What Happens Tomorrow (24 page)

Maybe not the ideal place for a woman six months pregnant. Instantly, my ankles swell like two balloons; heat is not a pregnant woman’s friend. We don’t have this kind of heat or humidity in the Pacific Northwest. By the time we arrive at the resort, it is late afternoon and I’m exhausted. I need to lie down, but Matt is bursting with excitement, so I tell him to go and enjoy himself.

A little after seven in the evening I wake to an empty room. No sign of Matt anywhere. Being a pregnant woman who doesn’t speak the language in a foreign country, I don’t think it’s a smart idea to go looking for him, so instead, I decide to wait. He can’t be much longer.

By ten o’clock the worry sets in. Horrid scenarios flash through my head as I watch the news and I see the stories. Something must have happened to him.

Two long, worrisome hours later, I hear the door to our room finally squeak open as he walks, or should I say stumbles drunkenly in.“Hey, babe,” is all he says as he tries, and fails, to casually walk from the door of our suite to the bed.

“Matt, where the hell have you been, you ASS!” I shout as I throw a pillow at his head. “I’ve been sitting here alone for hours, worried sick that you were dead somewhere.” My words fall on deaf ears when I realize he’s passed out cold.

After a few short hours of sleep on the tiny, uncomfortable, wicker couch, I wake and head for breakfast. I’m beyond the point of starving, since the last meal I ate was on the plane.

I need to make sure that that I at least take care of our baby, even if my self-centered husband isn’t going to take care of me.

After my lonely breakfast, I return to our room to change. I plan on spending the day in the pool. Matt’s still out cold, snoring loudly enough to be heard outside our room. I grab my book and some bottled water, intending on spending the day poolside so I don’t have to deal with Matt.

He can go to hell.

I’m just about to walk out the door when he rolls over and smiles. “Hey, where you going? What time is it?” He questions, smiling seductively as he pats the bed, motioning for me to come to him.

He has got to be kidding me! I frown and cross my arms tightly against my chest.

“Oh, come on, Brooke, I’m sorry, okay? I met some guys in the lounge, we got to talking and drinking and…well, you know the rest. I know it was stupid and thoughtless, but I’m sorry, okay?” He says it matter-of-factly like it’s no big deal and I’m the one overreacting.

“And you didn’t stop to think for one minute about me, your pregnant wife? Do I mean that little to you?” Something catches my eye— a small, purplish-red mark on his neck.

No, it can’t be.

There is no way in hell he can be sporting a hickey on his neck because I know for certain I’m not the one who put it there. “What in the hell is that on your neck?”

He rolls his eyes.“What in the hell is what, Brooke? I know you’re still pissed, but stop trying to make shit up just to pick a fight.”

“Oh, believe me, I know what a goddamned hickey looks like when I see one! I’m not stupid, so please don’t treat me like I am!” Not only am I extremely pissed off, but I’m feeling nauseated and it has nothing to do with being pregnant.

What are you talking about Brooke?” He walks into the bathroom and I hear it…

The sigh.

He’s just figured it out.

“Hmmm, not a hickey then…right?” The sarcasm is thick in my words. I watch him intently as he runs his fingers through his thick brown hair.

“I don’t know what to say. I know I got really drunk last night and I…I don’t remember much of the night.”

Oh that’s comforting to hear. “So I guess I can hope that’s the worst of your night’s activities then?” He lowers his head in shame, unable to look me in the face. I’m still so angry with him but I also know who he is, and he isn’t a cheater.

Matt is the guy who always loves to party, and every now and then he takes it to the extreme…not remembering the events of the night. We end up fighting and he stops drinking…for a while.

Until it happens again.

I have no one to blame but myself. I’ve threatened to leave him, but I don’t. I love him, and I believe him when he tells me it’ll be the last time. “I can’t tell you that I’m not mad and hurt. Because I am.”

He turns, putting his hands on my shoulders as he whispers,“Brooke, god I—”

With closed eyes, I shake my head.“We have a baby coming, Matt. This isn’t about you and your need to have fun anymore. It’s about us being a family, and me being able to trust that you’ll be there for me. I need you to start thinking about us…all of us.”

I sigh deeply, fearing the words I’m about to speak will ruin what’s left of an already damaged start to our vacation.“I can’t do this anymore, and I won’t. You either get your shit together, or this time I really am leaving you.”

There’s a look of surprise on his face, like this is the last thing in the world he expects out of my mouth. “I’m going to the pool now…by myself. I’ll be back later.”

Without looking at him, I turn and walk out the door.

I wake with a start, completely breathless. It was so real, like it just happened. The kind of dream that leaves me reexamining our relationship. What we really had and not what I remember.

I don’t remember the last time I had a dream about Matt, and I’m not sure what brought on this dream, but if I was to take a guess, I would have to say it is guilt over the intimacy between Tyler and I lately.

In my mind, I’ve glorified my relationship with Matt, and I’ve lost sight of how truly imperfect it was. I loved him with all my heart and had since I was a teenage girl, but our relationship was far from perfect.

The first couple of years after his death, I could only remember the good times. I guess, with the trauma of losing them both, I’d forgotten a lot of the bad in our lives and concentrated only on the good. There were so many aspects of our relationship that our family and friends never knew, and if I was being truthful it was because I was embarrassed that I’d become the person I always said I’d never be. I had become a doormat.

