What Little Remains (The Fallout Trilogy Book 1) (22 page)

I nod my head, and he pats my
hand before he walks out, shutting the door.

The morphine numbs my mind and
allows me to forget the pain and all the questions lingering in my head.

Ricky’s face pops into my head
and, for the first time in a long time, I don’t feel a twinge of butterflies in
my stomach. I shake my head. I’m forgetting something important. Something
about Ricky is tickling the surface of my brain.
 

I think…

May
29

Two weeks have passed since I was
shot, and the routine has been the same. I might wake up once or twice a day,
and I get something to eat. Someone helps me to the bathroom. Normally it’s
John; Ricky hasn’t been here a lot these last two weeks. He just says they have
things to take care of. Between the sleep and the drug haze, I can’t remember
what happens. John has slowly been weaning me off of morphine, lowering my
doses and putting more time between them.

I’ve been pulling away from
Ricky, and he hasn’t seemed to notice. Something is different with him. He
hasn’t noticed that when he says I love you, I don’t say it back. I keep
telling myself that these feelings are going to go away, that I’m only feeling
this way because I’m depressed. I know that this time. These feelings will go
away. Being shot and nearly dying has put me back into that dark hole that took
me months to claw my way out of.

A knock on the door interrupts my
thoughts and
Nic
walks in.
 
I have seen her only once or twice since
I got shot. Aside from John, Daren, Ricky, and occasionally Jack, I haven’t
seen anyone else. Not that I’ve been in a particularly good mood for company.

“Hey,” I say, giving her a big
smile as she shuts the door. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

“That’s because you haven’t,” she
says, walking over and giving me a tender hug.

“Why haven’t you come by to see
me?” I ask, teasing her. Ricky told me that she is busy with my
responsibilities.

“Charlie, Ricky hasn’t let me
in,” she says, sitting on my bed.

Up close, I can see how troubled
her eyes are, the worry lines threatening the corners of her mouth and eyes.
There are dark shadows under her eyes that I didn’t notice at first.

I shake my head. “Why?”

“He doesn’t want you to know what
he’s been doing,” she says. Her fiery hair is pulled back into a loose bun,
showing how hollow and pale her face has gotten.

“
Nic
what are you talking about? You don’t look so good, have you been sick?” I ask
,
a sickening feeling turns my stomach.

She looks away from me, taking a
deep breath. Her hands are fidgeting in front of her, she’s picking at her
fingernails. “Ricky has started scavenging again. I overheard Jack talking to
Daren saying that they would need more ammo because they used it all at the
last place they went.”

“That’s not possible,” I gasp,
gripping the sheets in my hand.

“Charlie, I’m afraid it is,” she
says, her voice grim and full of regret. “He’s gone out almost every day since
you woke up. He’s killing people and justifying it, saying that he doesn’t want
anyone trying to come back after him.” She looks at me, sliding her hand in
mine. Her eyes are filled with sadness and regret. “He’s lost it, and I don’t
think that he’s
gonna
come back this time. Something
in him has changed. Snapped. People here are under lockdown. No one is allowed
out at night unless it is an emergency. Anyone who breaks the offense is
subject to punishment.”

“Oh, my God.”

“That’s not even all of it. Is
something going on with your brother?”

“What do you mean? What does
Danny have to do with anything?” I ask, memories flooding back to me. “Liam had
said something about Danny being alive, but it’s not possible. Ricky said he
died.”

Nicole is shaking her head. “I
don’t think that’s true. Alec joined Ricky’s gang after Ricky told you that
Danny was dead. He didn’t know anything about your brother until Ricky blew up
at Daren after you were shot. He mentioned that he should have killed your
brother when he had the chance.”

“No.”

“I wouldn’t lie to you,” she
says, reaching out and grabbing my hand.

“No, that’s not—” I start,
but am cut off when the door slams open and Ricky comes in with Daren and Jack.

“Sorry,” Ricky says. “It’s time
you left, Nic.”

She squeezes my hand one last
time, her bright eyes not leaving mine. “I’m here when you need me,” she says
squeezing my hand.

