What Were You Expecting? (46 page)

“Careful monitoring will tell us the size of your baby as you get closer to delivering and we’ll assess whether or not you’re a candidate for a cesarean section. But, don’t let’s worry about that now. We’ll keep a close eye, Maggie. You’ll both be fine.”

Maggie hadn’t realized how concerned she was until tears popped into her eyes at the doctor’s optimism and confidence.

“Oh, one other thing…we’ll do a transvaginal ultrasound. If you’re right about the conception date, we might get lucky.”

“Lucky?” asked Maggie, her heart pounding and her mind a blank.

She heard the smile in her doctor’s voice “The heartbeat. If you’re right around six weeks from conception, that would be eight weeks pregnant. We have a good chance of seeing it. It’s early, though, so cross your fingers.”

For the rest of the day Maggie waffled between wanting to laugh out loud with thunderous joy, and wanting to weep with uncertainty.

Tomorrow was like a little visit. She’d see her wee tiny bean of a baby and maybe even see his or her heartbeat. She massaged her belly tenderly, overwhelmed with feelings of protectiveness and love.

But then her mood would shift and her eyes would glisten with worry, not wonder.

What if Nils couldn’t bring himself to love the baby? What if he felt trapped or tricked into fatherhood? Would he turn his back on her? On them? Not to mention, in the eyes of his family and their friends, they’d
just
started dating a couple of weeks ago. For Lord’s sake, how were they going to explain it in a month or two when she started showing?

On the long ninety-minute ride to Bozeman the next day, these questions circled endlessly in her head and by the time she got to her doctor’s office, she felt no closer to answering them. She filled out her paperwork, peed in a cup and waited, restless and nervous, in the waiting room until her name was called.

Dr. Sweetwater was able to confirm her pregnancy with a quick pelvic exam, but then she took out a wand and turned on a machine by Maggie’s head.

“Shall we take a peek? Lie back. Just relax; this might feel a little cold.”

Maggie felt the smile spread across her face and for the first time in two days. Despite the slight awkwardness she felt from the ultrasound wand, she felt centered. She nodded, turning her head to the small black screen beside her. She experienced a slight pressure from the wand, but the screen kept her mesmerized as a black kidney-shaped mass came into view, and in the middle of the black, a smaller kidney-shaped mass of gray, wiggling slightly as she watched.

“That’s your baby,” said the doctor softly, pointing at the small gray shape. “Let’s see if we can…”

And then, with the flick of a switch, Maggie heard it: the
whoosh-a, whoosh-a, whoosh-a
of her baby’s galloping heart.

“…and there’s the heartbeat.”

Tears streamed down her face as she stared at the screen and a mix of peace and excitement filled her heart with a love so strong and so pure, she knew that nothing in her life would ever be the same again. Different than belonging to her adoptive family or belonging to Nils, she belonged to this tiny being in a way that transcended everything she knew about love. And in that moment she was sure, with the faith and fierceness of a new mother, that the strength of her love would overcome any uncertainty, reassure any fears, override any doubts in her husband’s heart.

Eventually. First she needed to figure out how to tell him.

Chapter 22

Nils couldn’t stop thinking about Maggie. And mostly, he couldn’t keep from wondering if he was losing her. And it felt a little bit like dying to wonder it at all. Because life—his life, his heart, which had surrendered wholly and completely to his love for her—wasn’t even worth contemplating without her.

As he often did, he fingered his grandfather’s ring, slipping it onto his ring finger in the privacy of his jeans pocket and remembering the times he’d worn it publicly: during their weekend in the park with the Skinners and at the USCIS interview. Not very much. Not much of a public declaration of their marriage and their feelings for each other.

He furrowed his brows as he filled jug after jug of water at the camp pump. Could that be it? They’d only been “dating” for three weeks, but could Maggie doubt his intentions? She still wore her little Claddagh ring, but he hadn’t given her a ring as a public testimony of his feelings for her. Could that be what was bothering her?

