What He's Been Missing (20 page)

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Authors: Grace Octavia

BOOK: What He's Been Missing
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“It was the craziest thing,” she started, wiping away one of the joyful tears from the corner of her eye with the blue handkerchief Krista had given her. “Last night I had this nightmare that you and Ian got into a big fight and you stormed off and left. And you wouldn't come to the wedding. It was awful. Ian was so sad.” She started crying a little harder and the handkerchief was being blackened with her eyeliner. “I didn't know what to do. I just wanted everything to be perfect for him. It was a disaster.”
“Now, now. No sense getting worked up over a dream,” I said, trying to comfort Scarlet and stop the tears.
“But it was so real,” she said crying into a new blue handkerchief Krista had handed her. “I just want to say that I'm so happy you were kind enough to participate in my wedding. I know things between us haven't been the best, but Ian loves you, so I love you. And I wouldn't want our wedding to be any other way. I wouldn't want to do it without you here.”
Scarlet reached out to embrace me and I felt guilt shoot so fast up my spine that I nearly fell on top of her. Her love for Ian was all in her face. The music, anything I needed to know about this wedding, could be heard in her voice. It was soft, serene, hopeful. Celine. The song was for them.
“I'll be right back,” I said.
“What? Where are you going?” Krista said. “I'm about to start getting folks lined up. We start in twenty minutes.”
“I just . . . I left something in my room. I'll be one minute.”
I dashed out of the room before anyone else could disagree. I had to go. I couldn't let things move on this way.
 
“I'm sorry,” I said to Ian's back. I'd excused myself through the groom's suite with a pretend message from Krista. Xavier tried to stop me, but I assured him that it was official wedding business only.
Ian was standing in the bathroom alone with the door open, frozen, looking at himself in the mirror. I closed the door behind me.
“Don't do this—I can't turn you down again—”
“No, that's not it.” I stopped him and stood in the mirror beside him. “I'm not here for that.”
“Good, because I don't think I can—” He held onto the edge of the sink. He looked more nervous than he had the night he was supposed to propose to Scarlet. His eyes were withdrawn.
“I came down here because I wanted to say that—Wait, are you OK?”
“Just my nerves. Just nervous.” He pulled at his collar. “I think my collar is too tight.”
“Cold feet,” I said.
He looked at my reflection. “You think so?”
“It's your wedding day,” I said. “Of course it's cold feet.”
“How's Scarlet?”
“Beautiful. Happy.”
“Really?” His eyes softened the way they usually did when he saw her.
“She loves you, Ian,” I said. “And you love her. And I'm just so—I came here to tell you that I'm so happy you didn't lock me out today. That you let me be here for you. Like you've always been there for me.”
“I was really mad at you last night. You put me in a bad position. If it wasn't for X, I don't think I could've—”
“I know. I know. I don't know what was wrong with me. I think I was just confused. Jealous. I don't know . . . but whatever it was, afterward I did a lot of soul searching—and drinking—and I know my place now,” I said. “And it's here with you . . . as your friend. You remember senior year at FAMU? The muscly Omega at the hotel?”
Ian cracked a half smile. “You called me at 3:00
AM
. Tyson was about to catch your ass cheating.”
“I was terrified. I thought I was about to lose everything . . . and I eventually did.”
“Yeah. After they fought, the Omega told Tyson everything and he broke up with you the next day.”
“But I didn't have to face it that night. Because you saved me,” I added.
“I parked my pickup at the window behind that beaten-down duplex and told you to jump.”
“And I was so scared. But you held out your arms, and I jumped.”
“You always make it sound so dramatic. The flat bed was like five feet down.” He turned to me with a full smile.
“It could've been a twofoot jump from the window—I was so shaken up, I would not have done it,” I said, “if it wasn't for you being there for me.”
“So?” he pushed. “Why are you bringing up that old story?”
“Because you were there to support me. And that's what I want to do for you right now. Just be there for you.”
“What you did was real fucked up,” Ian said sternly.
“I'm sorry! I'm so, so, so, so sorry. Please for—”
“But I still love you,” he said, before hugging me. He looked into my eyes and kissed me on the forehead. “It's my wedding day, Rach,” he said grinning.
I wiped a tear from his eye.
“Yes, it is,” I agreed, not bothering to catch my own tears.
There was a knock on the door and Ian's father called to us, “Time to get going. Folks are lining up out here.”
“You ready?” I asked Ian.
“I was born ready, baby!” He did a boxer's two-step and stretched his neck from side to side.
“All right, go ahead with your bad self!”
 