I try to keep ahold of her hand.
I don’t want to be left alone with him. She firmly pulls her hand out of mine
and walks past Ricky, not looking at him.

“Oh, and Nicole,” Ricky says,
looking back at her. “Next time you stop by, why don’t you let me know first?”
Ricky’s voice is light, but the undertone is unmistakably hostile.

She keeps
walking out the door
,
it slams shut behind her
. Ricky looks at me,
a smile on his face. As he sits, I notice something on his hairline that looks
like mud. Nicole has snapped me out of whatever funk I was in. I recognize
things that I didn’t before. Ricky is carrying more weapons on him than he ever
has before. His knuckles are bloodied and bruised. Behind him, Jack isn’t just
carrying his bow, but has a shotgun slung over his back and knives buckled into
the front of his vest.

“So what did you and
Nic
talk about?” he asks, conversationally, but the
undertone is still clear in his voice.

Daren shuts the door, meeting my
eyes briefly before it closes. I wonder how much my eyes give away, and if he
realizes how much he just gave away. The argument that I heard when I was
sleeping comes back to my mind.
Daren and Ricky’s voices.
Part of me wonders if it is just a dream, but the other part knows better. I
couldn’t have dreamt that.

“Charlie?” he asks, looking at
me.

“You,” I say. “How you’ve been
lying to me.”

I can’t mention Danny yet.
Something in my gut tells me that I have to wait for the right moment before
mentioning my brother.

“That’s just how she sees it,” he
says.

“Okay, tell me. How I should see
it?”

Ricky’s hand balls into a fist.
“What’s your point in bringing it up?” he asks.

I push myself up in bed, ignoring
the pain that shoots through my entire body. I get to my feet, leaning back on
the bed for support. The world spins but my anger keeps me focused.

“What’s my point?
Are you
kidding me?
Ricky, it’s not right. You shouldn’t be doing it. We just had a
talk about this. Do you remember? The day I was shot? You told me you would do
anything to win me back. You said you knew what you did was wrong. And now
you’re doing it again, even though you know I wouldn’t want you to. Are you
just ignoring me, or do you just not give a shit about what I have to say?
Because at this point, I’m serious; I don’t know who you are anymore,” I say,
trying to keep the disgust out of my voice. I need to stay reasonable. He will
shut down if he feels that I am being irrational.

“I’m the same person I’ve always
been,” he says, his voice and words sending a chill down my spine. “The only
difference is that now you know, and you are taking a moral high ground.”

“Ricky, it’s not right!” I shout.

“Charlie what is right and wrong?
Do you even know anymore? How do you know what I am doing isn’t right?” he
throws back at me, this time in a cool and calculating tone.

“BECAUSE YOU ARE KILLING PEOPLE!”
I yell, feeling pressure radiate from the bullet wound in my shoulder. I take a
deep breath, easing some of the pain. “Ricky it’s not okay. You need to stop.”

“Or what?” he says, standing up.
“You’ll leave? Guess what Charlie; you aren’t going anywhere. You have no one
else but me. You have nowhere to go.”

I stare at him, unable to believe
what he just said.
You have nowhere to go.
This is the man that I
believed myself to have been in love with, the man that I would have done
anything for. I can’t believe he said that to me. A pain spreads through my
chest. People don’t say that to people that they love.

“You’re right,” I say, stunned. I
manage to keep the emotion out of my voice. The pain I feel inside, I lock it
behind a door.

He smiles and walks over to the
bed, sitting on the edge. He reaches out and cups my face, rubbing my cheek
with his thumb. “I knew you would come around eventually. All I wanted to do
was keep you safe.”

“You made your point very clear,”
I say, smiling through the pain, not showing him that my heart had broken into
a million pieces and that he was never going to be able to put them back
together. Nor was he ever going to be allowed the chance to do so.

“I’m going out. Do you need
anything before I go?” he asks, reaching out with his other hand and pushing
the hair out of my face. Then he reaches down, one hand still cupping my face,
the other one tracing my lips.

