What God Has For Me (11 page)

“Bridget, you’ve been through a lot.
Forgiveness takes time.” He reluctantly released her.

“That’s the same thing Desi said.” She set
her purse on her desk, then took her seat. “But I need space to
sort through this in my head and heart. I hope you understand.”

Zachary nodded, but he didn’t understand. He
loved her, wasn’t that enough? “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll give
you time, but this doesn’t include the children. I want visitation
rights.” Zachary flopped on the corner of her desk. He noted her
relieved expression, then she smiled.

“Ashanti and Jonathan aren’t part of my
confusion. They need you.”

And so do you
, he wanted to say, but
held his tongue. Leaning forward, he tested his boundary when he
puckered his lips for a kiss and Halcyon met him halfway. Ah yeah,
the kiss was proof that her sabbatical from him would be
short-lived. But he had to play fair. Zachary wanted Halcyon to
come to him with no mental baggage.

Ashanti must have dropped whatever she was
doing. “Daddy.” She raced to him and Jonathan followed. He turned
back to look at Halcyon who gave him an amused expression.

Zachary knelt to receive their hugs and
kisses. Cupping her hands over his ear, Ashanti whispered loudly,
“You’re going to be my daddy, right?” Stepping back, she looked
hopeful. The smile she gave him resembled Halcyon’s. Daddy’s little
girl was going to be a heartbreaker.

“I’m working on it.” He winked, then stood.
When he turned around, Paisley was opening the door. “You need to
see me?”

“Ah, no, I just wanted to come and speak with
Halcyon.” His employee stepped into the room and took a seat at
Halcyon’s desk.

“So when’s the wedding?” Zachary heard
Paisley say before he disappeared down the hall. He grunted.
Zachary wanted to know the same thing.

***

“Excuse me?” Halcyon asked, lifting a brow to
convey that it was none of her business. But she didn’t have an
answer for that one herself. Hoping her nosy coworker would take
the hint and leave or change the subject; Halcyon began to sign
into her computer.

Ever since Desi had reconciled with Michael,
her sister preached, “Keep other women and men out of your personal
life.” The couple was always suspicious of any woman or man that
wanted to become too friendly as a possible threat to their
marriage. Desi always quoted the silly woman Scripture in 2 Timothy
3:6.

Maybe Halcyon needed to take heed. She didn’t
know the woman well enough to be privy to her agenda.

Waving one hand in the air and crossing one
leg over her ankle, Paisley leaned back in the chair to get settled
for the scoop that wasn’t forthcoming. Halcyon inwardly groaned.
She didn’t need this this morning.

“You know, when are you two lovebirds tying
the knot?” Paisley smiled. “I’m just asking because my boyfriend of
three years just asked me to marry him. It’s about time, since
David and I have been living together six years… I thought he would
never get around to making a decent woman out of me…”

Halcyon didn’t need or want to hear this
one-sided conversation. Either Paisley was fishing for details or
the devil was back with a vengeance, possessing her coworker’s
mouth to bring her down emotionally. Too bad, because Halcyon was
stronger than these pity parties she had been subjecting herself
to.
The devil is a lie!

“Congratulations, Paisley. I’m glad things
have worked out between you and your boyfriend.” And Halcyon meant
that. At least the woman wasn’t after Zachary, but then again…some
people only wanted what other people had. She needed to stop
listening to Desi’s relationship buster conspiracy theories.

“I thought since the two of us will be
getting married, maybe we can go wedding shopping together. You
know, bounce ideas off of each other.”

Now who said anything about getting
married?
At that very moment, Ashanti lost interest in her
beloved coloring book. She skipped to Halcyon’s side and softly
patted her arm. “Mommy.”

Any other time, Halcyon would correct her
daughter for interrupting, but in this instance, Ashanti had come
to the rescue, bringing Paisley’s rambling to a halt. “I’m glad you
had a great weekend, but I’ve really got to get going here. I’m in
and out today because I have to take my baby school shopping, and I
really need to review these accounts.” Halcyon capped it off with a
dazzling smile.

