. I guess that’s why they’re called memories.

Athena didn’t fare too well on the trip. I wish someone had
told me it wasn’t a good idea to feed a dog before you put one in a car,
especially for three hours. An hour into the drive, she turned to me with a
pitiful look on her face, leaned her head to one side and then threw up. Bodily
functions excreted from either man or beast will cause me to react in a most
unpleasant way. Usually, I gag. I don’t know what it is, but I just can’t handle
those awful sounds. It never bothered me before to change a diaper for one of
Claire’s kids, but once either one of them barfed; I was a goner.

Does that mean when I get married my husband will have to get
up in the middle of the night with one of the kids when they get sick, because
their mother will throw up, too? There goes that biological clock, again.
Tick... Tick...

Man, what a life. I’m thirty-one; on the road with a dog
that’s not really mine; going to live with my parents—again; in a town so small,
I wondered if it was even on the map. The ride was pretty. In a couple of weeks
we’d be celebrating Memorial Day, the official start of the summer season. As
we turned onto Rt. 33, I noticed the forsythia was just beginning to sprout
blooms. Back in Tidewater, the daffodils had already bloomed, died back, and
the tulips and daylilies had started to blossom. Azaleas were at their peak.
It’s funny how you notice these things.

Almost to our destination, we made a right turn onto Rt. 230,
drove for a couple of miles, made a left turn onto South River Road and within
minutes, had reached our destination—home sweet home.

Athena couldn’t get out of the car fast enough. My legs were
stiff and I had to go to the bathroom. I got the strange sensation that the atmosphere
here had changed, or was it my attitude about the place?

I got out, stood by my car and looked around. This had to be
God’s country. It was beautiful. The house had at least an acre of cleared land
surrounding it, with a few cedar trees left here and there, obviously for
shade. Beyond the realm of the yard, blooming Dogwood trees were clustered
everywhere you looked. They were nestled between endless amounts of huge Pine,
Tulip Poplar, and Cedar trees. I spotted Redbud trees covered with small purple
flowers; just enough to add color to gaps between the larger trees. In the
skyline of all this scenery, were the mountain peaks. I was truly mesmerized.
Where have I been all my life? The freshness of the air and the clean feeling
you got when you took a deep breath was like no other smell I’ve ever
experienced. Oh, no! I’ve crossed over! I was transforming! I knew I had
because I remembered hearing that statement somewhere. Was it in a movie
perhaps?

I pulled myself from the stupor I’d fallen into and started
gathering my belongings out of the car, trying not to inhale the gross,
permeating smell coming from the front passenger seat and floorboard. I would
have to clean up the remnants of Athena’s lunch soon, or it was only going to
get worse.

I followed Mom and Dad inside the house as they carried the
few items packed in the van that they didn’t want the movers to haul.

“Your room’s upstairs on the right, honey, unless you want
the other one,” Mom said. “The bedroom furniture you had at home’s up there, except
for the personal stuff you left behind. We packed all that in boxes and had the
movers store them in the cubbyholes. Remember those?”

“Yes, I remember. That’s a lot of room for storage. Tell me
the story of how they came about,” I said, making conversation as I walked
upstairs.

“Something about building the roof with such a steep pitch so
the snow wouldn’t accumulate and be too heavy. That way the snow would just
slide down the roof. When you have a roof with that kind of pitch, you end up
with a ship’s cabin effect in the upstairs rooms. Why not use it to your
advantage? Mr. James enclosed that space and added access doors, so now the
space isn’t wasted.”

“That was very astute of Mr. James. I would think you’d have
to have an enormous amount of snow to justify constructing a roof such as this.
I sure wouldn’t want to have to climb on the roof to make repairs or do
whatever people do when they climb up on roofs. Wait a minute, are you telling
me they have a lot of snow here?”

“A neighbor fellow named Fred stopped by when we were here
once before and said they had twenty-two inches of snow overnight last winter.
The snowfall stopped by the time it was daylight and had already settled to the
point where he couldn’t get his car out of the driveway. He also said it wasn’t
like that all the time.”

That ought to be interesting. The only snow we ever got in
Tidewater was maybe a flurry or two in February, and we never got any around
Christmas... except the year we had the ice storm. It had started raining on
December the 23rd, and by Christmas Eve, the rain had turned to ice. By
Christmas Day, almost everybody’s Christmas dinner was celebrated by
candlelight. Every household in Tidewater lost electricity. Some residents lost
power for only a couple of hours, but others lost it for as many as five days.
The majority of the residents were in the latter category.

However, I was fortunate to only lose mine for just a few
hours. That happened at a time when I didn’t own a personal computer. I had
friends who were online at the time and their computers crashed, forcing them
to spend huge amounts of money to salvage their life, a life they had stored in
one little box. How ridiculous, I thought, until I finally joined the
twenty-first century. That’s when I purchased a surge protector for my
computer.

The next two hours were spent hauling and unpacking. At
five o’clock
, Mom busied herself in the kitchen preparing what
would be the best meal I’d eaten in days. I guess that’s why I’m so thin—food
is not my first priority in life. I eat only when I get hungry. Of course, if I
could just sit down to a gourmet feast without having to do anything in its
preparation, I’d probably weigh a hundred pounds more than I do.

Cooking’s not one of my attributes. Microwave dinners are
meals I know something about. Takeout is me at my best. Unfortunately, I think
takeout would be taboo in this little corner of the world. The nearest takeout
is twenty minutes away, and delivery... you have to be kidding!

From what Mom has told me, we’re out in the country and if we
want anything other than the companionship of our neighbors, we have to go to
town. In town, they have a grocery store, video rental place, gas station, and
a Dollar General Store.