“Yeah,” I whisper, feeling
repulsed by his touch. I push his hand away from my face. “Did you lie to me
about Danny?”

Several moments pass as my
question hangs unanswered in the air.

His face freezes above me, his
eyes burning unto mine. “Danny is dead.”

“Is he? Before Liam shot me, he
told me that Brian let it slip that you found Danny alive. That you found Danny
alive and that you told him that I was dead.”

“Why would I lie to you about
Danny? Liam was messing with you.”

“I don’t know why you would lie
to me about my brother being dead. That’s a hell of a question. You told me that
you found Danny’s dead body in Appleheart. You said that he died during the
storms. Obviously he didn’t. So you either lied about finding his body or you
found him and didn’t bring him back here. So which is it?”

He tries to put his hands on my
shoulders, but I push him away from me. I move away from him, moving alongside
the bed.
 

“Don’t touch me,” I say, swatting
his hand away. “What did you do to Danny?”

“I didn’t do anything
—
”

“STOP LYING TO ME,” I scream,
throwing my pillow at him. He catches it before it hits his face, tossing it
back on the bed. “What did you do to my brother?”

His face changes, his eyes
hardening. He rushes me, and I stumble back into the wall, my left shoulder
hitting first. Blackness fills my vision and a copper taste fills my mouth. I
fight, gasping for breath, to stay conscious.

“I did what I had to do. You are
mine, Charlie, don’t forget that.”

“I belong to no one. And I
definitely don’t belong to you,” I say, shoving at his chest.

He snaps. He grips my shoulders,
his fingers digging into my skin. He slams me back into the wall, my head
snapping against the wood. I whimper, but, in this angry state, he doesn’t seem
to be able to realize how much pain he is causing me.

“Ricky,” I whisper, turning my
face to the side and closing my eyes. “You’re hurting me.”

The door opens, and John comes
in. I meet his eyes before looking back at Ricky’s face.
 

As quickly as the rage is there,
it vanishes from his green eyes. He slowly releases my shoulders, his face
closing off. He takes a step back, his breathing heavy. He keeps looking at me.
I sink to the ground, my legs unwilling to support me for even a minute longer.
Ricky slowly backs away, but I see something in his eyes. Fear. He’s lost me
and he knows it. Death doesn’t scare him, but losing me isn’t something he can
handle.

“She doesn’t leave this house,”
he tells John, his back to me. His hands are balled into fists, the veins in
his arms budging. “That is a direct order.”

He walks out of the room,
slamming the door behind him so hard that it rattles the doorframe. A few
seconds later I hear the other door slam.

John looks at me. “What the
hell?”

“He lied to me about Danny,” I
say, wiping the tears off my cheeks. “Danny might still be alive.”

“What? Are you sure?” John asks,
coming over.

I let him help me up. Ricky must
have reopened something when he shoved me up against the wall. John leads me to
the bed, and has me sit so he can check my shoulder.

“The stitches held,” John says,
he sits down next to me. “How do you know Danny’s still alive?”

“I don’t know if he is still
alive. Brian told Razor about Danny, that he was still alive. We left
Appleheart because I was hurt. Ricky said we didn’t have time to look for
Danny. That he would go back for him once he knew that I was safe. I was scared
and in pain. I had just seen my parents die. I let Ricky bring me here. When
Ricky finally went back, he must have found Danny alive. He could still be out
there. I don’t know if he thinks that I’m dead or if he thinks that I abandoned
him,” I say. “I have to find him.”

After offering me pain
medication, which I refuse, John leaves me alone. I’m glad that he did, but I
don’t like being left alone with thoughts like this.

What kind of sister doesn’t
realize her bother isn’t dead? All of these months I’ve been happy and felt
safe while he’s been out there alone. God, he was fifteen when October
happened. That was almost eight months ago. He’s been out there
all alone
.

What kind of person does that?

 
This whole time I’ve been missing Danny,
devastated by his death. Every time Ricky comforted me, he knew the truth. He
caused me all this unnecessary pain. And there is nothing I can even do about
it right now.

I hate feeling this helpless. I’m
angry, and there isn’t anything I can do about it.