What to Expect the Toddler Years (30 page)

The next checkup.
If your toddler is well, the next visit is at eighteen months. Call the doctor with other questions you may have or if your child is sick.

“My son has found a fun game: pulling off his dirty diaper and playing with its contents. Needless to say, for me the results are not pleasant.”

Toddlers will play with just about anything they can get their hands on. If it’s squishy, squeezable, spreadable, and forbidden—all the better.

Now that your toddler has discovered the delights of diaper-dumping, it won’t be easy to keep his hands out of his stash. Until he loses interest in this pastime (which can take a few days to a few months), you can minimize the problem by:

Limiting access.
Your toddler can’t get his hands on his feces if he can’t get his hands in his diapers. So try to secure his diaper so it can’t be loosened or removed. This may require using diaper pins to fasten cloth diapers (rather than using a diaper wrap with Velcro closings), pinning the diaper to your toddler’s undershirt with diaper pins, or using snug, pull-on plastic pants over the diaper (which might increase the risk of diaper rash, so make sure you change diapers frequently). Be aware, however, that a resourceful toddler intent on dipping into his diaper may well find a way to circumvent such security measures.

Heading him off.
Many toddlers keep to a fairly predictable bowel-movement pattern (one moves his bowels after each meal, another just once a day after breakfast, others always wake up with a mess in his diaper, and so on). If you’ve figured out your toddler’s pattern, try catching him in the act (or immediately after) as often as possible. That way you can get to his diaper before he does.

Providing a substitute.
Squishing, squeezing, and spreading are irresistible tactile experiences for toddlers. Supply your toddler with plenty of alternative opportunities for such experiences, and
he may not feel as compelled to look for them in his diaper. Try giving him squishy, squeezy toys (make sure they’re age-appropriate and that pieces of them can’t be chewed off), and opportunities for finger-painting, sand play (especially satisfying when water is mixed with the sand), and playing with nontoxic clay. (Most of these activities will require careful adult supervision.)

Remaining unfazed.
Chances are excellent that, in spite of all your efforts to discourage or distract, your toddler will still find the will and a way to pursue his diaper probing. And chances are even better that the more attention (either negative or positive) you pay to his dirty little game, the more eager he’ll be to keep playing it. So keep both the smiles and the scowls off your face. Simply make it perfectly clear that the behavior is unacceptable (“Don’t touch the poop. It’s dirty.”), without losing your cool. Remain unfazed, too, when talking about it. Use words like poop, doo-doo, or BM—whichever feels right for you and whatever you’re most comfortable with.

Telling him where to put it.
Take this opportunity to introduce the toilet to your toddler. His interest in his feces isn’t a sign that he’s ready for toilet-learning, but you can take advantage of his natural curiosity about his bowel movements to show him where they ultimately belong. Take him into the bathroom when you empty the contents of his diaper into the toilet, and explain, “BMs go in the potty.” You can even let him flush, if he seems interested, and if the noise doesn’t frighten him. If, on the other hand, he seems upset or confused in any way by this process, do the cleanup yourself next time. (Always keep the bathroom door locked and the toilet latched not just for safety but for protection of your belongings. Otherwise you may regularly find keys, letters, paper cups flushed away.)

“Our toddler is still waking up in the middle of the night. We’ve been cowardly about letting her cry it out up until now. But I think we’ve reached the end of our rope. We need our sleep.”

And she needs hers—not just now, but in the years of nights ahead. Night waking is normal—everyone wakes up three or four times during the night; what is not normal is not being able to get yourself back to sleep. And this is your child’s problem.

Her problem affects the whole family, disturbing not only their sleep but their ability to function during the day. For your toddler, however, there’s another downside: If she is always tended to when she wakes during the night, she won’t learn to fall back to sleep on her own. Whenever she awakens, she’ll stay awake until you provide her with the comfort she’s come to expect, whether that comfort is in the form of a bottle, a pacifier, cuddles and lullabies, or a place beside you in bed.

So it’s not only in your best interest but also in hers that the wakeful nights end and the restful ones begin. This transition may prove somewhat trickier than it would have been if you’d made it in the second half of the first year, when children are generally more adapt-able—after all, your toddler’s not only more opinionated now but more verbal about her opinions. But the following tips may make your job easier:

Start the night right.
Studies show that children who go to sleep alone at night (rather than with a parent at hand to comfort them and keep them company) are more likely to go back to sleep on their own when they wake at night and find themselves alone. If you’ve been “helping” your child fall asleep by
staying with her, you’ve also been helping to perpetuate her night-waking habit. See page 68 for better ways of getting a toddler to bed.

Consider her comfort.
Being physically uncomfortable makes it difficult to fall back to sleep. Try to keep the temperature in your toddler’s sleeping space neither too hot nor too cold. Wriggly toddlers tend not to stay under the covers long, so keep nighttime shivers in check during the chilly months by outfitting yours in heavy, footed pajamas. Switch to lighter nightwear and coverings in spring and fall. In summer, a diaper may be sufficient on the hottest nights, unless your child’s room is air-conditioned, in which case light pajamas and a light cover should be fine. Try to discover whether your toddler prefers sleeping in a dark room or one lit with a night-light, and then adjust the lighting accordingly. If noise tends to disturb her, close the door to ensure a quiet room. (You could try running a fan or other appliance in her room. The “white noise” it makes may block out distracting sounds, but this could become another dependency, making it difficult for her to sleep when it’s quiet.) If she seems to sleep better when she hears you going about your business in the evening, leave her door ajar.

Wait out whimpering.
Many parents make the mistake of responding to the slightest whimper, and end up fully waking a child who was only half-awake and might otherwise have settled down by herself. Toddlers are notoriously noisy sleepers, and it’s important to recognize that most of the noises they make during the night don’t require a response. (Be sure, of course, that the crib environment is totally safe; see page 627.)

Check out the situation.
If whimpering escalates into wailing, slip into your toddler’s room to be sure she isn’t sick or tangled up in the covers. Straighten out her bedding, if necessary. Change her diaper if it’s dirty or sopping (preferably without taking her out of the crib and with only a dim night-light on). If she’s standing up, lay her down and tuck her in again. Then . . .

Offer quiet comfort.
Keep the reassurance low-key: The idea is to help your child comfort herself, not to do the job for her. Without talking or picking her up, gently pat or stroke her back for a moment. Add a soothing, “Shhhh . . .” if necessary. Wait until she’s calm, but not until she’s asleep, and then quietly tell her that you’re going back to your bed now and leave the room. If she begins crying again (which she probably will), wait a few minutes before going back in, and then repeat the comforting process if crying continues. The key is to let her
fall asleep on her own. Don’t rub and/or comfort her until she’s sound asleep—just drowsy. You may have to make repeat appearances before she falls asleep on her own, but at some point, she’s sure to do so. Over the next couple of nights, the number of crying periods should drop, and by the fourth or fifth night the crying will probably cease entirely (although there may be some whimpering when your child awakens and resettles herself).