Across the street is the school area. The schools are housed
in a little community environment, separated into three sections—elementary,
middle, and high school. Down the road, in the middle of town, is a post
office, library, police station, and a few odds and ends stores, along with a
dental office, the courthouse, and a couple of law offices.

That’s pretty much it.

All these places are so close together, you could put all of
them in one mini-mall anywhere, any town,
USA
.

Strangely, when we stopped in town to fill our gas tanks for
our trip home, the first and only time I’d been here until now, I noticed
people in the store talked to each other like they were best friends or knew
each other in a more personal way than I did. I had a feeling one day I’d be
among that select group of Bubbas and Mamas—country folk who were friendly and
had no teeth.

You know the drill. Later, I’d come to realize what a jerk
I’d been for thinking that way. You’re never too young or too old to learn
something new about yourself. I always seem to learn the hard way.

“Dinner’s ready,” Mom yelled.

It was at that moment that I thought about Athena. I was so
busy unpacking, I had forgotten about her. I hope she didn’t run off, or worse,
be lying in the road, dead. She’s not used to having all this free space to run
loose. I ran downstairs, opened the front door and called her name.

“She’s right here in the kitchen, Jesse. She came inside
looking thirsty, so I put a bowl of water down for her.”

“I guess she is. She’s probably hungry, too. Whatever she had
in her stomach before the trip is now on the seat and floor of my car.”

I walked over to the table where Dad was sitting and sat
down. Athena was curled up on the floor beside him. Mom had a smile on her
face. “I think she’s found a new home, and a couple of new friends. We’ve always
liked animals, but with your brother’s allergies we could never have any. Once
he left home, we never thought about getting a pet. Now, well... she’s just so
lovable.” I could tell Athena had found herself a permanent home and the love
of a good family.

We dined on a quickly thrown together meal of fried pork
chops, mashed potatoes with gravy and sweet peas. It was wonderful. It seems
the movers also moved the food along with the furniture. For that, I was so
thankful. I was starving. I allowed Athena to have some of the leftover pork
chop bones, outside, of course—something I normally wouldn’t do because I know
that feeding a dog people food isn’t good for them. I heard that somewhere.
Usually, Becky and I dined on fast food most of the time and the only thing we
had to feed the dog was dog food. What can I say?

After dinner, dishes and small chitchat, I retreated to my
room. I put clean sheets on the bed, hung up my clothes in the closet, stuffed
boxes of junk I didn’t want to deal with in my cubbyholes, and began the task
of hooking up my computer. Fortunately, everything went well and in no time I
was back online. I was beginning to get the hang of this computer business. One
day, I’d like to be able to hack into something and not get caught. It’s a bad
idea... I know.

As the day ran into night, I lay in bed thinking. Now that
I’m here, I have to think about what I’m going to do about my life. I have to
get a job. Tomorrow, I’ll go to town and get a newspaper to check out the help
wanted ads. I’m sure I can find something to tide me over, or maybe I’ll get
lucky and find a decent job. I still have a nice little nest egg stashed away
in my savings for a rainy day, but without a job, the clouds will start to move
in quickly. Saving money has always been easy and something I made myself do. I
avoided buying anything useless, like fancy clothes or a new car. The only
jewelry I own are the two pairs of pierced earring sets that I got as gifts and
a watch I bought at the drug store. The last thing I thought about before I
fell asleep was the ladybugs. I hadn’t seen any! Wonder where they’re hiding?

I slept with the windows open, allowing the cool, sweet smell
of spring to flow through my room. I awoke to the sounds of birds chirping and
other noises echoing from the woods. A cow mooed from somewhere off in the
distance. Was I living on a farm? I half expected to see a rooster perched on
the roof.

I went to the bathroom that separated the two bedrooms
upstairs and took a shower. The water was refreshing. I was ready to start the
day.

Downstairs, Mom was fixing breakfast.

“Where’s Dad?” I asked.

“He’s outside sitting in the swing, drinking his coffee and
reading the paper. Are you ready for breakfast? I’m making bacon, eggs, and
grits.”

“It’s been a long time since I’ve had grits. I think the last
time I had grits was when I was living at home.” I poured a cup of coffee and
sat down at the table. “Where did Dad get a newspaper?”

“We had that arranged before we moved here. The Daily Report
has been delivering us a paper since Monday, so if you want to read one, go see
your dad. He has four day’s worth.”

“I’ll wait until after breakfast. What can I do to help?”

“I don’t know. What can you do to help?”

“You know what I mean. For an old country girl you’re pretty
smart. You know I can’t cook,” I said as I winked at her. Mom had dropped out
of school in the ninth grade to help on the farm, but when she met Dad, he
insisted she go back to school to finish her education. She had been the oldest
in her class to graduate, but she took pride in her accomplishment. I always
liked to remind her of how smart I thought she was.

After breakfast, Mom insisted I leave cleaning the kitchen to
her. I got another cup of coffee and went out on the porch with Dad to read the
paper.

“Come here and sit on the swing with me. We can read our
papers together,” Dad said. “It’s been a while since you and I had the time to
sit down like this. Remember the weekend we all spent at Grandma and Grandpa
Watson’s house at the lake? You were the only one I could get to go fishing
with me. We sat out on that pier for so long, your knees got sunburned real
bad, and your mom gave me the dickens over it. She wouldn’t talk to me for two
days.”

“That was a long time ago,” I said. For just a minute, I
could see a sadness come over him. “I know you must miss Gramps and Granny. I
sure do. I think about them sometimes, especially when I smell homemade pies
cooking in the oven. Granny use to make the best pies and Gramps used to tell
the worse jokes.” That got a laugh out of Dad. A few years back, Gramps died of
a heart attack and a year later, Granny died. Dad says it was from a broken
heart, because she missed Gramps so much.