Because, honestly, it bothered Nils too. He was getting sick of pretending that she wasn’t his wife when, in fact, she was and had been for months now. He wanted to claim her. He wanted the whole world to know that she belonged to him and he belonged to her. Despite the fact that their original timeline had him “proposing” around Thanksgiving, he didn’t want to wait that long. Was it possible that she felt the same way and was just waiting for him to make his move?

A few of the women on his tour—a dozen older ladies from a larger group called The Blazin’ Grannies—passed him as they returned from the gift shop adjacent to the campground.

“What do you think, Mr. Lindstrom?” asked one gray-haired lady, holding out her wrist where a gold bracelet sparkled in the dying sun. “Pretty?”

“Very, ma’am.”

“That shop isn’t cheap, but they sure do have some lovely things. Think your Dad will like it?”

“Maybe he’d like it on his bedside table!” exclaimed one of her friends and all of the ladies tittered.

They were a surprisingly rowdy bunch and kept shocking Nils and his father with such forward comments. Nils’s father had become the reluctant object of affection for at least five of the ladies on the tour, all of whom were just about old enough to be his mother. Nils rolled his eyes, shaking his head at them as they wandered up to the campsite, leaving him behind, no doubt in hot pursuit of his father.

He capped the last jug and carried all six back to the campsite, dropping them on the picnic table where his father had just started preparing the evening meal with Zoe’s help.

“Pop, you okay here for a bit?” Carl Lindstrom looked slightly wide eyed as two of the ladies sitting by the campfire wiggled their fingers at him and one licked her wrinkled lips suggestively.

“Sure could use you around camp, son,” he said, a might desperately.

“I need to get to that gift shop before it closes,” Nils said. “Have to get something. For Maggie.”

Zoe nudged his father in the side. “I’ll keep you safe, Mr. Lindstrom.”

His father grinned at Zoe gratefully then looked at Nils. “Just hurry back, eh?”

Nils winked at Zoe in thanks and turned back toward the cluster of shops and camper services, walking at a clip to make it to the shop by seven o’clock. If they had expensive bracelets, surely they’d have expensive rings, too. And it was about time Maggie Lindstrom had a ring of her own.

***

If Jenny was surprised to hear from him, she didn’t let on, which was impressive, since her oldest brother was calling her for advice as he stared blankly at six rows of rings with various colored stones.

“Green, Nils. I’m telling you,” she insisted.

“Damn it, Jenny, I should be buying her a diamond from a jeweler, not some green stone at a gift shop.”

“Nah. Maggie’s not diamonds. You’re doing this right. Simple. Something local from the place she chose to call her home. That’s what’ll suit her best.”

Nils stared at the row of semi-precious stones set in sterling silver and ten-karat gold, cradling the phone between his shoulder and ear as he plucked one out from the velvet pillow. It had a bright green stone that the shop keeper helpfully identified as Wyoming jade.

“Local artisan makes those. He finds the stones over by Copper Mountain. Don’t sell very well, though. Too pricey for tourists.”

Nils nodded at her, fingering the ring, appreciating the setting that looked like tree branches holding the bright green stone in place. He imagined it on Maggie’s finger and had to admit that Jenny had a point. It would look right.

“Did she say jade?” asked Jenny.

“Yeah,” answered Nils, slipping the little ring on his pinkie and holding it up to the light.

“Nils,” said Jenny gently, “Green jade means calmness, balance, and love.”

Nils grinned at the ring and asked for the clerk to price it. He inhaled sharply at the price, but nodded, answering he’d like for it to be wrapped up in a little box. A few minutes later he turned toward the shop exit.

“It’s not a little…um, quick?” asked Jenny. “You know, to be asking her to marry you? You’ve only been dating for a few weeks, and I just—”

“Jenny, of all people…” he started, letting his voice, thick with censure, trail off.