Hours later, Halcyon shut down the computer
and packed up her children. Zachary still hadn’t returned by the
time they made it to the parking lot. Strapped in his car seat,
Jonathan fell asleep before she made it to the first red light,
while Ashanti was staring out the window from her booster seat.

Halcyon gnawed on her lips. When her daughter
made a second request for Zachary to be her dad, Halcyon knew it
was time to address it. Rolling to a stop at a red light, she
glanced in the rearview mirror, then she cleared her throat.
“Ashanti, you haven’t asked me any questions about seeing your
daddy a few days ago.”

“I want Uncle Zach to be my dad.”

“But you already have a father,” Halcyon
explained, hoping she wasn’t opening up a can of worms. But like
Zachary had reminded her, she and Scott would cross paths again,
even if Scott made no effort to see his children.

“He’s that little boy’s daddy now, so I want
Uncle Zach to be my daddy,” Ashanti said with finality in her tone.
It was as if Ashanti wasn’t fazed by what she saw. It’s not like
Scott spoiled her to be a Daddy’s girl.

Halcyon’s heart ached for her daughter. At
the tender age of four, Ashanti had reasoned that her biological
father no longer belonged to her.
God, what have I done by
taking these detours in life?

Your crooked paths I have made straight on
the cross
, the Lord whispered.

Before she could quiz her daughter, Ashanti
gave her the answers. “Uncle Zach loves me and gives me hugs. He
plays with us and calls me his princess. I want him to be my
daddy,” she said with defiance in her voice.

More than once Halcyon had wished Zachary had
been her children’s father. But her heart had to get over her
children’s biological father once and for all, so that she could
let another man into her heart to be their loving father.

Lord, I need help with this. I want to
move on, but for the right reason. Not for a father for my children
or so I won’t be alone. I want my heart to be empty so that the
love from Zachary can fill it ‘til it overflows,
Halcyon prayed
silently. She didn’t dare let Ashanti hear what she had petitioned
God.

Zachary couldn’t get Ashanti’s request off his mind.
He smirked, leaving the location of his second Baer Electronics
store across town. Zachary was touched that she had proposed to him
to be her father. He loved that little girl and would say yes in a
minute, if Halcyon wanted him like he wanted her. Hadn’t he waited
long enough? Hadn’t patience had its perfect work, as instructed in
James 1:4?

Now Zachary was heading to Car Craze’s
office, per Halcyon’s recommendation, to pull files from earlier in
the year.

The ringtone he set on his phone for Michael
played right as he drove into the parking lot. He tapped his
Bluetooth. “Hey, bro. I’ve got a question about this new procedure
on the products coming from overseas.”

“Yep.” After Zachary walked his brother
through the steps and was about to end the call, Michael stopped
him.

“So how is everything going with
Halcyon?”

“I couldn’t have made a wiser choice for an
office manager. She’s smart and the children are well mannered at
the store, as I expected they would be. As a matter of fact, I’m
heading over to the car business to get files for her to insert
into a new program she suggested I use.”

“Efficient. That’s a Holland trait, but I
wasn’t talking about in a professional capacity. She was pretty
upset last night when she called Desi. She was hurting bad,
man.”

“I know.” Releasing a heavy sigh, Zachary
squeezed his lips in frustration. “She had a setback after seeing
Scott. Just like the devil to show up when we were finally getting
somewhere as a couple. Ashanti was affected too, seeing her father
with someone else. She didn’t cry out for him, but asked me to be
her daddy.” He smiled again.

“Halcyon really does have some good children.
So what are you going to do about being her daddy?”

“I know what I want to do.”

“Which is?” Michael prompted.

“Ask her to marry me and let me adopt Ashanti
and Jonathan. That’s what I would like to do. My feelings for her
deepened when I was her coach during Lamaze classes. I shamefully
imagined what it would be like for us to have a child. That Scott
is really a piece of work…” Zachary stopped himself from saying
more, because whether he admitted it or not, he was affected
too—just in a different way.