I’m thankful I didn’t wake Tyler. I’m not sure how I would have explained it to him. There’s still so much I haven’t told him. I love that he’s so understanding when it comes to Matt and Katelin, but I also know it hurts him.

How can it not?

I’m not the jealous type, but I admit thinking about Tyler with another woman does set the little green monster in me off and running, especially when I think of that woman being Devon. How on earth was he ever with such a shallow excuse for a human being?

I roll onto my side, nuzzling into the familiar comfort of Tyler’s chest. Sleepily, he wraps a warm arm around my shoulders, kissing the top of my forehead. “Hey you,” he says, his voice still hoarse. “What going on?”

I turn my head, looking over my shoulder at the alarm clock. “It’s a little after six. Go back to sleep. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

He pulls his arm off me, half propping himself up to look at me. With heavy eyes he asks,

“Everything okay?”

He’s not fully awake and I’m not ready to talk about my dream, so I try to downplay it.

“Mm hmm. Just a strange dream, that’s all. Shh, go back to sleep. I didn’t mean to wake you.” I pull my body close to his and wrap my arm around his waist, lying my head against the one place that makes me feel safe…his beating chest. I desperately need to be close to him right now. Slowly and carefully running his fingers through my short hair, he kisses my head.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m awake now.” He stretches his arms out, nearly bouncing my head from his chest. I swear he did that on purpose to lighten my mood. Yawning loudly with the cutest boyish smile across his lips, he pulls me back into his arms. “Don’t get me wrong, I’d love nothing more than to lie here with your warm naked skin against mine all day but I think we should get up. After all, we only have another day left here. I’ll make coffee and look after Charlie while you grab a shower. Then I think we should sit down and talk about your dream.” He pauses for a moment as if waiting for me to interrupt him and tell him there’s nothing to talk about, but I don’t. He reaches a free hand over to cradle my cheek, making me look into his eyes as he tenderly runs his thumb across my jaw. “I think I know you well enough to know that there’s more to this dream than you’re sharing, but I won’t push you. When you’re ready, I’m here to listen.”

He presses his lips to mine and the tension from my dream begins to dissolve. He pulls away as I look into his eyes and nod. He’s right, I don’t want to keep things from him but I need to be able to process my dream before I talk to him about it.

He gets up and takes Charlie out as I start the coffee. The aroma fills the beach house and it’s heavenly. A short time later, Ty and Charlie happily return through the sliding door. Charlie seems to love the beach as much as we do. Tyler pours himself a coffee and pulls up a chair beside me, taking a cautious swig before placing it down on the table. I feel his eyes on me, causing me to look up from the newspaper article I’m reading on my tablet.

“We okay?” he hesitantly asks.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t we be?”

“I didn’t mean to push you to talk. I’m just concerned, that’s all.”

I curl my lips into a simple smile. “We’re more than okay,” I reassure him as I lean over, kissing his stubbled cheek. “Ouch. I think you need to shave, Spike.” I tease, running my fingertips across his stubbly jaw.

“What do you want to do for our last full day?” he asks.

I can’t believe tomorrow we’ll be packing up to head home. I wish we could stay here forever. “I’d love to spend the day lounging on the beach in the sun with my amazing boyfriend.” I get up to refill my coffee when he tugs me roughly onto his lap, kissing me hard.

“Let’s go get ready for the day before we end up spending our last day inside.”

IT’S HARD TO believe a week has passed since we got home from Oregon. I wish we could have stayed longer, but Tyler only had so much time away from work.

Our relationship definitely changed for the better in Oregon; spending every waking minute together reinforced our bond with one another and since we’ve been home Tyler has been talking more openly about our future.

Marriage.

Children.

I want it all so badly, I really do, but there’s always something in the back of my mind that says,
“Brooke, you weren’t meant to be a wife and mother.”

I’m a woman in love, so of course, I’ve dreamed about what our wedding would be like, envisioning myself walking down the aisle in a simple, but elegant off-white dress. Nothing over the top; I’ve done the fancy white wedding, but I do want to marry him in front of our family and friends. I picture what it would be like to see Tyler at the altar, waiting for me, standing tall and handsome in a dark suit that accentuates his ice-blue eyes, and the boyish smile that I love so much spread across his lips. I can hear the minister talking to us as we gaze into one another’s eyes, completely oblivious to the outside world because we are all that matter to each other. And when it comes time to recite our vows, we both get choked up because of our heartfelt words as we promise to love each other for eternity. When the minister finally pronounces us man and wife, my Tyler sweeps me into his strong, loving arms and kisses me passionately, not caring who is watching, and letting me know that I will be loved and cherished like no woman has before.

I sigh, thinking about how wonderful the kiss would feel.

As much as I see myself marrying him, the thought of having another baby...I just don’t know. I want so badly to be a mother again, feel the baby we’ve created growing and moving inside me, but I can’t help think I’m pushing my luck. I can’t believe how blessed I am to have found this unbelievable man who not only loves me, but has made me feel alive again.

What if I’m only meant to have another chance at love with Tyler?