“Right, right. It can definitely happen fast. I know.” she answered, no doubt remembering her own whirlwind courtship. “You’re sure she’ll say yes?”

“I’m sure.”

“I was just getting used to the fact that it finally
happened
for you two. A wedding so soon, though?” She paused, and Nils braced himself for more criticism. “I love it.”

“Me too, Jen,” he answered, smiling lightly with happiness and relief, and holding the door for a pretty blonde woman and the three blond children who trailed after her. He watched them follow their mother like ducklings and his heart clutched. “Jenny,
kan jag ställa en fråga
?”
Can I ask you something?

“Of course.”

“When you had Erin…” He paused, taking a deep breath. “Was everything o-okay?”

“What do you mean?”

He swallowed. This was uncomfortable ground for him for two reasons: first, because he and Jenny didn’t talk about this sort of personal, mysterious “women” stuff, and second, because he was scared about what he might hear.

“Was everything, um, normal? From the beginning?”

“You mean…with my pregnancy?”

“Mm. Was it, um, okay?” A bead of sweat trailed down his cheek.

“Yeah,” she answered and he could hear the warmth and surprise and curiosity in the single word. “It was fine. She was healthy at every appointment, perfect with every scan. I mean, I felt a little tired and sick in the beginning, but that’s to be expected.”

“Erin wasn’t…I mean, she wasn’t too big? You know, for you?”

“Oh.” Jenny laughed softly and in his mind, he could see her cheeks turning pink. “Well, yes, in fact, she was.”

“She—she was?”

“Nils, she was ten pounds, four ounces. That’s a big baby. That’s why I had a cesarean.”

“You did?”

She chuckled. “Yeah. Why do you think I was lying in bed that afternoon that you all came to visit?”

“Oh, I…I didn’t know. I guess I just…I mean, I came after that part, I guess. Pop didn’t mention it.”

“That’s
Pappa
for you. I’m surprised you’re so curious. Come to think of it, this is an awfully spur-of-the-moment engagement. Have anything you want to share with your little sister?” she teased.

“No!” he exclaimed. “Maggie’s not—I mean, no, she’s not—No. No, not at all. I’m just…curious.”

“You know Kat had a C-section too, right?”

His mind whirled. Both Jenny and his brother Erik’s wife, Kat, had needed operations to deliver their babies? But they both looked fine and the babies looked fine and nobody had ever even mentioned it to him.

“No,” he said softly, feeling a little overwhelmed. “I didn’t know.”

“Those girls were over eight pounds each, which is really big for twins. We’re not small people, Nils, but it’s nothing to worry about. Someday, if you and Maggie have a baby, maybe she’ll be okay delivering naturally or maybe she’ll need a C-section, too, like me and Kat. Either way, she’ll be absolutely fine. Before and after.” She chuckled softly again. “Sam wants three more.”

“And you weren’t…scared?”

“No. Well, sure, a little. I mean, it’s surgery and it’s childbirth and something could’ve gone wrong. But, it didn’t. It’s such a routine procedure at this point. And Nils…Erin is the best thing that ever happened to me and Sam. She’s half him and half me, and that makes her a miracle. That makes her perfect. And that makes me the luckiest woman in the world.” She paused. “There’s nothing more joyful in the whole world than having a baby.”

He listened to the calm certainty in his sister’s loving voice. Joyful. His experience had been anything but joyful, but he felt the shift in his heart as he reviewed her words and thought about her experience. She and Kat had both had C-sections, and they were both healthy with three healthy little girls between them. It was certainly a reassuring thought.

“Speaking of Erin, here she comes, all wrapped in a towel like a present. Sam just gave her a bath.” Jenny’s voice changed, soft and maternal, and he knew she was reaching for Erin. “Time for bed, baby? Time for bed,
älskling
?”

“Jen, I’ll let you go…”

“Nils!” she said, and he put the phone back up to his ear. “Good luck!
Elsker deg Storste.
”