“Then step up to the plate, man. No matter
what, she needs you,” Michael kept harping on what he should do
until they ended the call. The tables were turned. Zachary had sat
him down and had given him the third degree after delivering an
upper cut for lending his certain body part to another woman. That
had been worth repenting for because Michael was giving the Bishops
a bad name.

Now Zachary had to watch himself, because his
flesh wanted to lash out with a major assault on Scott. But then
God wouldn’t get the victory, and neither would he. Plus, landing
in jail with a police record would definitely smear his good name.
He had to pray from afar, because this was something Halcyon had to
figure out for herself.

“I know you don’t want to hear this,” Desi stated
while she and Halcyon hid in their mother’s kitchen, nibbling on
peanut butter cookies they had baked for their children.

“But it looks like you’re going to tell me
anyway,” Halcyon said, resting her treat on the napkin. Lifting a
brow, she folded her arms and waited.

“Of course, I am. You need closure, sis.”

Closure?
Halcyon shook her head. “I
had it when I moved out of the apartment more than a year ago.”

Desi placed her hand on top of hers. “Then
why are you still hurting?” When Halcyon shrugged, her sister
pressed on. “Believe me, I know about hurting—you know I do, but
our closure came during that snowstorm when Michael spent the
night. We both laid it on the table that we had to own up to the
choices we made in life, and accept the consequences. The truth
really did make us free just as John 8:32 says.”

Halcyon gnawed on her lips. “This isn’t the
same thing, Desi. You and Michael didn’t have any children to
complicate the situation.” She frowned. “I guess what really hurts
is we were together for years. Scott never mentioned marriage—not
once—yet he didn’t seem to have commitment issues after I left. Why
do men do that?” Maybe she should seek a degree in psychology to
understand human behavior instead of finishing her accounting
degree. “That made me feel like something was wrong with me.”

“Sounds like there was something wrong with
Scott!” Desi squeezed her lips shut, seemingly wanting to say more,
but thinking better of it. It was no secret her sisters didn’t care
for Scott because he seldom came around the family and when he did,
he was detached from activities and conversations. Taking a deep
breath, Desi smiled. “However, you have a man who loves you
unconditionally.”

And that should have made her feel better,
but it just made Halcyon hesitant about entering another
relationship. “True, I agree that Scott was the problem. I thought
I had closure when I walked away and didn’t hound him for anything,
including child support. My window of opportunity for any more
closure is gone. I’m not going to run after him now that he is
married to ask, ‘Why did you marry her instead of me,’ and release
the ‘baby mama drama’ mantra.”

“You’ve got a point.” Desi took a sip from
her glass of milk. “So where does my brother-in-law fit into
this.”

“I don’t know how much patience he has as I
recover from something I thought I had already recovered from.”
Halcyon twirled a strand of hair around her finger. “Honestly, I
can’t believe my reaction. In hindsight, I wondered ‘Who was that
woman?’”

Desi shrugged, wiped her mouth and grabbed
her plate. “Well, until you hurt enough from not being with Zach
who loves you, then you’ll hurt every time you see the jerk who
didn’t love you. You’ll ruin your life.”

Halcyon dissected each word her baby sister
had said. “Where did you get all of these pearls of wisdom?”

Walking to the sink, Desi laid her plate
inside, then turned and kissed Halcyon on the forehead. “God gave
it to me. When you go through something, grow a gray strand, and
pray like crazy, you walk away with life lessons.”

“I have learned a few of those.”

Grabbing her keys, her sister lifted the
strap of her purse off the back of the chair. “Well, I better get
home to my husband. And you could have one of those, too, if you
would toss all your cares on Him for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7.
That was my golden text of the Bible when I was going through. Now,
I have passed the baton to you.” Desi kissed her again and walked
out the kitchen to get MJ.

At the end of the week, Halcyon wanted to
turn in her resignation. The professional relationship Zachary was
subjecting her to was driving her crazy. Her children, however,
were recipients of his undivided attention and love. Halcyon missed
that warmth, but wasn’t she the one who pulled away first—albeit
slightly?

The other associates noticed the tension
between them, too, but only Paisley was bold enough to ask about it
as Halcyon was packing up her and the children’s things to go
home.