I rushed downstairs just in time to get in line to walk down the aisle.
Krista, in her headset and holding dutifully to her iPad, grabbed my hand and said in my ear, “You can do this.”
I crossed the threshold and held my breath, insisting that I wouldn't cry, I wouldn't breathe until it was over and Ian and Scarlet had said, “I do.”
I took slow steps, arm-in-arm with my escort, facing the flashing lights from cameras at every angle.
Ian was up ahead, standing like the man I'd always known, but more mature, seeming to be off on his own.
I wasn't going to look into his eyes, but I did. Halfway down the aisle, I looked into his eyes and he was looking back at me and crying. But the tears weren't for me. Before I knew it, I was standing in front and facing the back of the room.
The chords for the bride began to play. Everyone stood.
Scarlet entered in rose on her father's arm.
The air I'd been holding in my lungs escaped without me being prepared to hold back. My tears began to fall.
This was it.
Everything was about to change forever.
Through my tears, I said good-bye to Ian.
When he stepped forward to take Scarlet's hand from her father's arm, I saw Xavier smiling at me.
“I'm here,” he mouthed.
“Ladies and gentlemen!” The DJ's shout piped through the ballroom after the wedding party had been welcomed into the reception and only Ian and Scarlet were left waiting on the other side of the grand entrance. “I give you Mr. and Mrs. Ian Ward Dupree!”
We'd formed a man-made tunnel in the middle of the ballroom, bridesmaids on one side, groomsmen on the other, and waved our hands over their heads as they danced along the line to one of Ian's old favorite rap songs.
Ian twirled Scarlet around in her rose gown. Their eyes linked and it seemed as if we weren't all standing there. Like they were alone. Somewhere more beautiful. We backed away and found our seats at the head of the dance floor as Celine Dion's soft serenade sprang through the speakers for their first dance.
Ian led Scarlet to the perfect spot beneath the biggest twinkling chandelier and held her so softly in his arms. Celine sang, “Because you loved me.”
Anything I thought I would feel at that moment was gone as Scarlet began to cry. Ian whispered something in her ear. They laughed. He leaned down and nestled his head into the space between her shoulder and neck. I knew he was crying, too.
A lump grew in my throat. And not because I was jealous. It was because I finally knew for sure that this was the right thing. With my eyes, I saw what they felt in their hearts for one another. I was a witness. I'd been made a witness.
When the song was over, the DJ called everyone to the dance floor to join the couple. The other bridesmaids found their men. Someone even came and claimed one of the flower girls. Uncle Cat went and grabbed Krista.
I looked down the table at Xavier talking to one of Scarlet's cousins. She was twirling her hair and batting her eyes so hard it looked like her fake eyelashes would fall off and land in his drink.
“Another victim,” I said to myself. “Oh well, guess I'm on my own.” I'd predicted this.
One of the waitresses came by and offered me a scallop wrapped in bacon. I couldn't resist. I took two . . . really three . . . popped them into my mouth like cherry bombs and washed them down with the last sip of wine in my glass.
I looked from the glass and Xavier was no longer down at the other end of the table. Fake lashes was standing alone, looking like a stepchild.
“You can't go eating all the product!” I heard beside me.
I laughed. I knew it was Xavier.
“I ordered those scallops just for me,” I said to him. “It's the best appetizer.”
“Pork and seafood? Can't be wrong,” he said.
I looked up at him standing beside my seat.
He held out his hand.
“A dance?”
I looked around as if there were options. “Sure. Why not?”
Xavier easily maneuvered us through the packed crowd. While it usually took a little time for people to get going on the dance floor at a reception, it seemed liked everyone there was just waiting to dance. There had been an open bar during cocktail hour, but something told me that this dance mob was more about where we were and who was present than the free alcohol. While many of Scarlet's relatives were still sitting, all of the Duprees were linked arm in arm.
Xavier picked a spot near the back of the dance floor where the younger couples were grinning at one another and whispering plans for the after party. We were far enough from Ian and Scarlet, but I still felt pangs of humiliation tickling up my back. Although only Xavier, Ian, and Krista knew what had happened at the pier, to me the feeling in the room wavered from full acknowledgement of my silly disclosure to indifference that I was even there.
Xavier held me tighter, like Ian would if I was dancing with him and Ian was reading my mind. I let out the kind of breath that left me knowing I was going to feel better about what happened someday.
“Thank you for looking out for me, X.”
“What? I get a sincere thank-you?”
“No, really. I know I've been a little hard on you. But I appreciate what you did.”
“Just looking out for my friends.”
“Friends?”
“Sure. We go way back. Once a Rattler always a Rattler.”
“Yeah. But I haven't heard from you since we were Rattlers on the Yard,” I said.
“I figured you weren't interested in hearing from me. All busy with your big-city Atlanta life. Making moves. Shaking and breaking.” He did a little shuffle and bent me backward into a dramatic dance competition dip that made everyone around us laugh.
“What about you? What have you been up to?”
“A little bit of this. A little bit of that.”
“Yeah, I bet.” Some slow O'Jays song I couldn't remember the title to came on and Xavier slid his arms around my waist. It was a “move,” but I didn't stop him. “God! I love this song,” I said as Xavier sang the words into my neck.
We danced to three more songs just like that.
I'd taken a few more deep breaths and had forgotten where I was. Beads of sweat trickled from the nape of my neck and down my back.

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